A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars?

Pal-poutine

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Sorry, I'll get my coat.

How did the roman empire fall?

It had a Ceasure

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If a King rules a Kingdom and an Emperor rules an Empire, then who runs a Country?

A Cunt

As a lover of history, I always wondered how Genghis Khan would seek shelter whilst traversing various regions of the vast Mongol empire

Then it struck me. Finally! A regional Khan tent.

How do you divide the Roman empire in two?

With a pair of Ceasars

A man fell from the Empire State Building

A man fell out of a window from the Empire State Building, but luckily he survived the fall.

Even luckier is that there was a doctor on the sidewalk across the street. Naturally, the doctor ran to the man and asked what happened.

The man replied, “I don’t know, I just got here myself.”

It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today. Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were run by kings.

And now we have countries...

A chicken can jump higher than Empire state building...

It's true because buildings can't jump.

The Persian empire fell

So Iran.

Why does Star Wars have a classical music score?

Because the Empire likes Bach!

The Empire demanded the Kingdom send a baron as hostage or risk invasion. The King, scared for his life, decided to send the Empire someone with a higher rank.

The Empire got a viscount.

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Three guys were standing on the roof of the Empire State Building.

The first said: "You know, the wind currents here in New York are so strong that you could step off the edge of this building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current"

"You're crazy", said the second guy.

"You don't believe me?", said the first...

What did the Stormtrooper say to his family before shipping off to Empire basic training?

I’ll miss you.

Did you hear Jussie Smollett got fired from ‘Empire?’

I heard he’s really beating himself up over it.

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Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discoveredthat if you jump from the top of this building-by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head i...

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In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we cur...

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A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

The Hapsburgs sure had an impressive empire...

But they have faces only a cousin could love.

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

Fox has just announced they have canceled Empire

I hope Jussie Smollett doesn’t beat himself up over it.

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

How did the Roman Empire split into 2?

They used a pair of “caesars”
(I made this in my global class, if you guys don’t know what happened during the Roman Empire they were so big to control that they divided into two)
pls no bully me

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

Why does the Empire have to clone Storm Troopers?

Because when they shoot they always miss

Turns out the racist attack on the actor from empire was total bullsh**

I could smollett from a mile away.

Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher and Mikhail Gorbachev are riding together on a plane

They fly over the Empire State Building and Reagan proudly boasts:

"See that? We built that in a few days from scratch!"

Then they fly over the Buckingham Palace and Thatcher proudly says:

"See that? That we built in a week!

When they got to Russia and flew over the Krem...

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the n...

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

Why did the sun never set on the British Empire?

Even God didn't trust the English in the dark.

In a recent interview about the state of the Disney empire...

... Walt Disney responded with no comment.

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The Greeks vs. The Italians

The Greeks say, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italians say, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks say, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italians say, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours, until final...

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There's this bar on top of the Empire State Building

The first guy looks at the second guy and says" you know the wind is so strong up here, if you jump out the window, it'll carry you right back up."
The second guy looks at the first and says "I'm not stupid I'm not going to kill myself."
The first guy says "watch." So he heads over to the wind...

What's the opposite of "The Empire strikes back"?

The Emperor has a stroke.

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A bar on the Empire State Building..

So as some people know, there's a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One night, 2 guys were drinking and one guy says, "hey did you guys know that one of the reasons this building has such interesting design is that they made it so when people jump out of windows, the wind holds th...

3 guys worked on top of the empire state building.

They all had the same stuff for lunch every day and they said if they had it again they would jump to their deaths.

The Irish guy had a different meal so he lived.

The German guy had a different meal so he lived.

The polish guy had the same meal so he jumped to his death.
...

Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building?

He had a plane to catch

If an anime was based around the Ottoman Empire...

It would be a literal Harem anime.

What’s the most comfortable empire?

The Ottoman Empire.

And much like that one, I’ll see myself out now.

Did you hear about the Chinese brother's that tried to start a German Empire?

Turns out two Wongs don't make a Reich.

A man falls from the top of the Empire State building.

When he hits the ground, a woman walking by screams "oh my God what happened"!!

The man looks up and says "I don't know, I just got here"

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[Long] The Life of Parmish [Part 1]

There were once two young brothers from India, Parmish and Dudah, who decided one day to travel the world. They went to London, France, China, Japan, and many other countries. They ate all the exotic food they came across and explored many different cultures and experiences.

At their last st...

Did you know 1 in 200 men are directly descended from the leader of the Mongol Empire?

I was shocked too, but it made a lot more sense once I realized that back then there were no Genghis condoms.

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How Canada was named

So it's the year of 1865, and The British Empire has just birthed a new nation. The birth was a regular vaginal birth, and to the relief of everyone, it was much less complicated then the one in 1776. Anyways, now it was time to give name for the new born nation. The British Empire tired from the la...

Empire Strikes Back is still my favorite StarWars episode.

One could say it is a perfect 5/7.

Chewbacca has started a website that gives out all of the Empire's secrets...

Wookieeleaks

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Three drunks on the top of the Empire state building.

