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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

Looking for a particular joke

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post. There’s a joke shot fishing rods and stuff. Or about Movie recordings. I’m not sure which. Either way, comment it below. I hear the reel joke is always in the comments.

Fishing

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, 'Look at the size of that Son of a B#tch!'

'Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!'

'No, Father, that's...

What is the reel joke?

I knew that title was a little fishy

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A young boy applied for a job at a store...

The store manager said: “We are looking for somebody with sales experience but we’re having a holiday sale tomorrow and you can give it a try.”

At the end of the day the manager checked the day sales and was shocked, the boy had sold $79,083.25 worth of merchandise.

He asked the boy ho...

A man has been out fishing by the lake...

...all day and hasn’€™t caught anything. He decides to just give up and call it a day, but on his way he notices a young boy fishing few feet away from him. The man immediately notices the kid has several buckets full of fish, then witnesses him reeling in yet another one.

“Excuse me”, the ma...

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

Perfectly spell-checked poem

- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my revue,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew...

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Two Priests and Two Nuns have dinner with His Holiness, the Pope.

Two priests are fishing on lake outside of Rome. It's a beautiful day, the sun is light, and the water is smooth. Suddenly the first priests fishing rod bends alarmingly; he has hooked a huge fish! It's a struggle but he managed to reel it in. It's a beautiful rainbow coloured fish and big enough to...

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So dude wins the lottery...

...comes home. Bursts through the front door beaming!

"Honey! Pack your bags! I hit the jackpot! 323 MILLION DOLLARS!", he exclaims!

His wife begins reeling from the information. Almost fainting she says, "We won the lottery?! Oh my goodness, dear! Where should I pack for? The tr...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel.

She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says , "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on ...

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

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A hungry fish spots a fly sitting on the bank of the river.

The fish really wants the fly to come closer to the edge of the water, so he can jump up and eat him.

Meanwhile, there's a fisherman a few feet downstream. He sitting on a little stool, eating a cheese sandwich, and wishing that the fly would drop down about 4 inches so the fish would catch a...

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Delivering the male (my cake day contribution)

It was John's last day delivering the mail. He had been doing so for 4o years and was about to retire.

Most of the families greeted him warmly and handed him an envelope presumably with a small monetary gift inside.

But when he arrived at the Jones' house the woman there pulled him ins...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

TWO men go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment.

The reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day that they go fishing, they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their holiday, one of the ...

Five Redditors are walking in a forest...

Five redditors are walking in a forest...

...when they find a lamp on the ground. One of them rubs it, and (as expected), a genie appears. Because he's feeling particularly generous, the genie decides to grant all five of them one wish each.

The first one steps forward. "I would like ...

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The Hamstrung Limpet

Do you know what the hamstrung limpet is? Well let me tell ya...

One fine spring day, a boy on a playground had a burning question. It was a rather odd question, so he decided to confide in a fellow child
He walked up to a little girl on the playground, and asked her, “Do you know...

A man is walking home alone...

A man is walking home alone...


A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street ...

I reeled in a 6 foot 1 inch catfish

That weighed 280 lbs on Tinder

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Father Conor is walking by the Shannon when he sees one of his congregation fishing...

He stops for a chat, and mentions that he's never fished before. 'It's a doddle,' says the angler. 'Take a rod and give it a go.'

'Well, I suppose the blessed Saint Peter himself was a fisherman. Perhaps I'll try my hand,' says the priest.

Father Conor sits down and casts his line. Aft...

I want Morgan Freeman to narrate a highlight reel of my life...

But I heard that silent movies don't do too well in today's market.

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In a small town there's a priest who makes good friends with his congregation. One Sunday, a fisherman invites the priest to go fishing with him.

The next weekend, they get in a boat and spend the day fishing. Unfortunately, neither of them has much luck, until all of a sudden, the priest feels a huge tug in his line. With some help from the fisherman, he reels in what must be a thirty pound largemouth bass.

Forgetting himself, the fis...

Men vs Women

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop,...

Tim lost his job as a stock broker, so he decided to start a new life for himself away from the big city.

On his first day out in the country, Tim wandered into a fishing shop. The shop had a help wanted sign, so Tim asked the owner for a job.

“What do you know about fishing?” the owner asked him.

“Nothing,” Tim replied. “But I used to be a stock broker, so I am sure that I am smart enoug...

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The reel, the ink, and the booze

There was a company that sold a great variety of fishing equipment and supplies. One of their new products was a rod to be used out at sea, with a special reel mechanism to catch larger fish. Now, there was a new employee who was in charge of printing buyers' names onto the reel by hand and with a q...

