UPJOKE
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EVOLUTION VS. CREATIONISM

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..

The father answered, "Many years ago there were mon...

I can prove evolution wrong..

Humming birds have existed for thousands of years and they haven't learned the words yet.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created.

As he walked alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to see a seven-foot tall grizzly bear charging right at him! He ran back up the path, with the bear close behind. His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run faster. he looked over his shoulder as the ...

Who has two thumbs and is pro-evolution?

Not horses

I'm reading a book on evolution...

The beginning wasn't great, but it's getting better over time.

It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution

You're just comparing apples and origins

Why did Reddit mods take down Darwin’s theory of evolution post?

The link was missing

Did you guys see Eevee's new flying-type evolution in Sword and Shield?

It's called Pigeon.

Evolution tells us we’ve evolved from apes.

I’m pretty sure we’ve evolved from crabs. You know why? Have you ever held a pair of tongs and NOT clicked them together? I rest my case.

If Novak Djokovic was a Pokemon, what would be his evolution line?

Novak -> Novax -> Novisa

We need to stop arguing over Creationism vs. Evolution...

Both sides can certainly agree that the material on r/jokes is of very ancient origin.

Evolution has its hand in

Everyone’s genes

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory

(English is my second language here but I will try to do my best, it is probably funnier in my language- A rephrase is welcomed!)

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory. The religious man was trying to convince the scientist that facts are more clearer than the sci...

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The theory of evolution states that all species are related to a common ancestor

So no officer I dont think its "disgusting" that I'm dating a raccoon

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Where did evolution get it wrong with women?

... putting the amusement park right next to the sewer!

A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics

His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.

I stayed up all night trying to think of something that w...

TIL there's a scientific term for aquatic mammals losing their fur through evolution

It's called Whale Pattern Baldness.

The pinnacle of evolution.

We, humans, the pinnacle of evolution have created wonders, discovered the secrets of nature and have made it to the very top of the world, yet we sniff our fingers after scratching our balls

Dad, what is evolution?

Dad: it's when smart people get fully vaccinated before the big delta wave

What do you call an Eevee evolution that specializes in melee?

Bludgeon

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Evolution of bowel issues

The evolution of communication about stomach issues with your significant other:

Dating: Sorry, I can’t go out. I don’t feel so well tonight.

Engaged: I need to stay home honey. My tummy hurts.

Newlyweds: Ohhh. I don’t think that food agreed with me. I’m not feeling so well. Ta...

A father and son are watching a documentary about evolution...

...the boy had already watched this episode and was viewing it again carefully as he found it a bit confusing as to what the different prehistoric animals were evolving into. He recalled this episode ended with an ant-like insect becoming a crustacean-like animal. By the end he said 'Ep seen, did an...

How is evolution and a Union construction job similar?

They take so long that some people don't believe they don't work.

What’s the difference between a politician and a dog?

About 85 million years of evolution.

Creation vs. Evolution

After a sermon on creation, a curious young boy asked, "Dad? How did we get here?"
"Remember God created EVERYTHING in six days. On the sixth day, he scooped up some dust and made Adam. He took one of Adam's ribs and made Eve. They had kids and their kids had kids and so on, so that's how we'...

Some people just don't understand evolution.

I was talking to an Australian the other day who actually thought *he* came from Darwin!

All credit to Milton Jones for that one.

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The New New Math....

I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tel...

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

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This is a true story

When I was in school, I was surrounded by dumbasses, and this has got to be the most egregious dumbass moment that one of my classmates did.

I was sitting in English class. This guy who is a devout Christian (not that there is anything wrong with that, in and of itself), is scoffing at the th...

Meanwhile, at the Zoo...

... a gorilla is reading. He's holding a Bible in one hand and a book on evolution in the other.



**What are you doing, gorilla?**



"I'm trying to decide if I am my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother".

Why was God hesitant to implement his evolution idea?

He worried it would defeet the porpoise.

Watching dragonball evolution is like having a watch on your belt

its a waist of time..

