I bumped into Thanos and laughed really hard at the size of his chin and forehead...

He snapped

Patient: “Doc, it hurts when I touch here (taps forehead), here (taps nose), here (taps chin), pretty much everywhere.”

Doctor: “You have a broken finger.”

Husband: I don't like three things about you. Wife: What things?

Husband: Your chin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call Jude Law with a penis drawn on his chin?

Lewd Jaw

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call nuts on a wall?

Walnuts.... Nuts on a Chest? Chestnuts. ...Nuts on a chin? A Blowjob!

How much did the morbidly obese Chinese woman weigh?

Wonton.

You know what they say about big chins?

Wow thats a bIg chin.

A pastor cuts his chin while shaving one Sunday morning.

He hurriedly puts a band-aid on and rushes to his church for the 10:00 am service.

Afterwards, a member of the congregation, an older woman, comes up to the pastor and asks, "Excuse me, but what happened to your face?" The pastor replies "I was thinking about my sermon and I cut my chin." Th...

Dear America, Keep Your Chins Up. Love, Australia

Both of them.

I caught my chin shaving in the mirror.

That's when I knew the LSD had kicked in.

I saw a guy with horribly burned lips and chin gingerly sipping his tea

He was a hipster. He said he enjoyed his tea before it was cool.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As the sperm dripped down my wife's chin, I looked into her eyes and asked

"Do you like that ? " "No" She replied. " What the fuck is in this sandwich ?

What do you call the list of most grossly obese people in the world?

Four-chin 500

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hunter goes bear hunting.

A hunter goes to the forest. He sees a bear and fires at it, but misses. The bear is nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly the bear taps him on his shoulder and says, "You tried to kill me, either I'll kill you or pull down your trousers and let me fuck you". The man chose life.

He goes home ...

Its not my fault I have a double-chin... When God was giving out chins..

I thought he said Gin so I said I'll have a double.

To all you beautiful girls, Happy Valentine's Day!

To all your fat girls, chin up, it's Pancake Day next week!

What happened to Mr. Chin after all 10 of his children disappeared?

He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm.

When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder...

"Want to make a bet while we wait?"...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp...

He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money do...

I have a dollar bill pressed between my chin and my chest.....who am i?

Christopher Reeve at a strip club.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

If someone calls you fat...

Just turn the other chin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What kind of nuts you got?

Dad: What do you call it when you got nuts on your the wall?

Brother: Wall nuts.

Dad: Okay, what do you call it when you got nuts on your chest?

Brother: Chest nuts.

Dad: Alright, what do you call it when you got nuts on your chin?

Brother: uhhhhh.... Idk what?...

A German, a French and an English survives a plane crash at Pacific...

Before they figure out what to do, a local tribe captures and bring them to their village. As they enter to the village , a mighty chieftain appears. He goes next to the German and asks : “ Death?! or Onga-Bonga?!”

German answers with fear and hesitation “Onga-Bonga” without knowing meaning...

Yo mama's so fat

Her favorite game show is Wheel of Four Chins.

A joke I heard recently about depression:

One day, a man is so sick and tired of the usual routine that he decides to finally take action and seek a doctor for psychological help.

He goes to the doctor and confesses for the first time the feelings which haunt his daily life: how he perceives the world is harsh and cruel, how he feels...

A priest gets into quicksand

he notices he can´t get himself out of there, so he starts praying. Along comes a guy. The guy sees the priest and asks: "do you need help?" But the priest just answers: "No, god will help me." He sinks in deeper and deeper, is in to his hip, as antoher guy comes by and asks the priest wether he cou...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three warriors and a female troll enter the Colosseum.

The first, wielding a sword, attacked the massive lady-beast head on but was quickly dispatched. The 2nd, wielding a flail was picked up and thrown across the arena like a toy. The 3rd warrior knew he could not defeat the troll by conventional means and with that, he charged at the troll as fast as ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old man goes to the doctor...

An older gentleman goes to the doctor and tells him he has erectile dysfunction. The doc scratches his chin, and then snaps his fingers.

"I've got just the thing for you! This is a new medicine; just cleared clinical trials. You'll feel like you're twenty again!"

