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Whelp Jokes

My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7.

I wish I had an iPhone 7.

Whelp! It’s that time of the month again. There is BLOOD everywhere...

Ugggh...I hate flossing.

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Little Timmy leaves right after lunch at school

so the teacher tells him to stop. "That's not how we do things, Timmy, what does your dad say after a meal?"

Timmy looks at the teacher and says "Whelp! Better go take a shit."

Dave and his Bob-Ross-Obsessed friend were playing chess.

Dave made a move, and immediately regretted it.

Dave went "whelp, that was a mistake."

His friend immediately shot back "It wasn't a mistake, just a happy accident."


Dave's brother in the next room over heard and replied, "Stop talking about me!"




(My best ...

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a man with a sheep under his arm

A man walks into his house while his wife is cooking dinner with a sheep under his arm. He says "whelp, this is the pig I've been fuckin." His wife looks at him confused and says "that's not a pig that's a sheep." The man replies "Shut up woman I wasn't talking to you."

What happens when you don't pay the exorcist...

You get repossessed.

Nope not mine. May be a repost. If so upvotes to that person.

The Three-Legged Pig

So, there's a traveling salesman who has been on the road for too long. He decides that, to fix his boredom, the next thing he sees he's going to stop and ask somebody about it.

Well wouldn't you know it, he sees a pig with three legs at the edge of a farm.

"Ok," he says to himself. "...

So there's this blonde...

and she's sick and tired of being stereotyped as the dumb blonde, so she decides to dye her hair and move to another city. After she died her hair brown, she packs up her things and leaves for the new city. Driving down a barren country road on the way there, she starts to get really hungry. With no...

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3 guys and a witch....

In a small village there is a long standing rumour that the nearby woods was inhabited by a witch, several missing people and some strange smoke from a seemingly abandoned hut had fuel the rumours for years.
One day three local men decided enough was enough and made way to the woods for a few day...

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Saw The Dark Knight Rises tonight. Thought back to this joke during a scene (NSFW)

Three missionaries get caught by cannibals, and the cannibals throw them in a bamboo jail.
The chief pulls one of them out of the bamboo jail and says, "You have two choice...death or bunga bunga."

The missionary thinks to himself, "I don't want to die...", so he says, "I'll take bunga bun...

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