Ancient Greek Jokes

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

I have been doing some research into the meaning of my name.

I was delighted to find that in Ancient Greek my second name translates to ‘Attractive to women’.

Unfortunately my first name translates to ‘Not very’.

Demeter.

Like Achilles, he was invulnerable except for one part of his body. Except instead of his ankle, it was his groin.

You've heard of Achilles heel, but did you know about

Boephades nuts?

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.

Modern historians call it balderdash.

An ancient Greek playwright walks into an Athens tailor shop carrying jeans that have been obviously torn.

The tailor said, "Euripides?"

The playwright said, "Yes. Eumenides?"

She didn’t seem as enthused when she found out I was only referring from the waist down!

I mean, how did they hold the tools?

His name was Bysumades.

Sock-crates.

Delphi, because it’s always in Phocis.

In ancient Greek the word “idiot” meant anyone who wasn’t a politician.

Today it's the exact opposite.

They used a baby minotaur.

Euclipides nuts.

Greece before Alexander the Great: Kinda nistic.

Greece after Alexander the Great: Hella nistic.

He had a Hoplite.

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

When they meet (their) God they say, Hey Zues.

His primary philosophical viewpoint is "eeeeehhh"

One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.

The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"

\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around... read more

....and approaches the counter holding a robe. He shows the tailor a large hole torn in the side. The tailor looks at him and said "Euripides?"

The playwright responds, "Eumenides."

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Bophades was a powerful hero, much like Achilles. In fact, the two heroes are very similar. Achilles had a weakness in his heels, and historians have now discovered that Bophades had a weakness in his groin. Many people have heard of Achilles's heel, but have yo... read more

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The eunuch answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".

"So is it your daughter?".

I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicov... read more

There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.

His name was Popsicles.

...were fighting over whose ancestors had the most advanced civilization.

The Romans were the most advanced said the Italian. And I'm going to prove it to you. Here's a photograph
from a recent excavation site under the Colloseum. What do you see?

The Egyptian and the Greek after st... read more

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

The man was trying to learn swimming and one day was about to get drowned in the pool during practice; he was saved by one of those helping him at the last moment. As they got him out of the water, he looked at the others and said: “I will never get in water again until i learn swimming!”

Ps:... read more

(Long but worth it)

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."
Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ... read more