I'm pretty sure the world revolves around you...

...because I only remember you exist when you're in my face and it pains me to look at you for more than 2 seconds.

My parents said that the world didn't revolve around me.

But I'm their sun

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me...

I guess that means I’m not actually their sun...

My grandpa said "your life revolves too much around technology.

Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.

Intellectuals know that the Earth revolves around the Sun...

Canadians know that the universe revolves around Toronto

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

I like the way the earth revolves!

It really makes my day!

Drunk people are so self centred...

... they think the world revolves around them

I'm pretty sure my dad believes in the geocentric theory.

The other day he even said, "The world doesn't revolve around you, son".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

50 of the most offensive jokes I know

1_Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes

2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

3_What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You only have to pun...

How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. He or she just stands there holding the bulb out waiting for the world to revolve around them..... or goes out and buys an adapter first to make the bulb compatible!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Political joke

A boy asks his father:

What is politics?

Father answers:

It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business . Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law...

I hate the blacks.

#I have an absolute hatred for blacks.

They've contributed *nothing* to our society as a whole, and our lives would be **that** much better without them, becoming the general idea of a nuisance whenever I come across one.

If I were to take a small sample containing even 1 black, it wo...

Copernicus's Dad says to Copernicus

"Sun, one day you'll think the world revolves around you"

r/dadjokes?

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

*One to hold the bulb up to the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them, three to scream at the circuit breaker and belittle it for controlling power, and eight others to console the first four while they tweet about how problematic this traumatic experience has been for everyone.*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man meets Smoking Hot Sexologist on an Airplane...

A man walks onto an airplane, and he's cranky as hell. It was an early morning, security held him up, and all he wants to do is sleep until the plane reaches New York. However his mood does a 180 when he gets to his seat and see the most angelic blonde woman he has ever seen sitting next to him. He ...

I think I'm relatives with sun.

We're both hot, a star and the world revolves around us.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But sh...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Music Jokes

Sharing some music related jokes :-

1. Q. What did George Michale sing at Elton John's wedding?
A. Don't let your son go down on me.

2. Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. The lead guitarist holds the light, & the world revolves ar...

The one to your dumb friend...

A guy sees an ad on the window of a store with the words "Selling brains". Curious, he walks in and asks the shopkeeper what kind of brains he's selling.

Shopkeeper: "I've got Einstein's brain who won a Nobel Prize and discovered the Universe's secret equation. He was the world most brilhant ...

Just some jokes about musicians.

How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.

How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.
...

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy and his sister are arguing.

Noticing the scrape between his two kids, the father walks over and questions what's wrong.

"He always thinks everything has to be about him!" cries the daughter, pointing her finger towards her brother.

Leaning down, the father asks the boy, "There's a lot of people on this planet. D...