The 31+ Best Ancient Greek Jokes

In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

TIL About the ancient Greek hero Boephades

Like Achilles, he was invulnerable except for one part of his body. Except instead of his ankle, it was his groin.

You've heard of Achilles heel, but did you know about

Boephades nuts?

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?

Modern historians call it balderdash.

What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?

Demeter.

An ancient Greek playwright...

An ancient Greek playwright walks into an Athens tailor shop carrying jeans that have been obviously torn.

The tailor said, "Euripides?"

The playwright said, "Yes. Eumenides?"

It's amazing that the ancient Greek sculptors made statues without arms.

I mean, how did they hold the tools?

Where do ancient Greek philosophers keep their wooly foot warmers?

Sock-crates.

Ancient Greek name translation

I have been doing some research into the meaning of my name.

I was delighted to find that in Ancient Greek my second name translates to ‘Attractive to women’.

Unfortunately my first name translates to ‘Not very’.

I'm currently studying the Ancient Greeks.

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.

How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night?

They used a baby minotaur.

How did the ancient Greek rabbit move around at night?

He had a Hoplite.

Who's the idiot now?

In ancient Greek the word “idiot” meant anyone who wasn’t a politician.

Today it's the exact opposite.

What’s the best Ancient Greek landmark to photograph?

Delphi, because it’s always in Phocis.

I learned that the vasectomy was invented by the Ancient Greek physician Euclipides.

Euclipides nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is said that sex was invented by the ancient Greeks, but it was greatly improved by the Romans.

You see, they discovered that you can have it with women too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ancient greeks invented sex.

Romans made it more interesting by adding females.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

Have you heard of the, great, ancient Greek philosopher Mediocrates?

His primary philosophical viewpoint is "eeeeehhh"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does one say when he is imprisoned by an ancient Greek government?

Fuck the polis

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "naked exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

Historians have discovered more information about the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Bophades was a powerful hero, much like Achilles. In fact, the two heroes are very similar. Achilles had a weakness in his heels, and historians have now discovered that Bophades had a weakness in his groin. Many people have heard of Achilles's heel, but have yo...

An ancient Greek playwright walks into a tailor.....

....and approaches the counter holding a robe. He shows the tailor a large hole torn in the side. The tailor looks at him and said "Euripides?"

The playwright responds, "Eumenides."

A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.

One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.

The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"

\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between Ancient Greeks and Hitler?

They were both fucking assholes.

Made this one up at work today.

There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.

His name was Popsicles.

Christians say "Jesus"

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

An abderite sees an eunuch alogside a woman

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The eunuch answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".

"So is it your daughter?".

I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicov...

An old joke

The man was trying to learn swimming and one day was about to get drowned in the pool during practice; he was saved by one of those helping him at the last moment. As they got him out of the water, he looked at the others and said: “I will never get in water again until i learn swimming!”

Ps:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A greek and an Irish were comparing their heritages.

"We built the pantheon, along with the Temple of Apollo", said the Greek.

"Aye, 'twas the Irish the discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices", replied the Irish.

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but was the Irish who built the first tim...

An Italian, an Egyptian and a Greek...

...were fighting over whose ancestors had the most advanced civilization.

The Romans were the most advanced said the Italian. And I'm going to prove it to you. Here's a photograph
from a recent excavation site under the Colloseum. What do you see?

The Egyptian and the Greek after st...

A man is in court

(Long but worth it)

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."
Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ...

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