It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today. Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were run by kings.

And now we have countries...

A chicken can jump higher than Empire state building...

It's true because buildings can't jump.

The Empire demanded the Kingdom send a baron as hostage or risk invasion. The King, scared for his life, decided to send the Empire someone with a higher rank.

The Empire got a viscount.

The Persian empire fell

So Iran.

What did the Stormtrooper say to his family before shipping off to Empire basic training?

I’ll miss you.

Did you hear Jussie Smollett got fired from ‘Empire?’

I heard he’s really beating himself up over it.

The Hapsburgs sure had an impressive empire...

But they have faces only a cousin could love.

Why does the sun never sets in the British Empire?

Because even God doesn't trust the English in the dark.

Credits : Shashi Tharoor

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys were standing on the roof of the Empire State Building.

The first said: "You know, the wind currents here in New York are so strong that you could step off the edge of this building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current"

"You're crazy", said the second guy.

"You don't believe me?", said the first...

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A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

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Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discoveredthat if you jump from the top of this building-by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head i...

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Three drunks are standing on the roof of the Empire State Building.

The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!"

The second drunk says, "You're crazy!"

The...

Why does the Empire have to clone Storm Troopers?

Because when they shoot they always miss

How did the Roman Empire split into 2?

They used a pair of “caesars”
(I made this in my global class, if you guys don’t know what happened during the Roman Empire they were so big to control that they divided into two)
pls no bully me

Fox has just announced they have canceled Empire

I hope Jussie Smollett doesn’t beat himself up over it.

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

Turns out the racist attack on the actor from empire was total bullsh**

I could smollett from a mile away.

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Donald trump and Queen

Donald Trump is meeting The Queen, and he says to her:

“As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

To which the Queen replies. ‘I'm sorry Mr Trump, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge ...

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

In a recent interview about the state of the Disney empire...

... Walt Disney responded with no comment.

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There's this bar on top of the Empire State Building

The first guy looks at the second guy and says" you know the wind is so strong up here, if you jump out the window, it'll carry you right back up."
The second guy looks at the first and says "I'm not stupid I'm not going to kill myself."
The first guy says "watch." So he heads over to the wind...

When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May...

...and it is a Country.

What's the opposite of "The Empire strikes back"?

The Emperor has a stroke.

3 guys worked on top of the empire state building.

They all had the same stuff for lunch every day and they said if they had it again they would jump to their deaths.

The Irish guy had a different meal so he lived.

The German guy had a different meal so he lived.

The polish guy had the same meal so he jumped to his death.
...

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There's a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One night, 2 guys were drinking and one guy says, "hey did you guys know that one of the reasons this building has such interesting design is that they made it so when people jump out of windows, the wind holds them from falling too fast and they just float to the ground, unhurt?"

The 2nd guy...

Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building?

He had a plane to catch

If an anime was based around the Ottoman Empire...

It would be a literal Harem anime.

What’s the most comfortable empire?

The Ottoman Empire.

And much like that one, I’ll see myself out now.

Why did ABBA play monopoly empire?

So that they could take a Chance on ME.

A man falls from the top of the Empire State building.

When he hits the ground, a woman walking by screams "oh my God what happened"!!

The man looks up and says "I don't know, I just got here"

Did you hear about the Chinese brother's that tried to start a German Empire?

Turns out two Wongs don't make a Reich.

Who lead the Chinese empire into the Wi-Fi age

Emperor Ping

Chewbacca has started a website that gives out all of the Empire's secrets...

Wookieeleaks

Empire Strikes Back is still my favorite StarWars episode.

One could say it is a perfect 5/7.

A man assumed he could fly so he jumped off of the roof of the Empire State Building

I guess you could say he jumped to his conclusion.

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What do Queen Victoria's empire and people with innie bellybuttons have in common?

Navel superiority.

What did the Roman empire say to the city that wouldn't listen?

I thought we razed you better than this!

When the Empire Strikes Back was being filmed, they considered getting rid of James Earl Jones and bringing in Hulk Hogan instead to be Darth Vader.

But they quickly decided not to when they realized the line "No Luke, I am your father, brother!" Was way too confusing.

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2 men are at a bar ontop of the empire state building

* Man 1 looks to Man 2 and says;
* "You see that window over there? It's magical; if you jump out of it you can fly!"
* Man 2 says, somewhat tipsy, "Noooo you can't, you have to show me for me to believe you."
* Man 1 says "Ok" and goes to the other side of the room, takes a running star...

