In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

I'm currently studying the Ancient Greeks.

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.

Where do ancient Greek philosophers keep their wooly foot warmers?

Sock-crates.

What did ancient Greeks call a pair of glasses?

Spectacles.

How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night?

They used a baby minotaur.

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?

Modern historians call it balderdash.

I learned that the vasectomy was invented by the Ancient Greek physician Euclipides.

Euclipides nuts.

What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?

Demeter.

Ancient Greek name translation

I have been doing some research into the meaning of my name.

I was delighted to find that in Ancient Greek my second name translates to ‘Attractive to women’.

Unfortunately my first name translates to ‘Not very’.

What’s the best Ancient Greek landmark to photograph?

Delphi, because it’s always in Phocis.

An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop with a pair of torn pants.

"Euripides?" says the tailor.

"Yeah, Eumenides?" replies the man.

How did the ancient Greek rabbit move around at night?

He had a Hoplite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does one say when he is imprisoned by an ancient Greek government?

Fuck the polis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ancient greeks invented sex

Romans made it more fun by adding women to it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

An ancient Greek professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.

The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

A brief history of Ancient Greek culture

Greece before Alexander the Great: Kinda nistic.

Greece after Alexander the Great: Hella nistic.

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

What’s one thing Ancient Greeks and Mexicans have in common?

When they meet (their) God they say, Hey Zues.

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What is the similarity between Ancient Greeks and Hitler?

They were both fucking assholes.

An ancient Greek playwright walks into a tailor.....

....and approaches the counter holding a robe. He shows the tailor a large hole torn in the side. The tailor looks at him and said "Euripides?"

The playwright responds, "Eumenides."

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "naked exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

Have you heard of the, great, ancient Greek philosopher Mediocrates?

His primary philosophical viewpoint is "eeeeehhh"

Historians have discovered more information about the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Bophades was a powerful hero, much like Achilles. In fact, the two heroes are very similar. Achilles had a weakness in his heels, and historians have now discovered that Bophades had a weakness in his groin. Many people have heard of Achilles's heel, but have yo...

An abderite sees an eunuch alogside a woman

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The eunuch answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".

"So is it your daughter?".

I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicov...

Who's the idiot now?

In ancient Greek the word “idiot” meant anyone who wasn’t a politician.

Today it's the exact opposite.

Christians say "Jesus"

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

Made this one up at work today.

There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.

His name was Popsicles.

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A greek and an Irish were comparing their heritages.

"We built the pantheon, along with the Temple of Apollo", said the Greek.

"Aye, 'twas the Irish the discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices", replied the Irish.

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but was the Irish who built the first tim...

A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.

One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.

The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"

\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around...

A man is in court

(Long but worth it)

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."
Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ...

An Italian, an Egyptian and a Greek...

...were fighting over whose ancestors had the most advanced civilization.

The Romans were the most advanced said the Italian. And I'm going to prove it to you. Here's a photograph
from a recent excavation site under the Colloseum. What do you see?

The Egyptian and the Greek after st...

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