Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

Because you’ll get jurasskicked!

What dinosaur can't you hear go to the bathroom?

All of them, they're all dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of dinosaur has a spike in his butt?

A bronto-sore-ass!

What would you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore

How can you tell a dinosaur is an herbivore?

They will tell you within three minutes of meeting them and remind you every fifth sentence.

What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his own car?

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

What do you call a Dinosaur who knows synonyms?

A Thesauros Rex

How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

Three dinosaurs stumble upon a lamp in the desert.

One of them rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "In exchange for freeing me, I shall grant each of you one wish," said the genie.

Excited and clamoring amongst each other, the dinosaurs began to dream of meat.

The first one piped up, "I wish it would rain pepperoni and drumsticks!" The...

How did the bodybuilding dinosaur die?

Asteroid overdose!
(a steroid overdose)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You had sex with a dinosaur?

Jurassic bastard

What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions?

A philosiraptor.

Why did the dinosaurs girlfriend get pregnant?

Because they did it rawr.

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A Do-you-think-he-saurus

What's the ugliest dinosaur?

The Eyesaur.

I asked the librarian if she knew who authored any books on dinosaurs.

She said, "Try Sarah Topps."

Why did the dinosaurs die out.

They got ereptile dysfunction.

What was the last thing the dinosaurs said before going extinct?

Edit: Wow thanks for the support guys, this comet really blew up.

What do you call a fast, carnivorous dinosaur with opinions on Hegel and Kant?

A philosoraptor!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a dinosaur which recently had anal called?

A Mega-sore-ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't they let Yoda name the dinosaurs?

Because the do-or-do-not-ceratops sounds fucking stupid.

What do you call a blind dinosaur?


(Full Disclosure: I'm showing Jurassic Park to my kids for the first time)

What dinosaur used boulders as toilet paper?


What do you call an Irish dinosaur?

Pter O'dactyl

What do you call it when two dinosaurs run into each other?

A Jurassic jam.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur.

Jurassic Pork.

Why can’t dinosaurs clap?

Because they are dead.

The dinosaur at the museum

A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.

Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:

\- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?

\- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.

Amazed by his answer, he says:

\- Wow!, How can you be so...

Did you hear about the dinosaur that couldn't stop coughing?

It was a bronchitisaurus.

What is secret agent's favorite dinosaur?

A pte>!REDACTED!<yl.

hey baby, are you a dinosaur?

because jurassthicc

Why did the DINOSAUR cross the road ?

Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to a museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. H...

How does a British dinosaur like it’s steak?


What's a dinosaur's favorite type of file?

A RAR file

Scientists say they discovered a rare breed of dinosaur known for infidelity

It was called Doyouthinkhesaurus

My parents said I can get a dinosaur for my birthday!!

Update: They gave me a parrot..

What is a Dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?


Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

A new species of dinosaur that mates with its mother has been discovered

They’re calling it the Oedipus Rex.

Did the dinosaur era actually exist?

You bet Jurassic did

What sound does a dinosaur make?

"I want this printed"

Why do you not fight dinosaurs?

Because you will get jur-ass-kicked! My daughter told me this one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why couldn't the dinosaur masturbate?

T-rex style dysfunction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Gordon, how do you say “I love you” in Dinosaur?

Gordon: It’s fucking RAWR!

What did dinosaurs have that no other animal has?

Baby dinosaurs

What do you call dinosaurs with crippling anxiety?

Nervous Rex

I asked my son to go get me a phone book.

He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

What do you call a British dinosaur?

A tea-rex!

Just kidding, calling the Queen that would be a bit disrespectful.

A dinosaur dies and wakes up millions of years later being put together in a museum

He was puzzled.

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

What do you call a dinosaur without gold?

A dinosr

I used to know alot of dinosaur jokes

But they're all gone now.

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.

Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.


This is my first dad joke post :)

Did you hear about the cross dressing dinosaur?

He decided to try Sarah's tops.

What do Sanders supporters have in common with dinosaurs?

Neither of them voted for Bernie Sanders

What do you a call a dinosaur that drinks tea?

A Tea-rex.

My 5 year old likes to tell me this. It makes me chuckle.

What is Yodas favourite dinosaur?

A Do-ceratops...

Because there is no try.

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

You'll get jurasskicked!

*Sorry if its lame but my niece just told it and i fell laughing*

What do you call a dinosaur that likes men and women


Credit to some dumb 14-year old on my school bus

My 4 year old daughter told me the joke today. Knock knock, who's there? Dinosaurp, Dinosaurp who?

Haha you said dinosaur poo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would happen if you ate dinosaur poop?

It would make jur ass sick.

"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much?" I asked.

She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.

What do you call a dinosaur that never skips chest day?

Tyranno-Sorest Pecs

...I’ll show myself out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur that's just been bummed?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of dinosaur loves to take a shit?

A Craptor.

What do you call a dinosaur with a broken leg?

An owmilegisaur

My wife told me to chill with the dinosaur jokes.

I told her Jurassicing a lot of me.

Yes it is terrible, yes I am a dad and yes ill stop scrolling and go to bed now. Salam my friends.

A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar

All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to ...

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction

Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?

Do you want some tea, Rex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur who masturbates too much?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can a crappy dinosaur joke get a laugh?

You bet Jurassican.

What's the favorite song of all australian dinosaurs?

TNT, cuz they're dino mate

How do you hide a dinosaur from the government?

You take jurassic measures.

Where to dinosaurs like to shop?

At the Dino-store

Wife: I'm so tired of you talking about dinosaurs all the time. If you bring them up one more time I'm going to leave you

Wife: I'm so tired of you talking about dinosaurs all the time. If you bring them up one more time I'm going to leave you.

Husband: That's not true! Tell me one time I talked about dinosaurs

Wife: .......

Husband: (whispering) *She was silent, like the 'P' in Pterodactyls*

Three dinosaurs found a magic lamp

They rubbed it and out came a genie.

"What do you wish, my esteemed dinosaurs?"

"Meat" growled the first one. "I want meat."

"You wish is my command". There was meat.

"And what do you wish for?"

"I want MORE meat. I want it to rain...

Ya'll seem to like puns, so:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...

What religion were the dinosaurs?

Non de-nom nom denominational.

Sorry folks this is an original by me and so corny.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age ...

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