Uterus Jokes - 20 Hilarious Uterus Jokes

How does the uterus take its eggs?

Ovaries-y!

Two fetuses sit in their moms uterus.

One of them wears a scarf, hat and gloves. His twin asks him why he’s dressed like that. He answers:
“l don’t want to catch a cold like the red nosed guy who pops in here all the time and drips snot!”

I like my uterus how I like my calories…

empty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the vagina's talking to the uterus...

...and the vagina says "Hey, did you order something from the piano store?"

The uterus, very confused, says "No. Why would I order something from the piano store?"

The vagina replied "I don't know, but there's a couple of nuts down here trying to push in an organ."

Three foetuses in a uterus. Two of them want to have a private discussion. Where do they go?

A breakout womb.

What instrument does the uterus play?

The fallopian tuba.

A doctor thinks he’s invented a new procedure to remove a woman’s uterus

Other doctors point out this is already a well known operation

The doctor replies “oh well it’s historic-to-me”

What do you get when you cross a uterus and a vacuum?

A Woomba

My grandma had dementia in her later years and would tell me this joke every time I saw her: When your appendix is removed it’s called an appendectomy. When your uterus is removed it’s called a hysterectomy. What’s it called when you have a growth removed from your head?

A haircut. (And she’d laugh every time! I miss her terribly.)

One sperm said to the other sperm:

"Man, this is a long journey! How far to the uterus?"

"I don't know, but we've got a ways to go. So far we've only made it to the esophagus."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young boy goes up to his Dad and asks "Where did I come from?"

His father sighs and says "I was hoping your mother would get this question but OK I will explain".

"So when a man and woman are in love and want to have a baby they get naked and get into bed and then they touch each other and kiss and the man touches the woman's breasts and vagina and the w...

Two sperms are swimming along

Two sperms are swimming along when one sperm asked the other how much further until the uterus? The other sperm says we are still in the esophagus.

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little

Ruth went to her doctor for a check up

The doctor told her, "You have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle."

When she arrived home, Ruth told her husband "You vouldn't belief it. I vent to the doctah and he said to me 'You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After sex the dude rolls off the condom, ties a knot on it and throws it into the bin.

The girl goes "I wonder if any of the sperms in there made it to my uterus, what would they have become later in life" The guy responds "If any of them make it out of the rubber, climb out of the bin and get you pregnant, they'd be David Copperfield"

What's the first original content generator?

A uterus.

[Dirty] Two sperm are swimming around inside a woman.

The first one, exhausted and out of breath asks, "how much longer till we reach the uterus?"
The second sperm breaks into laughter and replies, "the uterus?! We haven't even left the esophagus yet!"

So it's that time of the month,

And my wife says to me: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but cramping is your uterus shedding its lining, right?"

Laying on the couch in pain, I reply: "Yes, it's the muscles literally cramping to break up the lining and pass it... It's a weird flex but it's okay."

She's not happy with me rig...

How do you get Texas to regulate their power grid?

Rename it uterus.

An older woman was having female problems...

...So she had to have surgery to have her uterus removed. The doctor had just finished the surgery, and the nurse was cleaning up and said, "Um...Doc, we are missing a scalpel. We're gonna have to go back in her and remov--"

The doctor stopped her right there. He said, "No. Don't even wo...

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