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Laceration Jokes

BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident

The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches

I had a patient the other day who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. I said fine...

Suture self

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whilst watching The Incredible Dr. Pol, my wife got upset with the answer I gave my daughter, when she asked me what "Applying monofilament sutures to female canine's lacerations" meant.

Apparently, "Bitches gonna get stiches" isn't an appropriate thing to say to a 7-year old...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work in an ER, one day my asshole ex boyfriend came in with some deep lacerations to his abdomen,

When I saw him I said, “you’ve got a lot of guts coming in here.”

There once was a man named Myas...

One day Myas and his two friends planned a trip to sail across the vast ocean. They rented a ship and when the date came, they set sail. Everything was going accordingly until the third night when a storm happened upon them. Waves buffeted the hull. Gusts of wind enveloped the sails. As the ship roc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man writing to his insurance

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.  In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.  You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bric...

A feghoot by Isaac Asimov.

"Feghoot watched with interest as a husband and wife were brought in, charged with disturbing the peace. During a religious observation, when for twenty minutes the congregation was supposed to maintain silence, while concentrating on their sins and visualizing them as melting away, the woman had su...

To be part of the clan...

A man is looking for a radical life change. After considerable thought, he decides to move to the freezing regions of Alaska, to live with the Eskimos. He leaves soon afterwards.

He really enjoys his time there. He seems to be getting along with everyone, and has learned to adapt to the ha...

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