So there’s this guy who is just a head. No body, no torso, nothing.

He has a crush on this girl, so he asks her to the dance. She really pities him, so she says yes.

They get to the dance and a slow song plays. He asks her to dance. She says no, because it would be weird to dance with a head. The boy is heartbroken and goes outside for some fresh air in tears...

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[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

A man cuts a hunk of meat from his torso and cooks it in a pan.

As he bleeds out, he realises: "I've made a big me-steak"

Sarah is a girl who was born with no body. No arms, no legs, not even a torso. Nothing below her neck.

In a major medical accomplishment, doctors develop a set of very small devices to function as her internal organs and install them in her neck. These keep her fully functional with exception of being able to walk or manipulate objects as if she had arms or legs.

Once she is released from the ...

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‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’

“Now that’s an old one.” The chicken smiled to himself as he looked across the barren road in front of him, the age old question repeating itself in his mind.

On one side, the chicken stood. The other, a lone bar in the middle of nowhere. And yet, at some point, it was once the most bustling ...

A floating head walks into a bar.

He sits down at the bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Upon downing the glass, the man's torso suddenly appears.

"Wow this beer sure is amazing!" Says the man."Bring me another!"

So the bartender brings him another drink, and after finishing it, the man's arms appear.

"Fant...

Baby head

A man and his wife have their first baby, and it’s a boy. However, the baby is just the head. Perfectly healthy, but only a head nonetheless.

The man raises his child as normally as possible, and when the child turns 21, he takes him to a bar to celebrate.

He orders a beer for himsel...

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth.

The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he ...

A man lost his arms, legs and torso gambling.

Fortunately he quit while he was a head.

A cop is making a report on a bike crash

A cop is walking on the scene of a bike crash making a report:

- A hand in the field.

- A leg in the field.

- Torso in the field.

- Head on the aslhl... asplh... ashl...

He kicks the head.

- Head in the field.

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

Three best friends stumble upon a genie lamp.

As a joke, the first one begins to rub it, and all three are surprised when a genie pops out in full Arabian gear. The genie eyes all three of the awestruck men and nods regally.

"I am a Jinn of the Somali. As you have allowed me to see the outside world once again, I shall grant each of you ...

A man's wife goes into labor

After hours in labor she finally gives birth to a boy who was born with nothing from the neck down but is otherwise healthy.

Regardless, the father still treats him like a regular boy. They play catch together and watch TV together. He teaches the boy about cars and how to treat women and he ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Army officer, a Naval officer, and a Ranger are captured...

By a strange tribe, deep in the jungle. The people of the tribe confer briefly, and then the chief walks up to the Army officer. "We've decided to kill you," he began, "and make a canoe out of your skin. However, in deference to your rank, we have decided to allow you to choose the manner in whic...

A mum and a dad give birth to a child.

He was a perfectly healthy baby boy but there was a small catch. He was just a head. So the parents though ok that weird but raised him and loved him none the less. They had to carry him around and feed him. Then on his eighteenth birthday his dad took him for his first legal pint. The dad lifted up...

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Three explorers

Here's one I heard years ago and haven't seen on here (you folks that live on reddit might have seen it though).


Three explorers (an Englishman, a Japanese, and an American) were captured by cannibals deep in the jungles of the Philippines.


"You are all trespassing on our lan...

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Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, t...

Man walks into a bar carrying his friends head and sets it on the counter. His friend orders a shot...

The bartender hands the man the shot and he feeds it to his friend.

Poof! He grows a torso. Excited now the friend orders another shot and again the man feeds it to him.

Poof! He grows arms and legs. Pushing his luck he orders another and throws it back.

Poof! The friend disappe...

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Birthday Surprise

Once there was a young couple who were very much in love. The girl became pregnant and gave birth to their first child. It was a difficult pregnancy and there were complications, and surgery was required. When it was finished and the young woman came out of the recovery room, the surgeon met with th...

