If I bring breakfast to the bed, a simple "thank you" would suffice.

Not the whole "What are you doing here? How did you get into my house!?"

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When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One pair of Hans should suffice

Two nuns, who were in Africa to spread the gospel, ran out of gas with their jeep just outside a remote village they had visited.

One of the nuns remembered they had a small gas station of sorts in the village, so they decided to walk back and get some gas for their jeep. They couldn’t find any can in the car, but one of them grabbed a potty from their sanitary equipment and said it would suffice, and off they went. As they re...

A Girl Was About to Celebrate her 18th Birthday

The mother asked the girl what would she like as a gift.

As the girl was not materialistic, she said even a heartfelt message that will make her cry will suffice.

And the mother said "you're adopted".

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Girlfriend got jokes...

My girlfriends jk/comeback/burn on me today.

Back story, we've been busy lately and haven't been physically intimate. I felt feisty this morning and suffice to day our "intamacy" didn't last long.

Her: you have to give up office to chair to my daughter.

Me: why? Its my chair...

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A Therapist is walking through the desert

A Therapist is walking through the desert and stumbles across an old lamp. As he’s brushing the sand away, out pops a genie! “Thank you for freeing me from my enclosure! I will now grant you three wishes, BUT” he continues “you may not ask for a million dollars”. “Hmmm” the therapist thinks, “well, ...

A Frog walks into a bank

And introduces himself to the teller, Patricia Whack. He says “Hello Mrs Whack, my name is Kermit Jagger, I am the son of Mick Jagger who is a friend of the manager at this bank. On behalf of my father, I would like to make a $1 million loan.”

Patricia says “For a loan that large we’ll need s...

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

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A wealthy old man lays on his death bed, his 3 sons by his side.

"My boys, to just one of you I will leave my fortune. Each of you take a duck to the market. Whoever can sell it for the highest price will be worthy of everything I leave behind"

The first son, a successful business man in his own right, takes his duck, and gets $20 for it. A good price for ...

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

A billionaire is leaving his doctor's office when he gets stopped and reminded to pay

"Doctor," he says, I've decided not to pay you for your services. Instead, I'm writing you into my will. Will that suffice?"

"Of course," replies the doctor. "But can you please give me back that prescription? I need to make a small change."

Last night I had a strange dream about a muffler

Suffice to say, today I'm exhausted.

My wife was always self-conscious about her amputated arm, so I tried to think of ways to incorporate it in a low-key manner during our intimate moments.

Suffice it to say that for a while I was stumped.

A young librarian is amazed during his first day of work to see a chicken stride imto the library with a armful of books

The chicken walks up to him and deposits the books on the desk. Apart from a little pod weed on one of the covers, they are all in lending period, in fact, they had only been issued the previous day.

The chicken walks amongst the shelves muttering quietly:

"Book, Book, Book".

Th...

My Friend tried to survive just by using candles

Suffice to say, it wasnt really a bright idea

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My son youngest grade son recently learned "Dick" is a nickname for someone named Richard...

... and was super excited about while telling the family at dinner.

Our teenage daughter casually implores, *"How do you get Dick from Richard?"*



Suffice it say, my wife wasn't too impressed when I responded, *"You ask him nicely."*

A soldier is stationed in the middle east...

A young, American soldier arrives to his first tour of duty in an undeveloped area of Kuwait, and quickly discovers that things are rather strict. While he's able to distract himself for the first few days, he soon starts to get a little bit "antsy," and wonders how, exactly, he's meant to contend w...

When I offer to rub on your back in the shower..

..a simple "yes" or "no" answer would suffice.

But please, don't start asking all those silly questions like "who are you?" and "how did you get in my house?"

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The bastard frog love child of Mick Jagger

On a wild drunken night after one of his gigs, Mick Jagger gets involved in a really kinky and depraved orgy. Amongst the participants that crazy night was a party loving groupie frog called Freya.
A couple of months later, Freya noticed that one of her new little tadpoles was quite different t...

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A man walks into a chemist and asks for some Viagra at the counter...

The chemist says to the man, "Do you have a prescription for that?"

"No." The man replies, "But will a photo of my wife suffice?"

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

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Mr. Cheerio, the Fruity Cheerio (long, but it's worth it)

Once upon a time, there was a Fruity Cheerio. He was a poor cheerio, and lived on the streets. He had no family, and begged other cheerios for money every day. One day, Mr. Cheerio decided to pray to the Cheerio God.

"Dear Cheerio God. I am your humble Cheerio servant. I kindly ask that you ...

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A very religious woman buys a parrot...

...not knowing that the bird's previous owner was a foul-mouthed drunk who taught the parrot how to curse.

As soon as she walks into the house with the parrot, he begins to shout, "Hey, it's fucking hot in this house! Shit, is your damn thermometer fuckin' broken or something, bitch?!?"
...

I Once Tried to Break the World Record for Most Records Broken

Suffice to say, the employees at Village Music World were not happy with me.

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