A man, a dog, and a goat are the only survivors of a shipwreck

They end up on a deserted island. After a few weeks, the man is feeling very lonely and starts looking at the goat in a new light. One day he tries to have his way with it but the dog growls and scares him off. He goes to sleep unsatisfied.


The next day he tries again, but the dog i...

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

My Dad took me fishing

But the reel joke ...

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A convent of Catholic nuns receives a letter saying the Pope himself will be visiting in just a few days

They are all very excited and nervous. Mothers Mary, Agnes, and Isadore take it upon themselves to prepare the convent to receive His Holiness and plan a simple but delicious meal of fresh caught fish from the local lake with herbs and vegetables from their own garden.

Agnes goes to the loca...

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An Irishman reels in a magic lamp...

Two Irish men are fishing on a lake when one of them reels in something strange. The Irishman sees he has reeled in a magic lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says to the one man "thank you for freeing me from that lamp. I have been trapped in there for ages. To show my thanks I shall grant you on...

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A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

A good fishing spot is worth a lot on the market

It's prime reel estate

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

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No one ever fucks me

Billy has always wanted to go on a deep sea fishing trip but could never afford it. He saved all the spare money he could but still didnt have enough to pay for tge trip so he decides to just buy a 6 pack of Bud Light and fish off of the pier.

He gets out to the pier and notices a woman with ...

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Two alter boys are fishing...

Two alter boys are fishing on a dock. One of the boys gets a bite and struggles to reel him in. When he finally gets the best of the fish, he snatches him up and proclaims to the other alter boy "Look at this big sum bitch!" The other alter boy says "You can't say that you're an alter boy" to which ...

I once told a fishing pun

The cringe was reel

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

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"Tickle your a** with a feather?"

A young man decides to go out one evening and find himself a date.

He posts up at his local bar, and - after some liquid courage - decides to chat up a few ladies.

After a few hours of no luck, he notices an older gent sitting at the end of the bar, surrounded by beautiful women, lau...

Jacques and Pierre were bitter enemies

So one day, Jacques challenged Pierre to a duel. Swords were chosen. They faced off and drew their weapons. Jacques struck first, thrusting his sword toward Pierre, but Pierre daftly swatted his sword to the side and returned a thrust, piercing Jacques in the shoulder. They circled each other a few ...

What do you call it when you have a fish on the line but it gets away?

Herring Loss.


Alternatively:

Q: Why was it so difficult for the old man to reel in his fish?



A: He was hard of herring.



Q: How can fish just ignore you completely?


A: They just tuna you out.



Q: Why is Timmy afraid to go ou...

Did you hear about the fishing musem?

I hear there reeling in the customers

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Twas a slow and quiet day in the little Irish parish

so Father Oriley decided to go for a stroll
down by docks. He ran into Patrick, the local firsherman who just about to head off in his boat.


Patrick offered to take the Father out fishing for the afternoon since he was bored so they headed off.
About an hour of fishing later the pri...

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One advantage to buying porn on DVD...

The gag reel.

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Man gets fired from his job...

...And dreading going home to his wife, he instead heads to a nearby bar. The man saddles up to the bar and orders a Jack and Coke. The bartender smiles, pulls an apple from under the bar, shines it against his shirt, and sets it on the bar.

"I said a Jack and Coke," complains the man. "Wh...

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are sitting together and talking in a park when Jesus walks by.

The priest asks Him, "Are you really Jesus Christ?" He replies, "Yes, I am. How can I help you?" The priest says, "Well, Lord, I was involved in a very bad car accident a few years ago. Ever since then, I've been in severe pain. I can't stand up straight, and I'm unable to walk without this cane. Ca...

So, I was fishing, and I saw a shooting star!

The reel jokes are in the comets.

Two fishermen are sitting in a boat indulging in some wordplay.

The first one says, "If I tell you a joke that relies on *casting* the word "rod" in a phallic sense, would you find it *fishy*?"

"Oh," says the second one, "I think I can *tackle* it."

"So... *net-net*, you'd take the *bait*?"

"Oh-ho! *Hook, line, and sinker*!"

"I don't ...

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(Long) A man is walking the strip in Vegas...

...when a fantastic looking hooker catches his eye.
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, "How Much?"
The hooker replies, "I start at $500 for a hand job!"
The man says, "$500 for a hand job? Holy crap, no hand job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "You see that ...

A father and son are on a fishing trip...

They’re going around the world fishing for a list of rare and unusual fish. They’ve divvied up which fish each is to catch. The dad catches a zebrafish, the son catches a catfish, the dad catches an elephantfish, the son catches a hagfish, and so on.

It’s the son’s turn and he has to catch a ...

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A priest goes fishing with his friend Maricio.