A man arrives at the hospital...

A man arrives at the hospital after his wife just gave birth to his son. After waiting for a short period, he sees the Doctor approaching with a "bad news" kinda face.

 


The Doctor says: "Hello sir, I'm afraid I h..."
-"What?! Is it my wife?! My son?! What happened?!"...

A young Italian couple get married,

(actually, Italian-American, second generation) named Maria and Luigi. They can only afford to spend their honeymoon night at Maria's Mama's house. Maria is a nervous virgin, but finally Mama 'shoos' her upstairs to be with her husband.
Luigi is sitting on the bed admiring Maria, undressing her ...

A boy was once born without a body, only a head.

His parents were in total shock: their new child, only a head with a hand coming out from where the neck would be. Somehow, the child was in relatively good health, so they brought him home and cared for him as they would any other child.

Raising Head Boy presented with many challenges. He c...

A dad and a son walk into the bar the kids 21st birthday.

The son is only a head however. The dad places him on the bar and asks the bartender for 2 drinks. After the son finishes the first his torso magically appears. Astonished the dad asks for another round. The sons arms appear. Again and his legs appear until the son has all his limbs. The son is so e...

Once, a little boy was born with no arms.

He also had no legs, or even a torso. His parents adored him anyway and completely doted on him.
As he got older they would put him in front of the window and he would watch the other kids run and play in the park across the street. One day a doctor rocked up with radical plan for a whole body tr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Brit. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook...

A head goes in to a bar

A head goes in to a bar to celebrate his 18th birthday with his father who buys him his first beer. Several seconds later he grows a torso.

Bewildered by this amazing revelation his father encourages him to drink another beer, he downs it and he grows an arm!

A small group of punters h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 Texan surgeons are having a conversation on a golf course

The first one says: "I'm the best surgeon in Texas! A concert pianist has lost 7 fingers in an accident and I managed to sew them to his hand again. Tomorrow he will be playing for the Queen of England in an private audience!"

Says the second one: "Thats nothing! A young man lost both of his ...

A Man Walks Into A Bar With A Duffle Bag

A man walks into a bar carrying a duffle bag and places it on the bar. He says "My son just turned 21 and I would like to buy him a drink!" The bartender looks around and asks "Where's the birthday boy?" The man unzips the duffle bag and pulls the head of a 21 year old man out of it. The bartender g...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I decided I wanted to be creative in coming out to my dad...

so one day I put on some makeup. When my dad came in I looked at him with a smile and said "I'm fucking Fabulous!"

He just stared at me and said "Stop doing that" before turning and leaving.

Figuring that I needed to be more clear, I did my hair up and put on some gorgeous nails. When ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy jogging on the beach sees a girls with no arms or legs.

Her torso is just propped up on some sand. As he draws nearer he sees that she's crying. He doesn't want to intrude, but he figures she might need some help.

"Excuse me, miss. Why are you crying?" he asks.
She responds "I'm just so sad! I've never been kissed before and I don't guess I eve...

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Baby Delivery

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"

"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.


Then the torso came out and it was ye...

21st birthday

A little boy is born with a terrible birth defect - he has only a head, no torso, no limbs.

On his 21st birthday, his friends take him to the bar to celebrate. One of them pours his first beer down his throat - and poof! All of a sudden, a neck and torso pop out of his head.

His fri...

The sad tale of George and Karen.

George and Karen were highschool sweet hearts, and got married at 19. They were the perfect couple. Except for one thing.

For ten years, George and Karen gave it their all to have a baby. They calculated her cycles, ate right, and went to doctors. But, in the end Geroge just didn't produce en...

An idiot and a guy with leprosy are in a jail cell

They are sentenced there for the rest of their lives, and all they have is a window with bars on it. On the first week the leprous guy's arm rots away, and he throws it out from the window. On the second week, his other arm rots away, and he asks the idiot to throw with out. This goes on for weeks u...

