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Do you have a Vagina?

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.

He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?"

She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same ...

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The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

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What does a gamer call his ex-wife’s vagina?

His ex-box

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Golf Joke...What do you call the part of the body in between the vagina and rectum?

The driving range, because that’s where you hit your balls

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NSFW. During a recent run of bad luck, I saw a penis with legs chasing a vagina with legs, and thought..

it’s just one fucking thing after another.

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While a guy is eating a girl out he finds a pea in her vagina

He thinks to himself, “hmm that’s odd..”, but he’s really in the mood and just keeps going to town on her.

After a while he finds a piece of a carrot, and that made him think “there’s something weird going on..”, but he continues anyway.

A few moments later he finds a small chunk of ...

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Why are vaginas like hotdogs?

Because when you think about what goes into them, you want to quit eating them.

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Vagina flavor lollipop

A street vendor was shouting "Vagina flavor lollipops, get your vagina flavor lollipops here!"

A man approaches and says "This can't be real, but I'll have one please" the man licks it.
"Uugh.. This taste like shit!"

"Turn it around" says the vendor

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A Boob, a Vagina and an Asshole are debating

Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the

opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest.

Vagina: That's nothing.

I give birth to babies, and can accommodate the opposite sex.

That's why I'm the greatest.

.

.

.

.

.
.<...

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My girlfriend's vagina smells like roses....

But, Rose's is tighter...

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Elizabeth Taylor goes in to get her vagina reconditioned.

Elizabeth : Dr. I want to have the vagina of an 18 year old.

Dr. : Ok that can be done.

Elizabeth: Ok but please, ABSOLUTELY NO PAPARAZZI or MEDIA involvement!

Dr. : Of course, it will be completely confidential.


The surgery occurs with no complications. in f...

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I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina...

Allow me to demenstruate.

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I've been seeing a lot of NSFW jokes recently..No more Vagina jokes

Period

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A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

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Religion is like a vagina.

Many people like being in one. It can feel warm and welcoming.

But you shouldn't pull someone into yours without their consent.

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I have a vagina joke

but most of you won't get it.

Vaginas are like gyms.

I'm rarely inside one, but when I am I just sort of pretend to know what I'm doing and hope no one notices I don't.

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Have you ever heard of the vagina dinosaur?

Apparently it was called the clittaurus

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I don't find vaginas appealing.

**Female: What? Why is that?**

*Guy: I really don't want to get into it.*

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Every time I put my dick in a vagina.

That's an inside joke.

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What do the mafia and vagina have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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What's the difference between a vagina and a fridge?

A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips.

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I believe in the vagina like other people believe in God.

I've never seen one before, but I have faith.

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My wife told me that her vagina is a jurisdictional wetland

and now I have to buy a permit if I want to fill it.

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I finally got my vagina sculpting business off the ground and business is booming. My clients really enjoy my work and are always happy to pay...

For cervices rendered

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Two vaginas are having a conversation

The first one asks : "I've heard you can't orgasm, is that really true?"

The second one replies : "Not at all! The ones saying that are just badmouthing me..."

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Son: Dad, just how deep is the average vagina actually?

Dad: Deep enough for a man to lose his house, his car, his dog & half of his life savings.

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Men start their lives coming out a vagina and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in

If you’re a C-section baby, you’re even further behind the curve

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How is your wife's vagina like the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?

It's fun inside to come inside.

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Loose and Floppy Vagina

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.


Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she foun...

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A Man Buys His Wife A Special Type Of Dildo

A man was looking around a sex store searching for a special sex toy to buy his wife so that she won't screw around on him while he is away on a business trip for a few weeks.

After not finding anything special he asks the old man working the store.

The old man replies "Well there is...

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What's the difference between and Arby's roast beef sandwich and a vagina?

I expect there to be pubes on the sandwich

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My ex has some problem with her vagina and has to go to a city in France to get treatment

Its Toulouse.

