This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call the chances of finding a kitten among a litter of puppies?

The PUSSYbility

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I will never clean a litter box

that’s pussy shit

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My parents are gone for the weekend so I was in charge of cleaning up after my dogs and sifting through the litter box...

To say the least, I’m done with their shit

I have just applied for a job as a litter collector.

They asked if I had any relevant experience but I said I will just pick it up as I go along.

Last year, kitty litter companies everywhere took part in a competition...

a competition for 'who could create the best cat litter'--suggesting there was a 'huge trophy' for first place, but it all went horribly wrong.

They should've known, though, after all the grand prize was just one massive catastrophe.

I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper

Please don’t ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*

My local fisherman keeps trying to lecture me about how the litter from single-use plastics flows downstream into spawning grounds.

I see he's up-to-date with current events.

The only thing I hate worse than a litter bug

Is a pocket full of trash

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My mutt dog had 3 litters last year! First was 5 puppies. Then 7. Then 6. What am I going to do with 18 puppies?!

Sum of a bitch!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You have to be a real piece of shit to throw your garbage out your car window.

I spent the whole day picking up trash along the highway as part of my community service for beating up my girlfriend & it’s really made me develop a hatred for scumbags who litter.

Hugh Hefner was sitting in the Playboy mansion, admiring 'the view'

He then heard there were a group of people at the door, trying to sell him flowers.

He went out and said, "Can I help you?"
"HI sir! We are from Rainbow Florists and would like to know if you want to buy some beautiful flowers for your beautiful ladies?"

"Get the hell off my propert...

Two cats are walking through a desert..

..after a long while one of them turns and says, "Dude, I don't get this litter box".

Why is there so much litter in prisons

Because nobody is brave enough to bend over and pick it up

My six-year old just got pregnant!

She’s a Labrador Beagle Mix, and she’ll be having a litter of puppies in September!

What do you call a bunch of dead cats on the side of the road?

Litter.

A Tv-crew is sent to interview a farmer before the election.

"Could you please share with our viewers, how has the past year been for you?"

"Well, you know I can't complain. I had a very good harvest of wheat, so my family definitely won't go hungry. My vegetable patches brought in amazing organic crops, I was able to sell those at a good profit. And ...

3 women rob a bank

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead rob a bank.

They all run down a dark alley trying to ditch the cop chasing them.

With nowhere to go, they see 3 burlap sacks. Sweet the redhead says, let's hide in those.

The cop rounds the corner and sees the 3 bags right away, he kicks the ...

A politician dies and meets Jesus in heaven...

Upon arriving at the pearly gates of heaven, Jesus greets the man and explains the situation to him

"It's not often we have someone of your power up here. As a result I'm going to let you pick where you go"

Quickly, the man responds "I would like to stay here for eternity. I've already...

What do you call books written for cats?

Kitty Litter-ature.

A guy walks into a bar...

As he's walking up to the bartender, he notices a little man, just sitting on the bar, at a little piano playing music. He looks at the bartender with amazement, "Wow, that is incredible!"

The bartender shrugs his shoulders, "If you think that's neat, I have a genie bottle here with a real ge...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a campfire

The dog suddenly says, “Ugh, I hate my master! He makes me do my business on a fire hydrant.” The cat chimes in with, “That’s nothing! I have to do all that in a tiny litter box!” The penis, outraged, shouts, “At least your master doesn’t put a bag over your head and make you do push-ups ‘till you t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ernie the Hamster

I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:


Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious,


Dad....

I hear voices telling me to do things I don't want to do

"Take out the trash"

"Do the dishes"

"Clean the litter box"

Why did I get married?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My cat had the audacity to pee in the same spot I did.

Motherfucker, I bought 2 litter boxes for a reason.

What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

The Russians and Americans

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog...