Three drunkards are standing on top of the Empire State Building. The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the bui...

Who lead the Chinese empire into the Wi-Fi age

Emperor Ping

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2 men are at a bar ontop of the empire state building

* Man 1 looks to Man 2 and says;
* "You see that window over there? It's magical; if you jump out of it you can fly!"
* Man 2 says, somewhat tipsy, "Noooo you can't, you have to show me for me to believe you."
* Man 1 says "Ok" and goes to the other side of the room, takes a running star...

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A tourist walks into a bar...

...the bar is on the 90th floor of the Empire State building
The tourist starts chatting with a regular

Regular: There's a secret about this building. If you jump out that window, there's an updraft at the 80th story that will bring you right back up

Tourist: really?

Regula...

I guess you could say Luke Skywalker single-handedly defeated the empire.

I told this joke to someone in a dream, and when I woke up I realized it was actually funny.

A man assumed he could fly so he jumped off of the roof of the Empire State Building

I guess you could say he jumped to his conclusion.

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What do Queen Victoria's empire and people with innie bellybuttons have in common?

Navel superiority.

When the Empire Strikes Back was being filmed, they considered getting rid of James Earl Jones and bringing in Hulk Hogan instead to be Darth Vader.

But they quickly decided not to when they realized the line "No Luke, I am your father, brother!" Was way too confusing.

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So there was a bar on top of the Empire State Building...

And a man went to the top and ordered some scotch. While he was drinking a man came up and ordered some tequila, drank it, and jumped over the edge of the building. The man, horrified to what he saw, was then surprised to see the same man who jumped over walk out of the elevator and sit down at the ...

Hope this one lands with yah.

Me, dad I’m hungry
#
Dad, hi hungry I’m Austria let’s form an Empire

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An Englishman, an Irishman and an American are stood at the top of the Empire State Building.

The American tells the other two "I don't know if you've heard this. But if you down 6 beers from your homeland, you can jump off of this building, fly around it, and then land safely right back here".

The Irishman doesn't believe the American, replying "Get off it, what a load of old shite"...

Russian political joke from time of the Russian Empire

A man in the street shouts: "Nicholas is a moron!" (Nicholas is a common Russian given name, it's also the name of two Russian emperors). He is naturally arrested by the police and charged with insulting the emperor. He tells the officer: "I meant another Nicholas". The officer answers: Do no be sil...

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A joke as old as the roman Empire

This is so old I might as well tell it with two Roman centurions.

Two centurions are walking down a street in Rome one day. They come upon an alley where a dog is licking his dick.

"I wish I could do that," the first centurion says.

The second one says, "You'd better pet him fir...

Where does the Empire buy their robes?

The Darth Mall!

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Two guys were sitting in a bar near the top of the Empire State Building

Two guys were sitting in a bar near the top floor of the Empire State Building, having drinks and small talk.
The first guy says, "Man, this building is a structural anomaly."

Then the second. "Yeah, it's amazing how people can build something like this."

"No, you don't understand....

What do you call a German empire with lots of hair?

The Furred Reich

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(Long) Donald Trump has a meeting with the Queen of England...

...And he says 'Your majesty, I think America is the greatest country, all the people, I've asked say so, all over the world, and they all agree, we should become, a Kingdom!'

The Queen looks at him and says 'Mr Trump, in order to become a Kingdom you need a King, and you are certainly not a ...

What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building?

Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building

[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font?

Sans Scarif

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One day there was a party in the Empire State Building.

One day there was a party in the Empire State Building. Sitting at the bar were two men the the first man goes " did you know that if you jump out of the window on the top floor there is a vacuum that sucks you back into the window?" The second man skeptical replied "no that's impossible." The first...

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Donald trump and Queen

Donald Trump is meeting The Queen, and he says to her:

“As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

To which the Queen replies. ‘I'm sorry Mr Trump, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge ...

Why does the Empire use Apple?

Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for

What did 18 Year olds in the Byzantine Empire do for fun?

Nothing they were busy teens.

President Obama goes to visit the Queen of England.

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama is warmly welcomed by the Queen. They are driven in a car to the edge of central London, where they get into a magnificent seventeenth-century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on toward Buckingham Palace and wave to the...

Countries take on attributes of their ruler

For example, there's a king on every kingdom, an emperor rules an empire, and Theresa May is causing mayhem.

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

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This guy goes to a new bar on top of the empire state building...

When he walks in he sees one guy sitting at the bar and sits a few seats away from him and orders a beer. The other guy sitting at the bar calls him over to sit on the stool next to him. Since he seems so friendly he obliges and sits next to him.

When he does, the other guy says to him, “You...

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The Greatest Sex Culture . . .

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.

Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."

The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."

The Italian, nodding, ...

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I thought it was funny [last time](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/267ij0/a_physicist_sees_a_young_man_about_to_jump_off/) I saw it on reddit and thought it deserved another go.

Do you think the Tauntaun from The Empire Strikes Back got cold after Han sliced it open?

Or do you think it kept lukewarm?

The Ottoman Empire...

Really loved to put their feet up.

(such a bad bad joke)

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