Torso Jokes - 89 Hilarious Torso Jokes

The sheriff at the press conference said “we have a torso with no arms, legs, or head.”

“Frankly, we’re stumped.”

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Born without a Torso

A young couple goes through the heartbreak of giving birth to a baby who has no torso--the poor lad is just a head. Still, they are good parents and raise him with love, hoping for a breakthrough from medical science. Then, just before the boy's fifth birthday, the parents get a call from their doct...

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

A baby is born with no arms or legs and no torso. In fact he is just a head. But his parents loved and adored him and cared for him all through his childhood..

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an...

What did the policeman say to his torso?

I've got you under a vest!

My friend challenged me to finish his bird drawing. He had already drawn the head, torso and legs.

To be honest, I just winged it.

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A boy had been born with no arms, no legs, and no torso; just a head.

Needless to say, life was tough for the little fella. His parents; wonderful people; would take him everywhere. They would feed and care for him as best they could. They traveled the world looking for a doctor who could help their little boy in any way. But for many years, they got only regretful re...

A man with no arms no legs and no torso goes to a bar on his 21st birthday

As it is 21st birthday he decides to go to a bar with his family and get his first beer.

The barkeep pours the beer into the man’s mouth and magically, to his amazement, he grows a torso. The man so stunned and happy decides to go and buy another beer.

The barkeep again pours the bee...

I used to have an excessive amount of hair on my upper torso

I’m sorry, I just had to get it off my chest

21st birthday

A little boy is born with a terrible birth defect - he has only a head, no torso, no limbs.

On his 21st birthday, his friends take him to the bar to celebrate. One of them pours his first beer down his throat - and poof! All of a sudden, a neck and torso pop out of his head.

His fri...

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a bear and a rebbit smoking a joint

A bear was smoking a joint, leaning on a tree when a rabbit came by. Bear saw the rabbit and invited him to smoke along, and rabbit joined.

After the they smoked one, the bear who was preaty high already asled the rabbit,

Bear: do you feel anything?
Rabbit: no
Bear: hmm, lets smo...

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth...

The doctor comes in and informs him that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. Your son is just a head!

But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and
compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar an...

A man lost his arms, legs and torso gambling.

Fortunately he quit while he was a head.

A man cuts a hunk of meat from his torso and cooks it in a pan.

As he bleeds out, he realises: "I've made a big me-steak"

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An Army officer, a Naval officer, and a Ranger are captured...

By a strange tribe, deep in the jungle. The people of the tribe confer briefly, and then the chief walks up to the Army officer. "We've decided to kill you," he began, "and make a canoe out of your skin. However, in deference to your rank, we have decided to allow you to choose the manner in whic...

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A Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Brit. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook...

Sarah is a girl who was born with no body. No arms, no legs, not even a torso. Nothing below her neck.

In a major medical accomplishment, doctors develop a set of very small devices to function as her internal organs and install them in her neck. These keep her fully functional with exception of being able to walk or manipulate objects as if she had arms or legs.

Once she is released from the ...

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, t...

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian go exploring in the jungle.

Afer some time, they come across a beautiful lake and all decide to go swimming.

Afterwards as they leave the crystal-clear water they are captured by a local tribe and are brought before the chief.

The chief looks at them and says "All three of you were caught swimming in our sacred w...

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[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

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Three Surgeons meet in a bar...

Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was...

An Englishman goes on a hunting tour of the Americas. He first stops in Canada, where he shoots a large male grizzly bear

In order to ease the transportion of his trophy, the Englishman cuts the bear into pieces, seperating the legs, the arms and head from the torso. He then continues his tour southward crossing the border into the USA.

At the border a customs agent checks his belongings. "Sir," says the agent "...

the police officer said to joe, " we have found your wife cut into pieces, the arms, the legs and the torso, We are sorry for your loss."

"so no head?" joe replied

An officer is at the scene of a car accident filling out a report...

Officer: "Let's see here, driver deceased.
Cause of death? Decapitation. Location of body? Torso in gutter, head in medeon... uh... meddi... medan..." *kicks head*... "Head also in gutter."

