Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

My handwriting is so bad

That google uses it for captcha.

Hey Web MD, why do doctors have such bad handwriting?

Cancer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I ...

My teacher complained that my handwriting was too sloppy

Well, if only she could see that I’m a doctor now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

A man sent love letters to his crush for years, and even one day wrote, that he was going to be visiting her house, when he showed up, she asked “who are you”

The man should have considered that he was a doctor and all she knew was his handwriting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their sex life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.

Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.

A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

When I was 7 years old, I realized that Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and my dad all had the same handwriting.

Good thing none of those things actually exist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, found dead in home surrounded by piles of partially chewed food. Cause of death: starvation. Next to his body was a note in his own handwriting

"Can't swallow cause that's gay"

To enter a competition for bad handwriting

first you must be illegible to compete

What do Scottish people and people with bad handwriting have in common?

You understand bits here and there but overall it’s a disaster.

A guy is relaxing at home when he hears a loud banging on his front door. He opens the door to discover his next-door neighbor standing there looking outraged. "

What's the matter Bill?" he asks the neighbor. "I found your son's name written with pee in the snow between our houses!" he responds. "What's the big deal? He's a kid. Kids do that stuff". I'll tell you the big deal! It was in my daughter's handwriting!"

How does a handwriting analyst determine how his lover is feeling?

He looks into his lover's 'I's.

Calling my handwriting chicken-scratch is offensive

To chickens

A man, a terrible worrier and procrastinator, is sitting with his doctor, anxiously discussing the results of a medical...

After an hour or more of waiting and hesitating and prevaricating and generally delaying the inevitable, finally the man draws a deep breath.

"Look doc - my chances - can't you tell me without telling me?"

The doctor looks at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"

Well," says the...

From my handwriting identification skills.

I have carefully deduced that Santa is my secret Valentine every year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One snowy day in Washington, Trump screams for the Secret Service agents on duty.

The agents rush in.

Trump says, "I looked out the window and saw that someone wrote 'Fuck Trump' with their piss in the snow. Get the crime lab down here immediately and test the urine. I want to know who did it!"

Next day, the lab report comes in" "Urine is Mitch McConnell's. Handwrit...

The Pen..

‪Mike says to Jack, “I found this pen, is it yours?” ‬

‪Jack replies, “Don’t know let me see.” He then tries it and says, “Yes it is.” ‬

‪Mike asks, “How do you know?” ‬

‪Jack replies, “That’s my handwriting..”. ‬

My handwriting has gotten pretty bad...

I am the most illegible bachelor in my hometown!

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over!
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm
and I'll...

A patient in a mental hospital

finds a pen, and promptly shows it to another patient, and asks, "Is it yours?"
The 2nd patient takes the pen, grabs a piece of paper, writes something and says. "Yep."
"How can you tell?"
"My handwriting."

Wash. Biol. Surv.

A biological survey team based in Washington State University were studying the migratory habits of crows, so they caught a number of the birds in several states, tagged them with a metal tag marked WASH. BIOL. SURV. along with a box number and serial number, and released them.

After a while ...

One day, Mickey Mouse wakes up and found a graffiti on the snow written with pee outside his house.

The graffiti wrote "Mickey Sucks".

The police came, and they told Mickey that there's bad news and an even worse news.

The bad news is, the urine is from Goofy.

The worse news is, its Minnie's handwriting.

BAD NEWS

President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.

When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This ...

"one day you'll become a doctor" - teacher

7 years later I just realize I had a really bad handwriting

"I'm here reporting at an anti-coronavirus protest today..."

"The protestors are holding signs ridiculing the lockdown, saying it's "just mass panic." There are also some doctors here today. They're holding signs as well."

"What do the signs say?"

"I can't tell. I can't read their handwriting."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 virgin daughters

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a ...

Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."

Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from Putin."

"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this...

One snowy day, Donald Trump is leaving the White House.

He notices that in a nearby snowbank, someone has urinated a message into the snow: "DIE DONALD!" He grabs his head of security and says, "I demand to know who's responsible for this! Get the Secret Service on it immediately!"

A week later, the security chief enters the Oval Office. "Sir,"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Christmas Eve, a postman is collecting letters from the post box when he comes across a letter addressed to Father Christmas

Intrigued, he opens it, to find, scrawled in orange crayon, the words

"Dear Santa,

My family is very poor, so this year I don't want any presents. Please could you just send me £20 so I can give it to my parents?

Love Kevin".

Touched, the postman searches his pockets, wh...

How can you tell if someone is Asian by their handwriting?

Their i’s are slanted.

Why was Mickey Mouse so upset that Goofy's name was written in the snow?

It was done in Minnie's handwriting.

Donald Trump is out one winter day...

walking around and enjoying the snow when he sees that someone had peed 'Donald sucks' in the snow. Furious, he called his Secret Service agents and yells "I want to know who did this!!".

A few days later his lead agent comes back and says "We solved it sir, but there's bad news and worse new...

It’s a snowy day and Trump steps out onto the White House grass

Right in front of him, on the White House grass, he sees “Donald Trump sucks!” written in urine across the snow.



Donald is pretty annoyed about this so he storms into his security staff’s headquarters, and shouts, “Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Post office workers are going through the mail and find a letter addressed simply To Santa

Since they've nowhere to send it to, they open the letter and find the most tragic childish scribbling:

"Dear Santa,
My name is Timmy and I live in an orphanage. I have no mom or dad. We have barely any heating and it gets very cold. I know you are very busy, but could you please send me a...

I though someone was spreading malignant rumours about me...

Turns out my doctor just has messy handwriting.