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Why don't they show vaginas in anime?

Because then it would be a plot hole

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The vagina...

The best engine in the world. It can be started with one finger. It's self lubricating. It takes any size piston and change's its own oil every four weeks. It just a pity the management system is so fucking tempermental!!

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A king suspected that his queen was being unfaithful

So he secretly taped a tiny razor blade to her vagina. Three days later, he ordered his knights to drop their pants. They all had bandaged penises, except for one. The king said to him, "I always knew you were my most loyal knight!"

He replied, "It wath nothing, your magethy"

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A woman goes to her new gynaecologist and he says "My, what a big vagina you have!..."

"what did you say?" she replies


"Why it's the biggest I've ever seen!"


She stands up, slaps him around the face, storms out of the office, drives home, grabs the big mirror off the wall, sets it on the ground, pulls down her underwear and stands over to see for herself. ...

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Man on an elevator says to a woman "Can I smell your vagina?"

Shocked, the woman angrily responds "No!"

Man "Ah, then it must be your feet"

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Julie asks an annoying man if he wants to hear a joke about her vagina

Man: Hell Yes........
Julie: Nevermind, You will never get it

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A limerick about vaginas I wrote five years ago

There once was a gal from Cancun,

Who had a most curious poon.

T'was coarse like a thistle,

But tight as a whistle,

And whilst cumming, could play you a tune.

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My Wife's vagina tastes like a tropical fruit.

She'll let any mango in there.

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[NSFW] Why does the blonde have a green vagina?

The can said finger paint!

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What do you get if you make a weed brownie in the shape of your mother’s vagina?

An Edible Oedipal Edible

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What did the vagina say to the penis before their first time?

“Please be genital.”

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A blind man's big penis

A blind man was always turned down by women because of his disability. He knew one thing though, that he had an abnormally large erection. Knowing he couldn't successfully have a relationship, and use his hammer properly, he asked one of his dear friends to bring him to "pleasure palace", a local se...

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One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love.

All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a ...

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What did Netflix do when they found uncensored shots of Sandra Bullock's vagina in Bird Box?

Bandersnatch.

I'm sorry.

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Woman: "Hey honey, I went to the gynecologist and he said my vagina is like a melon..."

Man: "Is it that big?"

Woman: "No, I think is kinda sweet."

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What do you call Mother Theresa's vagina?

A nunt.

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What do you call a Succubus' vagina?

A penus flytrap.

Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

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I once caught my ex-girlfriend putting acorns into her vagina...

She was fucking nuts.

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When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her vagina and the midwife had to pull it out...

Thing is, I was just really excited to meet my new baby brother.

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A man on a train is sitting across a sexy young lady, with a short skirt on

The young lady uncrosses her legs and he notices that she isn't wearing any panties. She saw him look, and says "Are you looking at my pussy?"
The man shamefully says "I'm so sorry, it won't happen again!"
"It's ok," she says, "I can make it do tricks. Look, I'll blow you a kiss"
The ...

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What does 80 year old vagina taste like?

Depends

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A man walks up to a topless girl on the beach. 'can I tell you a joke about my dick? No wait, it's to long.' The girl looks at him and replies: 'Want to hear a joke about my vagina?'

'No wait, you'll never get it.'

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I was born without a vagina...

The doctors say it’s normal though, considering that I’m a man.

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Son: Dad, what’s a vagina?

Dad: That’s the part of your mother where you came from

Son:... Dad, what’s a cunt?

Dad: That’s the rest of her.

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A Female Dwarf

Goes to the doctors and says "everytime it rains my Vagina hurts" The doctor has a good look at her lady garden and can't see anything that could cause it. He advises to come back on the next rainy day.

A few days later the dwarf is back at his office saying its raining and my vagina is hurti...

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A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.

When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."

The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...

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What's the worst part about your wife putting five oysters up her vagina?

When you suck out six

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A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work"...