A little boy is born, and has only his head

He lives like this for years, until one Christmas, he finds a torso under the tree.

He says “Mom! Do you think next year Santa will bring me some arms?”

“He just might.” She replies.

The next year, sure enough, there’s a pair of arms under the tree.

Again the boy asks his...

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A guy jogging on the beach sees a girls with no arms or legs.

Her torso is just propped up on some sand. As he draws nearer he sees that she's crying. He doesn't want to intrude, but he figures she might need some help.

"Excuse me, miss. Why are you crying?" he asks.
She responds "I'm just so sad! I've never been kissed before and I don't guess I eve...

A man takes his son out for his very first beer

Now his son his no ordinary man, he was born with only a head, no torso, no arms, and no legs. But his father loved him anyway, and raised him well.

When his son turns 18, the father decides to take him out to the pub for his first beer to celebrate.

He sits his son down on the bar a...

The Boy That Was Born Just a Head

There once was a boy that was born as just a head. On his 21st birthday, his Dad decides to take his son out to a bar to buy him his 1st beer. The father and son arrive at the bar and the Dad says to the Bartender, "2 beers please."

The boy that's just a head, finished his beer, and suddenly,...

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

“You kick ass!”

Yes I also kick heads, torsos and other body parts.

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Little Johnny was bathing with his mother

As she got out to dry off, he notices her upper torso he asks “Momma what are those?”

She replies “Johnny, those are my breasts,”

As she turns her back to him he asks “Momma what is that?”

She replies “Johnny, that is my derriere.”

As she turns to slip on her robe he s...

The boy with just a head.

A young couple manage to finally have a child after years of trying. The only problem is that this child was born with only his head.

The child lived his life looking out the window at the other kids and by the age of 4 he really wanted to join them. He went to his father and asked, "Father c...

A cop is making a report on a bike crash

A cop is walking on the scene of a bike crash making a report:

- A hand in the field.

- A leg in the field.

- Torso in the field.

- Head on the aslhl... asplh... ashl...

He kicks the head.

- Head in the field.

Baby joke

A woman has a baby born with no arms or legs but only a head and torso. 5 years later, the boy asks him mom for arms for Christmas.

He wakes on Christmas morning and he gets his arms and he's so happy.

The next Christmas comes and he asks for legs so that he can be like the other kids...

A man was making a robot out of whatever he could find

The head was an old toaster, the torso a series of welded wrenches and bolts, the arms and legs bits of rebar. It wasn’t pretty, so he gave it an ugly name: Brek.

The thing worked fine, but it wasn’t terribly balanced. The left hand was heavier than the other, so it always leaned to the left....

So a head rolls into a bar...

This guy only has a head. No neck, no torso, no limbs.

He gets helped up onto the bar and asks for whiskey on ice, with a bendy straw so he can drink, and the bartender obliges.

He starts talking with the bartender and the other guy at the bar, answering questions about how he lives wi...

What are your favorite "No arms, no legs" jokes?

In case you don't know the format, here's a few examples.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pond?
Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pot?
Stu.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Rustle....

My jean jacket doesn't fit right

I can only fit my arms in the leg holes but I don't have torso or back coverage

Scientists are studying cloning technology and are finally ready to put it to the test.

They insert DNA from a test subject into the machine and wait as the cloning device does it's thing.

After it's done all it managed to produce was a head, an alive and conscious head.

Scientists quickly scramble to put the head in a jar of salient. Where he remained for about a week....

A head goes in to a bar

A head goes in to a bar to celebrate his 18th birthday with his father who buys him his first beer. Several seconds later he grows a torso.

Bewildered by this amazing revelation his father encourages him to drink another beer, he downs it and he grows an arm!

A small group of punters h...

A father, feeling sorry for his severely deformed son, decided to take him to the bar...

It was the son's 21st birthday, after all. His deformity was horrible, he was just a head. No arms, no torso, no legs.

At the bar, the father sat him on the table and ordered two beers. As the son finished his first beer ever in his life, a torso popped out. His father was overjoyed and s...

"Just a Head"

So there was once a child and he had a terrible, terrible birth defect where he was only a head. On his 21st Birthday, his father took him to bar to get his first drink and of course the bodiless kid was excited to get drunk for the first time. The father places his son on the bar and orders him a b...

