Script Jokes - 86 Hilarious Script Jokes

I wrote a bot script to get past website security

So far its managed to evade captcha

What is the script editors blood Type?

Type O !

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

A joke I came up with in my sleep today

A guy goes to see his doctor and after discussing the problem, the doctor hands him his prescription.

Guy: "Wow, this is the most legible prescription I've ever seen, doc!"

Doctor: "Mfhm sremn emsfn."

Kung Fu Panda's Script

In the first draft for Kung Fu Panda's script the country of origin was written as TH, instead of CHN. However, it was just a Thai Po.

Writing the script for the Tetris movie must be hard,

Every time they write a line, it disappears.

JavaScript is a lot like English;

No one knows how to use semicolons properly.

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.

When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"

"Because m...

The bee movie script is a lesser used alternative to a rick roll.

A bee roll if you will.

I wrote a script about the dictionary for my local theatre

It's a play on words.

Why was the JavaScript developer sad?

Because he didn't Node how to Express himself

Why did Hollywood stop buying scripts from the frog writer?

Because his stories were ribbititive.

The script for the upcoming Tetris movie is terrible

Each actor just says four lines and then disappears.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'...

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I’m writing a script for a self aware porn parody

All of the humor is very tongue in buttcheek

What was Mark Hamill's reaction when he finished reading The Force Awakens script?

Speechless

Why do JavaScript programmers need glasses?

Because they can't C#.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

I've written a script for a film about an action hero who works in accounts.

The sequel going to be set in a different department.

This time it's personnel.

On a film set, everyone is getting ready to start shooting, when the director calls for his assistant to bring him the script.

The assistant runs onto set and starts kicking over props, crawling around the floor and frantically pulling his hair.

As the assistant starts tearing off his clothes and shaking them around, the director thinks to himself, "He's lost the plot!"

Everybody Knows Somebody Called DAVE.

Dave is an advertising executive in L.A., who is always boasting that he knows EVERYONE on the planet, & they all know him.

His colleagues love hearing his stories about this celebrity, or that politician. However, his boss doesn't believe a word & challenges him to prove his boasts....

I've just finished writing a script for a film I titled "American Schools"

Shooting starts soon.

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I'm trying to finish writing a script for a porn movie

But there are too many holes in the plot.

I'm writing a horror movie script about a sentient pen and it's going really well so far

It's practically writing itself

Why do some people think Python scripting is offensive?

Because white space matters. hehee

Programmers make bad dating partners

A JavaScript developer will make empty promises and not call you back.

A Java developer will act classy but he’ll treat you as an object.

And a Python developer will take up all the space and everything will move too slow anyway.

What's the difference between a Hollywood writer and a pain doctor?

If their corporate owners tell them to write more scripts, the Hollywood writer might say no.

If my theater troupe and I perform on stage and use the dictionary as our script...

...is it a play on words?

The Tetris movie is finally coming out in 2023 after numerous delays.

Every time they finished a line in the script, it disappeared.

A QA engineer walks into a bar, and orders a beer.

Then he orders 0 beers.

Then he orders 999999999999 beers.

Then he orders an aardvark.

Then he orders nothing.

Then he orders -1 beers.

Then he orders NULL beers.

Then he orders asnwikfjsdf.

Then he orders a "><script>give_me_your_credit_card...

A calligrapher died peacefully in his sleep.

He soon woke up in a land of paradise. He spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies. He had access to the finest selection of inks and ...

I'm working on a script about a mobster who attempts to reinvent himself as a professional photographer. I'm gonna call it...

*The Selfie Made Man.*

The three most well known languages in India are English, Hindi, and...

JavaScript

I need to get a new friend

I’ve been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python

After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn’t work at ...

My dad wronged me...

I brought home a test score of 90 and showed it to my dad. I thought he would praise me for it, but my dad took one look at the test script and said I added the "0" there. I got a big scolding and was grounded for the week. I really didn't add the "0".

I added the "9".

