The 70+ Best Reel Jokes

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Classic Catholic Joke, “The Son of a Bitch”

I’ve been Catholic all of my life, and this is one of my favorite jokes of all time.

One of the parish priests from the Cathedral went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish & proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the ...

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Guy gets hired as a salesman at a huge big box store...

....the type of store that sells everything.

At the end of the first month he is top salesperson, and the boss calls him in for a chat.

"You're amazing" says his grateful boss, "your first month on the job and you're top salesperson already! Not sure how you do it, for example just the...

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night when behind him he hears: Bump! BUMP! BUMP! Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him!!

BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER! FASTER! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket...

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

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What's missing at the end of every porn DVDs?

Gag Reels

I'm outfitting my boat for sport fishing.

Ship just got reels.

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A priest is on his way to church

Walking along side a lake when he comes upon a fisherman,
He was reeling in a fish,
The priest says “nice fish”,
The fisherman says “thanks this is the biggest somabitch I caught all day”,
The priest says “hey you shouldn’t talk to me like that, I’m a man of the cloth,
The fisherman s...

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The joke store

A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.

To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.
He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.
The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know...

Two idiots go on a fishing trip

They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this u...

A Ukrainian man and a Russian man are out fishing when suddenly the Russian reels in a golden fish.

The fish looks at the men and says "Congratulations! You have caught me and know I shall grant you both three wishes."

The fish turns to the Russian man and says "Since you are the one who reeled me in, you get to go first."

"Alright," says the Russian, "I wish that all of the foreigne...

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

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Whats the difference between a porn flick and a Hollywood movie?

They only show the gag reel at the end of the Hollywood movie

Fishing

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and ...

Why does Quentin Tarantino refuse to make movies with digital cinematography?

Because he's the reel deal.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme par...

The numbers game

A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. ‘Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!’ goes the noise from within the mental hospital’s wards.

The man’s curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It’s not long before he finds a small cr...

A policeman comes across three men sitting on a bench in the middle of a city park...

The one in the middle is calmy reading a newspaper, while the men on either side of him are pantomiming fishing. As the cop watches, again and again they bait invisible hooks, cast their rods, reel them back in with empty hands, and repeat the process.

After a few moments, the policeman appr...

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I went fishing and asked a girl for a blow job.

She said 'Get Reel'.

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

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What a fish…

So, one day a monk goes fishing. He walks out on the pier, throws that line out there nice and good, and lets it rest for a bit. BAM! Fish on! And man, is he fighting! Falling over, sliding across the pier, no good! Some good Samaritans decide to help. They prop him up, and fight that good fight! Be...

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish... A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish, so much so that he eventually buys a huge, synthetic sturgeon and hangs it on the wall above his fireplace.

Eventually, however, looking at the fake trophy makes the man feel like a fraud, and he can't stand it.

One day, he makes a final attempt at fishing up something impressive. Finally, after hours of waiting, he reels in a record-breaking chub, one that weighs more than any other in recorded hi...

A man goes to a boat port at notices a man with a small head

He goes up to the man and asks why he has such a small head. The man tells him a story

Once a couple years ago, I was fishing on my little boat when all of a sudden I fell something very large in my net. I reel it in, only to find it is a mermaid. I was going to kill her and sell her ...

My Dad told me that if anyone ever pulled a gun on me I should start reeling off statistics

Apparently there's safety in numbers

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Help, my wife is missing!!!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over 170 centermeters tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never ...

Boat repair

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just had a new winch installed on my boat today," the guy tells the bartender. "Ship just got reel."

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A priest is out fishing on a lake with a member of his church.

Just when they were fixing to call it a day and reeling in the lines, the priest gets a bite. He finally gets the fish on the boat and his friend says, “Wow! What a beautiful son of a bitch.”

The priest looks at the man shocked. The man explains, “No Father. That’s what the fish is calle...

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

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Two Priests and Two Nuns have dinner with His Holiness, the Pope.

Two priests are fishing on lake outside of Rome. It's a beautiful day, the sun is light, and the water is smooth. Suddenly the first priests fishing rod bends alarmingly; he has hooked a huge fish! It's a struggle but he managed to reel it in. It's a beautiful rainbow coloured fish and big enough to...

Bob Ross was out fishing when his pole started to dip.

He reeled in the fish and the fish said, "please don't eat me, can you please throw me back?"

Bob Ross replies, "Woah, a talking fish! I was going to throw you back anyways!"

The fish swims away a bit and then turns back, saying "Now that you let me go, how about a wish?"

Bob Ro...

Five redditors are walking in the forest...

...when they find a lamp on the ground. One of them rubs it, and (as expected), a genie appears. Because he's feeling particularly generous, the genie decides to grant all five of them one wish each.

The first one steps forward. "I would like a ten-inch-tall piano player, please". The genie ...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

A man, a dog, and a goat are the only survivors of a shipwreck

They end up on a deserted island. After a few weeks, the man is feeling very lonely and starts looking at the goat in a new light. One day he tries to have his way with it but the dog growls and scares him off. He goes to sleep unsatisfied.

The next day he tries again, but the dog is there, ...

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Father Conor is walking by the Shannon when he sees one of his congregation fishing...

He stops for a chat, and mentions that he's never fished before. 'It's a doddle,' says the angler. 'Take a rod and give it a go.'

'Well, I suppose the blessed Saint Peter himself was a fisherman. Perhaps I'll try my hand,' says the priest.

Father Conor sits down and casts his line. Aft...

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A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

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A young boy applied for a job at a store...

The store manager said: “We are looking for somebody with sales experience but we’re having a holiday sale tomorrow and you can give it a try.”

At the end of the day the manager checked the day sales and was shocked, the boy had sold $79,083.25 worth of merchandise.

