Swirl Jokes - 43 Hilarious Swirl Jokes

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged And dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

Sometimes we get the joy of Friday, but with the misery of Monday swirled in

I call it... A Monday-Friday Sunday

Back in the days of olde, there was this wizard.

He wasn't a very good wizard, in fact he really only had one spell, he could cause things to swirl. At first this seemed like a rather useless power, until he stopped a thief by making the water in a small creek swirl into a whirlpool as the thief tried to wade across. Later, he foiled an evil kni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.

Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas

When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That swee...

A modern day ghost story

Bill was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a fierce rain storm.

The night was rolling on, and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few meters ahead of him.

Suddenly through the swirling rain Bill saw a car slowly comi...

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

God Will Save Me

A man of faith hears on the radio there's going to be flooding. He shrugs at thradio and says, "God will take care of me."

He wakes up the next day and the first floor of his house is flooded.. as the water rises, he climbs up into the roof.

A guy floats by in a canoe and s...

" I love to pamper my wife "

I love to pamper my wife after she's had a stressful day at work.
I get her to text me when she's leaving so I can get the hot water running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so that, the moment she walks through the door, the dishes are piled up and waiting for her

A blind man walks into a store

A blind man walks into a store with a helper dog.
The blind man walks to the center of the shop & stops.

The cashier asks if he can help the blind man, the blind man said nothing and starts swirling the dog over his head a few times.

The cashier is stunned about this action and...

A lawyer was driving in the middle of nowhere...

A telephone pole was suddenly struck by lightning, falling in front of the lawyer, causing him to swerve into a ditch and total his car.

He got out of his car and looked around. In the distance, he saw a pink-striped house.

He walked to the house, went up a pink-striped sidewalk, knoc...

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Magical Mirror

A husband and wife bought a mirror from a fortune teller hard up for cash. The fortune teller warned them that the mirror was capable of magically granting wishes, but to make sure to be mindful of the words you chose. If you rhyme and keep it simple, everything should be fine.

They of course...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't ever tapp my shoulder

A man took a taxi home from work one day. During the ride he tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver panicked and the car swirled unto the curb and almost crashed through a store window.

\- Don’t ever do that! The driver shouted.

\- I'm sorry, said the man...

A chicken farmer and his son went out to gather eggs one morning

They went in the hen house but couldn't find a single egg. As they left the hen house they saw several sets of footprints leading away from the roost.

Following them up and over a hill they found an abandoned campsite with a still smoldering fire.

Next to the fire was an old pot and a ...

So a blind man walks into a store.

A blind man walks into a store with his guide dog.

A few moments later, the blind man lifts the dog up and swirls it around him.

The store clerk quickly yelled "What the hell are you doing?!"

Politely, the blind man said: "Just looking around."

This is a test.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your...

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns die and go to the Pearly Gates...

Saint Peter says he needs to ask them all a question before he lets them into heaven.

Peter turns to the first nun and asks, "have you ever been intimate with a man?"

The first nuns says, "well one time I got a little curious and I touched a man's penis with my finger." Peter says it's...

An Arab is lost in the desert, dying of thirst

As his eyesight begins to fade and he collapses into the ground, his fingers come across a stoppered flask in the sand. Hoping for water, he pops it open, only to see a swirl of smoke issued forth, coalescing into a giant figure.

"My deliverer!" booms the figure. "I am a long imprisoned Djinn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An earlier joke on the sub reminded me of this old classic...

Three men are at a bar, drinking around a table.
One gulps his beer and loudly brags, "Last night I made love to my wife four times! She said in the morning it was the best sex she's ever had!"

Another slams his empty mug down and boasts, "That's nothing! I just fucked my wife *nine* times...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny stomps on some honeybees....

One day little Johnny was playing outside. As he was feeling particularly reckless, Johnny kicked a beehive. The honeybees cam out of the hive and started swirling around Johnny. This pissed Johnny off so he stomped on the bees. His father witnessed this and told him: “Don’t do that! No honey for a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old friends were walking down the beach, and one spots an ancient-looking oil lamp.

He picks up the lamp, and just as he began to inquire 'What's thi...", his buddy rips the item out of his hands and begins furiously rubbing on the side of it.