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

My IT Company Got Catfished

They hired a Java Developer remotely but when they finally met him in real life, he turned out to be a JavaScript developer!

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Husband comes home from his doctor's appointment telling his wife that he has a prescription for daily sex.

She grabs the script and says 'Nice try, this for dyslexia' !!!

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The parents want to get rid of the family's pet bunny.

A family has a pet rabbit, but their son and daughter fail to do their part when it comes to cleaning its cage etc. and so the parents decide to quietly kill off the bunny and tell the kids that it ran away. So that's what they do, and since it's a well-fed bunny and they don't want to let all that ...

People could never make 'Blazing Saddles' nowadays.

If you gave the script to a movie studio, they'd say, "This is the script for 'Blazing Saddles,' why are you giving this to me?"

The original script for Dr. Strange had an undead version of Wong battle with the living one. Ultimately they decided it didn't work.

Two Wongs don't make a wight.

I'm writing a script about a guy who loses a year of his life every time he jacks off.

It's a coming of age story.

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I wrote a script for a film about a female dog who can howl the exact note you play on your piano.

It’s called, “Bitch Perfect.”

I want to write a show called "Pun". I'll have the script printed out and taped to the floor of the set.

It'll be a play on words.

Good news, I'm finally going to get something I wrote produced for the stage.

I've lined up some great people to perform in it. The producer read the script, titled "I Pun, Therefore I Am,” and asked me if it was a musical.

Sadly, I told him no. It's just a play on words.

Why does Shai LaBeouf see his doctor ?

Because it’s the only way he could get a script.

Sorry, if this isn’t a new joke

A woman was working at a lingerie counter when a customer approached with a pair of frilly panties.

"I'd like to buy these," she said, "but only if you can embroider 'If you can read this, you're too close' on the back."
So the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in the backroom and described the rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "I can do that. Does she want block letters or ...

I was once in a meeting with a bunch of people raving about how the script for Tommy Wiseau’s movie is amazing. I finally just said “I doubt it” and they all fell silent and stared at me in anger, until one of them said,

“You really need to read the room.”

Just been arrested by the police after recently being given the part of Romeo in my local theater.

The script clearly said ‘Enter Juliet from behind’.

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids?

JawaScript

To be or not to be?

I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction.
My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear'

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script

The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eo...

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I was really worried that my premature ejaculation would wreck my career as a porn star.

"Christ I'm nervous," I said to the director on the first day of filming.

"Don't worry lad,you'll be fine," he said. "Just stick to the script."

"I already have." I replied.

Seeking inspiration, a screenwriter goes to the holy place of Golgotha in Jerusalem, believed to be the site of Jesus's crucifixion. Finding a quiet spot, he begins to write. Unfortunately, a group of thieves sneak up behind him, knock him out, and steal his laptop.

Another victim of a cross site scripting attack.

What do Hutts use to program computers?

JabbaScript

Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

People thought it seemed too scripted.

What is Jedi's favourite computer language?

JabbaScript

\-Borrowed from source

On an examination paper, The professor required his students to sign a form stating they had received no outside assistance...

....Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.

The professor carefully studied the answer script....

...and then said: "You can sign with a clear conscience. God did not assist you."

During the shooting of a movie...

Director: Now we'll let the lion out of the cage and he'll chase but don't worry he won't eat you.

Actor: What makes you so sure?

Director: It's in the script.

Actor: Has the lion read the script?

How does batman schedule a task on his computer?

With a .bat script

If you give an infinite amount of monkeys with typewriters an infinite amount of time, they will eventually recreate all of Shakespeare's masterpieces accidentally...

But give them five minutes, and they'll have the script of The Last Jedi.

I'm pleased with it.

(Came up with this earlier today and told my 14 year old daughter. She was not impressed.)

I'm going to write a new movie script. It will be about a locomotive that breaks down and must, by pure manpower alone, be pulled back to the rail yard.
I'll call it "How To Drag Your Train In."

Did you hear about the screenwriter who was so distracted from working on a screenplay in his head, he stepped into a crosswalk and got hit by a hit-and-run driver?

