UPJOKE
illuminatedliteraturealightwell-lightedaflameignitedablazekindledlightedafireenkindledaflareburningblazingon fire

Litter Jokes

Just got a new job collecting litter.

When I asked about training, they said "You'll pick it up as you go along. "

Why did the new mother cat put her kittens in the litter box?

She saw a sign, which read - Place your litter here.

Why are Tesla factories littered with calculators?

Because bots don't count.

Littering is a massive issue where I live.

If only it had been picked up sooner.

I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper

Please don’t ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*

If you think about it we all litter

When we touch the floor

The government has developed machines that will pick litter up from the beach.

I saw one the other day, but unfortunately it was malfunctioning and was grabbing birds off the shoreline instead.

I thought "Well, that took a tern."

Why is the forest floor covered in leaf litter?

Because nature abhors a vacuum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is your automated litter box running?

Then you better go out and cat shit!

My team had to play a football game on a pitch that was littered with loads of stones and gravel.

Luckily we still won on aggregate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

The difference between a freshman girls cross country team and a litter of baby foxes?

One is a bunch of cunning little runts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man saw an ad in the newspaper for a free talking dog...

He thought it was impossible, so he went to the address to check it out.
Standing at the fence to the backyard of the house was a normal-looking German Shepherd.

The man, wanting to prove the ad wrong asked the dog, "so are you the talking dog?"

Surprisingly, the dog replied, "yeah...

The Talking Cat (Original)

Two French brothers are out fishing when one hooks something on his line. After a lot of huffing and puffing by the two of them, they pull up a small wooden chest. They open it, and inside there is a small tabby cat with a note that says "This is a magical talking cat. Please take care of him."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My parents are gone for the weekend so I was in charge of cleaning up after my dogs and sifting through the litter box...

To say the least, I’m done with their shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I will never clean a litter box

that’s pussy shit

I won the prize for "Largest litter of rabbits!"

But only by a hare.

Your so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got arrested for littering.

Just a joke calm down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The three hunters story

This is a joke my grandfather used to tell. He just passed away so I thought I'd share it here.

Three friends decided to take a hunting trip. The first friend was a genius and succeeded at everything he tried. The second friend was an average Joe and got through life just fine. The third fri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the chances of finding a kitten among a litter of puppies?

The PUSSYbility

I once littered in a forest and the only ones that saw me were a group of otters in the nearby river. I'll never forget the look they gave me as that plastic bottle left my hands.

It was a look of otter disdain.

A man is walking through the park when he spots an elderly man crying his eyes out on a park bench...

Feeling empathic, he sits down beside the man, and tries to initiate conversation.


"Troubles with the wife?..." he asks gently
"W-Wife? No not at all, I have an amazing wife at home, she's a beautiful person, we've been married for fifty years, she's an amazing cook too!"
"Oh,...

Criminal justice in the dog world is harsh.

All you need to do is litter once and the next thing you know you’re getting fixed.

The Americans and Russians

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's...

What do you call a bunch of dead puppies on the side of the road?

A LITTER

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have to be a real piece of shit to throw your garbage out your car window.

I spent the whole day picking up trash along the highway as part of my community service for beating up my girlfriend & it’s really made me develop a hatred for scumbags who litter.

Why didn’t the cat pick up his trash?

Because kitty litter!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Call me kitty litter

Cause I get shit on by pussies all the time

Last year, kitty litter companies everywhere took part in a competition...

a competition for 'who could create the best cat litter'--suggesting there was a 'huge trophy' for first place, but it all went horribly wrong.

They should've known, though, after all the grand prize was just one massive catastrophe.

Why is there so much litter in prisons

Because nobody is brave enough to bend over and pick it up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mutt dog had 3 litters last year! First was 5 puppies. Then 7. Then 6. What am I going to do with 18 puppies?!

Sum of a bitch!

Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed?

The street was littered with de brie

Want to know how to scare burglars off?

First: Put pictures of a tiger all around your house.

Second: Put a cat litter tray in your hallway and take a dump in it.

A cat gives birth in a public park...

...and is fined $50 for littering.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't say ANYTHING about your sex life around any "smart" device like Siri, Alexa, television or refrigerator.

I made that mistake, and I'm now getting popup ads for vacuum cleaners, cat litter and oil changes at Jiffy Lube.

Two cats are walking through a desert..

..after a long while one of them turns and says, "Dude, I don't get this litter box".

You know what’s more Lit than throwing garbage in the trashcan?

Throwing it on the ground - it’s litter!

I tried to breed a Golden Retriever with a Rottweiler.

I ended up with a litter of rotten retrievers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the lint that accumulates in a woman’s panties?

Clitty litter.

If you think Lab Grown Meat sounds bad, ...

You should try Pit-bull Grown Meat.

(Mine had sticks and cat-litter in it.)

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

Yo mama so ugly, when she was young,

her mama left her outside a store and got fined for littering.

A dog gave birth to puppies on the side of the road

She was cited for littering

What do you call a group of baby garbage bins?

A litter...

My first joke

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog breeders prize sire is nearing retirement age

The old hound had been prodigious, siring litter after litter, but the breeder felt that the time had come to introduce more variety in his dogs. His problem was that the old hound would chase off all the new sires, and he didn’t have it in him to give his first dog the snip after years of service, ...