Dragon Ball fans are like creationists

If you talk about Evolution, they get mad.

A country singers truck

With the evolution of self driving cars it’s not gonna take long before a country singers truck leaves him as well as his wife.

A priest begins to wonder if his religion is really the only ‘true’ religion. In his search he finds an Internet forum with like mined faith/spiritual seekers, and quickly befriends a Jewish Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk.

The three debate for months, with no real progression as such, until a post appears from a new user, claiming to be the purest, living descendant of Adam & Eve. He further claims, that to those who truly believe, he will grant the secret to human evolution.
All but the monk immediately dismi...

How do you get a drummer off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless

Have you tell if the stage Riser is even?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

What's the difference between a drummer and a percussionist?
Evolution, the percussionist ha...

Teachers from other countries make fun of the US education system

Sure, we don’t teach evolution everywhere, but I don’t see your countries volunteering to demonstrate natural selection in schools across the country.

An illiterate Father went camping with his highly educated Son...

As they walk through the wildness the son boasts about how being educated makes him appreciate nature, evolution, etc. To which the father just shrugs and continues along.

When they reach their camping site, they set-up their tent and fell asleep.

Unable to sleep properly, the father w...

Creationist have often made me question evolution

But probably not in the way they think

There's a secret evolution of Eevee I found today.

If you pay your Eevee every day for at least a month, it evolves into Patreon.

An atheist is walking through the woods

An atheist is walking through the woods, enjoying the scenes of nature, the birds chirping, the beauty of trees, the fauna, marveling what evolution has managed over the course of centuries and millennia of development.



Suddenly, through the brush, a grizzly bear crashes. Roaring and...

A joke I will always love

In the distant future when interstellar space travel is common place, scientists are traveling through galaxies to find life on other planets. On one planter many light years away, they find a giant granite statue statue of a man in a squatting position. Upon close inspection they find this statue i...

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs...

It would seem evolution defeeted the porpoise.

Polar bears used to be brown but through evolution, they turned white

because Police were shooting them



\-Mark Normand

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Luke cage

In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.

But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution.

Knock knock

Why does r/Jokes feel like r/gatekeeping?

This should be a place for people with a sense of humour, if you don't like the joke don't upvote.

The simple jokes here and in the comments (where the best jokes often are) brighten my day and lighten the load of life.

There are not goi...

A little girl goes to her father... (long)

"Dad, where do we come from?"


The father replies, "Well, a long time ago, God decided that he would create Adam, and then a wife for him Eve, to live here on earth. He allowed them to live here and have children and we come from them."


The girl, seemingly perplexed, then g...

Dinner with Girlfriends parents..

Ambitious boyfriend visits a chemist store to buy some condoms for the evening..

The store owner recommends him some new flavoured and textured codoms and the guy talks at length with him on the evolution of condoms and finally buys a pack of six..

Upon reaching his girlfriends place i...

Why do creationists prefer FIFA to PES?

Because PES is Pro Evolution Soccer.

A little boy asked his father :" where did human kind came from ?"

The father answer :" at the begining, the god created eve and adam, and they start to give birth slowly till we become that many".
The kid didn't get convenced.. he went right to his mother and asked her the same question ..
The mother answer :" at the begining, there was small animals live...

Daddy where do people come from?

Young boy is curious and asked his father where people come from
dad says "well son it goes way back to Adam and eve and they were mother and father to everyone"
Young boy still confused asks his mother
"Mommy where do people come from?"
She responds with "well after years of evolution w...

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Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.

Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!

-Danish Anwar

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What is a creationist's favorite button in pokemon?

B to cancel evolution

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey.

Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says…

Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line.
...

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Sherlock and Watson go camping... (reposted from the intelligent jokes thread)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping in the woods one night during an investigation. As they lay out under the stars, Holmes asks Dr. Watson a question...

"Watson!" Holmes said imperiously. "Look at the stars and tell me what you can deduce." Watson sighed, recognizing one of Holmes' fr...

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