Three knights in training were competing to see who could chop a mannequin into little pieces.

The first one tries. He makes a small slice in the chest. The second one tries and he makes a large gash in the torso. The third one tries and slices the head off. He was a cut above the rest.

Man walks into a bar carrying his friends head and sets it on the counter. His friend orders a shot...

The bartender hands the man the shot and he feeds it to his friend.

Poof! He grows a torso. Excited now the friend orders another shot and again the man feeds it to him.

Poof! He grows arms and legs. Pushing his luck he orders another and throws it back.

Poof! The friend disappe...

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The cottage in the middle of the woods

An explorer was lost in the forest, and luckily came upon a cottage in a clearing. He knocked and an old Chinese man opened the door. The man was willing to let the explorer stay on one condition: he didn't approach his daughter or he would impose the three worst Chinese tortures upon him.

D...

Excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle

I’ve just been reading an excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle linked to a medieval siege. One of the burials was, from the skeletal analysis, a high status individual, but with the strange feature of having a skull embedded in the torso, this being of a lower status person. A careful rea...

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A young Italian couple get married,

(actually, Italian-American, second generation) named Maria and Luigi. They can only afford to spend their honeymoon night at Maria's Mama's house. Maria is a nervous virgin, but finally Mama 'shoos' her upstairs to be with her husband.
Luigi is sitting on the bed admiring Maria, undressing her ...

A man has a son who was born as just a head

A man has a son who is literally just a head - no arms, legs, torso - just a head. On his son's 21st birthday, he takes him to a bar for his first drink.

"Bartender, can I have a rum and Coke for my son, please?"

The man gives his son a drink and he sprouts a torso.

"My God," th...

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A man is jogging along a beach...

A man is jogging along a beach when he sees a woman with no arms or legs sitting on a bench, crying.

He walks up to her and asks her if she's okay, to which she replies,

"I see all these people hugging, and I've never been hugged!"

So the man gives her a hug and then jogs off....

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Birthday Surprise

Once there was a young couple who were very much in love. The girl became pregnant and gave birth to their first child. It was a difficult pregnancy and there were complications, and surgery was required. When it was finished and the young woman came out of the recovery room, the surgeon met with th...

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A man on a business trip goes for a jog down the beach...

...and after a few miles, he hears a woman calling to him. The man makes his way toward the woman, and as he gets closer it becomes apparent that the woman has no arms or legs. The torso-woman tells the man, "Sir, in my whole life I've never been hugged, could you please give me a hug?" Truly touche...

Just found- Lost Scriptures from the Book of Paul.

It is Good Friday and there are multitudes of people gathered around Mt. Calvary wailing, worshiping, and witnessing the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, now nailed to the cross atop this hill for all to see. Jesus cries out, "Paul...Paul... Paaaulll.." Paul hears this and to prove he is a good disciple...

A soldier cried out on the battlefield...

... after being shot at the Battle of Gettysburg. A lieutenant nearby saw him fall to the ground, and asked what was wrong. "They got me in the leg!" he said.

The lieutenant was a tall, athletic man. He briskly picked up the soldier, holding on to his legs as he tossed the torso over his sho...

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A Englishman, a Frenchman and an American go on a safari in the jungle.

Sadly, they get lost and are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The head cannibal says, “Sorry guys, we have to follow our traditional. That means that we’re going to kill you, cook you, eat you and make canoes from your skin. But we’re not all bad - we’ll let you choose how you die.”

So the E...

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3 Texan surgeons are having a conversation on a golf course

The first one says: "I'm the best surgeon in Texas! A concert pianist has lost 7 fingers in an accident and I managed to sew them to his hand again. Tomorrow he will be playing for the Queen of England in an private audience!"

Says the second one: "Thats nothing! A young man lost both of his ...

My son was born without arms or legs...

For his 18th birthday I carried him to the pub and bought him his first pint.

After holding the glass to his lips and watching him gulp it down, I was amazed to see arms sprout out of his torso!

Shocked, the bartender poured another pint and handed it over to my son, who picked up the ...