A man wakes hungover

A man wakes up in his bed with a terrible hangover. He looks to his bedside table and finds some ibuprofen and a glass of water. He glances around the bedroom and sees that it is cleaner than usual and his work clothes are laid out. He pops the ibuprofen and washes it down with water, and finds a no...

A man is severely depressed.

Joke:

His wife left him, took the kids and due to all the stress and pressure in his personal life, his work performance took a dive and he was fired. Without a job, he lost his home, his possessions and whatever was left of his dignity and hope. He decided to end his miserable life.

...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dog is an asshole, and one of 12 puppies.

He’s the cunt of the litter

Last night I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

The 3 Bears

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in hi...

A man's car breaks down on the side of the road...

Because he's out in the middle of nowhere and his car seems beyond all hope, he begins to walk. After just a few miles he seems a discarded bottle that looks too fancy to just be litter. He picks it up and rubs the dirt off of it and suddenly a genie appears.
The genie promises to grant him thre...

Doesn't matter how lit you are...

Rubbish is litter.

The King and Queen get a Puppy

After the whole donkey episode, the King and Queen decide to stick to dogs, and get a dachshund. Barely a month old, the puppy was given to the couple after being abandoned by its mother, the only one of the litter to survive.

Night after night, the court physicians and veterinarians watched ...

I work at an unusual restaurant......

The owner is woman name Lily who liked to drink a lot. She had the restaurant’s logo, the label from a bottle of vodka, drawn on everything. Chairs, tables, light fixtures, bathroom sinks, etc. They were everywhere! Worse yet, it was done with a #2 pencil. The weird owner would also keep all the lar...

What did Catwoman get fined for?

Kitty litter

Christian kittens

A fundamentalist preacher was taking a walk one day and happened upon a young girl who was playing with something in a cardboard box. When he got closer he could see that in the box was a litter of new-born kittens. "What kind of kittens are those?" asked the preacher.
"Why, they're Christian kit...

I saw a bunch of baby kittens by a dumpster...

Didn't anyone tell their mother not to litter?

Putting things in the bin may be ‘lit’

But dropping them on the floor is litter

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke translated from Russian

A young man goes to a collective farm to work as a vet. The chairman of the farm greets him and tells him he already has three vets.

"But I'm special, Comrade Chairman," says the young man, "I understand the language of the animals."

"No shit," says the chairman, "why don't you show me...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm

One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm. Being a helpful guy, John tells him there's a new robot in a store down the road that, if you pour your urine into it and insert a dollar bill, it will diagnose any illness that you may have. Hardly believing what he was told, Bob pees i...

Is it fair to say...

There'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

My street looks like a garbage dump...

...litter ally!

Sorry wait for 9 months

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed :-

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, ...

A man walks into a bar...

... and he has the biggest smile in the world. As he sits down at the bar, the bartender can't help but be curious.

"Hey, what's that big smile all about?" the bartender asks.

"Oh," the man says "my dog's in the hospital, I just lost my job, and my mother-in-law just passed away."
<...

Collection of dog Jokes

what do you call batman's dog? a Bat Terrier

What do you call sleeping puppies? Hush Puppies

what do you call a magic dog? A; a labra-cadabra-brador

what do you call count draculas dog? a blood hound

why is it called a litter of puppies? because theyll trash the place
...

The carnival is in town so Bruce invites Garry to spend a romantic warm summer evening with him wandering around the attractions.

Bruce wins a Cupie doll and gives it to Garry. They eat corndogs and cotton candy and both of them are thinking this is the best night of my life.
Then they come across the giant ferris wheel and Garry says “lets go on that big wheel it’s my all time favourite ride in the world.”
Bruce says “...

Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn?

She had a litter of mittens.

A pirate's walking down the beach....

...when he comes across a little girl. The litter girl says, "Hey Pirate! Where's your buccaneers??" The pirate responds, "tucked inside my buck'n hat!!"

Hey, Reddit! Here's one about cats: why did the mother cat move her kittens?

She didn't want to litter.