UPJOKE
movecirculaterotatespreadgotravelscrewwhirlturndobypassrevolveaircraftshort-circuitavoid

Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.

They decided to call it a day.

You can't go around saying that the polar ice caps are causing sea levels to rise.

That's glacial profiling.

I know a nun who has a tendency to go around wearing a horrible garment made of German sausages

It must be her Wurst Habit

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

I go around throwing a stone at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving. What is the name of this stone?

It's my Jingle Bell Rock.

My friend likes to go around filling animals with Hellium.

I was going to tell him to stop, but then I thought to myself: "Hey, whatever floats your goat"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope decides to go around Rome incognito

He steps into his limousine. All the windows are tinted obviously, so no one can see who's inside. The Pope tells the driver to go around Rome at once. However, the driver is really nervous, because it's the first time he takes the Pope around all alone; usually, His Holiness is surrounded by a doze...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you go around a pole at the speed of light?

You will fuck yourself both literally and metaphorically.

My friend is the most average person on the planet yet he loves to go around judging and criticising other people

He's really mean

Sometimes I go around to random windows computers and delete the default browser

Just to take the edge off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend and I used to get hammered and go around pissing off balconies

We’d stumble down the street until we found a good one. Then we were all like “Hey balcony, you’re a real piece of shit.”

Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three?

One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.

It’s ridiculous that the pope has to go around surrounded by armed guards these days

I know he’s a priest but he’s not going to do anything out in public

Does anyone go around looking for particularly somber grass?

Just so they can say, "This is a grave yard."

If I go around spanking statues,

Does that mean I've hit rock bottom?

Why did the chicken go around the world?

Because his name was Marco Pollo..

How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around?

This sub has officially run out of IDs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old friends

Two old friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One has a Lab and the other a Chihuahua. The guy with the Lab, says, “It’s been great catching up. Let’s grab a beer!” The other guy says, “What are we gonna go with these dogs?” The first guy says, “I know a place, just follow my le...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

joke everyone laughs at

A single old woman in her 70s was bored alone in her home so she decided to look for a husband, she put up posters saying "i want a husband in his 70s, doesn't cheat, won't hit me, and be good in bed." Two days later, the doorbell rings, the old woman opens a door and finds a grey haired man with no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four wealthy businessmen meet at a formal party at the bar, as it comes to a close.

After spending some time talking, one says "We haven't yet said what we do for a living, but **I bet a beer from each of you** that I can **guess** what your jobs are. I currently work for the IRS as an investigator, previously as a speculative analyst and behavioral psychiatrist, so I've been watch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arabian oil tycoon met this very attractive lady and fell absolutely in love with her. so he proposed to her, claiming he would be able to grant her anything in the world. The lady not wanting to offend him by rejecting him outright, thought of ridiculous requests that are near unfulfillable

For the first request she said she'll only marry him if he buys her a 1000 acre mansion, thinking that there isn't and give up. Surprisingly the tycoon said "Ok, I build I build" and immediately gets his butler to contact a construction company to build it.

Next the lady decided to make her ...

An old school practical joke that may work today...

My dad always tells me about a practical joke played on an assistant in a big office setting when he was younger.

The assistant was the guy with the least experience and was in charge of answering the phone. He was not known as someone who was particularly bright.

My dad called posing...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.