When I put my shoes on earlier I suddenly felt very ill and drowsy and the room started spinning

I think they might have been laced with something

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day...”

My first job was as a sign spinner for a peep-show. I was supposed to stand on the corner and attract attention by spinning a sign or acting crazy...

...whatever it took to keep the customers cummin'.

What do you call a spinning potato

Rotato

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two CEOs meet after....

One of them has visited Japan. So they are talking about how the trip was and one says:

"look I got this amazing robot secretary from there, it does everything human secretary does except 20 times faster and 200% more efficiently."

The other one says: "that sounds impressive but does ...

A miller tells the king his daughter Edith can spin straw into gold.

So the king locks Edith in a room with straw and tells her she will die if she can not spin straw into gold. After awhile a small man appears to the crying miller’s daughter.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN: What saddens you young girl?

EDITH: My father’s big mouth has gotten me in quite the predicame...

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

Spin the Bottle

When I was a kid, all of us kids played 'Spin the bottle'. A girl would spin the bottle. If it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a penny.

By the time I was 16, I owned my own house...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy living in Kansas hears a voice in his head one day...

And this god like voice in his head says "LEAVE YOUR FAMILY, SELL EVERYTHING YOU OWN AND GO TO RENO, NEVADA"

The guy ignores it at first, and for as long as he can, but it just won't stop "SELL EVERYTHING, TAKE EVERY PENNY YOU HAVE, GO TO RENO"

So finally he can't take it anymore and h...

A Dad and Son were busy chopping down a tree out the front of their house...

Once chopped down, they began putting the branches into a wood chipper.

“Careful!” the Dad snapped, “I’ve told you before, don’t stand too close otherwise you’ll be completely covered in wood chips and dust.”

“Yes Dad,” sighed the Son. He’d been told off all day.

An Irishman,...

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

11. One to put the bulb in the socket and ten to drink until the room spins.

Clocks, Trump, and Heaven

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys working at a sawmill....

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incred...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought I wouldn’t like masturbating while spinning in my desk chair.

But I’m coming around to it.

What happens when you get a Communist to play "spin the bottle"?

Famine.

I love that the Earth is spinning

It literally makes my day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is heading home from a big night in the town. As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.

A young man is heading home from a big night in the town.


As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.


He wanders over to her and quietly asks, "How much?"


The sex wo...

My wife made up this joke in a dream and woke herself up laughing...

Q: How do you tell the difference between a Golder Retriever and a Dalmatian?

A: You get down on the floor and spin them around real fast. One of them is yellow and the other one is gray.

What's the difference between a washing machine and Fox news?

No difference: They both spin dirty laundry till it smells better.

Scientists got bored of watching the earth spin so after 24 hours

They called it a day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spin on a joke I posted here a while back.

OG JOKE:


My Dad Told Me This One, You Might Know It

3 men are on top of a cliff. A mystical deity approaches them.

"I will grant you one wish, you just have to jump off the cliff!" His voice booms.

The first man, being power hungry, wished to be a lion, king of...

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits fo their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He immediately yanks the dog and starts to spin him in the air like a lasso.

The bartender freaks out, "What are you doing?!?!"


The blind man replies calmly, "Oh, just having a look around."

How many celebrities does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

They hold the lightbulb & wait for the world to spin around them.

Isaac Newton would be spinning in his grave

But gravity won't let him

What do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles?

Stop laughing and untie him from the ceiling fan

Two windmills are spinning in a field

When one windmill asks the other:

“What’s your favourite genre of music?

The other windmill replies:

“I’m a big metal fan!”

What's worse than attaching a baby to a washing line and spinning it around at 100mph?

Stopping it with a shovel.

When I met my wife, I felt like my heart was going to jump out chest, my head was spinning, and I couldn't think straight, the only thing I could think was...

... "That's the prettiest doctor I've ever seen, I'll ask her out if she's able to save me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to a club with the wife and there was a guy on the dance floor going mental - twerking, breakdancing, spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the whole lot . My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

I said, "By the looks of it, he’s still fucking celebrating!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold a...

A student sits in class, eagerly listening to the lecture.

Next to him, a classmate who is twiddling his thumbs and spinning a pencil.

The teacher finishes the lesson and asks the students to copy the board.

Soon enough, the teacher walks over to the eager student and asks what he’s doing, as he isn’t writing.

Twiddling his thumbs and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blondie goes to the casino

A beautiful blonde girl goes to the casino with all her cash and sits at the roulette desk. She goes to the clerk and asks if she can play being nude.

The amused clerk asked, "This is an open club and you are free to do anything you want but why would you do something like this?", to which t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

guy goes to the doctor ..

a guy goes to teh doctor .

doc says " well what seems to be the problem?"



guy says " its my elbow doc , its killing me !"



doc says " well a normal visit would have a $50 co-pay , but we have a new machine that can diagnose you just by peeing in a cup and the co-p...