"Anything to get me ba...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The apple of your dreams.

One day Eddie walked into the patent office. He boldly stated to the patent officer, Bob, that he’d like to patent the apple. Bob, a studious man who looked like he spent a lifetime burying his face in books, dryly pointed out “You can’t patent the apple, Johnny Appleseed already did that.”
“We...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman goes to a pet store to buy a companion.

The assistant in the pet store however guides her to the aquarium and says "these frogs are on special.'
"Why would I want a frog" says the woman.
The shop keeper looks around sheepishly then says "this frog gives the best oral sex in the world, MIND BLOWING!!"
The woman immediately buys ...

I remember one time when by dad came home from work, absolutely beaming with happiness

I asked "Why are you do happy, Daddy?"

"Well kiddo, today at work Daddy's boss called him into his office, and invited him to go golfing with some of the other big boss men at the company. I shot the best game of my life, and after I got a hole in one on the last hole, my boss told me I was ...

Did you hear about the new cooling device for the lower jaw of a south American rodent?

It's a chinchilla chin chiller.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl walks into a tattoo parlor and explains that she's always wanted a tattoo of her favorite country music star on the inside of her thigh...

She's really conflicted though, because she can't decide between her two favorites, Conway Twitty or George Jones.

The tattoo artist offers a solution: he would do both Conway Twitty AND George Jones, one on each thigh, for only $200 with a free money-back guarantee...if she doesn't like his...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A great fitting suit

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like thi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was talking to his stepdaughter when the stepdaughter asked...

"What do you call nuts on the wall?"

The stepfather replied "well my dear that would be Walnuts."

The stepdaughter then asks "well what would nuts on your chest be called?"

The stepfather replies "well my dear those would be called chestnuts."

The stepdaughter finally ask...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 men are wandering the desert and find a magic lamp

One of them picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me, as a sign of gratitude I shall grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man quickly speaks "I wish I had a million dollars!" the genie nods and the man gets his phone, checks his bank account and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man lies down on his psychiatrist’s couch

“I think I’m hearing voices,” the man says, getting right to the point.

“Tell me more,” says the shrink.

The man continues “I can hear a woman shrieking at the top of her lungs. And children crying. Someone else was whispering into a phone, but that’s died down now.”

The doctor ...

A young couple dies in a car wreck on the way to their wedding.

They arrive in heaven where they are welcomed by Saint Peter. Before they are admitted to heaven they ask if they can get married in heaven.

Peter scratches his chin. “Hmm, I’m not sure. Let me find out.” He goes into heaven to find someone who might know.

Well he’s gone for a very lon...

"Doctor, it hurts when I touch here..."

...\[touches shoulder\]

and it hurts when I touch here- \[touches ribs\]

and it hurts when I touch here- \[touches hip\]

and it hurts when I touch here- \[touches chin\]

and it hurts when I touch here- \[touches knee\]

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

&#...

There's no need to feel down when fat shamed.

Just keep your chins up and be the bigger man.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman's husband dies unexpectedly, and as per his wishes, she has him cremated.

Once she gets home, she sets his urn on their patio table. "Honey, there are so many things I wish I could have told you before you had passed." she says. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'll do my best to say them all now."

&#x200B;

She sits down in a chair, chin propped on ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy was upstairs playing computer games when his granddad came in the room and sat down on the bed.

&#x200B;

"What are you doing?" asks granddad. "You're eighteen years old: you’re wasting your life! When I was eighteen I went to Paris; I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, felt up one of the dancers on stage, pissed on the barman and left without paying. Now *that’s* how to have...

How do you circumcise a homeless man?

Kick your mom in the chin.

Milk The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.

Milk The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. The town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. They brought the cow from Scotland. It was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows...

I ordered milk for a milk bath

The milkman asked, “pasteurized”? I said “no, just under my chin”

Learn to speak Chinese

1) That’s not right ………………….. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?…………. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP………………………….. Kum Hia Nao
4) Small Horse ……………………. Tai Ni Po Ni
5) Did you go to the beach? ………… Wai Yu So Tan
6) I bumped into a coffee table …….. Ai Bang Mai ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

2 Guys are discussing different kinds of nuts

First guy asks his friend "what do you call Nuts on the wall?"

