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Dinosaur Jokes

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble upon a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Museum of Natural History, a tourist asks the guard, "How old are they?"

The guard replies, "They are 73 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's a rather exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

"Well," answers the guard, "The dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and tha...

My 8-year-old wrote a dinosaur joke

What do you get when you cross a T-Rex and a human?

A T-Rex

My 7 yr old just made this one up: What do you say when a dinosaur farts?

That was a blast from the past!

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Cause they're dead.

A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"

He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."

"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"

"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old....

What do you call a cross dressing dinosaur?

A Try Sarah’s tops

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur who walks in on you while you're having sex?

Oh-no-he-saurus

What do you call a dinosaur backbone?

A Jurassic Thoracic.

LPT: Do not pick a fight with a dinosaur.

You'll get jurasskicked.

What kind of drug should dinosaurs never take?

A steroid.

What do you call a highly intellectual dinosaur?

A thesaurus.

How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

Dinosaur Fact

Towards the end of the Jurassic period, the Thesaurus was the first Dinosaur to become extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.

What’s the worst part of being a dinosaur with diarrhoea?

Thesaurus

>!(the sore ass)!<

Dinosaurs once looked down on Chuck Norris.

Just once.

What do you call a vegan dinosaur?

Falafel Raptor

We all know that Barney the Dinosaur is a LOVABLE PURPLE DINOSAUR.

In ancient Rome, there was no letter U, so they used a V instead, making Barney a LOVABLE PVRPLE DINOSAVR.

Now eliminate all the letters that are not Roman numerals. We are left with LVL VL DIV.

Next, let's refresh your brain. I=1, V=5, L=50, D=500.

When we add it all up, we get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur that works as a pornstar?

Rexy Roar

My 4 year old daughters joke: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A Dinosnore.

what kind of dinosaur has the cleanest teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Courtesy of my 6-year old.

What do you call a dinosaur with a sore leg ?

A mylegissaurus!

People say that a huge meteor killed the dinosaurs.

I guess you could say it killed lots of birds with one stone.

What's the difference between a dinosaur and a British king?

One is a T-rex, the other is a tea rex.

What do you call a dinosaur with anxiety?

.
.
Nervous Rex

Why did the dinosaur end his relationship?

Because his ex stinked.

What do you call a dinosaur that is large, immense, huge, collosal, gigantic, vast, enormous, titanic, massive and big?

A thesaurus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a thumbtack ?

A megasoreass.

Why cant you hear a dinosaur pee?

Because theyre extinct.

What is a singing dinosaur called

A velocirapper

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesaurus.

And what do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?

A doyouthinkhesaurus Rex.

What do you get when a dinosaur is a fan of punk rock?

A Punkasaurus Rex the establishment

When a Tyrannosaurus Rex went missing from a Zoo meant for Dinosaur...

It was reported to be "**Armed & Dangerous**".

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

What do you get if a dinosaur kicks you in the backside?

Megasoreass

What were dinosaurs called before the meteors hit?

Live-osaurs

Why do you not eat dinosaurs eggs!

Because their eggs stinked

What is the only dinosaur that a 45 year old man knows?

The my-body-saur

What happens when you let dinosaurs drive?

You get tyrannosaurus wrecks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was carbon-dating a dinosaur the other day, trying to figure out what era it was from

Upon closer inspection, I realised that it didn't have the 3 anuses I was expecting, so I ruled out the Triassic period

The asteroid event that ended dinosaurs

was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone

Q: What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

A: Comet.

What do you call a dinosaur that writes romance novels?

A Brontë-saurus.

What did the dinosaur say when it saw the meteor?

"Well, oil be!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The dinosaur I most identify with is a Triceratops…

That’s because I’m three times more horny than everyone else.

I've heard a theory that the dinosaurs died out because their eggs became rotten.

It was a mass egg-stink-tion!

Where does a dinosaur keep his underwear?

DRAWR

I asked my son to go get me a phone book.

He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

Why do dinosaurs make bad pets?

Because they’re all dead.

What do you call it when all the dinosaurs go to heaven?

Velocirapture

I discovered a new dinosaur after getting my booster shot...

The Armisaur

I always know

when they use fake dinosaurs in movies

What is a catholic priest dinosaur called?

Fathergavemeasaurass

My friends think that your name represents what you should do in life. Dina worked to find a dinosaur fossil, and Jack became a lumberjack,

We don’t talk about Cliff.

We tried to tell the dinosaurs that they were headed for extinction

but it was all in one era and out the other.

What dinosaur can't you hear go to the bathroom?

All of them, they're all dead.

What do you call a dinosaur that can travel anywhere on Earth?

All-Terrainnosaurus Rex

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

What's the name of the oldest dinosaur?

The Mybachisaurus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

Which dinosaur is the worst driver?

T-Wrecks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a dinosaur which recently had anal called?

A Mega-sore-ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn’t the dinosaur play baseball?

Because it’s fucking dead.

Q: Which dinosaur is the most polite?

A: The please-u-saur.

What do you get if you crossbreed a dinosaur with a lemon?

A dinosour

What do you call a Dinosaur that wakes up early in the morning.

An AssCrackaDon.

What does a dinosaur who can't get hard have?

E-reptile dysfunction

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