Smoke began to swirl from the end of the lamp, and coalesced into a muscular man in old Arabian attire.

"I am a jinn who has b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Desert, a Camel, and Chapped Lips

A man is trekking across the Arabian desert with a guide and his camel.

After some time walking through the blistering heat and blowing sand, the man began to notice his lips were getting chapped. Not to be deterred, the man pushed forward, wetting his own lips with his tongue. As t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"A rich guy and a poor guy start talking in a bar"

After a few drinks they realize their wedding anniversaries are on the same day. The poor guy turns to the rich guy and says. "Well what did you get your wife?" The rich man proudly states "I got her a diamond necklace and a new Mercedes Benz, if she doesn't like the necklace she can take it back in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into an ice cream shop and orders

A woman walks into an ice cream shop and orders "a half gallon of vanilla, a half gallon of strawberry, and a half gallon of chocolate".

The man behind the counter politely says "Sorry ma'am, we're all out of chocolate".

She replies "Fine, I'll have a half gallon of vanilla, a half gal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a Buddhist monastery famous for their meals.

He goes in, and asks for the meal that the wealthiest people love, figuring that must be the best there. The head monk sadly inform him that they do not have the key ingredient, and that due to a religious vow they took, they cannot leave the monastery. Luckily, they tell him that if he can get the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trucker is driving his regular route from St Louis to New Orleans

He’s passing through Arkansas and it’s raining buckets outside. The trucker pulls over at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere, deciding to take a short break and wait for the rain to pass. He heads inside and is greeted by the store clerk. The clerk is a dirty looking man in his mid fifties...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy wants to experience some deep soul searching solitude...

He manages to hire an old abandoned sheep station in outback Australia. Tens of thousands of vast empty hectares stretching out to all the horizons.

As soon as the chopper drops him off, flies away and the dust settles, the quiet falls upon him. The distance recedes out endlessly in front of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Strange Punishment

Little Johnnie, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnnie. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of though...

The world's philosophers and theologians have gathered for a summit...

...held, dramatically enough, on the summit of an actual mountain. Everyone was having a great time, mingling together, discussing the great philosophical questions of the day.

Rumors started to swirl around about one particular holy man who had joined the day's festivities. This particularly...

Full roasted chicken

Its a full crowd at the bar the place is abuzz. Santa Singh walks in sits down at a table and orders a full roast chicken.
Suddenly someone rushes in and yells “Rocky is coming!”
The customers all stop what they are doing, drop their glasses and drinks and begin to rush out, except Santa who ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an American, and an Asian are sitting at the bar...

Sharing stories over drinks. The subject of dogs comes up to which the Englishman says:

"Oh I could never own a dog." The other two ask him if he doesn't like dogs, to which he replies "I like dogs well enough, but my problem is that they chew everything they get near. I had a friend over onc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire...

A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire, talking and BSing. Being a Texan, the first man decides to use a lull in the conversation to prove his manhood to the group. He pulls out a 6-pack of Lone Star beer and a revolver, slams down one of the beers i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a gentleman waiting to use the restroom...

...in a classy establishment, but the occupant was taking his time.

A lady noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir", she said, "the ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to get his physical (long)

So Tom goes to his doctor for his annual physical while sitting in the examining room he notices a large machine with a lot of lights and buttons looking more complicated than the space shuttle cockpit.
The doctor walks in and explains that the this new machine can diagnose every possible ailmen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Fog Monster

Long, long ago, there was a village which had its very existence constantly threatened by a terrible fog monster. For a while, none would trade with the village, for even outsiders feared this hostile aberration, which could attack without warning and slay an army without leaving a trace. Several ge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homeless man walks into a restaurant...

He sits down at a table and asks to speak to the manager. The manager walks over to the man and says

"Can I help you?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I have no money to pay for a meal. But I want to make a little wager with you. I want you to take any spoon that you want and then I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Catching a huge SOB

So a young catholic preist moves to a new city. Once he's there, settled in, he gives a sermon, and at the end informs his congregation that he'd really like to get to know them all a little more personally, and if they ever want to have dinner, or play chess or see a movie he'd welcome the opportun...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.