This his his first time, so his friend had to show him the basics. When the priest feels a bite, hooks the biggest fish Maricio has seen and reels it up, his friend is naturally surprised.


"Whoa. Look at that bastard."


The priest, naturally offended by his curse, is told by hi...

I tried to make a joke about fishing equipment.

But the reel joke was in the comments.

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An Irishman was telling a Scott about his trouble sleeping.

The Scott asks if he’s tried counting sheep. The Irishman says that stuff doesn’t work, it’s for wee babes in mums aarms. The Scott says, “Ney laddie, werks ever time. But ‘ye got ta meek it reel lifey like in yer heed. See ever lil’ detail, ever lil’ soond dontcha do any meer wandrin bye.”
...

What is the Israeli film industry called?

Is-reel.

Friends on a fishing trip

Jack and Jim went wishing, they only had corn as bait, so Jack told Jim to go behind a big tree to dig up some earthworms because they didn't catch any fish. So Jim goes over to the tree and starts diging for the earthworms, and Jack got something on his hook, he reels the fish in and to his surpris...

A fisherman decided to become a playwriter

His first play had strong lines and good casting. It was a reel hit

An Aboriginal goes down to the river

fishing for crabs. He puts his line in and just as he feels a tug, a ranger comes down and says "you know you're not supposed to be crabbing at this time of the year mate. If you reel that in and you've got a crab I'm going have to fine you." so the Aboriginal pulls in the line and sure enough there...

I heard a rumour that a woman down the office smelled of fish

So when she popped up beside me I was absolutely reeling.

Keeping with the spirit of all the international jokes, I present one of my favorite Ukrainian ones.

A Ukrainian man and a Russian man are out fishing when suddenly the Russian reels in a golden fish.
The fish looks at the men and says "Congratulations! You have caught me and know I shall grant you both three wishes."
The fish turns to the Russian man and says "Since you are the one who r...

An Indian and Pakistani farmers are neighbour's.

One day, a chicken from the Indian's farm lays an egg on the Pakistani's farm. The two farmers argue about who the egg belongs to since it was the Indian's chicken but it was on the Pakistani's farm. So the decide to have a contest to strength and tolerance to decide who keeps the egg. Both farmers ...

Who do fishermen call when they want to sell their property?

They call a Reel-tor!

Why does everyone like the fisherman?

He likes to keep it reel.

My dad tells this joke all the time. kind of long. enjoy

One day a young man with no arms walked into a church and told the pastor that he always wanted to be a bell ringer. The pastor looked at him and said, “my son, you have no arms to pull the rope and the bell tower is very high.” The young man pleaded with the pastor to give him a chance. Finally the...

Getting Drunk

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.

He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."

His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty doll...

The old man, the prince, and the fish.

Once upon a time, there was a prince of a certain land, who wanted to be a lowly fisherman when he grew up. But try as he could, he couldn't ever catch a single fish. He had tried many methods, including nets, spears, and traps, but all to no avail.

Furthermore, he was looked down upon by the...

Walking on Water

It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants 
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up 
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesu...

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Game Warden goes fishing [long]

This fellow got hired by the Conservation Department as a game warden. He just loved all things hunting and fishing, and being new in town, started asking around where the good fishing holes were. Finally he came to this little country bar, and asked the bartender. "Charlie catches more fish than...

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Little johnny’s first 69er....

Little johnny had never had sex before and knew little about it.
He was out one night and was approached by a woman who asked if he would like to join her for some serious sex.
Johnny obliges and after undressing at her house they promptly get stuck into it.
After a while she suggests a 69e...

My wife left me for a fisherman.

Poor guy's still reeling.

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Couple of men are digging a ditch

When one of them finally gripes to the other and says "Why we have to dig this ditch when the Billy over there does nothing all day." The second man says "yeah, that's bullshit, I'm gonna go talk to Billy.". So he goes to Billy and says "Why do we have to dig this ditch all day while you stand aro...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and...

...he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers, and six-pa...

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Anything can happen at a ska show

A few weeks ago, my band was opening for a slightly more famous band at a moderately large local venue. This was one of the biggest gigs we'd had yet, and so I was seriously stressing about it beforehand, even though our sax player kept telling me not to. "Relax, you've been playing keyboards all yo...

Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years.

Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road.

One old man reeled in his line, laid down his rod, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his rod and started fishing again.

The other fisherman was amazed and stated "I didn't know you we...

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The new pope visits a small church.

Upon hearing the news that the new pope would be visiting his small parish Father O'Leary decided to something special for the dinner. The morning of Pope Francis' arrival he went down to the docks and found a young member of his congregation and said, "I would like to help honor the new pope by con...

I was driving with my three young children

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Dad, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

Fishermen...

...are reel men.

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