His mate replies "That's Easy, Walnuts!"

"Ok then, what do you call Nuts on your chest?"

Again the response is the same "That's Easy, Chestnuts!"

"Since you're so smart, what do you call Nuts on your chin?"...

A man is overjoyed to find out that his wife has given birth to a baby girl, their second child.

Before entering the hospital room, the man gives his son a pep talk. "Son, before we go to see your baby sister, I have to inform you that she was born without ears. Please be nice, and don't mention anything to your mother."

"Ok", the son replied. Immediately upon entering the room, the son ...

After a brief, bloodless gunfight,

Prickly Bob and his Saddlesore Gang have managed to capture Dan Hollings, Deputy of Tombstone. Prickly Bob, not wanting a murder warrant on his head, has decided to let the desert take care of his latest problem with the law.

Now, I won't lie to you. Alone and buried up to his chin in red des...

So there’s this rich dying vampire who tells his three sons that he’ll give one one of them his fortune.

The three of them decide to have a blood sucking contest to decide who gets the fortune.

On the first night, the oldest brother goes out. He comes back with blood dripping down his chin. His brothers ask him how he did it and he points to a dead man. “See that guy over there? I drank all of h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old man stands in the middle of a snowstorm...

...the man was standing there for a little under ten minutes, and the snow is up to his ankles. A dog sled passes by him.

"Need a lift?" Asks the sled driver?

"No." The old man replies. "God will save me."

"If you say so." The driver mushes on.

After hour, the snow is no...

This kid was born with no neck and no body....

So, for his 21st birthday, his dad takes him to the local watering hole to celebrate.

"Give my son the best drink you can make", said the dad.

So, the boy consumed the drink, and a neck started to grow under his chin.

The father was amazed, and ordered a second drink for his son...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Grammar Nazi

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
*Hitler rubs chin*
"So, mine less"
*Grammar Nazi bursts through door*
"MINE FEWER"
*Hitler looks up*
"Yes, soldier?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bear, the Rabbit, and the Magic lamp

A bear was casing a rabbit though the woods to eat. During the case the two stumble over a magic lamp.

A Genie appeared to the both of them as said. "I will grant you each three wishes."

The bear went first, "I wish every other bear in the woods was female!" The genie waved his hand an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says, "Where's the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking arse wipe."

The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke asks, "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?". "Yes, sir...

A man was walking down the road...

when he saw a little box on the ground. He picked it up and opened it. Inside was a small, black seed. There was a note: If you crack me open, there's a surprise inside!

The man thought to himself, that's an interesting seed. He resolved to crack it open and find out what was inside.

W...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After an orchestra concert, the host asks if there are any musicians in the audience.

Many audience members raise their hands, and the host randomly selects three of them, and invites them on the stage for a quick quiz. The first one turns out to be a pianist, the second one is a singer, and the last one is a drummer.

The host says: "Let's have a quick quiz, shall we? Our pian...

A Jew, an African-American, and a redneck are walking along a beach....

... when they come across a lantern. They all grab it and as they are wrestling over it a genie pops out. He says, "This is unusual. Normally I give one person three wishes, but all three of you are holding my lantern. What I'll do is grant each of you one wish."

The Jewish guy steps forward ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Donald Trump has a problem.

Donald Trump has a problem.

He's had a long life of being a rich playboy, womanizer, having lots of sex. Recently, however, no matter what he does, he can't have an orgasm. He's tried sexy outfits for Melania, Viagra, porn, porn *stars,* Japanese massage parlors, fleshlights, pills from the...

Your mother is so fat

Her chins wear suspenders.

(Hope its original, I just thought it up. If not, I can live with it.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My new girlfriend just found out I suffer from premature ejaculation

She took it on the chin though.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three cavemen are on the hunt...

when one of them absent-mindedly wanders over the edge of a cliff, falling to a hideous death on the jagged rocks below.

The other two Cavemen peer over the edge in puzzlement.

The first caveman, Atuk, grunts, "What happen to him?"

The second caveman, Krunk, scratches his head ...

What's the difference between Putin and poutine?

Trump doens't have to wipe poutine off his chin.

