UPJOKE
murkyshadedfishyshadowyquestionablecolloquialismumbrageousshadowedfunnysuspectsuspiciousdishonestobscurecrookedcozy

Shady Jokes

What's the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?

Both were laundered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checki...

How do you find the real slim shady?

You ask their opinion on something. The real chokes always in the comments.

Watching action movies on shady sites is great.

You get to experience the movie for free that you would usually have to pay for.

The intense hacking scene in which the database needs to be defended from overseas hackers displaying threat messages.

As well as experiencing the supermodel love interest confess her love.

Then ...

what if stephen hawking was the real slim shady

but he couldn’t stand up

How do you tell if a Guitar Shop is Shady?

The Employees tell you "there's no strings attached."

Police apprehended a shady exterminator who releases pests into client's homes

They caught him fleaing the scene

Wanna avoid shady cults?

Just practice safe sects

A shady robed man walks into Disney studios.

As he takes off his hood, he reveals the skull of a face he has underneath. The artists and director pause and murmur with each other.



"Are you lost?", they finally ask him.

"No. I'm fairly certain this is the right place. I bring back the dead with just a touch, a skill requir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the asshole so shady?

Because it meets everyone in the back

I've had a very shady past...

I've been working in the umbrella industry for over 20 years

What does a sheepdog say when he sees something shady going down?

"Let's get the flock out of here"

A strange woman approached me in a shady bar.

She winked, and said "For $50, darling, I'll do stuff for you your wife would never do."

I gave her $50, got her to do the ironing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Serena Williams and a shady Five Guys?

One serves you tennis balls and the other serves you ten-ish balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,

"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer...

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.

Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

What did the shady duck say to the other duck?

“Psst, you wanna buy some quack?”

Two Australians walk into a shady biker bar..

..somewhere in Texas. Inside of course is the whole gang drinking, music stops, crickets...
The boss of the gang asks:
“Did you come here to die?”
Australians respond:
“No, we came in yesterday “

Did you hear about that shady massage parlor run by bears?

Yeah, turns out it was just a front for honey laundering

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hear about the Baker who did some shady shit just to make bread?

What can I say? He kneaded the dough!

The shady workers behind the mexican restaurant,

Thats nacho business.

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

I recently fell for a girl at Shady Oaks Asylum for the Mentally unsound.

I’m now in a committed relationship.

What marker is only sold in shady areas?

Mr. Sketch.

A guy walks into a shady bar on 'ladies night',

He goes over to a group of questionable women and proclaims, "DAMN, I must be in the Matrix!"

One of the more questionable women responds, "What makes you say that?"

The guy replies, "Because all I see are 1's and 0's!"

Why you shouldn't trust trees?

They seem shady

How do you qualify a slim and seemingly shady argument?

It’s an ad eminem.

What did Slim Shady ask the class on his first day of teaching at music school?

"Hi kids, do you like violins?"

A blonde was walking down a shady alley, when all of a sudden a mugger jumps out from behind cover and says "I have a knife, give me all your money!"

She screamed and yelled "Don't shoot!"

Why can't you trust an artist?

Cuz they're sketchy, shady, and they'll frame you

Chinese probes are still doing things on the dark side of the moon.

Seems pretty shady.

What do you call a suspicious Arab rapper?

Salim Shady

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife didn’t understand why the Umbrella salesman was being so vague.

I had to remind her it’s a shady business.

I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.

I don't know why, but they seem shady.

It's so hot outside that I almost called my ex.

So I could be around something shady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking to his car late at night

When he sees a woman on a shady corner. He goes up to ask if she's alright and she responds

"I'm a hooker, are you interested?"

The man decides to live a little and takes her up on her offer and they go back to his car and go at it like rabbits.

Some time during, a cop pulls up...

Why shouldn’t you go near big trees?

They’re really shady.

My new sunglasses are making me paranoid

Everyone suddenly seems shady

Eminem converted to Islam

Muslim shady

What do you call a fish who raps?

A. Swim Shady

Once, there were three friends named Ralph Rock, Pete Paper, and Steve Scissors.

All three of them were very interested in politics. In fact, they made a pact that someday, one of them would by the president of the United States.