Two men standing on opposite sides of a windmill disagree about which way the blades are spinning.

The man in front insists they’re going clockwise. The man behind says no, it’s obvious they’re going counter-clockwise. After a while, they agree to look at it from each other’s perspective. They realize that they were both right, it’s all a matter of perspective.

The moral of the story is th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6pm in an irish pub,

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”
Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat...

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

What do you call Bob Ross spinning around in circles at a theatre play?

Aphrodisiac

Three CEOs of car companies are kidnapped.

They are told to either pay $1bn for release, or attempt to escape 3 hazard-filled miles out of the city using any method of transportation they choose.

The first CEO asks for a Ford Mustang. He makes it one mile before being spotted by a group of snipers and eliminated.

The second CEO...

My dad thought OnlyFans was a webstore that just sold air conditioning units.

I suppose you can still find something on there to spin around and blow you.

Two dinosaurs are involved in a traffic accident. The diplodocus spins off, but luckily comes to a stop on the verge without too much damage.

Unfortunately the Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

So a man was walking up to the ice rink during the Winter Olympics...

wanting to get a closer look at the ice skaters. He ends up slipping onto the rink, and he starts to catch himself as he is falling. Yet, somehow to his amazement he keeps a running fall up, and ends up spinning to the middle of the ice rink. He is slightly frazzled, having almost face planted on th...

My parents spin a world globe and randomly point out their next vacation destination.

That's how they drowned.

An old drunk walks in the the toughest biker bar. He immediately Scans the crowd until he find the toughest biker in the bar

The guy is a Monster or a man and looks very dangerous. The old drunken man sits down on a bar stool next to him and says loudly, “Hey buddy! Hey! Tough guy! Why don’t you buy me a beer before I go home and go bang your mom!”

The crowd goes silent; they know this biker has killed for far les...

What's the fastest spinning country?

France, because it has the most revolutions per minute.

A Rabbi Wants to Spread Judaism with the World

A rabbi wants to spread Judaism with the world but isn’t sure where he would like to start. He decides he will spin a globe and randomly place his finger to stop it. He does this and lands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The rabbi goes on a boat, and sails to the spot he chose. As it turns out, ...

Two crudely translated Persian dad jokes

Dad: Say skill.

Kid: Skill.

Dad: The frog is your height!

Or

Dad: Say bicycle.

Kid: Bicycle:

Dad: Your mustache spins!

Explanation: I grew up with these Persian dad jokes and they always make me laugh when my dad says them. The "punchline" is that the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde walks into a bank

A blonde walks into a bank in New York city, and talks to the bank's loan officer, asking for a loan.

Loan officer: "How much do you need to take a loan out for?"

Blonde: "Only $1000."

Loan officer: "Do you have collateral?"

The blonde pulls out the keys to a 2016 Ferrar...

A young boy says to his father, "Dad, why does the dog spin in circles when she's excited?"

The boy's father replies, "Because it's very hard to spin in squares."

I was going to go on TV and show everyone my motor that spins at exactly 1,800 rpm. Unfortunately, the station uses a 30fps camera, so while you can still see the motor itself...

The revolution will NOT be televised

Why was Benjamin spinning around and sleepy?

Because Benadryl.

On a hot, windless day the president was out touring a new wind farm. Frustrated by the lack of good video footage, the president knocks on the base of a turbine and asks, “Why won’t this thing spin for me?”

“Oh, its not a huge fan.” The developer explained.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since we're doing favourites, here's mine:

Three men are walking along a beach when they come across a lamp buried in the sand. They pull it out and dust it off and out pops a genie.

"For giving me my freedom, I shall grant each of you three wishes," he declares.

The first guy says, "I wish for a billion dollars!" Poof, his b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

Did you hear about the new spin-off/crossover series starring Chris Pratt?

It’s called Parks and Rex

A man is on his deathbed with his wife at his side.

"Listen closely" - says the man - "I want you to promise me one thing before I die. Do not ever have a relationship with another man. For every man that you sleep with, I'll do a 360º spin in Heaven."

"Don't worry, darling, I promise", says his wife.

After a few days, the man passes aw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving to work

A man is driving to work. While he’s waiting at a red light he hears a voice say; “Sell your car and your house and bring all your money to Vegas”. The man is a bit perplexed but decides to ignore it and carry on with his day.

The next day while driving to work he again hears the voice; “Sell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money and go to Vegas.

A man walks in his front door after a long day at work. Upon entering he hears a voice from out of nowhere that says:

"Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money and go to Vegas."

