Cheeks Jokes - 34 Hilarious Cheeks Jokes

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is -cheeks one word?

Or are you supposed to spread them apart?

We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut and he tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if ...

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How did Cleopatra know her cheeks would get along?

They had a Tutankhamun.

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My wife had some tattoos done on the cheeks of her .

She said to the tattooist I would like a butterfly on each cheek.

Tattooist says, sorry I can't do butterflies, I can do Bee's though.

So my wife said okay they are nice as well. She came home, dropped her pants turned round and got on all fours to show me.

I said "who the ...

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I'm self conscious about my hairless cheeks...

I embarrassed

Husband and wife are shopping...

A Husband and Wife went shopping together just before Christmas. The wife quickly noticed that her husband was missing and because they had a lot to do she called him on his cell phone.
After the husband picked up the phone his wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do!"
He sa...

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Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her !"
...

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I wedged a philosophy book between my cheeks

Now I have a wisecrack in any situation

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Nice cheeks

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the do...

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My girlfriend won't let me spank her during foreplay, so I glued her cheeks together...

Well, if you can't beat them, join them.

Food enters from a pair of cheeks

Comes out from a pair of cheeks too!

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My wife told me this in the car the other day. Thought you might enjoy!

Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that .

Me: Who?

Wife: My cheeks.

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishma...

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I recently got a new tattoo on my cheeks

It’s a squirrel reaching under to grab my nuts

BB King's wife had a B tattooed on each of her cheeks for his birthday

She dropped her , turned around and bent over. "Surprise", she said. BB looked at her and asked "Who's Bob?"

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Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club....

One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the £10 note and stuck it to his bum cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a £20 note. She called the guy back , licks the £20 note, and sticks...

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Why did God give us four cheeks?

He made an of the first two.

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So there's this guy who drives with his cheeks.

Obviously if you drive with your , you're gonna get into an accident sooner or later, right? Well one fateful day, he did, and in the process, he fucked up the other guy's car so bad it couldn't be fixed. When he gets out of his car, he says,

"Oh no! I !"

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I accidentally glued my girlfriend's cheeks together.

She hasn't talked to me in three days , but I can feel the shitstorm coming. ..

My dating coach told me I should in my cheeks to look more attractive.

It didn’t work and ended up giving me a wedgie.

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Why are your cheeks split up vertically?

If it were horizontally, running down the stairs would sound like someone clapping their hands.

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I regret squeezing my phone between my cheeks

Now there's crack on my screen

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Did you hear about the guy who smacked Dwayne Johnson on his cheeks?

He hit Rock bottom

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Bubba died in a fire

Bubba died in a fire last night. His body was burned so badly that he couldn't be identified by most of his family.

That is, until his best friends Jim and Cletus were called. Jim and Cletus knew Bubba all his life, and they were certain they could identify Bubba for the coroner.

When ...

When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,

I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

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Saturn and Neptune are the cheeks of the solar system

Uranus is between them

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.

''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

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A man goes to the doctor with both cheeks burnt.

Doctor asks what happened ?

Man says - I was ironing my clothes , and suddenly the baby started crying , seeing this my dog started barking and hearing him bark , my wife started screaming ..... there was so much chaos in the room and suddenly my best friend called on my home phone and inste...

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You and I are like cheeks...

we're still together after all the that's gone between us.

Jesus was walking outside the gates of heaven and he sees an old man sitting on a bench..

He approaches the old man and asks.. "good sir, why have you not entered heaven yet?" The old man replies "I'm waiting for my son, he should be along soon." Jesus thinks for a second and asks "will you tell me of your son? Maybe I know of him." The old man sighs and says "Sadly, we lost touch when...

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Sven and Ole are asked to identify a body. (Sad to discover after Googling that this will be a repost, but I was recently told this by my 86 y/o Wisconsinite grandmother and wanted to share.)

So Sven and Ole get a sad call to learn that their good friend, Anders, has passed away and they need to identify the body.

When they get to the morgue, Sven goes in first. The doctor uncovers the body and Sven says, “Aww gee, that sure looks like Anders...could ya flip him over and spread h...

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I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

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