What's pink, moist and smells fishy?

Salmon.

I figured something was fishy with my doctor

when he was giving me a rectal exam, but he had both hands on my shoulders.

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

Jane couldn't quite work out why she didn't like her husband's new hobby.

But as he grabbed his bait and rod for the fifth day in row, she new it seemed fishy.

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The Wise Rabbi

A nazi once approached a Jewish rabbi.
"How are you jews so clever? Tell me or I'll kill you!" he demanded.
The rabbi stroked his beard. "Ok, I'll tell you, but first you must become more spiritual. Go and fast for 40 days. Each day, immerse yourself in freezing water."

40 days later, ...

NSFW. My girlfriend broke up with me saying she’s “Vagitarian”

Smells fishy to me.

My suspicions about corruption among trawlers has been confirmed

I knew something smelt fishy

'K guys this one seems a bit fishy to mee

So, there's a fisher, who's catching fish in an area where fishing is prohibited. There even is a sign nearby that states that. Anyway, while he is fishing with his rod, a policeman comes by. He approaches the fisher: “Sir, excuse me but aren't you able to read? Can't you see the sign over there tha...

The detective said, "Something's fishy about this evidence..."

Turned out to be a red herring.

Something is fishy

do crabs think fish are flying?

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Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.


Sumo Bank has gone belly up.


Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.


Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.


There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they...

How do you know if a mermaid will be top half fish or bottom half fish?......Flip a coin! Heads or tails?!

sorry if this joke was a bit fishy but I just go with the flow\~ xD

Fishy tales

Why couldn't the Egyptian fisherman get over the fact that his boat had sunk?

Because he was stuck in denial.

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The lion, king of the jungle, gets bored

So he decides to visit his friend the fox and tells him about how bored he was..

The fox says to the Lion "you know, rabbit lives next to you, maybe you can fuck with him to pass the time"

"But how?" Says the lion

Fox - "next time you see him, if he is not wearing a hat give him...

A man fell in love with a mermaid

Everything went on smoothly until his mother began to smell something fishy.

Two birds land on a perch

One says to the other, "Something smells fishy."

What do you call a suspicious looking minnow?

A little fishy

A priest, an Irishman and a silver ladle

An Irishman named O'Neill had to travel to London for a few days for work. As he didn't know anyone there or knew where to stay he was told by a friend to stay at the house of a priest, Father Jameson.

So the Irishman O'Neill stayed at Father Jameson's house and on the first night at the di...

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Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.


In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.


Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song w...

Why does congress have as much meat as Arbys?

Because something's really fishy with all these turkeys playing chicken in a beef over pork.

My brother and I both went to the mall today.

We were both hanging around, having a nice time together. Then suddenly out of a blue, a guy came up to us, holding a lighter in his hand. He looked awfully fishy and he gave us a strange stare.


"Hey, boys. Ya mind if I ask ya a question?"


"What is it?" My brother asked, unper...

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week ...

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the h...

What is the reel joke?

I knew that title was a little fishy

A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant

He heard there was a fishy business.

i learned a language whose only word is "TUNA"

it sounded fishy at first, but the dolphins told me it was safe

Courtesy of my nine-year-old son

A detective walks into a seafood restaurant and sits down. He orders a meal and starts eating, but suddenly stops halfway through. The waiter notices this and hurries over to make sure everything is OK. The detective narrows his eyes and says, "Something tastes fishy here!"

The kids tried to name the pet fish

But they were far too literal with names like "fishy" and "flipper".

I wonder where Little Human and Naked Baby get that from.

So, an artist, a mathematician, and a fisherman commit a crime

And I was looking at the file and it looks kinda sketchy, it doesn’t add up. There’s definitely something fishy going on.

A bunch of groan-worthy one-liners

- Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

- Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Something's fishy about this."

- Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "Oh ...

What did Adam say when he woke up with a rib missing?

Something smells fishy around here.

I don't trust the ocean

It looks fishy

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My school was performing the Vagina Monologues last week...

I knew something fishy was going on.

Two fishermen are sitting in a boat indulging in some wordplay.

The first one says, "If I tell you a joke that relies on *casting* the word "rod" in a phallic sense, would you find it *fishy*?"

"Oh," says the second one, "I think I can *tackle* it."

"So... *net-net*, you'd take the *bait*?"

"Oh-ho! *Hook, line, and sinker*!"

"I don't ...

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day

Give a fish that man, and that little fishy has food for like, ever.

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Three Penises in a bar

There's three penises in a bar drinking. They've been in jeans all day and need to relax. Well, they have a few beers and get to talking. They decide to see who's master was the best.

Penis #1: My master holds me all the time, and he let's me out whenever I want.

Penis #2: My master sh...

Why do most people dislike anchovies?

Because they're a little fishy

A Blind Professional Fisherman, Is Given the Honerary Title of "Master Baiter"

*He replies* : " It's easy. You just grab your worm, wrap it tight. Cast your pole, and just pray that you inevitably smell something fishy."

Why was the fisherman upset with his new property?

After selling his sole for a small plaice perched by the sea (something to the tuna 500 square feet), he found something fishy within contract and realised he cod do better if he weren't such a cheap-skate.

Why do magicians saw people in half instead of logs?

Because the show looks fishy if you use too many plants...

The Fishing Trip

On Friday afternoon, a man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go on a fishing trip with my boss. We'll be gone a week. This is a great chance for me to work on that promotion! Would you please pack some clothes for me and set out my rod and tackle box. I’ll swing by the hou...

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis

One day a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were having a conversation.


The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.


The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat...

Why did the gynecologist get taken in for questioning?

He smelled a little fishy.

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
<...

What do you call a broken fisherman's calculator.

Something fishy that doesn't quite add up.

Dang girl, Are you part of a ponzi scheme?

...because something smells fishy.

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