Rant: Please stop posting holocaust jokes. My great grandfather died in a concentration camp and it's very painful.

He fell off the guard tower.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

found a very old photo my great-great grandfather took in 1874

in the photo he was wearing a tall black hat.



i took the photo to the local restoration shop and asked if they could restore it. "no problem" said the assistant.



"is it possible you could take his hat off? because he looked better without it."



"no proble...

My great grandfather saw The Titanic and he warned everyone it would sink, but they all ignored him Time and time again he warned them

until they threw him out of the movie theater

I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania

Now I can't even look myself in the mirror.

My great grandfather is a really spiritual person

He’s dead.

My great grandfather got to see the Titanic

He told everyone it would sink, no one believed him. He said it again, they shut him up. For the last time, he warned everyone that it would sink. They have had enough and he got kicked out of the movie theatre.

My great grandfather got me an IPad for my birthday.

My so-so grandfather got me a pair of socks.

Good news! I've just inherited an estate from my great grandfather!

Bad news, it's a 1975 Volvo...

My great grandfather was a pilot in the Army.

My grandfather told me this one.

"Boy, did I ever tell you your great grandfather was a pilot in the Army?"

"Hmm no, I don't think so...Wait, the army had pilots back then?"

"Oh yeah, for sure! The seargent used to call for him and say, 'PRIVATE! GET THAT WHEELBARROW OF D...

I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped Rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement

He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."

My great grandfather have a heart of a lion, eye of an eagle, and....

A lifetime ban from the zoo

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My Great Grandfather claimed to know Poncho Villa

As children we would pester him to tell us if he really did meet such a villainous man. He would lean forward in his rocking chair and, with a heavy Spanish accent, would say, "When I was a young man, I would ride to town to get food for the family. On one of these days, a man in a large sombrero ri...

My great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's

My dad is starting to show early signs of the disease as well and it's scary because I know that sooner or later I will also get Alzheimer's as well because my great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's and my dad is starting to show early signs of the disease......

This is the anniversary of my great great great grandfather inventing camouflage.

Not that anyone noticed.

I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA!

He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I found a joke recorded in an old book from my great great great great grandfather in 1881

A married woman said to her husband. β€œYou have never taken me to the cemetery.” β€œNo dear,” replied he. β€œthat is a pleasure I have yet in anticipation.”

My dad is German and dropped this one on me the other day.

Dad: I never told you this but, my great grandfather died in the holocaust.

Me: Oh, man thats terrible.

Dad: Yeah, he got really drunk one night and fell off of the guard tower.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his o...

TIL that the "o" in Irish names denote that you're a grandson

My great-great-great-great grandfather was Reilly, Vehiclepiece. I'm O'O'O'Reilly, Autoparts

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Not russian to the punch line on this one.

Three friends, Vick, Tom, and John, are having a discussion on ancestry.

Vick says, "I just found out my great great grandfather was part of a Democratic party in Russia in the early 1900s, and helped form an alliance with the Jewish Bund."

Tom says, "Bolshevik?"

Vick replies, "...

A jewish father was on his death bed with his family around him...

He whispered
"son, come close"
And his son leaned forward so he's inches away from his father. The father grabs a watch from his night stand, a very fancy one, and whispers
"son, this watch has been worn by multiple generations, your great grandfather, your grandfather, and me."
The so...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A woman is standing in line at a grocery store...

In front of her is a granddad and his young grandson. The kid goes "I WANT THAT CANDY NOW!" as he swings his arms around. The grandfather says "James, calm down or you're gonna hit someone."

A while later the kid goes "GIVE ME THAT TOY NOW!". His grandfather says "James, just be patient."
...

"How do we get our names?"

There was once a young Native American boy talking to his father.

"How do we get our names, dad?" The boy asked.

"Well, son," the boy's father replied, "after a baby is born we go out of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see. This is why your great grandfather was...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A Jewish cook went to the Vatican and insisted on seeing the Pope.

After a long wait the Pope granted him an audience and asked the cook what could he do for him.

The Jew said that he was a cook, before him his father was a cook, his grandfather was a cook, his great grandfather was a cook, and that he comes from a family of cooks that goes back to over 2000...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A man walks into a bar

and the bartender asks "so what'll it be?"

The man sighs, and takes a seat. After a long pause he says "I'll take a pint of ale, but after I tell you this story, you may end up buying it for me."

"Well, I guess it'd have to be one hell of a story."

"Well, you see, you know that...

Long life

A old friend of mine passed the other day, she was 107 years old, I asked her once what her secret to living so long was, she told me that when she was a child she asked her great grandfather the same question and he told her to sprinkle a teaspoon of gunpowder on top of her oatmeal every morning, ...

I want to be a baker

My great grandfather was a baker, my grandfather was a baker and my dad was a baker.



I was bread for this.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A Southern Oldie But Goodie....

**Disclaimer: Must be read in a deep Southern drawl.**

A woman was standing in front of the window in the maternity wing looking at her newborn baby when another new mom walked up beside her. She pointed at a baby and said, "Is that your baby boy there?" The first woman replied, "Why, yes it ...

I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington.

My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it's Washington's axe.

I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...

My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.

That's one.

As a child my grandfather would tell me story of his great great grandfather's Ignacio crossing the desert in Mexico. He and his wife rode in a covered wagon pulled by donkeys. A few hours into the journey one of the donkeys tripped, and he said, "That's one." Few hours go by and the donkey trips ag...

21st Birthdays

A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Lars' 21st ca...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three men die and go to heaven.

When they arrive at the Pearly Gates they see St. Peter standing before them. The first man steps forward.

"What did you do in your life?" Asked the saint.

"I was a comedian," the first man said.

"Really?" mused Peter. "What jokes did you tell?"

"I told Jewish jokes." ...

Two Jewish brothers go to see the Pope...

This was the last joke told by my great grandfather before he died.

Two Jewish brothers who owned a very successful bakery, Rosen's, went to see the Pope.

They got through to his chamber, and the Pope asked what he could do for them. They said, "We have an offer for you. We will pay yo...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A couple I heard today.

An old man walks up to a kid eating candy at the park and says, "You shouldn't eat candy; it's bad for you." The kid looks up at him and says, "Well my great grandfather lived to be 100 years old." "Oh, did he eat a lot of candy?" "No, he minded his own fucking business."

A little boy saw ...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog is looking to open up a new business, so he stops by his local bank to see about financing. His loan officer, Mrs. Paddywhack, is going through his financials.
"Do you have any collateral?" she asks. "We can't give you any money without something to secure the loan."
The frog pulls ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.