I have a friend who writes ballads about antique sewing machines...

He’s a Singer songwriter it seams...

I once wrote a ballad about a tortilla.

Actually, it was more of a wrap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

I have this 90s pop ballad stuck in my head.

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ballad of Ole Woodeye

There once was a man named John Haywood. He worked as a farmhand in Louisiana back in the 1930's, and was quite the skilled worker. Every day he would show up on time and work his hardest. One fateful afternoon, while baling hay, a wire snapped. His right eye was mutilated beyond any possible repair...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching TV last night

And an advertisement came on with the sweet sound of Sarah McLachlan singing her hit ballad “Angel” and a video of little African children COVERED in flies. A 1-800 number popped up on the screen and said, “for just 22 cents a day...” I had heard enough! I picked up the phone to call, I just had to ...

The ballad of Awful Ed

A British man was tending a bar in the wild west Americas of 1867. He hadn't owned the bar long, but for the most part it was quiet in the town where he did his business.

One day, a cowboy in a panic ran into the bar screaming "Everybody run for your lives! Awful Ed is coming to town!!!". Alm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Crude Pianist.

A pianist scored an interview at a local restaurant. He is sent to the manager and is asked to play a few songs from memory.

The pianist says - “this is one of my favourites. It’s called ‘I Was Fucking Your Dog But It Bit My Penis So Now My Balls Hurt’”.

The manager, appalled, says - “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bloke with turrets syndrome

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother fucking manager, you cock sucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from usi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy really wanted to ask Suzy to the prom but he was so nervous he waited until the day before to ask her...

He walks up to Suzy in the hall and says "Suzy, I know it's the day before, but... Would you go to the prom with me?"
Suzy is surprised, and a little taken back, "I didn't think you were going to ask me. Yes, I would love to go with you!"
"Really?! Oh boy, ok!" And our hero Billy runs off to...

A woman goes to the doctor due to some distressing symptoms.

She tells him she can’t stop dancing and crooning ballads.

“Ma’am, you have Tom Jones syndrome” he says.

“Oh no! Is it rare?” She asks.

“Well, it’s not unusual....”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emotions Party

A guy decides to throw an emotions themed party and he invites all his friends. He sets up his apartment with snacks, including chips and soda, puts on some good emotional 80s ballads and waits for his friends to arrive.

He hears a knock-knock at the door, goes to open it and sees a person dr...

Cowboy Singer

There was this country singing cowboy in a dark saloon one night. He got up to play and announced his first song,

"I wrote this one a long time ago, its called 'Ol' Boil on My Foot is Burnin'"

The audience had a general look of confusion but the cowboy went on to play most beautiful, ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.