UPJOKE
shadysuspiciousoxygentunasuspectfunnytrouteelsturgeonsardinegillsquestionablecarpcodfishmonger

What's pink, moist and smells fishy?

Salmon.

I figured something was fishy with my doctor

when he was giving me a rectal exam, but he had both hands on my shoulders.

When a long fishy guy sinks its teeth in your thigh~

***that's a moray..***

My brother told me he made a saxophone entirely out of haddock

Sounded fishy to me.

I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t trust marine biologists

Something about them feels….. fishy

The detective said, "Something's fishy about this evidence..."

Turned out to be a red herring.

'K guys this one seems a bit fishy to mee

So, there's a fisher, who's catching fish in an area where fishing is prohibited. There even is a sign nearby that states that. Anyway, while he is fishing with his rod, a policeman comes by. He approaches the fisher: “Sir, excuse me but aren't you able to read? Can't you see the sign over there tha...

Something is fishy

do crabs think fish are flying?

Smells fishy to me. Not my work.

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean.

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shar...

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Japanese banks

The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.

Origami bank has folded.

Sumo bank has gone belly up.

Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.

Analysts report that there is some...

You know what sounds fishy?

Fishing fish fishing fish fish fishing fish.


Although fishing fish that are fished are usually fishing fish anyways, it's interesting to consider fishing fish fishing other fishing fish.

Fishy tales

Why couldn't the Egyptian fisherman get over the fact that his boat had sunk?

Because he was stuck in denial.

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

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The Wise Rabbi

A nazi once approached a Jewish rabbi.
"How are you jews so clever? Tell me or I'll kill you!" he demanded.
The rabbi stroked his beard. "Ok, I'll tell you, but first you must become more spiritual. Go and fast for 40 days. Each day, immerse yourself in freezing water."

40 days later, ...

NSFW. My girlfriend broke up with me saying she’s “Vagitarian”

Smells fishy to me.

My suspicions about corruption among trawlers has been confirmed

I knew something smelt fishy

Jane couldn't quite work out why she didn't like her husband's new hobby.

But as he grabbed his bait and rod for the fifth day in row, she new it seemed fishy.

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Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

A man fell in love with a mermaid

Everything went on smoothly until his mother began to smell something fishy.

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week ...

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the h...

A priest, an Irishman and a silver ladle

An Irishman named O'Neill had to travel to London for a few days for work. As he didn't know anyone there or knew where to stay he was told by a friend to stay at the house of a priest, Father Jameson.

So the Irishman O'Neill stayed at Father Jameson's house and on the first night at the di...

What do you call a suspicious looking minnow?

A little fishy

Two birds land on a perch

One says to the other, "Something smells fishy."

A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant

He heard there was a fishy business.

Why does congress have as much meat as Arbys?

Because something's really fishy with all these turkeys playing chicken in a beef over pork.

What is the reel joke?

I knew that title was a little fishy

The kids tried to name the pet fish

But they were far too literal with names like "fishy" and "flipper".

I wonder where Little Human and Naked Baby get that from.

My brother and I both went to the mall today.

We were both hanging around, having a nice time together. Then suddenly out of a blue, a guy came up to us, holding a lighter in his hand. He looked awfully fishy and he gave us a strange stare.


"Hey, boys. Ya mind if I ask ya a question?"


"What is it?" My brother asked, unper...

Courtesy of my nine-year-old son

A detective walks into a seafood restaurant and sits down. He orders a meal and starts eating, but suddenly stops halfway through. The waiter notices this and hurries over to make sure everything is OK. The detective narrows his eyes and says, "Something tastes fishy here!"

i learned a language whose only word is "TUNA"

it sounded fishy at first, but the dolphins told me it was safe

I don't trust the ocean

It looks fishy

What did Adam say when he woke up with a rib missing?

Something smells fishy around here.

So, an artist, a mathematician, and a fisherman commit a crime

And I was looking at the file and it looks kinda sketchy, it doesn’t add up. There’s definitely something fishy going on.

A bunch of groan-worthy one-liners

- Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

- Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Something's fishy about this."

- Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "Oh ...

Two fishermen are sitting in a boat indulging in some wordplay.

The first one says, "If I tell you a joke that relies on *casting* the word "rod" in a phallic sense, would you find it *fishy*?"

"Oh," says the second one, "I think I can *tackle* it."

"So... *net-net*, you'd take the *bait*?"

"Oh-ho! *Hook, line, and sinker*!"

"I don't ...

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My school was performing the Vagina Monologues last week...

I knew something fishy was going on.

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Three Penises in a bar

There's three penises in a bar drinking. They've been in jeans all day and need to relax. Well, they have a few beers and get to talking. They decide to see who's master was the best.

Penis #1: My master holds me all the time, and he let's me out whenever I want.

Penis #2: My master sh...

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day

Give a fish that man, and that little fishy has food for like, ever.

A Blind Professional Fisherman, Is Given the Honerary Title of "Master Baiter"

*He replies* : " It's easy. You just grab your worm, wrap it tight. Cast your pole, and just pray that you inevitably smell something fishy."

Why was the fisherman upset with his new property?

After selling his sole for a small plaice perched by the sea (something to the tuna 500 square feet), he found something fishy within contract and realised he cod do better if he weren't such a cheap-skate.

Why do most people dislike anchovies?

Because they're a little fishy

Why do magicians saw people in half instead of logs?

Because the show looks fishy if you use too many plants...

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis

One day a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were having a conversation.


The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.


The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat...

The Fishing Trip

On Friday afternoon, a man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go on a fishing trip with my boss. We'll be gone a week. This is a great chance for me to work on that promotion! Would you please pack some clothes for me and set out my rod and tackle box. I’ll swing by the hou...

Why did the gynecologist get taken in for questioning?

He smelled a little fishy.

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
<...

What do you call a broken fisherman's calculator.

Something fishy that doesn't quite add up.

Dang girl, Are you part of a ponzi scheme?

...because something smells fishy.

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