A floating head walks into a bar.

He sits down at the bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Upon downing the glass, the man's torso suddenly appears.

"Wow this beer sure is amazing!" Says the man."Bring me another!"

So the bartender brings him another drink, and after finishing it, the man's arms appear.

"Fant...

Three hungry vampires were going to feed one night

They decided amongst themselves that they would go out and feed one vampire at the time, while the other two watched over their den.
The first vampire went out.
After an hour he came back to the den with blood covering his teeth.
- "Where did you go to feed?" the other two vampires asked...

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

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Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

A mum and a dad give birth to a child.

He was a perfectly healthy baby boy but there was a small catch. He was just a head. So the parents though ok that weird but raised him and loved him none the less. They had to carry him around and feed him. Then on his eighteenth birthday his dad took him for his first legal pint. The dad lifted up...

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A group of eels are chilling in the river...

When a full tuxedo comes drifting downstream.

Danny, the leader of the bunch, turns to his three pals.

"Holy shit guys, now's our chance!"

"Yeah!" says Tommy, "Let's get drunk!"

So Tommy threads himself through the pants of the tux in a U shape, forming a nice looking pai...

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A man was in a Terrible fire.

Third degree burns covers his legs torso arms and face. Luckily he had enough skin intact for skin grafts. The doctor worked tirelessly graphing him from top to bottom. They were almost finished when they got to his eyelids. The doctor was stuck trying to figure out what to do to graft this youn...

Baby head

A man and his wife have their first baby, and it’s a boy. However, the baby is just the head. Perfectly healthy, but only a head nonetheless.

The man raises his child as normally as possible, and when the child turns 21, he takes him to a bar to celebrate.

He orders a beer for himsel...

Once, a little boy was born with no arms.

He also had no legs, or even a torso. His parents adored him anyway and completely doted on him.
As he got older they would put him in front of the window and he would watch the other kids run and play in the park across the street. One day a doctor rocked up with radical plan for a whole body tr...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American wash up on an island inhabited by cannibals...

They are quickly captured and imprisoned. At dawn on the first day, the chief of the cannibals has the Englishman brought to him and says "We are going to cook you and eat you, and make a canoe out of your skin. But because I am a generous chief, you may choose how to die."

The Englishman say...

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Baby Delivery

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"

"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.

Then the torso came out and it was ye...

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Three explorers

Here's one I heard years ago and haven't seen on here (you folks that live on reddit might have seen it though).

Three explorers (an Englishman, a Japanese, and an American) were captured by cannibals deep in the jungles of the Philippines.

"You are all trespassing on our lan...

A redneck cop comes upon a traffic accident...

He sees that the driver has been torn apart and strewn across the highway. He proceeds to take down his report.

"Arm... On in the ditch..." <starts writing> "A... R... M... In the D... I... T... C... H..."

Walks a bit further...

"Torso... T... O... R... S... O... ...

A man wants to cross a bridge...

...but a knight won't let him unless he answers three questions correctly but with each wrong answer, the knight promises to cut off parts of his body. The man agrees. The first question is incorrect and the knight chops off his arms. Likewise, the second question is incorrect and the legs were s...

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The business man who moved to [nsfw]

A high powered business man moved to the mountains to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life.

For months the only person he saw was the man who delivers his mail.

After 8 months there came a strange knock on the door, when he opens the door, there stood a giant man with a hu...

A police officer in Newfoundland happens across a gruesome scene on the side of the highway.

A police officer in Newfoundland happens across a gruesome scene on the side of the road.

He radios headquarters to send in forensics. He then assesses the scene. It's horrible. He takes out his note pad and starts to record his observations.

He approaches the rear of the vehicle ...

The sad tale of George and Karen.

George and Karen were highschool sweet hearts, and got married at 19. They were the perfect couple. Except for one thing.

For ten years, George and Karen gave it their all to have a baby. They calculated her cycles, ate right, and went to doctors. But, in the end Geroge just didn't produce en...

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NSFW - Man goes to a brothel (long)

A man goes to a brothel and asks for the most experienced woman they have.
The madam introduces him to a nice lady, he agrees and they go to the room.

