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"Do you have a vagina?"

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there



He asks the lady,



'Do you have a vagina?'



She slams the door in disgust.



The next morning she hears a knock at ...

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A Boob, a Vagina and an Asshole are debating who is the greatest of the three of them.

Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the

opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest.

Vagina: That's nothing.

I give birth to babies, and can accommodate the opposite sex.

That's why I'm the greatest.

.

.

.

.

.
...

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A woman goes to her new gynaecologist and he says "My, what a big vagina you have!..."

"what did you say?" she replies


"Why it's the biggest I've ever seen!"


She stands up, slaps him around the face, storms out of the office, drives home, grabs the big mirror off the wall, sets it on the ground, pulls down her underwear and stands over to see for herself. ...

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The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

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I believe in the vagina like other people believe in God.

I've never seen one before, but I have faith.

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Why are vaginas like hotdogs?

Because when you think about what goes into them, you want to quit eating them.

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A guy walks into a brothel and ask that the three most requested girls are brought in front of him(long)

A beautiful blond, brunette and a red head now stand before him, yet he simply can't decide who to pick. The man turns to the blond and ask. "Why are you so popular with the customers?"

She smiles an replies "You may not believe this, but when I get screwed in my ass really good, it congratul...

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Two Vaginas were talking and the first one said: “Did you hear that asshole I live with—says we get more dick then her”

“They hate us cuz they anus,” said the other

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Did you hear about the prostitute that got a vagina implanted on her hip?

She wanted to make some money on the side

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What does a vagina and a mafia have in common?

If you accidentally slipped your tongue, you're in a deep shit.

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What does a gamer call his ex-wife’s vagina?

His ex-box

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips

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Julie asks an annoying man if he wants to hear a joke about her vagina

Man: Hell Yes........
Julie: Nevermind, You will never get it

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Man on an elevator says to a woman "Can I smell your vagina?"

Shocked, the woman angrily responds "No!"

Man "Ah, then it must be your feet"

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Two vaginas are having a conversation

The first one asks : "I've heard you can't orgasm, is that really true?"

The second one replies : "Not at all! The ones saying that are just badmouthing me..."

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What's the worst part about your wife putting five oysters up her vagina?

When you suck out six

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Vagina flavor lollipop

A street vendor was shouting "Vagina flavor lollipops, get your vagina flavor lollipops here!"

A man approaches and says "This can't be real, but I'll have one please" the man licks it.
"Uugh.. This taste like shit!"

"Turn it around" says the vendor

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Golf Joke...What do you call the part of the body in between the vagina and rectum?

The driving range, because that’s where you hit your balls

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That's it, no more vagina jokes allowed!

Period!

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What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a vagina?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull out the meat

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What's the difference between a vagina and the mafia?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

Edit : Oops, there goes my chance of getting free awards.

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What did the vagina say to the penis?

No mask no entry.

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A dwarf with a speech impediment goes into a stud farm, 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm.

'What sort of horse?' said the owner.

'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf,

'Can I thee her eyeth?' So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. 'Nithe eyeth.', says the dwarf,

'Can I thee her teeth?'...

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I finally got my vagina sculpting business off the ground and business is booming. My clients really enjoy my work and are always happy to pay...

For cervices rendered

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Put some dirty limericks down in comments section.

There once was a woman from Que
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
"If they pay to get in
They'll pay to get out of it too"

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One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love

All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor though...

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I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina...

Allow me to demenstruate.

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What do you call a female pilots vagina?

A cockpit.

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I've never seen this here, and it's long and gross.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

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What do you call a Succubus' vagina?

A penus flytrap.

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A newlywed bride and groom were about to commence their honeymoon activities

when the bride became annoyed at the groom’s overly enthusiastic advances. “Have some manners like you do at the dinner table!” she scolded. The groom stopped his pawing, sat up straight, straightened his hair, buttoned and smoothed his pajamas. “Good evening madam” said the groom. “You look very lo...

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Son: Dad, what’s a vagina?

