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I was once a part of a nine-member sex cult who aimed to please this one main red-hot guy. I was then kicked out from it but my life still revolves around the main guy and I remain friends with the others.

Guess my relationship with them is Plutonic.

My wife complained that my life revolves around Facebook and it has destroyed the way we communicate.

So I've blocked her.

A man bursts into a bar with a revolver and shouts "Who's been banging my wife?"

A voice in the room shouts "You're going to need more bullets."

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A man walks into a bar with a loaded six-shot revolver. He yells: "Which one of you bastards slept with my sister?"

One man laughs and replies: "You ain't got enough bullets!"

My parents said that the world didn't revolve around me.

But I'm their sun

My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me...

I guess that means I’m not actually their sun...

A german fired his revolver

bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang

A stranger asked “How? A revolver only got six bullets”

”Nein!” the german replied

I stole a revolver made out of gelatine.

Once the cops found me I was charged for carrying a congealed weapon.

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand

The man yelled at the top of his lungs

"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"

The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied

"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"

A man angrily walks into a local bar holding a revolver and demands to know whose been sleeping with his wife.

A man in the back of the bar shouts back, “You don’t have enough ammo”

Intellectuals know that the Earth revolves around the Sun...

Canadians know that the universe revolves around Toronto

How many millenials does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They hold the lightbulb as the world revolves around them.

How does Trump screw in a light bulb?

He waits for the world to revolve around him.

Seems a guy in Texas makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman.

Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolv...

Flat earthers are the most self centered people

They actually think the universe revolves around them

Bob and Mary are celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary.

The local news decides to do an op-ed on them. The reporter asks Bob, You two have been married 75 years, what's your secret?

Bob says...Well on our honeymoon, we decide to take a trip to the Grand Canyon. We rent some donkeys and start our adventure. An hour in, Mary's donkey slips on some ...

I like the way the earth revolves!

It really makes my day!

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A cowboy walks into a saloon with his friend and points at one of the seven men sitting there.

"You see him?"

"Which one?"

The cowboy draws his revolver and shoots six of them. He points at the remaining one and says:

"This one."

"So? What about him?"

"Fuckin' hate this guy."

You know, the world doesn't revolve around you!

...because it'd take too long if it did.

A man enters a bar with a revolver

He climb up a table, looked around and yell.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?!"

The bar went silent for a minute when suddenly a man at the back says.

"you are gonna need more than 6 shots pal!"

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What did the single action revolver say to the double action one ?

Don't get too cocky

Grandpa is dying & calls his grandson

Grandpa is dying & calls his grandson to his bed, "Billy, I leave for you my chrome-plated .38 revolver."

"But Grandpa, I don't like guns. How about you leave me your gold Rolex watch instead?"

"Billy, listen to your old man. Someday you have to run my business. Someday you're gonn...

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair

so she goes to a gun shop and buys a revolver.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blond...

A magician is performing for the crew of a ship.

A magician is performing for a crew on a ship, each performance he does the ships captain comes with his parrot. But his parrot always ruins the trick by saying “ It’s in his sleeve!” Or “it’s In his hat!” One day the magician got fed up with the parrot, and during one of his performances he took ou...

Do you know the story of the boy named Bonnie?

There once was a boy named Bonnie who was constantly harassed for his goofy name. He thought he was doomed to never find love because of it, but one day, he met a beautiful girl who didn't care, and they fell in love, got married, and had a child, a beautiful baby girl. But Bonnie was worried. "What...

What's a flat-earther's least favorite gun?

A revolver.

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Political joke

A boy asks his father:

What is politics?

Father answers:

It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business . Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law...

Victim: Then the robber walked through the door holding a gun!

Cop: Was it a revolver?

Victim: No, a normal door. He just pushed through it.

I hate the blacks.

#I have an absolute hatred for blacks.

They've contributed *nothing* to our society as a whole, and our lives would be **that** much better without them, becoming the general idea of a nuisance whenever I come across one.