He thinks he must have been hearing things, so he ignores it. The next day, upon arriving home, he...

how long does it take for the moon to spin around the earth?

a moonth

What's another name for a vegetable that makes you turn and scratch

Spin itch

Super stoked for the new Cosby Show spin-off...

Pudding it in Cosby.

A man is sitting home when he hears a strange voice

A man is sitting home when he hears a strange voice tell him

“Sell your house”

He’s confused at first but he hears the voice again and sells his house. The voice then says

“Go to a casino”

And so the man does

When he gets there the voice then says

“Go to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you spin an Asian man around really really fast...

Does he become a disoriental?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving home one day and hears a voice that says "Sell your car, sell your house, take all the money and go to Vegas"

He thinks it's weird, and that he's imagining things.

Same thing happens the next day, and then again, every day for weeks. Finally after about a month he decides to do it. Sells his car, his house, takes all the money and flies to Vegas.

As soon as he gets off the plane, the voice sa...

Why did the 100 legged bug spin around in circles before attacking its prey?

To gain centipedal force

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I spin around my sexual desire increases.

I think it's an aphrodizzyac.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a cable news pundit, a reality TV personality, a political spin doctor, and a serial entrepreneur are all locked in a room together, who would be the first to realize they're of shit?

The room.

The snake in the desert

N.B. The joke only works if you use American pronunciation, but it's a long joke and I didn't want people to get to the end and complain there's no punchline.

A man named Steve is stuck in a dead end job, 9-5, 7 days a week in a little run down office in the middle of town. He hates it and h...

The lucky frog

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What spins really fast, then gets shot by zookeepers?

Harambeyblades

.

.

.

.

This might be the stupidest fucking joke I've written in months.

What do you call Michael J. Fox spinning around in a chair?

A fidget spinner

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping he...

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

What is empty and spins round and round?

A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim.

My (Swedish) grandfather told me this joke

A Swedish immigrant finally arrives at Ellis Island after days at sea, and with only $15 in his pocket. He's eager to get a job, find a place to live, and start his new life in America, but after such a long and hard journey, his first stop is to get a drink to unwind!

He walks into the first...

I was in a casino last night and had a few spins on the roulette wheel...

Before the manager told me to get off...

A man goes to heaven

A man dies and goes to heaven, where he is met with Peter in a room full of clocks. The man looks around and sees something weird: all the clocks are going at a different pace. The man turns to Peter and asks him what all does clocks are about.

Peter replies: that is what we use to see if som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jake was spinning all night in his bed..

..pointing north. I told him not to take the iron supplement along with viagra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three friends encounter a genie

The Genie is extremely grateful to the three friends for releasing him from his dormant stage and offers three wishes to each man.

The first one says "I want to have enough money that I don't have to work another day in my life." As soon as he finished, his phone beeped saying he had $10 Mil ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Stockbroker moves to Scotland

A Wall Street Stockbroker decided one day he’d had enough of stress and moved to rural Scotland. His cottage was miles away from the next one and he found the tranquility relaxing.

After a few days he answered a knock at the door, before him stood a Scotsman in a kilt; 6’9 tall, ginger hair ...

What happens if you spin an oriental person around really fast for an extended period of time?

They become disoriented.

An elderly couple is dancing a waltz.

Halfway through the second dance the guy, an old sailor, asks his wife:"Darling, would you mind spinning the other way round?"
"Of course, why?"
"Because you're unscrewing my wooden leg!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hypnosis

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches
I've been having. All these years? Well, they're gone.'

'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, St...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the hardest part about fidget spinning?

Telling your parents you're gay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men crash land on a desert island, 3 days later they find a magic lamp in the sand on the beach

>**this joke works best if you do the actions when you're telling it**

The men get very excited about the lamp and as they dust the sand away it hums and buzzes before a genie emerges in a puff of blue smoke.

"You have freed me from my prison," says the Genie, "For this, I will give...

I was making pottery and i fell asleep while doing it..

When i woke my head was spinning..

Propellers on small planes are actually used to keep the pilot cool.

When it stops spinning, you can see the pilot start to sweat.

Rainn Wilson to star in the next Harry Potter spin off!

Fantastic Beets And Where To Find Them

My Car spinning uncontrollably thru a crowd of people

And My Korean friend screams "Hit the Blakes" & I'm like "I can't be that selective"

Why was Jesus hanging around the spinning teacups carnival ride?

He was taking away the sins of the whirled

Whispering voice

A man was watching TV in his house, then he suddenly heard a creepy whispering voice ,,sell your house“ the man was so scared that he listend to the voice and sold his house.

So the man was walking down the streets at midnight, suddenly the voice appeared again
„Go in the casino“
The ma...

Young boy: Mommy, Mommy I can't stop spinning in circles!

Mommy: Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor too!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.