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So should children witness childbirth or not?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed ...

I think it’s a mistake that we call childbirth “delivery”.

It should be called “takeout” instead.

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."


"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"


"Um, well, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."


The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact tha...

Scientists invent a new machine to ease the pain during childbirth

The machine transfers the pain a woman feels during labor to the father of the baby, at any percentage rate between 0 and 100%.

The first couple to test it is very excited, they connect the machine to the soon-to-be-mother and warn the husbands about the consequences. "Men are not used to fee...

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."

The doctor asked, "What was it like?"

I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

Not saying childbirth isn't painful...

But have any of you ever sat on a porcelain toilet seat during winter in Ohio?

I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience."

"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

My wife said childbirth was the worst pain, until I told her how I once landed barefoot on a huge pile of toy bricks.

She didn't have a Lego to stand on.

Childbirth

Was probably a walk in the park for elastigirl.

For Father's Day, my favorite Father joke.

A doctor who invents as a hobby has invented the Child Birth Pain Transfer Machine (CBPTM), which allows the transfer of the pain of childbirth from the mother to the father at varying degrees.

A couple walks in, and the wife is in labor. They agree to hook her up to the machine, and the doct...

There's a new category of art where people paint babies who died in childbirth.

Still life.

Blonde childbirth

It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!

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Me and the wife were having a chat about the worst pain ever, she said childbirth, I said no a kick in the balls is worse, how do you work that out she said? I replied after two years you look up and say, I want another baby, do I look up and say.

I want another kick in the balls?

"Madam, do you want the father to be present during the childbirth?"

"No way! That way, my husband would meet him!"

What do childbirth, comedy, and ordering pizza online have in common?

It’s all about the delivery

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So I broke my mom's tailbone during childbirth.

And I've been a pain in her ass ever since.

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Hit in the balls hurts more than childbirth...

I have heard people saying lets have another baby, but no one ever asked to get another hit in the balls.

Childbirth

Around 0AD childbirth was fraught with danger, but luckily for Jesus he was born in a stable condition

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to hav...

My wife's childbirth was like going on a seesaw opposite a fat boy.

I wish I'd been at the other end.

This joke is like premature childbirth.

Really bad delivery.

Childbirth: Special Delivery

A woman goes to a hospital with her husband to give birth because she is going into labor. When she arrives, the doctor tells her, "Ma'm, we have a device that will transfer pain from the mother giving birth to the father. It's incredible! Would you like to use it?"
The woman agrees and they ho...

Watching your wife in childbirth...

Is like watching your favourite pub burn down.

A married couple rushes to the hospital...

because the wife is going into labor. When they arrive, the doctor tells them that the hospital is looking for couples to try out this new machine that transfers a percentage of the mother's pain to the father during childbirth. The couple readily agrees to use it.

When the birthing process s...

A man’s wife is in labor and they rush to the hospital around midday.

When they get there, the doctors inform the Man that they have experimental machines to wirelessly transfer some of the pain of childbirth to the father of the child.

Then man, being a tough guy, agrees to bear some of the burden for his wife.

They start at the lowest setting of 1% b...

A woman was about to go into labor...

when the doctor revealed a revolutionary new device that could transfer some of the pain of childbirth to the father.

The woman's husband, being the nice, loyal guy he is, decided to man up and take some of the pain for his wife. The doctor started at 20%.
20% of the pain was transferred...

Oh my goodness. First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter!

Then again, I guess that's how childbirth works.

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant.

This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions.

She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?”

The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to desc...

A woman is going to give birth soon...

...but the doctors find out that she will die of pain during childbirth.
She and her husband are mortified.
So, a scientist invents a machine that can share the pain between the father and mother of the baby, so she won't die.
Two days later, the woman is in the delivery room, while h...

A woman goes into labor at the hospital

The husband asks if there is anything he can do to help ease the process for his wife.

The doctor says "there is an experimental process that allows the father to endure various levels of the pain of childbirth. It's new and untested, but it's all you can do."

"I'll do it. Anything t...

Well, that was not good..

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the
doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if they'd
like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of
childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the>mother's
burden.<...

Latvian Joke

Bus full of priests come to Latvia, spread word of God. One priest ask Latvian man "Where is children?" Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.

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Three men waited patiently for their babies to be born...

One was a black man, another was a Mormon, and the final was a southern redneck. From the maternity ward, they hear their wives cry in the final push to give birth, but just then all the lights go out. There's a huge commotion and finally after several minutes the lights come back on. The head obste...

I told my friend I hope to deliver a joke half as well as her some day.

Sadly, we men will never know the joys of childbirth.

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