My friend who’s a werewolf brought his kids over to my BBQ. They tore my new couch into shreds

No wonder it’s called a litter

What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

A very rich man is having a very big party on the hottest day of the year

The party features a full big band performance and an open bar. In order to fight the extreme heat, the party is littered with large fans running full blast, inadvertantly causing the musicians to tie the sheet music down to their music stands to prevent them from blowing away. Meanwhile, the bass s...

Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth?

Because *littering* is a crime.

Finally took that warning on the cigarette pack to heart

and stopped littering

What do you call books written for cats?

Kitty Litter-ature.

In protest, my friends and I are gonna march down to the city square dressed in trash that we picked up around the city...

...like litter-rally.

My existence

No litterally my dad said I was an accident :c

Cop: Sir, this is a park! Why are you dumping all your trash here?

Me: Officer, did you read the sign? It says “Fine for Littering”

Doesn't matter how lit you are...

Rubbish is litter.

What do you call a book that was thrown on the floor?

Litter-ature

A man walks into a bar

As he walks to the counter, he sees a one foot tall man playing the piano. He comments the player on his skill, and then sits down and orders a beer. The bartender reaches down and hands him an empty bottle.

"What's this?" asks the man. "I asked for a beer." "That's the wishing bottle," the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cat had the audacity to pee in the same spot I did.

Motherfucker, I bought 2 litter boxes for a reason.

My six-year old just got pregnant!

She’s a Labrador Beagle Mix, and she’ll be having a litter of puppies in September!

All crime should be punished, no exceptions. That is why I called the cops on my cat after she gave birth to kittens. Now don’t judge me for doing what had to be done, we all know

*littering* is a crime.

Is it fair to say...

There'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

A lot of people don’t know that Lisa Kudrow has a bachelor's degree in Biology

She was visiting an old school friend who was doing a research project on the genetics of rats and they were showing her their breeding pairs. “This is the Mama Rat A who has a gene sequence that makes her produce more young, and with her is the Papa Rat A who has a trait that causes him to sire un...

Why did I walk your sister to the doorstep after our date?

Because if I dropped her off at the curb I’d be littering!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dog is an asshole, and one of 12 puppies.

He’s the cunt of the litter

I had a dream I was walking along a beach

The sand was nice and soft against my toes as I stare into the sea

Now I think I know why there were footmarks in the cat litter

If this is already made, plase tell me and I will take it down.

I called my friend trash.






I think he took it too LITTERally.

Putting things in the bin may be ‘lit’

But dropping them on the floor is litter

I saw a bunch of baby kittens by a dumpster...

Didn't anyone tell their mother not to litter?

My street looks like a garbage dump...

...litter ally!

A senior citizen drove his corvette out of the dealership

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind through what litter hair he still had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the peddle even more.

Looking at his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, flashing his lights and siren blaring. H...

Why did the dog who just gave birth to seven puppies in the vacant lot get a ticket from the police officer?

She was charged with littering.

The Caller

"Hello?" the child says on the phone. "Hi, honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy," says the litter girl. "She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh, yes I do, and he's upstairs in the r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dogs will be Doggs

Three dogs are at the vet. One asks the others, "So, what are you guys in for?"

The first, a Jack Russell Terrier, says, "I kept humping everything in sight. The neighbor's cat, my master's leg, the couch, you name it. Plus, I peed in the corners and chewed the mail every time it got delivere...

Collection of dog Jokes

what do you call batman's dog? a Bat Terrier

What do you call sleeping puppies? Hush Puppies

what do you call a magic dog? A; a labra-cadabra-brador

what do you call count draculas dog? a blood hound

why is it called a litter of puppies? because theyll trash the place
...

Did you guys hear about the labrador who left her puppies in the street?

She was fined for littering.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a campfire

The dog suddenly says, “Ugh, I hate my master! He makes me do my business on a fire hydrant.” The cat chimes in with, “That’s nothing! I have to do all that in a tiny litter box!” The penis, outraged, shouts, “At least your master doesn’t put a bag over your head and make you do push-ups ‘till you t...

Why is North Korea so polluted?

They have supreme litter.

Christian Kittens

A preacher was taking a walk one day and happened upon a young girl who was playing with something in a cardboard box.

When he got closer he could see that the box held a litter of new-born kittens. "What kind of kittens are those?" asked the preacher.

"They're Christian kittens," rep...

Alligator Boots

One day A Ranger decided he wanted to get himself some gator boots, and being a Ranger he wasn't about to go to a store for some. Instead he goes out to the bayou to find a gator to make himself some shoes.
So he comes across a local man and asks him where he can find a gator. The man gives him ...

The King and Queen get a Puppy

After the whole donkey episode, the King and Queen decide to stick to dogs, and get a dachshund. Barely a month old, the puppy was given to the couple after being abandoned by its mother, the only one of the litter to survive.

Night after night, the court physicians and veterinarians watched ...

Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn?

She had a litter of mittens.

Stand up acts anyone?

So, I was on a trip staying at a hostel. You know, budget travel.
I was in Australia, a small town, and I wake up needing to use the bathroom. The catch is it was 2:30 in the morning. And I would need to walk through an outdoor area to get there. So I decide to wait.

However, while waiting...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.