Ralph Rock worked very hard to build relationships with the community and gain the trust of the people. Pete Paper used the press to attack his ...

I don't trust the tree in my front yard.

It seems kind of shady.

I saw a guy wearing glasses indoors.

He looked a little shady.

Banksy seems like a trustworthy artist.

Sure he's kind of shady, a bit sketchy, but he's not trying to frame me.

U know why trees are suspicious when it’s a sunny day?

It’s bcuz they are a little shady

My son asked me to take him on a picnic.

I told him, "I really don't like eating under those trees"

"But why, dad?"

"They just seem kinda shady."

When they didn't accept my discount, I gave my local tanning salon a low rating...

It seemed a little shady to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between raping and rapping?

One's mostly done by criminals in shady neighborhoods, and the other is sex without consent.

Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days ?

Dunno, they just seem a bit shady

Pablo Escobar gets his comeuppance

Back when Pablo Escobar was still a small time crook, he was known for peddling his product in the shady street corners of his home town.

One day during said nefarious activities, a bunch of local children rode by on their bikes and recognized his face. They promptly reported the heinous crim...

What do you call a prom in the red light district?

A Shady Hawkins Dance

I can’t take my shadow anywhere nice

He always looks really shady

I made my fish listen to an Eminem album...

...now he's Swim Shady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

I used to work in a parasol company and I've gotta tell you,

it was some shady business.

Sunglasses manufacturers and Hitmen have something in common.

They are both into shady business

Took me a month but I finally got to pull off this joke in real life

*Me and my friend had just finished watching a ton of conspiracy theory videos.*

Friend: It's crazy if some of that stuff is true. But the government is just hiding it from us.

Me: Yeah like monsters and aliens and stuff.

Friend: Yeah! And not to mention all the cool technology ...

Why did the gangster stand under the tree?

Because it was shady.


(credit goes to my 11-y-o for this 100% original joke.)

It doesn’t matter if you’re white or black.

We are all pretty shady.

Three reasons to stand up:

1) To get the remote.

2) To go to the bathroom.

3) Because you're the real Slim Shady.

What do you call a palm tree that wants to be a rapper?

Slim Shady.

What would happen if Eminem lost weight and started doing questionable things?

He'd be the real Slim Shady.

What's the nickname for a particular fast swimming rapper?

The real Swim Shady.

A guy was sitting under the tree in my front yard too long, so I called the cops

sitting under the tree that long, its GOT to be shady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millionaire and his wife

A millionaire and his wife lead a lavish lifestyle, until one day the guy lost everything in a shady investment. That night he went home and explained their diminished financial status to his wife.

"Since we need to start saving, you should learn to cook so we can let go of our personal chef...

What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?

♪ *Shady's back* ♪

Trust no one. Not even your own shadow.

Mine’s been acting shady.

I tend to be extra cautious around tall, large men with ten gallon hats

They’re pretty shady individuals.

I always get burnt during summer time.

I would go under trees but they're a little shady.

I like my girls like I like my coffee...

Fresh, not matured, and sold from a shady part of South America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sightseeing with a Camel

Two guys from some indeterminate country come to NYC to sightsee. They find that there are no rental cars available. A fairly shady guy offers to rent them a camel to see the sights. Needless to say they were suspicious.

They guy says " The camel knows all the things you'd want to see. Just...

I saw a guy put on two pairs of sunglasses.

He looked pretty shady.

THIS JUST IN: Michael Phelps is reportedly joining the rap olympics.

They are already calling him swim shady.

What kind of people should you stay away from?

Trees. They're quite shady.

Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree?

I heard it was a pretty shady business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer goes to prison

A shady lawyer get sentenced to a prison term after his actions are revealed. When he gets put on his cell, he sees that his cell mate is a massive 300 lb southerner. He says hello.

"You gonna be the husband, or you gonna be the wife?" His cell mate asks.

"Umm, no thank you," respond...

The police station installed "Safe Spots" for Craigslist sales...

Which is great because I always met in a park under a tree but it always seemed so shady.

I just bought sunglasses off of the black market

The trade was very shady.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.