The 66+ Best Century Jokes

This is an actual medieval joke from 14th century Florence:

A Florentine had in his home a young man who instructed his children in the elements of knowledge. After a long stay, the young tutor felt himself so much at home that he had in turn the housemaid, the nurse, and finally the mistress herself.

When the master of the house, who was a jovial fel...

Why did Wyoming grant women the right to vote nearly a century before the 19th Amendment?

It wasn’t hard to convince the 5 people who lived in Wyoming

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Sandy was the youngest of five brothers born in a poor family in 19th century Scotland.

When he came of age, Sandy decided to cross the seas to America to seek his fortune. Scots are thrifty and hardworking, so Sandy prospered in his new home. After twenty years, he decided the time had come, so he booked passage on a sailing ship to cross the sea again and return to his native land fo...

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A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century

The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do no...

Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

Charles Schulz died as one of the richest Americans of the 20th century

despite the fact he got his start making Peanuts.

Looking forward to Iran vs USA in the World Cup. A bunch of semi-literate religious fundamentalists stuck in the 19th century.

But I think Iran can probably beat them

What’s the most remarkable invention of the last century?

The whiteboard.

What do you call 12th century guitar music transcribed into a computer format?

Midieval.

Good British Humour....

During World War II, many exclusive British Clubs opened their doors to American Servicemen.

One evening at a 300-year-old Club, an American NCO stopped a steward in a hallway and asked, “Hey Mac, where’s the damn Loo?”

The Steward, who looked like Jeeves replied, “Glad to be of se...

I asked my son if I could have the phone book. He laughed, shook his head: "You're so last century!", and handed me his mobile.

Long story short: the spider is now dead, son's phone is smashed and son is distraught.

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he'll be starring in a new movie about a 18th century composer

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

What's the difference between a 19th Century shipwright and a 21st Century fan fic writer?

One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.

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A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall

They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews...

Pet store joke. This one is at least a half century old, but fwiw, I don't remember seeing it here yet...

A woman goes by a pet store and sees a sign saying "We specialize in the rare and unusual." Curious, she steps inside, and casually passes by the almost-usual: snakes, ferrets, tarantulas, macaws. She then notices a steel cage at the back of the store with a terrier-sized furry indistinct animal ...

AN old man asks to borrow his son's newspaper

The son points out that this is the 21st century, and nobody wastes money on newspapers anymore. He lends his dad his iPad instead.

That spider never knew what hit him.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says...

"Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure...but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were...

21st century

Last night my internet broke down, so I happened to spend time with my family.
They are really nice people.

World's oldest joke found in a 10th century book of anglo-saxon poetry :

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that's it's often poked before?

A key....

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The weight loss method of the century.

A man is watching late night infomercials on a weekend night and sees an ad claiming their system will make you lose 10lbs in one week. The man calls and places an order and they tell him he'll have a package at the door on Monday. Monday morning he hears a knock on the door and answers it to see a ...

What do Peter the Great and Vladimir Putin have in common?

They both lead Russia to the 18th century.

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

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What do you call a constipated British detective from the 19th century?

No shit Sherlock

An American, an Australian and an Irishman were on Sale of the Century

It was a close game, and it came down to a three-way tie breaker, so the host said "I want you to finish the song title, and spell it out for me. Old MacDonald had a What?"

The American, quick as a flash, hit his buzzer and said "Ranch. R-A-N-C-H".

"Good spelling, but that's the wrong ...

Van Gogh masterpiece defaced by Just Stop Oil activists in London.

A spokesman for the group said, 'We will not rest until all 19th century painters switch to acrylics or watercolours.'

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century?

Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

What would a 19th century Russian sci-fi be called?

Tsar Wars.

My Uncle John's Bathroom Reader calendar has these jokes from Philogelos ("Love of Laughter"), the oldest surviving joke book, dating back to the 4th century AD. They held up surprisingly well.

* A cheapskate wrote his will and named himself as the heir.
* An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had departed, the intellectual replied, "When he arrives back, tell him that I stopped by."
* An envious landlord saw how happy hi...

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A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the li...

From a 19th Century Joke Book

Little Willie was six years of age and had a very bad habit of telling falsehoods about everything he saw or heard. One day, while out on the street playing, he saw a very large dog, and, becoming frightened, rushed into the house and said, “Oh, mother, I saw a big bear on the street and he chased m...

In the 15th century, the end of the plague was celebrated by mass orgies...

