How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

My 4 year old daughters joke: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A Dinosnore.

My 7 yr old just made this one up: What do you say when a dinosaur farts?

That was a blast from the past!

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Cause they're dead.

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

What do you call a dinosaur fart?

A blast from the past

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t dinosaurs play baseball?

Because they’re fucking dead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever heard of the vagina dinosaur?

Apparently it was called the clittaurus

"Hello, you here to talk to me about Dinosaurs?"

Answer the door and see that its a sale man from an internet service provider. They have stopped at my house ten times in the last year to tell me about the digging in my area and I decided to have some fun with them today. Here is the conversation from today:

Me: Hello, you here to talk to m...

What do you call a dinosaur sliding down broke back mountain?

A Megasaurus.

Never fight a dinosaur.

You'll get jurasskicked!

I think my English teacher is a dinosaur

Because he said he is a walking thesaurus

What does a dinosaur who can't get hard have?

E-reptile dysfunction

what do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary?

a thesaurus

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I was carbon-dating a dinosaur the other day, trying to figure out what era it was from

Upon closer inspection, I realised that it didn't have the 3 anuses I was expecting, so I ruled out the Triassic period

What do you call a dinosaur with a drinking problem?

Hepatosaurus

What do you call a Dinosaur that wakes up early in the morning.

An AssCrackaDon.

What do you call a flying dinosaur that uses its hands to see?

A tactiledactyl

I was driving my son to pre-school and he was having fun making dinosaur sounds.

"ROAR!" he yelled.

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked.

"T Rex!"

Then he said, "HONK!"

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Triceratops," he said.

"Why does a Triceratops honk?"

And he said, "Because it has horns!"

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens were not invented yet

Dinosaur Age

There is a dinosaur in the British museum that is 3 million and 24 years old.

I know this because when I visited it 24 years ago, it was 3 million years old.

The new director of the Natural History museum wanted to attract more people, so they started giving dinosaur vertebrae away to newcomers.

Everyone was taken aback.

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

What is a dinosaurs favourite deodorant

REXona

Where did the dinosaur have their Bar Mitzvah?

Jewrassic Park

Why do dinosaurs like sushi?

Because they like their food ROAR!!!

What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet

What do you call a dinosaur that teaches preschool?

A Montessaurus!

What do you call a dinosaur with a strap on?

Pegosaurus Rex

"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.

She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.

Dinosaurs really got wiped out by a rock

Shoulda picked paper

What does an aggressive computer dinosaur do?

An aggressive computer dinosaur goes **.rar** to assert its dominance

A joke from my 5 year old: "Know what really killed the dinosaurs? TNT!"

"That's why it's called Dino-mite!!"

What dinosaur can't you hear go to the bathroom?

All of them, they're all dead.

Dinosaurs didn’t go extinct

They found Jesus and got raptored

What did dinosaurs prefer to use to pay for their purchases?

Obviously tyrannosaurus cheques.

On Halloween don't wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods.

You'll get Jurasskicked.

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A Do-you-think-he-saurus

What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur?

Jurassic Pork.

What did the weak dinosaur say to the other buff dinosaur?

I don't like a-steroids.

What's the most laidback dinosaur of all?

The Trankylosaurus.

After the dinosaurs died out, mammals became the dominant life form.

Unlike dinosaurs, which had scales and feathers, mammals are covered in fur.

I guess you could say things got a little bit hairy after the asteroud hit.

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What sound would Gordon Ramsay make if he were a dinosaur?

ITS FUCKING RAW!

Just came home from my first paleontology party where we spent the night searching for the lower leg bone of a new dinosaur.

It was quite the shin dig.

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesaurus

(Full Disclosure: I'm showing Jurassic Park to my kids for the first time)

How do you blow up a dinosaur?

With Dinomite.

What do you call a Dinosaur that's also a witch?

A Tyranosaurus-Hex.

What was the tastiest dinosaur?

Steakasaurus.

What is ISIS's favorite dinosaur?

A terror-dactyl.

What kind of dinosaur is best at seeing the future?

A tarot-dactyl!

What kind of dinosaur is always quick to arrive?

A pronto-saurus

What do you call it when a dinosaur gets into a car crash?

A Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

How did the bodybuilding dinosaur die?

Asteroid overdose!
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(a steroid overdose)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my family is considering matching tattoos.

My eldest sister recommends flowers.
My middle sister recommends fruits.
My youngest sister recommends Pokemon.

Me? I suggest we get dinosaurs so I can show my ass cheek and get a tattoo of a Mega-Sore-Ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the proper term for a dinosaur boner?

A T-Rection

A guy one day goes to a museum that has a dinosaur exhibit.

He spends a few hours wandering around and admiring the skeletons of a variety of dinosaur species. At one point he stops in front of particular exhibit trying to get some sense of its actual size and age of this magnificent creature. He notices not too far from him a museum worker and says to him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a dinosaur which recently had anal called?

A Mega-sore-ass.

What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions?

A philosiraptor.

I asked the librarian if she knew who authored any books on dinosaurs.

She said, "Try Sarah Topps."

Did you hear about the dinosaur that couldn't stop coughing?

It was a bronchitisaurus.

Three dinosaurs stumble upon a lamp in the desert.

One of them rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "In exchange for freeing me, I shall grant each of you one wish," said the genie.

Excited and clamoring amongst each other, the dinosaurs began to dream of meat.

The first one piped up, "I wish it would rain pepperoni and drumsticks!" The...

Why did the dinosaurs girlfriend get pregnant?

Because they did it rawr.

How can you tell a dinosaur is an herbivore?

They will tell you within three minutes of meeting them and remind you every fifth sentence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of dinosaur has a spike in his butt?

A bronto-sore-ass!

What was the last thing the dinosaurs said before going extinct?

Edit: Wow thanks for the support guys, this comet really blew up.

Toronto Raptors: We are the only sports team named after a dinosaur!

New Orleans Pelicans and Atlanta Hawks: Well technically -

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to a museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. H...

What do you call it when two dinosaurs run into each other?

A Jurassic jam.

What do you call a fast, carnivorous dinosaur with opinions on Hegel and Kant?

A philosoraptor!

What dinosaur used boulders as toilet paper?

Megasoreass

What do you call an Irish dinosaur?

Pter O'dactyl

Did the dinosaur era actually exist?

You bet Jurassic did

Why did the dinosaurs die out.

They got ereptile dysfunction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't they let Yoda name the dinosaurs?

Because the do-or-do-not-ceratops sounds fucking stupid.

The dinosaur at the museum

A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.

Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:

\- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?

\- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.

Amazed by his answer, he says:

\- Wow!, How can you be so...

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

What is secret agent's favorite dinosaur?

A pte>!REDACTED!<yl.

Scientists say they discovered a rare breed of dinosaur known for infidelity

It was called Doyouthinkhesaurus

A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar

All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to ...

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