Dad: That’s the part of your mother where you came from

Son:... Dad, what’s a cunt?

Dad: That’s the rest of her.

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A young boy walks up to his father and asks, “Dad what does a vagina look like?”

The dad looks at his son with a smile and says, “Son, a vagina looks like a beautiful flower waiting to be picked.”
The son thinks for a moment and asks,
“What does it look like after its picked?”
The dad looks serious and says...
“Like a bulldog with mayonnaise dripping out of its mou...

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#2537: Do you have a vagina?

A woman hears a knock on the door and when she opens the door a man asks this.

Man: Do you have a vagina?

Woman slams the door in disgust

The next morning she hears a knock again and answers the door. The man asks the same question Man: do you have a vagina?

She slams the...

Vaginas are like sandwiches.

If I see pieces of cucumber inside one, I immediately back away.

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Woman: "Hey honey, I went to the gynecologist and he said my vagina is like a melon..."

Man: "Is it that big?"

Woman: "No, I think is kinda sweet."

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A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work"...

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work".

The doctor had a thorough examination and was amazed.

"I've never seen anything like this" he said. "You can't have sex, you couldn't give birth, and it doesn't look like you can even us...

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What do you call Mother Theresa's vagina?

A nunt.

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The Woman and the Gorilla

A woman once rescued a baby Gorilla from poachers. She was later surprised to find that it could talk. The woman fed it bathed it and raised it. Years passed and the Gorilla grew up to be big and strong. One day the woman saw the gorilla ramming its cock into a tree hollow. Seeing the size of its co...

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What does a vagina and the front of an airplane have in common?

They are both cockpits.

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A limerick about vaginas I wrote five years ago

There once was a gal from Cancun,

Who had a most curious poon.

T'was coarse like a thistle,

But tight as a whistle,

And whilst cumming, could play you a tune.

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The Fisherman

An esteemed researcher in the field of physiology of human sexuality is giving a lecture at the public library on a rainy Tuesday night.

He is explaining the density of nerve endings and his research on the female orgasm.

“While the majority of women experience clitoral orgasm due the...

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When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her vagina and the midwife had to pull it out...

Thing is, I was just really excited to meet my new baby brother.

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THIS IS A TERRIBLE JOKE

Q: Why did the pregnant woman hold her vagina open?

A: To give her fetus a womb with a view.

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So, Gwyneth Paltrow is making vagina scented candles now...

Presumably because since Chris Martin left, she misses the smell of a cunt around the house?

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A Penis and Vagina walk into the restaraunt for dinner...

The vagina orders the tri-tip and the Penis says "Why not me?"

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My Wife's vagina tastes like a tropical fruit.

She'll let any mango in there.

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I bought Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina-scented candle....

but I must have lit it from the wrong end because this thing smells like shit.

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Did you know that the softest part in a woman's body is that area between her anus and her vagina?

No matter how hard you smash your eggs in there they would not crack.

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Men start their lives coming out a vagina and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in

If you’re a C-section baby, you’re even further behind the curve

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Son: Dad, just how deep is the average vagina actually?

Dad: Deep enough for a man to lose his house, his car, his dog & half of his life savings.

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What’s the difference between a vagina and a cunt?

I’ve never seen a vagina wearing a pair of crocs!

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I am so single that..

.. The last time I saw a woman's vagina was when I was coming out of it.

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What did Netflix do when they found uncensored shots of Sandra Bullock's vagina in Bird Box?

Bandersnatch.

I'm sorry.

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An old guy loses his wife.

Frustrated and looking for a new life, the guy sells everything except his SUV, converts them to a bar of gold, takes his daughter with him and starts a journey to the unknown.

On the road, bandits stop them, ask for everything they have. Girl sees that they have no chance, so she puts the ba...

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When i first saw a vagina i thought

That’s fucked!

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Two Gynaecologists

Two gynaecologists were chatting over their lunch break

G1:”you should’ve seen the one on my last patient. She had a vagina like a lemon!!”

G2:”what?! so large?”