Anything similar being prepared for Covid? I'm asking for a friend...

What was Hungarian in the beginning of 20th century and went global in the 21st century?

Korona....

(Korona was the basic monetary unit of Hungary from 1892 to 1925)

Really busy century in heaven

Three guys die and go to heaven. St. Peter says "Listen - we're having a really busy century, so we need to manage admissions tightly. Right now we can only admit people who have died in horrible fashions, and those who have died in a more mundane way will have to wait in limbo, and it could take a ...

Who is 6’5”, ripped, and loves 17th century European architecture?

Dwayne ‘Baroque’ Johnson

Job security in the 21st century.

That’s the whole joke.

I hate this new king, my landlord is ripping me to starvation and i might freeze this winter.

Gildford from 13 th century

I went back in time to meet a great classical composer of the 18th century but I couldn't meet him

He was out choping

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When the Romans Conquered Britain

In the mid 1st century CE one of the problems they did not anticipate was the rampant fraud being conducted in the bronze trade. Tradesmen who shaped the metal would buy it from merchants who bought it from the miners in the form of bars of bronze, already mixed from copper and tin.

The issu...

The three greatest disaster of the 20th century:

hiroshima '45

chernobyl '86

windows '95

What do I have in common with the 20th century?

In our 20s, we both suffered from a Great Depression

What's the difference between pirates in the 17th century and pirates in the 21st century?

The pirates back then got booty

The museum planned a special exhibit to show off their collection [Long]

The museum planned a special exhibit to show off the collection. They had a wide array of historical music instruments from as far back as the 16th century. The museum planned to arrange a concert with a harpsichord that belonged to Bach and a violin that belonged to Vivaldi, among many other instru...

If Jesus had lived at the beginning of the 20th century

All the little Catholic children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks!

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?

I'm Gladiator.

The "teen" years of the 21st century didn’t end in 2019 like they were supposed to

Twenty-Thir TEEN
Twenty-Four TEEN
Twenty-Fif TEEN
Twenty-Six TEEN
Twenty-Seven TEEN
Twenty-Eight TEEN
Twenty-Nine TEEN
Quar-an TEEN

How does a pirate cat-call in the 21st century?

Yo-ho!

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

Need some meme ideas for school project, regarding the 16th century.

Canterbury tales, Shakespeare,Beowulf using these.

How do you make Turkish coffee?

You grind up 1.5 million Armenian coffee beans and lie about it for a century.

The plastic straw bans now happening in many cities were predicted by a 16th Century prophet.

His name was No-straw-damus.

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I read that 18th century scrambled eggs called for a quarter pound of butter

That recipe sure had a pretty large margarine of error.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Our story begins with the domestication of the red jungle fowl in South-East Asia around 6000BC and the development of paved roads in ancient Mesopotamia around 4000BC. As trade routes spread westwards, the "chickens" were brought to Europe alongside spices, then spread along trade routes by the bur...

What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?

No, seriously, I want to know.

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The Tale of Three Heavens

Once upon a time, long long ago, in village far far away, there lived a fairly affluent merchant who lived a nice luxurious life in his spacious mansion. The merchant befriended a homeless man who lived in front of the gates of his mansion and often gave him food.

One day, the merchant n...

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My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

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I shoved a 12th century coin up my ass and I couldn't help but laugh

Old butt gold.

I was going to tell a joke about 18th century philosophers...

But I just Kant.

A Cambridge student was sitting an exam...

A Cambridge student was sitting an exam in one of the University's oldest and most traditional schools.

Midway through, he leapt to his feet and loudly demanded a pint of ale.

The startled head examiner asked the student to explain himself immediately.

The student promptly cite...

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

Biggest joke of the century:

"Computers and mobile were meant to save our time"

The Lord of an 19th century English manor is having an affair with one of his chambermaids...

One day the chambermaid is giving him a blow-job when she hears the lady of the house approaching. She stops what she's doing and looks up at him. At that moment, he climaxes and manages to get some right in her eye.

It's messy and burning, she runs to the door, rubbing her face and tearing u...

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The 21st century is turning 18!

It's time for it to get properly fucked

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What do you call a 20th century grammar nazi?

Alt-Write

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

And they just loved it. They couldn't make mayonnaise quick enough.

Little known fact, the Titanic had a large vat of mayonnaise that was going to go to Mexico.

Now when the Titanic sunk, and the mayonnaise we...

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