What do you call a really fat Asian snack?

A four-chin cookie.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the horse that no look so good? [Long]

In 1980, a man is driving through the south Arizona desert on his way from Florida to California on business. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere his car starts to sputter, steam billows from the hood and the car comes to a stop on the edge of the road.

As he gets out he inspects the car and c...

When life gets tough, I think about my parents...

I take it on the chin like my mum, and just move on like my dad.

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons.

“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”

“That’s very ni...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My work is fucking horrible.

Its mostly the people that work there:

First we have this dumb bitch. She is constantly conplaining about this and that. She is an 11/10 and cant solve a simple problem to save her fucking life. She is dumber than a box of rocks and i hate that i have an enormous crush on her.

Next we ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Not Just A Nymph...But A Nympho [OC] (hopefully)

There's a poor farm family, Father, Mother and three sons. They make a very difficult living on a rocky farm, barely growing enough to survive. It's a hard life, teetering on the edge of disaster.

They have a cow, and it makes all the difference. She's a great producer of milk, and they are...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman goes to the doctor,

Woman: Lately I have developed this problem of wetting my bed while sleeping.

Doc: Go behind the curtains, take off your clothes and do a headstand in front of the mirror.

The woman obliges. The doctor comes in, parts her legs and keeps his chin on top of her vagina.

Woman: So D...

Once upon a time there was a hatseller

He traveled from village to village selling hats.
One day, he was walking through the jungle, and noticed a comfortable spot at the base of a particular tree. He decided to rest there, as it was a hot day. So, he put his basket of hats next to him, pulled his hat over his eyes, and slept....

A Woman Walks Into a Tattoo Parlor...

...and says to the artist, "I'd like a tattoo of Johnny Cash on the inside of my left thigh, and a tattoo of Hank Williams on the inside of my right thigh."


She sits in the chair and the artist goes to work. When he's finished, he shows her the results with a mirror, but the woman is u...

A mother comes down to the kitchen and finds her daughter up early, eating a bowl of cereal...

The daughter asks- “Mommy, I heard some strange sounds coming from your bedroom a little while ago. What were you and Daddy doing in there?”

The mother is instantly embarrassed.

“Um... your daddy and I were making a cake, sweetheart.”

The next morning the mom comes down and t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

George was having breakfast when Mildred walked in, dropped her robe, and sat naked at the table.

She leaned forward on her elbows towards George, her chin resting playfully on the back of her right hand as her left hand played with his tie.

"You know," purred Mildred, "I still have urges. I still want you, physically. In fact, even after 60 years of marriage, my tits are getting all hot ...

A new life form is discovered on a nearby planet

It's a huge humanoid figure, almost 200 feet tall while seated. It's just sitting there. The rise and fall of the creature's chest is evident, but it doesn't seem to do anything else.

Scientists come from all over to investigate this strange being. They become more and more frustrated at...

A man was trying to become rich by gaining weight

He was trying to make a four chin

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde rushes into a doctors office...

A blonde rushes into a doctors office, visibly upset.

"I must see the doctor!" She says to the receptionist.

So she's taken into an examination room and is told the doctor will be in shortly.

The doctor comes in and sees that the woman is very nervous. He's holding a chart. "Wh...

A guy is walking along a beach when he stubs his toe on a golden lamp...

..chuckling to himself he picks it up and gives it a rub. Fwoosh, out pops this enormous genie.

"I am the Genie of the Lamp!" he booms, "I will grant you a single wish for releasing me!"

"Wow! I know exactly what I'd like to wish for," exclaims our hero. "I've always wanted to visit Di...

Benny and the Magic Urn

Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple talents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as...

God please

A very pious man is stuck in quicksand. He's in up to his belly when 2 firemen come by, he says : " only God can save me, leave me alone!". The 2 firemen insist but the religious man won't change his mind, "only God can help me" he repeats. The firemen finally leave him but after some time they feel...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with a french mother and german father dies and goes to hell.

The devil tells him

"Since you are both french and german, I will let you choose between going to french hell or german hell!"

The man asks to see them first, so the devil takes him to french hell. People are standing in a never ending lake, up to their chin in sewage and chained by th...