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An Englishman, an Irishman and an American are stood at the top of the Empire State Building.

The American tells the other two "I don't know if you've heard this. But if you down 6 beers from your homeland, you can jump off of this building, fly around it, and then land safely right back here".

The Irishman doesn't believe the American, replying "Get off it, what a load of old shite"...

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

Russian political joke from time of the Russian Empire

A man in the street shouts: "Nicholas is a moron!" (Nicholas is a common Russian given name, it's also the name of two Russian emperors). He is naturally arrested by the police and charged with insulting the emperor. He tells the officer: "I meant another Nicholas". The officer answers: Do no be sil...

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So there was a bar on top of the Empire State Building...

And a man went to the top and ordered some scotch. While he was drinking a man came up and ordered some tequila, drank it, and jumped over the edge of the building. The man, horrified to what he saw, was then surprised to see the same man who jumped over walk out of the elevator and sit down at the ...

I guess you could say Luke Skywalker single-handedly defeated the empire.

I told this joke to someone in a dream, and when I woke up I realized it was actually funny.

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Two guys were sitting in a bar near the top of the Empire State Building

Two guys were sitting in a bar near the top floor of the Empire State Building, having drinks and small talk.
The first guy says, "Man, this building is a structural anomaly."

Then the second. "Yeah, it's amazing how people can build something like this."

"No, you don't understand....

What do you call a German empire with lots of hair?

The Furred Reich

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A joke as old as the roman Empire

This is so old I might as well tell it with two Roman centurions.

Two centurions are walking down a street in Rome one day. They come upon an alley where a dog is licking his dick.

"I wish I could do that," the first centurion says.

The second one says, "You'd better pet him fir...

Realizing that the AT-AT doesn't have enough armor around the back, the Empire released a new batch with increased armor...

and called them the PHAT-ATs

Where does the Empire buy their robes?

The Darth Mall!

What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building?

Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building

Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire?

That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition

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One day there was a party in the Empire State Building.

One day there was a party in the Empire State Building. Sitting at the bar were two men the the first man goes " did you know that if you jump out of the window on the top floor there is a vacuum that sucks you back into the window?" The second man skeptical replied "no that's impossible." The first...

[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font?

Sans Scarif

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President

He's going to put America into a blind trust.

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[Long] The Life of Parmish [Part 1]

There were once two young brothers from India, Parmish and Dudah, who decided one day to travel the world. They went to London, France, China, Japan, and many other countries. They ate all the exotic food they came across and explored many different cultures and experiences.

At their last st...

Why does the Empire use Apple?

Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for

What did 18 Year olds in the Byzantine Empire do for fun?

Nothing they were busy teens.

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I thought it was funny [last time](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/267ij0/a_physicist_sees_a_young_man_about_to_jump_off/) I saw it on reddit and thought it deserved another go.

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This guy goes to a new bar on top of the empire state building...

When he walks in he sees one guy sitting at the bar and sits a few seats away from him and orders a beer. The other guy sitting at the bar calls him over to sit on the stool next to him. Since he seems so friendly he obliges and sits next to him.

When he does, the other guy says to him, “You...

Do you think the Tauntaun from The Empire Strikes Back got cold after Han sliced it open?

Or do you think it kept lukewarm?

Why was Ohm the Empire's best scout?

He discovered the resistance

The Ottoman Empire...

Really loved to put their feet up.

(such a bad bad joke)

The Galactic Empire, after the destruction of the Death Star, has taken to bowling during the interim.

The Empire Strikes Back, they call it.

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Two men are at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building

After a long week of work, Buddy's decide to celebrate the weekend by getting absolutely wasted.

3 hours later and 9 drinks, they are completely drunk.

One of the men turns to his buddy, points to the window and slurs "You know, the winds are so high out here, that if you jump out you...

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Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the Nazi's empire reaches to all four corners of the universe...

They've become a Reichtangle.

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How Canada was named

So it's the year of 1865, and The British Empire has just birthed a new nation. The birth was a regular vaginal birth, and to the relief of everyone, it was much less complicated then the one in 1776. Anyways, now it was time to give name for the new born nation. The British Empire tired from the la...

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A tourist walks into a bar...

...the bar is on the 90th floor of the Empire State building
The tourist starts chatting with a regular

Regular: There's a secret about this building. If you jump out that window, there's an updraft at the 80th story that will bring you right back up

Tourist: really?

Regula...

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