UPJOKE
birdtyrannosaurusfossilcarnivoreherbivoregenustriceratopsmammaljurassicfeatherreptilebipedalvertebratejurassic parkeoraptor

what kind of dinosaur has the cleanest teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Courtesy of my 6-year old.

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur...

Scientists have just discovered a fossilised dinosaur fart.

They said it’s a blast from the past.

What kind of drug should dinosaurs never take?

A steroid.

What do you get when a dinosaur is a fan of punk rock?

A Punkasaurus Rex the establishment

LPT: Do not pick a fight with a dinosaur.

You'll get jurasskicked.

My 7 yr old just made this one up: What do you say when a dinosaur farts?

That was a blast from the past!

What do you call a vegan dinosaur?

Falafel Raptor

How did cavemen survive the extinction of the dinosaurs?

Temporal distancing

When a Tyrannosaurus Rex went missing from a Zoo meant for Dinosaur...

It was reported to be "**Armed & Dangerous**".

What were dinosaurs called before the meteors hit?

Live-osaurs

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesaurus.

And what do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?

A doyouthinkhesaurus Rex.

What do you call a dinosaur that takes excellent care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Why do you not eat dinosaurs eggs!

Because their eggs stinked

Q: What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

A: Comet.

Why did the dinosaur end his relationship?

Because his ex stinked.

What happens when you let dinosaurs drive?

You get tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What is the only dinosaur that a 45 year old man knows?

The my-body-saur

My 4 year old daughters joke: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A Dinosnore.

A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"

He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."

"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"

"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old....

How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

What do you call a dinosaur that writes romance novels?

A Brontë-saurus.

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Cause they're dead.

What’s the saltiest dinosaur?

Tyrano Sore Ass

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

Did you hear about the dinosaur who couldn’t please his wife?

He suffered from a reptile disfunction.

The asteroid event that ended dinosaurs

was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

A man walks into a museum

He sees a dinosaur skeleton and asks the tour guide “How old is that skeleton?”

The tour guide says “65 million and 3 years, 5 months and 12 days.”

“Wow” says the man, “How do you get such a specific measurement?”

The tour guide replies “Well it was 65 million years old when I s...

What did the dinosaur say when it saw the meteor?

"Well, oil be!"

What do you get if a dinosaur kicks you in the backside?

Megasoreass

How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

Tyrannosaurus Checks

How does a dinosaur like it's meat?

Rawr.

How do you turn a dinosaur into a horse?

Use an internal combustion engine

what do you call a carnivorous dinosaur who falls in love with his own mother?

Oedipus Rex

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The dinosaur I most identify with is a Triceratops…

That’s because I’m three times more horny than everyone else.

Why did the dinosaurs become extinct?

Because of ereptile dysfunction.

I discovered a new dinosaur after getting my booster shot...

The Armisaur

I asked my Wife if she was annoyed because I keep talking about Dinosaurs.

But she remained silent, like the 'P' in Pterodactyl.

What do you call a Dinosaur who contemplates the meaning of life?

A Philophosaurus.

Did you see the movie about the dinosaurs that couldn’t find the herbs?

It was the land before thyme.

A scared dinosaur walks into an IT lab.

He took a terabyte.

If Jesus Christ was a dinosaur..

He'd be Tyrannosaurus Resurrex

What is Yoda's favorite dinosaur?

The Do-ceratops. There is no tri.

What is a catholic priest dinosaur called?

Fathergavemeasaurass

What do you call a dinosaur that can travel anywhere on Earth?

All-Terrainnosaurus Rex

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

We tried to tell the dinosaurs that they were headed for extinction

but it was all in one era and out the other.

Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur Tibia.

It's going to be quite the shindig.

Where does a dinosaur keep his underwear?

DRAWR

What's the name of the oldest dinosaur?

The Mybachisaurus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was carbon-dating a dinosaur the other day, trying to figure out what era it was from

Upon closer inspection, I realised that it didn't have the 3 anuses I was expecting, so I ruled out the Triassic period

What do you call it when all the dinosaurs go to heaven?

Velocirapture

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens were not invented yet

My friends think that your name represents what you should do in life. Dina worked to find a dinosaur fossil, and Jack became a lumberjack,

We don’t talk about Cliff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn’t the dinosaur play baseball?

Because it’s fucking dead.

I've heard a theory that the dinosaurs died out because their eggs became rotten.

It was a mass egg-stink-tion!

What do you get if you crossbreed a dinosaur with a lemon?

A dinosour

Which dinosaur is the worst driver?

T-Wrecks

Q: Which dinosaur is the most polite?

A: The please-u-saur.

Paleontologists are celebrating the finding of the largest dinosaur tibia in recorded history

It's a real shin-dig!

What do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary?

A thesaurus

Why do dinosaurs make bad pets?

Because they’re all dead.

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesaurus

(Full Disclosure: I'm showing Jurassic Park to my kids for the first time)

What do you call a Dinosaur that wakes up early in the morning.

An AssCrackaDon.

What dinosaur can't you hear go to the bathroom?

All of them, they're all dead.

What do you call a dinosaur that needs glasses?

A Douthinkhesaurus

I was driving my son to pre-school and he was having fun making dinosaur sounds.

"ROAR!" he yelled.

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked.

"T Rex!"

Then he said, "HONK!"

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Triceratops," he said.

"Why does a Triceratops honk?"

And he said, "Because it has horns!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a dinosaur which recently had anal called?

A Mega-sore-ass.

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

You'll get jurasskicked!

*Sorry if its lame but my niece just told it and i fell laughing*

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A Do-you-think-he-saurus

What does a dinosaur who can't get hard have?

E-reptile dysfunction

Have you heard the story about the dinosaur who found love?

It hit me right in the fuels.

I think my English teacher is a dinosaur

Because he said he is a walking thesaurus

I think this one was here but saw it a few years ago so i decided to post it.

Little Jimmy was once playing with his dinosaur toys on the backyard, when his older brother Tony walked towards him with a brand new baseball bat, ball and glove.

Jimmy noticed it and gasped "Tony, how did you get all those cool toys?!"

"Simple" Tony chuckled "Just go to an adult, and...

"Hello, you here to talk to me about Dinosaurs?"

Answer the door and see that its a sale man from an internet service provider. They have stopped at my house ten times in the last year to tell me about the digging in my area and I decided to have some fun with them today. Here is the conversation from today:

Me: Hello, you here to talk to m...

On Halloween don't wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods.

You'll get Jurasskicked.

What do you call a flying dinosaur that uses its hands to see?

A tactiledactyl

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to a museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. H...

What do you call a dinosaur who lost their gold?

A dinosr

Where did the dinosaur have their Bar Mitzvah?

Jewrassic Park

How did the bodybuilding dinosaur die?

Asteroid overdose!
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(a steroid overdose)

When at University,

I wrote my dissertation on the theory of legal standing and impact to community of a Dinosaur having a wide ranging vocabulary.

I called it, A Thesaurus..

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur?

Jurassic Pork.

Dinosaur Age

There is a dinosaur in the British museum that is 3 million and 24 years old.

I know this because when I visited it 24 years ago, it was 3 million years old.

How can you tell a dinosaur is an herbivore?

They will tell you within three minutes of meeting them and remind you every fifth sentence.

What does an aggressive computer dinosaur do?

An aggressive computer dinosaur goes **.rar** to assert its dominance

How do you blow up a dinosaur?

With Dinomite.

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

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