G1:”No, so sour!”

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Why did the blonde...

Why did the blonde stuff a hundred dollar bill into her vagina before sex?

She wanted her husband to come into money.

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3 girls are sitting in a bar

They are having a competition of vagina width

One girl says: my pussy is so wide, my husband can fit 2 fists in it
The second girl replies with: wow, that’s impressive, but mine is even wider. My boyfriend can fit 2 fists and both his feet.
The third girl, after hearing all this just sm...

Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

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If vaginas grew like fruit

They would come from Countries.

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I was born without a vagina...

The doctors say it’s normal though, considering that I’m a man.

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A man walks up to a topless girl on the beach. 'can I tell you a joke about my dick? No wait, it's to long.' The girl looks at him and replies: 'Want to hear a joke about my vagina?'

'No wait, you'll never get it.'

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Pregnant Daughter and Mother

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches your vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

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What does 80 year old vagina taste like?

Depends

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What's the difference between a traffic light and a vagina?

With a vagina you can go on when it's red, but you should definately stop when it's green.

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During a vicious storm a bride is blown overboard off the top deck of a cruise ship

The heartbroken groom has 3 search parties sent out to look and unfortunately find no trace of her.

He gets back to life, and 8 years later gets a call from the police.

They say we have some bad news, and some very good news.

We have located your wife’s body during a scuba divin...

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A man going on a business trip visits a witch doctor for his wife

He explains to the witch doctor that his wife has a very high sex drive and he wants to make sure she can satisfy herself while hes gone. No ordinary item will do.

The witch doctor nods and says "I have just the right thing." And he pulls out a box. "This is a voodoo dick. It is quite easy to...

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A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are too large

She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.
She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed.
Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you n...

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A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

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If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, what's the way to a woman's vagina?

Oh sorry, I thought this was /r/AskReddit.

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The blue whale has a vagina large enough to fit around 5-7 men. That makes her the second biggest pussy right behind

The kid who said his not playing just before he was about to be tagged

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NSFW. What do u call a virgin vagina?

A noob tube

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What do brownies and vaginas have in common?

Nothing worse than a dry one

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What do your jokes and your mom's vagina have in common?

They're both old and overused

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"You've seen mine every day for the last 30 years," said my wife, "so why on earth do you want to visit the Vagina Museum?"

I replied "because at least they'll let me inside it."

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[NSFW] Vaginas are like snowflakes

It doesn't snow where I live.

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"My vagina is like the local gym," said my wife.

"What?" I asked. "Hot and sweaty?"

"No," she replied. "Only a few members use it regularly."

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A $200 vagina?

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the ...

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The farmer and his bull

A farmer calls a veterinarian to come inspect his bull, who didn't seem interested in the cows. The vet rubs his hand across one of the cow's vaginas, rubs it on the bull's nose, and the bull begins to screw the cow. The farmer was impressed with this and decided to try it out later that night with...

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I call my wife's vagina Spiderman.

Cuz it's a real Peter Parker.

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Why don't more guys marry ladies with big vaginas?

A girl like that is hard to come by.

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I once caught my ex-girlfriend putting acorns into her vagina...

She was fucking nuts.

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A blue whale's vagina is so big and deep that 5-6 men can easily lay down in it, making it the world's biggest pussy after..

After^Italy^during^both^world^wars

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$5000 Dollar Cow

A couple were driving down the road one day when the man sees a sign advertising a cow for sale for $5000 dollars. Shocked he tells his wife he needs to go see why this cow is worth 5 grand.

When he gets to the farm he knocks on the farmers door and says, excuse me but I seen the sign on the...

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Little Billy comes home and asks his dad...

"Daddy, one of the boys at school called me a 'cunt'! What does that mean?"

His dad says, "wait until mommy goes to bed, and then I'll show you."

A few hours pass, and sure enough mom has gone to bed and fallen asleep. Billy's dad comes into his room and wakes him up. They go into the ...

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Q: What is a vagina?

A: The box a penis comes in.

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