Another victim of a cross site scripting attack.

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I was having trouble sleeping..

I've been having trouble sleeping, not getting good sleep, etc, so I went to the doctor and told them I've been having trouble in the bedroom. We chatted for a few minutes without getting into anything specifIc, he was being kind of vague for some reason. Anyway, he gave me a script for some pills a...

Just announced, they are making a movie based on Tetris...

Apparently it was due to start filming this year but writing the script was taking longer than expected as every time they finished a line it would disappear.

Why do programmers have a hard time with improv?

They can't execute without a script.

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After being constipated for a couple weeks, a man finally decided to visit his doctor...

"Doc, I haven't pooped in weeks! Please help!"

Doc says sure, and writes him a prescription for a weeks worth of suppositories.

Man comes back the next day, "doc, I took the entire script last night, but nothing happened!"

The doc is shocked, as in his experience suppositories a...

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'

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Failed my audition in a play since I was being "innappropriate"

Fuck knows what they were on about though, not my fault my script said "Enter Juliet from rear"

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A guy surprises his fiance by having her name tattooed on his penis.

In flowing script it says, "Wendy."

On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis. The husband asks, "So your girl's name is Wendy, too?"

The guy looks down at his penis and says, "No, once de wrinkl...

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A guy travels to LA to audition for a movie and finally get his big break

His plane lands and he gets a call from his agent saying "Quick! Book the first flight back to New York I got you a part in a play!"
Guy says "Great, when is it?"
Agent says, "tonight is opening night, I'll email you the script. The part you are playing only has one line."
The guy is disap...

Someone at Sony Studios was arrested for having a bomb in his backpack.

He was released after it was determined that it was the script for Ghostbusters

An elderly woman visits the doctor for, ahem, a little problem.

"You see, doctor..." and she leans in to whisper conspiratorially... "I have flatulence. But you wouldn't know it because it makes no sound and it has no odor. In fact, I'm flatulent right now. Right as we speak, I swear. To be honest I'm not sure I should even bother to do anything about it, it's s...

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One day a new stage play was released that was supposed to be the #1 comedy of the year.

Unfortunately from the get go it had poor reviews frequently stating that it just wasn't that funny. The writer of the script was at a loss and was getting ready to cancel the show when his friend called.

He told him he had just watched the show and true to the reviews it was pretty terrible...

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Religion is a bit like porn.

You know deep down it’s all lies but you still buy it.

It’s a multi-billion dollar industry making a few people very rich.

It distorts reality, inciting desires it never satisfies.

AND the scripts it’s based on leave allot to be desired.

Yet another world cup joke

Heard this from a telephone script today:

Jake! Is it true that you have my girlfriend at place, in your bed right now at this moment!?

Good! Finally I can watch the world cup in peace!

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Need to write some current event jokes for a show, need help! Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

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"Doctor, I've got this very strange condition...

...I fart all the time, but they don't smell and are completely silent. You probably didn't notice, but I've farted six times since you entered the room."

The doctor nods and writes a script. "Take these and come back in a week."

A week later the old lady comes back to the doctor "You ...

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Tom Hanks walks into WB studios

Tom Hanks walks into the WB studios and enters one of the many conference rooms.
As he sits down for the read -through, he notices his fellow peers sitting at the table Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill's mustache, Gal Gadot and a couple of other people he was he was only vaguely familiar with. He picks...

How many agile programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to write the web page. One to make the video proclaiming the changing to be the next step towards the singularity. One to upload the video to Kickstarter. One to send out invitations to a meeting to decide whether to use Scrum or another method. One to argue that the way the invitations were se...

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So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

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An old man goes to the doctor for a prescription for Viagra.

The doctor runs some tests and finds him to be healthy enough for sexual activity, and writes him the script. As the old man is leaving the doctor's office he asks if he can cut the pills into fourths. The doctor, a little confused, remarks "I don't think you'll be able to achieve an erection with...

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The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with al...

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