My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it.

I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.

My parents are always telling me that their world doesn't revolve around me

So....I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

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An Old prospector was coming back from town with his mule.

An Old prospector was coming back from town and he was leading his pack mule loaded with supplies down a winding valley road. A young gunslinger was riding his horse on the mountain Crest watching the old timer. He thought to himself I'm going to go down there and mess with that old man.
The youn...

A gunfighter walks into a bar with a smoking revolver.

"I'm all out of bullets and want to buy a round."

How many millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 to hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them!

My wife complained that my life revolves around Facebook and it has destroyed the way we communicate.

So I've blocked her.

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When cybernetics are invented I want to replace my penis with a revolver

I could finally say I have a magnum dong

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

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I was once a part of a nine-member sex cult who aimed to please this one main red-hot guy. I was then kicked out from it but my life still revolves around the main guy and I remain friends with the others.

Guess my relationship with them is Plutonic.

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A man walks into a bar with a loaded six-shot revolver. He yells: "Which one of you bastards slept with my sister?"

One man laughs and replies: "You ain't got enough bullets!"

A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand

The man yelled at the top of his lungs

"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"

The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied

"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"

A german fired his revolver

bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang

A stranger asked “How? A revolver only got six bullets”

”Nein!” the german replied

A man bursts into a bar with a revolver and shouts "Who's been banging my wife?"

A voice in the room shouts "You're going to need more bullets."

Intellectuals know that the Earth revolves around the Sun...

Canadians know that the universe revolves around Toronto

Haha, jokes lol

Three guys were playing Russian roulette with a 6 shot revolver and 1 in the chamber, the first guy picks up a single cigarette, smokes it, then shoots and nothing comes out, the second guy picks up 2 smokes, enjoys his time. Fires 2x and nothing comes out. The third guy thinks for a second and says...

I like the way the earth revolves!

It really makes my day!

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Murder at 1600

A man calls home to tell his wife that he’ll be late because he will be in a meeting until late.

Ring ring..

Maid: Hello

Man: Hello this is John, can you please ask your Madam to talk to me right now?

Maid: uh Sir, unfortunately she can’t right now. Can i ask her to call...

I stole a revolver made out of gelatine.

Once the cops found me I was charged for carrying a congealed weapon.

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A Panda Walks Into A Bar

A panda walks into a bar and looks around. the bartender greets him enthusiastically asking “what can I get you?”. The panda approaches the bar and orders a small meal. The meal arrives and the panda eats all of it. Once finished, the bartender asks him how the food was. to his surprise, the panda p...

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They call me Bill

Three guys are sitting in a bar. An American, Australian and a Russian.

The American wants to show off so he pulls out a revolver and shoots off four bottlecaps without hitting the bottles. He looks at the other two and says: "They call me Bill, Revolver Bill".

Not particularly impres...

A man enters a bar with a revolver

He climb up a table, looked around and yell.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?!"

The bar went silent for a minute when suddenly a man at the back says.

"you are gonna need more than 6 shots pal!"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson decide to go camping.

They pack their camping gear into the car and drive into the countryside. After a long drive and a light dinner they pitch their tent, climb inside, and are soon fast asleep in their sleeping bags.

In the middle of the night Sherlock shakes Watson awake. He points to the full moon and says, "...

A man angrily walks into a local bar holding a revolver and demands to know whose been sleeping with his wife.

A man in the back of the bar shouts back, “You don’t have enough ammo”

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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding

Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.

"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"

"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."

"Please place that purse on the passenge...

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What did the single action revolver say to the double action one ?

Don't get too cocky

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A panda walks into a bar...

The bartender greets him enthusiastically and says:

« Hey how’s it going? I’ve never had a panda in here before! What can I get you? »

The panda orders a small meal and waits at a table. After a few minutes, the bartender arrives and brings him his food.
The panda eats it and the b...

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It’s a little boy’s seventh birthday.

For his birthday, his parents buy him a really superb cowboy outfit. I mean, it’s got everything: the boots, the spurs, the tiny plastic revolvers. The boy is thrilled; he doesn’t take the outfit off all day.

That evening, the little boy’s parents take him out to an ice cream parlor for a ...

How does Trump change a light bulb?

He holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the universe to revolve around him.

Is it possible to write a book only using 2 characters?

Yes just have it revolve around 2 people.

Im not saying my ex girlfriend was fat

But all my thoughts revolve around her

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A man and a therapist are talking...

The therapist brings up the man’s phobia of large birds

“Ah, I fixed my fear, I now carry my .357 revolver with me every where i go. I also keep a shotgun in my car, and a hunting rifle above my bed.”

The therapist gives the man a tight lipped smile and remarks, “you might be getting c...

A cowboy challenges an renowned native american warrior to a bear hunt ..

The native guy accepts, so they pack up their tools. The cowboy takes 5 revolvers, 2 rifles and a bunch of knifes just in case. The native? Only one bow and just TWO arrows.

The cowboy is perplexed and has to ask:

Cowboy: "Are you sure 2 arrows are all you need?"

Native america...

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back t...

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Political joke

A boy asks his father:

What is politics?

Father answers:

It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business . Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law...

Plumbing

I like the Mario games and all, but... I have a hard time seeing Mario as a plumber when his entire life revolves around clogging some pipes

Do you know the story of the boy named Bonnie?

There once was a boy named Bonnie who was constantly harassed for his goofy name. He thought he was doomed to never find love because of it, but one day, he met a beautiful girl who didn't care, and they fell in love, got married, and had a child, a beautiful baby girl. But Bonnie was worried. "What...

Seems a guy in Texas makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman.

Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolv...

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Three Bills at a bar

Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:

"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."

The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, ...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, when...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all ...

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Bob and Mary are celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary.

The local news decides to do an op-ed on them. The reporter asks Bob, You two have been married 75 years, what's your secret?

Bob says...Well on our honeymoon, we decide to take a trip to the Grand Canyon. We rent some donkeys and start our adventure. An hour in, Mary's donkey slips on some ...

Geocentrists and Flat-Earthers are so selfish.

They think the whole universe revolves around them.

An American, an Italian, and a German are applying for a job.

In the wake of WWII, the newly founded CIA needed the best of the best. An American, an Italian, and a German have made it to the final round of interviews.

The three are sitting together in a barren room, when an agent walks in.

"Congratulation, each of you have made it to the final ...

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Dog named Sex

Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs.

That's why there are so many named Rover and Spot.

But, have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he'd be cute and named his dog Sex?

*It goes like this:*

"One day Sex and I took a walk and h...

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