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My grandma told me this joke.

An older gentlemen with some money in his pocket was heading down an old country dirt road with peddlers and wares dealers every few miles.

He runs across a man with several of the biggest roosters he's ever seen, at a price even better. He has to have one, so he says "Sir! Sir! I must have o...

So I saw a humanoid looking fly the other day...

Let me tell ya, it was the weirdest thing. I was just walking down the street with my friend when we got approached by this guy.
Except he wasn’t really a guy at all, you see. He walked up right and spoke in perfect vernacular, but his eyes were bulbous red compound orbs, his mouth a long tube...

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A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

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Several researchers began a study on linguistics,

Relating to common speech patterns.

The scientists running the study gathered up 10 average people, to take notes and research how the spoke in every day Life.

All the participants we're fitted with microphones that they were to wear around, so their vernacular could be recorded and ...

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Some good tips for your English class.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It...

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So Johnny caught a fish

He caught it down by the pond, and it was a really big one. Johnny, a country boy, was playing hooky from the local Catholic school.

He was carrying his big fish down the road - and who does he run into but Sister Mary, one of the nuns in the parish.

She says "Johnny! Skipping school ...

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I hope when I die and go up to be judged they give me some stats.

St. Peter looking solemn says, "Stephen, did you know that 33% of your vernacular is dedicated to swearing? And a staggering 33% more is solely focused on blasphemy?! I'm sorry Stephen, but I must sentence you to an eternity in damnation."

"Well... fuck! Goddamnit!"

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