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Uterus Jokes

How does the uterus take its eggs?

Ovaries-y!

What instrument does the uterus play?

The fallopian tuba.

Two fetuses sit in their moms uterus.

One of them wears a scarf, hat and gloves. His twin asks him why he’s dressed like that. He answers:
“l don’t want to catch a cold like the red nosed guy who pops in here all the time and drips snot!”

I like my uterus how I like my calories…

empty.

A doctor thinks he’s invented a new procedure to remove a woman’s uterus

Other doctors point out this is already a well known operation

The doctor replies “oh well it’s historic-to-me”

Three foetuses in a uterus. Two of them want to have a private discussion. Where do they go?

A breakout womb.

What do you get when you cross a uterus and a vacuum?

A Woomba

My grandma had dementia in her later years and would tell me this joke every time I saw her: When your appendix is removed it’s called an appendectomy. When your uterus is removed it’s called a hysterectomy. What’s it called when you have a growth removed from your head?

A haircut. (And she’d laugh every time! I miss her terribly.)

One sperm said to the other sperm:

"Man, this is a long journey! How far to the uterus?"

"I don't know, but we've got a ways to go. So far we've only made it to the esophagus."

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little

Two sperms are swimming along

Two sperms are swimming along when one sperm asked the other how much further until the uterus? The other sperm says we are still in the esophagus.

Ruth went to her doctor for a check up

The doctor told her, "You have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle."

When she arrived home, Ruth told her husband "You vouldn't belief it. I vent to the doctah and he said to me 'You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel....

[Dirty] Two sperm are swimming around inside a woman.

The first one, exhausted and out of breath asks, "how much longer till we reach the uterus?"
The second sperm breaks into laughter and replies, "the uterus?! We haven't even left the esophagus yet!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After the dude rolls off the condom, ties a knot on it and throws it into the bin.

The girl goes "I wonder if any of the sperms in there made it to my uterus, what would they have become later in life" The guy responds "If any of them make it out of the rubber, climb out of the bin and get you pregnant, they'd be David Copperfield"

What's the first original content generator?

A uterus.

How do you get Texas to regulate their power grid?

Rename it uterus.

So it's that time of the month,

And my wife says to me: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but cramping is your uterus shedding its lining, right?"

Laying on the couch in pain, I reply: "Yes, it's the muscles literally cramping to break up the lining and pass it... It's a weird flex but it's okay."

She's not happy with me rig...
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