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Dinosaur Jokes

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Cause they're dead.

My 7 yr old just made this one up: What do you say when a dinosaur farts?

That was a blast from the past!

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

Because you'll get jurasskicked.

My 8-year-old wrote a dinosaur joke

What do you get when you cross a T-Rex and a human?

A T-Rex

While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Museum of Natural History, a tourist asks the guard, "How old are they?"

The guard replies, "They are 73 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's a rather exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

"Well," answers the guard, "The dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and tha...

Which drug should dinosaurs never take?

A steroid.

We all know that Barney the Dinosaur is a LOVABLE PURPLE DINOSAUR.

In ancient Rome, there was no letter U, so they used a V instead, making Barney a LOVABLE PVRPLE DINOSAVR.

Now eliminate all the letters that are not Roman numerals. We are left with LVL VL DIV.

Next, let's refresh your brain. I=1, V=5, L=50, D=500.

When we add it all up, we get...

What do you call a cross dressing dinosaur?

A Try Sarah’s tops

A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"

He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."

"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"

"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old....

Which one of Santa's reindeer do dinosaurs like the least?

Comet.

Dinosaur Fact

Towards the end of the Jurassic period, the Thesaurus was the first Dinosaur to become extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.

A dinosaur came to his wife

And said, - Darling, let's make love.

\- I can't - she says - I'm busy today.

Some time later, he came again and said - Darling, I want you.

\- Sorry - she said - I have a headache.

A few days later, he invites her again.

\- No dear - she answers. - Wrong time of t...

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.

Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

This is my first dad joke post :)

My 4 year old daughters joke: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A Dinosnore.

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

What do you call a vegan dinosaur?

Falafel Raptor

What do you call a dinosaur who is good with synonyms?

A tyrannathesaurus

Do you think a dinosaur could beat a mammoth in a fight?

You bet Jurrassic can.

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet.

What do you call a dinosaur backbone?

A Jurassic Thoracic.

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

You'll get jurasskicked!

*Sorry if its lame but my niece just told it and i fell laughing*

Why did the dinosaur end his relationship?

Because his ex stinked.

So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid

Guess that makes it Priustoric

How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?

With fossils.

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur who walks in on you while you're having sex?

Oh-no-he-saurus

What do you get when a dinosaur kicks you in the rear end?

A mega-sore ass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur that works as a pornstar?

Rexy Roar

What sort of dinosaur writes romance novels?

A Brontësaurus

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesaurus.

And what do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?

A doyouthinkhesaurus Rex.

Why cant you hear a dinosaur pee?

Because theyre extinct.

Can a joke about dinosaurs make you laugh?

You bet jurassic can

What is a singing dinosaur called

A velocirapper

What do you call a dinosaur with a sore leg ?

A mylegissaurus!

What’s the saltiest dinosaur?

Tyrano Sore Ass

Dinosaurs once looked down on Chuck Norris.

Just once.

"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.

She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.

They say the asteroid killed all the dinosaurs.

You could say it killed many birds with one stone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my buddy were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography.

Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

What’s the worst part of being a dinosaur with diarrhoea?

Thesaurus

>!(the sore ass)!<

How do you cook a dinosaur?

Medium rawr

What do you call a dinosaur without gold?

A dinosr

What happens when you let dinosaurs drive?

You get tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What's the difference between a dinosaur and a British king?

One is a T-rex, the other is a tea rex.

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

What did the weak dinosaur say to the other buff dinosaur?

I don't like a-steroids.

How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

Tyrannosaurus Checks

Why do you not eat dinosaurs eggs!

Because their eggs stinked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a dinosaur which recently had anal called?

A Mega-sore-ass.

The asteroid event that ended dinosaurs

was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone

If Jesus Christ was a dinosaur..

He'd be Tyrannosaurus Resurrex

What dinosaur can't you hear go to the bathroom?

All of them, they're all dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a thumbtack ?

A megasoreass.

What is Yoda's favorite dinosaur?

The Do-ceratops. There is no tri.

What were dinosaurs called before the meteors hit?

Live-osaurs

Why did the dinosaurs become extinct?

Because of ereptile dysfunction.

Where does a dinosaur keep his underwear?

DRAWR

What's the name of the oldest dinosaur?

The Mybachisaurus

What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?

Breakfast and lunch.


I'll show myself out now

Why do dinosaurs make bad pets?

Because they’re all dead.

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesaurus

(Full Disclosure: I'm showing Jurassic Park to my kids for the first time)

Dinosaur Age

There is a dinosaur in the British museum that is 3 million and 24 years old.

I know this because when I visited it 24 years ago, it was 3 million years old.

How do you turn a dinosaur into a horse?

Use an internal combustion engine

When a Tyrannosaurus Rex went missing from a Zoo meant for Dinosaur...

It was reported to be "**Armed & Dangerous**".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The dinosaur I most identify with is a Triceratops…

That’s because I’m three times more horny than everyone else.

What do you get when a dinosaur is a fan of punk rock?

A Punkasaurus Rex the establishment

Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur Tibia.

It's going to be quite the shindig.

What is the only dinosaur that a 45 year old man knows?

The my-body-saur

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn’t the dinosaur play baseball?

Because it’s fucking dead.

Which dinosaur is the worst driver?

T-Wrecks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can a crappy dinosaur joke get a laugh?

You bet Jurassican.

The dinosaur at the museum

A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.

Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:

\- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?

\- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.

Amazed by his answer, he says:

\- Wow!, How can you be so...

Q: Which dinosaur is the most polite?

A: The please-u-saur.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow and I am genuinely terrified that the chute won't open.

Last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.

How did the bodybuilding dinosaur die?

Asteroid overdose!
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(a steroid overdose)

Did the dinosaur era actually exist?

You bet Jurassic did

What do you call a dinosaur that is large, immense, huge, collosal, gigantic, vast, enormous, titanic, massive and big?

A thesaurus.

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to a museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. H...

I discovered a new dinosaur after getting my booster shot...

The Armisaur

What do you call a Dinosaur that wakes up early in the morning.

An AssCrackaDon.

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