UPJOKE
humankindmankindhumanmanhumannesshuman racehumanenesshuman beingsmanhoodnonhumanworldhumansgenocidedignitybeings

Humanity Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Hav...

Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues, the disease wipes out 99% of humanity and desperate survivors are forced to live in...

...a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

3 Alien leaders are discussing the fate of humanity

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read that 30% of the internet is pornography and that really makes me disappointed in humanity...

...70% of the internet is being completely wasted.

God took only one rib from men to create women

Because he knew, if he took a second rib, humanity would die out.

Scientists got together and decided that humanity had come a long way and no longer needed God.

So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point where we can clone people, manipulate atoms, build molecules, fly through space, and do many other miraculous th...

Jesus, the Christ, decides to to give humanity a second chance...

Arriving on Earth, he does a tour.

He travels the Middle East and everything goes well. He then goes through Australia and he's welcomed with open arms. Afterwards, he goes to Europe, and all the Europeans love him. Then he goes to America...

whilst in one of the Southern States, one...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did humanity discover AIDS?

They fucked around and found out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been arrested after allegedly plotting to enslave humanity and force everyone to make butter.

The suspect has said he just wanted to watch the world churn.

A man dies one day and finds himself in Hell, much to his surprise.

The man has never sinned, he has attended church somewhat regularly and often gives to charity.

He asks at the gate if there has been a mistake to which the ferryman gives no answer.

He figures there is little hope for him, but somehow he will make the best of his situation.

He ...

I love humanity...

It's just people I can't stand.

Why doesn’t Jesus trust all of humanity?

He’s afraid someone is going to cross him

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.