The CIA wanted to send a spy to the Soviet Union

and the spy that was selected had incredible qualifications. He was fluent in Russian, had perfect Cyrillic handwriting, had a vast knowledge of Soviet culture and mannerisms, could cook typical Soviet meals, and could keep up his act with a belly full of vodka.

The mission was long-term infi...

My wife demanded a divorce after seeing her name written in the snow with pee.

I didn't think she'd recognize her sister's handwriting.

I really starting to wonder if my doctor is really a doctor

First off, I was able to read his handwriting

Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.

He gets furious and turns red.

"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.

"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."

The president opens his curtains on a snowy morning when he sees that someone had urinated the words "The president sucks" on the lawn.

Furious, the president orders the FBI to launch an investigation.

Two hours later, the head of the FBI calls the president. "Sir, we have bad news, and we have even worse news. The urine was the Vice Presidents".

The President responds, "What? What could be worse than this?"

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says “ Someone urinated in...

Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says :

“ Someone urinated in the snow in front of your house and it reads ‘Fuck Mickey’. We ran test and we have some bad news, it’s Goofy’s urine.

..

..

..

Even worse it’s Minnie’s handwriting"



PS:- Found this gem am...

What's my favourite position you ask?

Behind someone...

With clear handwriting in the exam hall obviously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Hispanic carpenter is feeling depressed

After living a life of always reading other people's directions and instructions to do his job, he decides he wants to to make his *own* decision for once: Committing suicide.

So he scribbles down some words on a piece of paper and reviews what he wrote, nodding in approval. He hops into his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Names
===========
If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice.
If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out
===========...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One winter day, Donald Trump looks out his window...

and notices a large yellow scribble imprinted on the snow that has covered the White House lawn. He was horrified to see that it was in fact a message that read, "Trump is an arse".

Trump immediately ordered his Secret Service agents to investigate this; within a few hours, they reported to h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quite the Pickle

When my grandmother died, as an only child my father had to clean out her place. When he came upon her recipe box, he sat on the floor and went through them slowly. Many had been handed down to her from her mother, my great-grandmother. One by one, he closed his eyes and remembered the simple joy of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman has 12 children throughout her life

For her 60th birthday her kids all chip in some money for her to choose a present. She decides to get her vagina tidied up, as it now resembles a badly packed kebab.
Waking up after the operation, she sees 3 cards on the windowsill.
She recognises the handwriting on the first as her sister's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissin' in the snow, 2019

Donald Trump wakes up one morning and looks out the White House window, where he sees "Donald Trump Sucks" in huge letters, pissed into the snow below. He calls in the CIA, the FBI, and the Secret Service, and screams, "I want answers! Who's responsible for this? Report back after lunch!"

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was a wonderful morning and Trump stepped out ..

Of the White House to feel the warm sunshine on his face. He noticed something written on the wall and moved closer. There it was, someone had pissed the words, "Trump Sucks" on the garden wall. Furious, Trump called up the CIA, NSA, EPA, the DC police and demanded that the culprit be found and brou...

Jokes

Im new to reddit. Sorry if repost

After DC's first snow, Trump sees yellow writing in the rose garden saying "trumpy sucks". Outraged he calls for a full investigation. Within 24 hours, the head of the FBI reports, "We have good news and bad. DNA proves the urine belongs to Mike Pence. U...

Why is this true

Friend: do you have any special talents only a few have

Me: yeah, i,m the only one that can read my own handwriting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time there was two farmers

One time there was two farmers that lived out on the road to Plato, Missouri. They was always good friends, and Biil’s oldest boy had been a-charmin’ one of Sam’s daughters. Everything was going fine till the morning they met down by the creek, and Sam was pretty god damn mad. “Bill,” says he, “from...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I went away to college my grandmother gave me a brand new bible.

Well I didn't really want a bible. I needed money but I said thank you all the same and went away to college.

I was having a great time but was burning through money very quickly. I called my grandmother and said "grandma I love it here a college but I'm going to need more cash to stay." She...

Yellow Snow on the White House lawn

One winter morning, Bill Clinton woke up and looked out the window of his bedroom in the White House. He was shocked to see the words "Bill Sucks" peed in the snow. He called the Secret Service to investigate the matter.

After a few days, the head of the Secret Service reported back to Bill, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

January 1974, morning: Nixon looks out onto the South Lawn of the White House. In the freshly fallen snow, someone has written in piss: "Fuck Nixon".

Nixon calls in William Colby from the CIA to investigate. After a couple of days, Colby calls Nixon with the results of the CIA's investigation. "Dick, I have bad news and worse news."

"Oh, Jesus, Bill, what do you mean?"

"Well, we took urine samples of everyone who has access to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Maniac! ---

A newly wed lady writes a letter to her mother for the first time after her marriage.

This is how the letter went:

Dear mom,

I'm happy here but danny troubles me a lot, he is such a sex maniac that he makes love to me all the time, while washing clothes, while bathing, while coo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Various law enforcement agencies have a fugitive tracking competition. A forest is divided by high fences into 100-acre sections, a squirrel is released into each one, and the game begins.

The CIA fill their section with animal agents all wearing wires. After three months with no leads, they announce that the squirrel never really existed.

The FBI works for a month and gets no leads. They burn down the forest, positively ID the squirrel remains, and announce at a press conferen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey's Piss

Mickey was having a great day, enjoying the end of a snow storm when he decided it was time to go and shovel the driveway.

When he got outside, he noticed something that infuriated him.

Goofy's name was written in piss on his side walk.

Mickey went from angry to sad when he re...

Mickey's Yellow Snow Dilemma...

Mickey was angry because somebody was writing "Mickey sucks" in yellow snow outside of his front door every time it snowed. He ended up going to his friend who was a cop to ask for help. The cop checked it out and took some photos and samples. A couple of days later the cop came back to Mickey:
"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.