So a head rolls into a bar...

This guy only has a head. No neck, no torso, no limbs.

He gets helped up onto the bar and asks for whiskey on ice, with a bendy straw so he can drink, and the bartender obliges.

He starts talking with the bartender and the other guy at the bar, answering questions about how he lives wi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is jogging along a beach...

A man is jogging along a beach when he sees a woman with no arms or legs sitting on a bench, crying.

He walks up to her and asks her if she's okay, to which she replies,

"I see all these people hugging, and I've never been hugged!"

So the man gives her a hug and then jogs off....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of eels are chilling in the river...

When a full tuxedo comes drifting downstream.

Danny, the leader of the bunch, turns to his three pals.

"Holy shit guys, now's our chance!"

"Yeah!" says Tommy, "Let's get drunk!"

So Tommy threads himself through the pants of the tux in a U shape, forming a nice looking pai...

A man takes his son out for his very first beer

Now his son his no ordinary man, he was born with only a head, no torso, no arms, and no legs. But his father loved him anyway, and raised him well.

When his son turns 18, the father decides to take him out to the pub for his first beer to celebrate.

He sits his son down on the bar a...

A father, feeling sorry for his severely deformed son, decided to take him to the bar...

It was the son's 21st birthday, after all. His deformity was horrible, he was just a head. No arms, no torso, no legs.

At the bar, the father sat him on the table and ordered two beers. As the son finished his first beer ever in his life, a torso popped out. His father was overjoyed and s...

What are your favorite "No arms, no legs" jokes?

In case you don't know the format, here's a few examples.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pond?
Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pot?
Stu.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Rustle....

A man is carried into a bar on his 21st birthday.

A man is carried into a bar on his 21st birthday. He has no body parts except his head. The bartender looks at him and says "I have this magical beer that can grant you a wish for every sip!"

The man takes a minute to think. And decides to ask his friend to buy him a bottle of this magical be...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 explorers are ambushed by cannibals...

Fighting valiantly the explorers held their ground longer than expected. Unfortunately they were outnumbered by the cannibalistic tribesman 5 to 1. They were eventually forced to surrender.
Defeated, the explorers were bound together and gagged by the tribesman, who carried off the three men to ...

A police officer in Newfoundland happens across a gruesome scene on the side of the highway.

A police officer in Newfoundland happens across a gruesome scene on the side of the road.

He radios headquarters to send in forensics. He then assesses the scene. It's horrible. He takes out his note pad and starts to record his observations.


He approaches the rear of the vehicle ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Old Teammate Ron.

So when I was in high school we had a standout basketball player (Ron) who was destined to be in the NBA in his life. As a sophomore, he was 6'7" 230, super athletic and was a star in any sport he played, but he loved basketball the most. One night he was out celebrating after a win and his buddy wa...

The boy with just a head.

A young couple manage to finally have a child after years of trying. The only problem is that this child was born with only his head.

The child lived his life looking out the window at the other kids and by the age of 4 he really wanted to join them. He went to his father and asked, "Father c...

A woman gave birth to a child who had no body.

Her son was just a head. When the child was eight years old, he would sit on the window sill everyday, watching the other kids play football. He would ask his mom everyday, "Can I play football with the other children?" His mom always had the same reply: "You can't play football because you don't ha...

A couple has a child, but it comes out as only a head...

They go home and place the head on their living room table, where they care for it, feeding, teaching, and entertaining it. For twenty one years they do this.

Then, on the child's twenty-first birthday, the father decides that he wants to take his son out for a drink, so he moves the head to ...

A couple has a baby boy born without a body... (A Two-Parter)

***
Part 1
***
After years of trying to conceive, a couple finally manages to have a baby. However, the baby is born with only a head, with no body, arms, or legs. Despite the setback, the couple set out to raise their child as they would any other.

After ten years of challenging ch...