He asked the boy ho...

The Lucky Frog

A man goes golfing and notices a frog in the green at the first hole. He doesn’t think anything about it, puts the ball on the tee and prepares to swing when he hears, “Ribbit, 9 iron.”

The man looks around in surprise but doesn’t see anyone. He turns back to his ball and prepares to swing a...

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Delivering the male (my cake day contribution)

It was John's last day delivering the mail. He had been doing so for 4o years and was about to retire.

Most of the families greeted him warmly and handed him an envelope presumably with a small monetary gift inside.

But when he arrived at the Jones' house the woman there pulled him ins...

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

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In a small town there's a priest who makes good friends with his congregation. One Sunday, a fisherman invites the priest to go fishing with him.

The next weekend, they get in a boat and spend the day fishing. Unfortunately, neither of them has much luck, until all of a sudden, the priest feels a huge tug in his line. With some help from the fisherman, he reels in what must be a thirty pound largemouth bass.

Forgetting himself, the fis...

A rookie comedian asks an experienced comedian how he manages to cater his jokes toward his audience.

The comedian gives the newcomer a slip of paper with a website url. “This is a forum for comedians where they trade jokes. It’s perfect to find the right joke for the right occasion.”

So just before his first gig at a tailors convention, he looks up “jokes for tailors” on the forum. He manage...

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Fishing Trip

Two guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says.

The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer.

The first guy...

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Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

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Twas a slow and quiet day in the little Irish parish

so Father Oriley decided to go for a stroll
down by docks. He ran into Patrick, the local firsherman who just about to head off in his boat.

Patrick offered to take the Father out fishing for the afternoon since he was bored so they headed off.
About an hour of fishing later the pri...

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Sum bitch

Two alter boys are fishing on a dock. One of the boys gets a bite and struggles to reel him in. When he finally gets the best of the fish, he snatches him up and proclaims to the other alter boy "Look at this big sum bitch!" The other alter boy says "You can't say that you're an alter boy" to w...

I once told a fishing pun

The cringe was reel

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No one ever fucks me

Billy has always wanted to go on a deep sea fishing trip but could never afford it. He saved all the spare money he could but still didnt have enough to pay for tge trip so he decides to just buy a 6 pack of Bud Light and fish off of the pier.

He gets out to the pier and notices a woman with ...

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So dude wins the lottery...

...comes home. Bursts through the front door beaming!

"Honey! Pack your bags! I hit the jackpot! 323 MILLION DOLLARS!", he exclaims!

His wife begins reeling from the information. Almost fainting she says, "We won the lottery?! Oh my goodness, dear! Where should I pack for? The tr...

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My dog pooped on my fishing gear.

Shit just got reel.

A man has been out fishing by the lake...

...all day and hasn’t caught anything. He decides to just give up and call it a day, but on his way he notices a young boy fishing few feet away from him. The man immediately notices the kid has several buckets full of fish, then witnesses him reeling in yet another one.

“Excuse me”, the ma...

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Little Johnny was out fishing with his dad.

They cast their lines and his dad lights up a smoke. Little Johnny looks over and says, "Hey dad, can I take a drag on that?".

His dad looks over and says, "Son, does your dick touch your arse?"

"No."

"Then you're not a man and you cannot have a cigarette."

His dad then p...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

What did fisherman say at his retirement ceremony?

"It's been reel"

Often on r/Jokes, I make jokes about fishing rods in the comments.

'Cause usually, the reel joke is in the comments.

She was only the fisherman's daughter

But when she saw my rod, she reeled.

What is the reel joke?

I knew that title was a little fishy

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are sitting together and talking in a park when Jesus walks by.

The priest asks Him, "Are you really Jesus Christ?" He replies, "Yes, I am. How can I help you?" The priest says, "Well, Lord, I was involved in a very bad car accident a few years ago. Ever since then, I've been in severe pain. I can't stand up straight, and I'm unable to walk without this cane. Ca...

Two fishermen are sitting in a boat indulging in some wordplay.

The first one says, "If I tell you a joke that relies on *casting* the word "rod" in a phallic sense, would you find it *fishy*?"

"Oh," says the second one, "I think I can *tackle* it."

"So... *net-net*, you'd take the *bait*?"

"Oh-ho! *Hook, line, and sinker*!"

"I don't ...

Walking on Water

It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesu...

Getting Drunk

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.

He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."

His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty doll...

Perfectly spell-checked poem

- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my revue,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew...

An Aboriginal goes down to the river

fishing for crabs. He puts his line in and just as he feels a tug, a ranger comes down and says "you know you're not supposed to be crabbing at this time of the year mate. If you reel that in and you've got a crab I'm going have to fine you." so the Aboriginal pulls in the line and sure enough there...

Did you hear about the fishing musem?

I hear there reeling in the customers

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A convent of Catholic nuns receives a letter saying the Pope himself will be visiting in just a few days

They are all very excited and nervous. Mothers Mary, Agnes, and Isadore take it upon themselves to prepare the convent to receive His Holiness and plan a simple but delicious meal of fresh caught fish from the local lake with herbs and vegetables from their own garden.

Agnes goes to the loca...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

What do you call it when you have a fish on the line but it gets away?

Herring Loss.

Alternatively:

Q: Why was it so difficult for the old man to reel in his fish?

A: He was hard of herring.

Q: How can fish just ignore you completely?

A: They just tuna you out.

Q: Why is Timmy afraid to go ou...

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A priest goes fishing with his friend Maricio.

This his his first time, so his friend had to show him the basics. When the priest feels a bite, hooks the biggest fish Maricio has seen and reels it up, his friend is naturally surprised.

"Whoa. Look at that bastard."

The priest, naturally offended by his curse, is told by hi...

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