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Human Beings Jokes

Insomniacs are sick human beings...

...how do they even sleep at night?

People say cannibals are disgusting human beings

But this one tastes pretty good

A new discovery which makes dogs live as long as human beings...

Allowing a loving bond between them and their non vaccinated owners has been discovered.

Lepers are the kindest human beings

You ask them for a hand, they'll give you the whole arm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do cats stutter?

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked t...

PG 13 movies can show literally hundreds of human beings getting slaughtered and nobody bats an eye. But you drown just one dog...

and they ask you to leave the pool.

Human Beings get rich as they grow old

Silver in Hair;


Gold in Teeth;


Sugar in Blood;


Precious Stones in Kidneys;

.

And a never ending supply of Gas!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is trying to teach her students that whales can’t swallow human beings.

One of the students raises his hand and says, “But wait, wasn’t Jonah swallowed by a whale?”

“No,” the teacher replies. “It’s impossible.”

The student whips out his phone and finds the story online, showing it to the class.

“Yeah, see,” he says. “Jonah WAS swallowed by a whale!”...

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as if he was sick, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know guys what is your problem with black people, they are wonderful human beings...

... When I was a boy there were plenty of them and we all were good friends and had so much fun until my father put them up for sale

During these uncertain times, it is important to remember that we are all still human beings and we should treat each other in a polite and respectful manner. If I come within 6' of you, just politely remind me about social distancing.

None of this, "I have a restraining order, creep!"

An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room

The grandfather says to his grand daughter;

' Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya'

The grand daughter says;

' Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it's the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now'. 'Here take my phone', she hands over her phone to the old man.
<...

It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.

The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:

“Please, don’t just stand there!

Go home!”

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Disclaimer:

I really appreciate my mot...

There are 10 types of people in the world.

Those who understand binary, and those who are actually normal human beings.

Ted Cruz releases three new campaign promises:

Ted Cruz may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Ted Cruz must obey orders given him by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Promise.

Ted Cruz must protect his own existence as long as such protection d...

An enormously popular and beloved Pope, after a long reign, dies and, naturally, goes to heaven.

He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

The pope, having always loved the bible, decides that he wants to read all of the original records of God's communications with humanity before they were re...

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