"Just a Head"

So there was once a child and he had a terrible, terrible birth defect where he was only a head. On his 21st Birthday, his father took him to bar to get his first drink and of course the bodiless kid was excited to get drunk for the first time. The father places his son on the bar and orders him a b...

A redneck cop comes upon a traffic accident...

He sees that the driver has been torn apart and strewn across the highway. He proceeds to take down his report.

"Arm... On in the ditch..." <starts writing> "A... R... M... In the D... I... T... C... H..."

Walks a bit further...

"Torso... T... O... R... S... O... ...

A Brit, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker crash on a small island

After wandering around for a bit, a group of natives find them. The chief says to them, "we are cannibals and we are going to boil your bones, eat your meat, and then use your skin to make canoes. However, because you have done nothing to us, we are going to let you choose how you want to die. The B...

A man wants to cross a bridge...

...but a knight won't let him unless he answers three questions correctly but with each wrong answer, the knight promises to cut off parts of his body. The man agrees. The first question is incorrect and the knight chops off his arms. Likewise, the second question is incorrect and the legs were s...

Roger the Living Head [Story Joke]

So there's this newly married couple, and they love each other quite a bit. So they decide they're going to have a child. Nine months goes by and it's time for the child to be delivered, but when the doctors pull the baby out, it is only a head. It's still crying and healthy, but it has no body besi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After their ship wrecked...

...a Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American washed up on a small island. Not long after, they were captured by savages and forced to kneel. The chief says "We will torture you, kill you, feed your meat to our dogs, and use your skin for our canoes! Any last requests?" The Frenchman requests a kni...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

21 years ago a man was born without a body...

He was only a head. Miraculously he survived his birth and lived 21 years of his life as just a head without a body.

On his 21st birthday his father decided he would take his son out for his first alcoholic beverage. They went to a bar together and the father asked the bartender for 2 cold be...

A man has a son who was born as just a head

A man has a son who is literally just a head - no arms, legs, torso - just a head. On his son's 21st birthday, he takes him to a bar for his first drink.

"Bartender, can I have a rum and Coke for my son, please?"

The man gives his son a drink and he sprouts a torso.

"My God," th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two ten year old boys sitting on the steps to a brothel...

... watching men enter and exit all day. At one point, two men come out smiling, laughing and talking loudly to each other.

"Not bad for fifty bucks!" Says the first man with a large smile.

"Not bad." Agrees the second with a grin and a wink.

The first boy has an idea and immed...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man on a business trip goes for a jog down the beach...

...and after a few miles, he hears a woman calling to him. The man makes his way toward the woman, and as he gets closer it becomes apparent that the woman has no arms or legs. The torso-woman tells the man, "Sir, in my whole life I've never been hugged, could you please give me a hug?" Truly touche...

Jack

A husband rushes into the emergency room from work to greet his wife who is giving birth to their first born. He helps all he can; he holds his wife's hand and breathes with her through the pain. The doctor claims to see the head. The husband runs around and watches as this bloody, mess of a human b...

A Texan Is Walking Around Rural Ireland With A Very Aggressive & Dangerous Looking Pit Bull On A Leash.

He passes a ramshackle farm with an old man standing outside of it leaning on the gatepost & smoking a pipe who is looking very curiously at the pit bull.

Farmer:- "Bejaysus, what kind of dog is that??....NEVER seen one like it before!!"

Texan:- "Well sir, this here is what you cal...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was getting crowded in heaven....(Kinda long)

So God decided to make a new condition that in order for someone new to get into heaven, they must have a bad day when they die. The rule was told to the gatekeeper so he could follow it from here on.

The first person who died had stepped up to the gate. The gatekeeper then proceeded to s...

Just a Head...

A boy is born without a body, only a head. For his 18th birthday his father, takes him to a bar for a drink.

The father orders his son a scotch and when the boy drinks it, an arm pops out of his head. He drinks another shot and another arm pops out. After the next shot a torso pops out. After...

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