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work".

The doctor had a thorough examination and was amazed.

"I've never seen anything like this" he said. "You can't have sex, you couldn't give birth, and it doesn't look like you can even us...

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A $200 vagina?

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the ...

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Two women are walking down the beach. One says to the other, "You know, I could use a little vagina right about now."

Other woman says, "I know what you mean. Mine's as big as a house!"

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What does a vagina and the front of an airplane have in common?

They are both cockpits.

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A Penis and Vagina walk into the restaraunt for dinner...

The vagina orders the tri-tip and the Penis says "Why not me?"

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"Doc, you gotta help me! I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"

"You're supposed to take the stickers off the banana, lady."

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On a snowy, cold winter day...

On a snowy, cold winter day, a priest decides to go visit his brother. Because the path is all snowy, it takes him much longer than he expected.

It was already pitch dark when he sees a light... He decides to follow it and when he comes to it, there is a monastery full of nuns. He knocks and ...

Vaginas are like sandwiches.

If I see pieces of cucumber inside one, I immediately back away.

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A young boy walks up to his father and asks, “Dad what does a vagina look like?”

The dad looks at his son with a smile and says, “Son, a vagina looks like a beautiful flower waiting to be picked.”
The son thinks for a moment and asks,
“What does it look like after its picked?”
The dad looks serious and says...
“Like a bulldog with mayonnaise dripping out of its mou...

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I really hate double standards

When a girl buys a dildo, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, he's called a pervert?

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The difference between men and women

A woman after seeing a penis: "if you've seen one penis, you've seen them all."

A man after seeing a vagina: "if you've seen one vagina, you want to see them all."

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"My vagina is like the local gym," said my wife.

"What?" I asked. "Hot and sweaty?"

"No," she replied. "Only a few members use it regularly."

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If vaginas grew like fruit

They would come from Countries.

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What do brownies and vaginas have in common?

Nothing worse than a dry one

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I bought Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina-scented candle....

but I must have lit it from the wrong end because this thing smells like shit.

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Dad, a girl invited me over to her house

"Oh that is great, Billy. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises... Actually, no. I don't trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget." ...

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The Staff Seargent

(Heard this a long time ago, and in another language. Not sure if has been posted before ! )

A staff sergeant was going out of state for work, and was suspicious of his wife.

So, the night before he is leaving. While his wife is a sleep. He places a razor blade in her vagina.
...

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Another hooker from Crewe limerick

There was a young hooker from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in -
they can pay to get out again too".

I'm here all week.

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When i first saw a vagina i thought

That’s fucked!

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Ahh vaginas ....

9 months coming out , rest of your life trying to get back in

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A boy and a girl are in the showers together.

The boy gestures smugly to his penis and says “hey I bet you wish you had one of these”.

The girl shrugs and points to her vagina. “My mom says that because I have one of these I can have as many of those as I want.”

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What do your jokes and your mom's vagina have in common?

They're both old and overused

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The blue whale has a vagina large enough to fit around 5-7 men. That makes her the second biggest pussy right behind

The kid who said his not playing just before he was about to be tagged

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How to catch a fish

Another joke that i heard in Hindi many years ago. Trying to translate in English.

On a sunny day, a man was sitting by a river with his fishing hook in the water hoping to catch a fish. He was unsuccessful, so he goes the next day and the day after and continuously for several days with no ...

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If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, what's the way to a woman's vagina?

Oh sorry, I thought this was /r/AskReddit.

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What's the difference between /r/jokes and your mothers vagina?

Your mother's vagina gets some new content every once in a while.

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Farmer can't get his cows to mate.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

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A woman asked if I liked thighs or breasts

I told her I liked shaved vaginas and anal. I now have a lifetime ban at KFC.

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Did you hear about the woman who got surgery to put her vagina on her hip?

She said she wanted to make some money on the side.

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Who called it Vagina?

_and not cockpit_

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