If I were to take a small sample containing even 1 black, it wo...

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Three Bills at a bar

Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:

"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."

The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, ...

"For your final police recruit evaluation,"

"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".

The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"

The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the...

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Golden Wedding Anniversary

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of th...

How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. He or she just stands there holding the bulb out waiting for the world to revolve around them..... or goes out and buys an adapter first to make the bulb compatible!

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Buddy is down to the final interview of finally realizing his lifelong dream of becoming an FBI Agent...

It’s down to him and 2 other candidates. The three candidates sit in a room together waiting to be called in for the final interview. The first candidate goes in only to reappear minutes later upset and storms out muttering something about “taking things too far”. The second candidate goes in, again...

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Dog named Sex

Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs.

That's why there are so many named Rover and Spot.

But, have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he'd be cute and named his dog Sex?

*It goes like this:*

"One day Sex and I took a walk and h...

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead undergo spy training

The pass all test with ease, and score top marks on all exams. Finally, after an easy year of training, they are told to go the headmaster's office, James Bond himself. "First of all, congratulations for you excellent grades in all classes, he said, but you have one final exam to pass. In the room b...

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A man, suspicious that his wife has been cheating on him hires a private investigator to follow her.

One night she tells her husband that she’s going out to see her mother.

The private investigator springs into action and follows her to the local bar. The private investigator then calls the husband and lets him know where she is.

Angry, the husband decides to load up his revolver, dr...

An American, an Italian, and a German are applying for a job.

In the wake of WWII, the newly founded CIA needed the best of the best. An American, an Italian, and a German have made it to the final round of interviews.

The three are sitting together in a barren room, when an agent walks in.

"Congratulation, each of you have made it to the final ...

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There is a rabbi that studied all the religions of the world. He had worked his whole life to experience them all....

He finally had studied and participated in all the world's religions, except for one. There was the small tropical island far away from civilization. This island, the Island of Trid, was populated by the local islanders, the trids. They an idyllic culture. Easy and peaceful living in harmony with th...

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Little red riding hood

Little red was walking through the forest on the way to her grandmother's house. She came across a lumber jack who said
"little red little red. There's a wolf waiting for you at the end of this path"
Little red replied
"don't worry, as she pulls a revolver from her basket , I can handle it"...

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A white and a black guy are standing in front of a gun store...

The black guy says: "I'm just gonna buy something in there. You can just wait here.".

The black guy comes to the counter and asks the shopowner: "Do you have any rifles?" the owner says:"No". The black man then asks: "Do you have any revolvers?" the owner again says: "No". The black guy makes...

A young man had a dream...

He wanted to be a train conductor. Ever since he was a little boy he had dreamed of it. So, when he graduated, he went straight to Train conductor school.

He studied hard every night, determined to be the best conductor he could be. His alarm clock went off three hours late for the final exam...

In the Old West

In the Old West, a man robbed a bank in El Paso and rode south. The sheriff quickly formed a posse and they captured him in a small cantina near the Mexican border, but he didn’t have the money. The sheriff decided to interrogate him, but the robber only spoke Spanish, so they got the bartender to t...

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

*One to hold the bulb up to the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them, three to scream at the circuit breaker and belittle it for controlling power, and eight others to console the first four while they tweet about how problematic this traumatic experience has been for everyone.*

An old Italian man is dying and calls for his son

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside.

"Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."


"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instea...

A classic

Judge "I see by your filing sir that you are suing the defendant for damages and injuries received when his cattle truck ran a red light and broadsided your car, now the damages I can understand but the defendant has provided a police report that says you claimed to be uninjured at the scene, why ar...

A man strikes up a conversation with another gentleman who is older he tells him its going to be his 50th wedding anniversary this week

the young man replies wow, that's amazing. tell me what's your secret.
the older gentleman replies well ill tell you, it all started back when we were on our honeymoon. we were at the grand canyon and going to take a mule ride down into the valley. we saddled up and my wife tried to get on the m...

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