During foreplay the man starts fingering the woman, starting with one finger.
Since the girl is a bit big and doesn't seem ...

Three vampires were arguing who is the strongest among them.

So they decided to test their strength practically.

The first vampire, being the young blood got up and said "I'm the strongest and I'll prove it". He stood up and flew very fast out of the window. A while later he came back with his mouth covered in blood. He arrogantly said "You guys see th...

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After their ship wrecked...

...a Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American washed up on a small island. Not long after, they were captured by savages and forced to kneel. The chief says "We will torture you, kill you, feed your meat to our dogs, and use your skin for our canoes! Any last requests?" The Frenchman requests a kni...

A couple has a child, but it comes out as only a head...

They go home and place the head on their living room table, where they care for it, feeding, teaching, and entertaining it. For twenty one years they do this.

Then, on the child's twenty-first birthday, the father decides that he wants to take his son out for a drink, so he moves the head to ...

A man arrives at the hospital...

A man arrives at the hospital after his wife just gave birth to his son. After waiting for a short period, he sees the Doctor approaching with a "bad news" kinda face.

 

The Doctor says: "Hello sir, I'm afraid I h..."
-"What?! Is it my wife?! My son?! What happened?!"...

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A Japanese man, a Frenchman and an American so on a vacation in Africa

Out of nowhere during a safari the 3 men are kidnapped by a tribe. The tribe explains to each man that although they must die they might take some comfort in knowing none of their body will be wasted. Hair will be made into baskets, bones used as weapons, and their skin will be stretched out to make...

21 years ago a man was born without a body...

He was only a head. Miraculously he survived his birth and lived 21 years of his life as just a head without a body.

On his 21st birthday his father decided he would take his son out for his first alcoholic beverage. They went to a bar together and the father asked the bartender for 2 cold be...

A woman gave birth to a child who had no body.

Her son was just a head. When the child was eight years old, he would sit on the window sill everyday, watching the other kids play football. He would ask his mom everyday, "Can I play football with the other children?" His mom always had the same reply: "You can't play football because you don't ha...

A Man Walks Into A Bar With A Duffle Bag

A man walks into a bar carrying a duffle bag and places it on the bar. He says "My son just turned 21 and I would like to buy him a drink!" The bartender looks around and asks "Where's the birthday boy?" The man unzips the duffle bag and pulls the head of a 21 year old man out of it. The bartender g...

A couple has a baby boy born without a body... (A Two-Parter)

***
Part 1
***
After years of trying to conceive, a couple finally manages to have a baby. However, the baby is born with only a head, with no body, arms, or legs. Despite the setback, the couple set out to raise their child as they would any other.

After ten years of challenging ch...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

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3 explorers are ambushed by cannibals...

Fighting valiantly the explorers held their ground longer than expected. Unfortunately they were outnumbered by the cannibalistic tribesman 5 to 1. They were eventually forced to surrender.
Defeated, the explorers were bound together and gagged by the tribesman, who carried off the three men to ...

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Jack

A husband rushes into the emergency room from work to greet his wife who is giving birth to their first born. He helps all he can; he holds his wife's hand and breathes with her through the pain. The doctor claims to see the head. The husband runs around and watches as this bloody, mess of a human b...

A Texan Is Walking Around Rural Ireland With A Very Aggressive & Dangerous Looking Pit Bull On A Leash.

He passes a ramshackle farm with an old man standing outside of it leaning on the gatepost & smoking a pipe who is looking very curiously at the pit bull.

Farmer:- "Bejaysus, what kind of dog is that??....NEVER seen one like it before!!"

Texan:- "Well sir, this here is what you cal...

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Roger the Living Head [Story Joke]

So there's this newly married couple, and they love each other quite a bit. So they decide they're going to have a child. Nine months goes by and it's time for the child to be delivered, but when the doctors pull the baby out, it is only a head. It's still crying and healthy, but it has no body besi...

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My Old Teammate Ron.

So when I was in high school we had a standout basketball player (Ron) who was destined to be in the NBA in his life. As a sophomore, he was 6'7" 230, super athletic and was a star in any sport he played, but he loved basketball the most. One night he was out celebrating after a win and his buddy wa...

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