Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank the coffee before it was cool

TIL it is impossible to stick out your tongue while looking straight up

Without looking really dumb.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an Irishman with a homoerotic tongue fetish?

Gaelic

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does the mafia and a vagina have in common?

one slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 guys stuck on a deserted island (translated joke from my native tongue)

3 guys got stranded on an island. A white guy a black guy and an asian guy. They started to search the island to see of there's any sign of civilization. Little did they know that there's a tribe filled with indigenous cannibals. They were captured right away. But before they eat them they always h...

How is a 9 volt battery like an a**hole?

It may be wrong, but sooner or later you're gonna put your tongue on both of them.

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

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What do a woman's anus and a 9 volt battery have in common?

You know its against your better judgement, but you put your tongue on it
anyway.

What do you call a couple of tongues that are best friends?

Taste buds.

I hate tongue, I won't eat something that was in an animal's mouth.

Now excuse me while I eat my eggs.

Why did Albert Einsten stick his tongue out in one of his iconic photos?

At the peak of his career he took matters lightly.

Never catch snowflakes on your tongue

until all the birds have gone south for the winter!

What was Voldemort after he lost some of his tongue?

A partial tongue

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Slip of the tongue

Two guy friends were out at dinner and the one friend says to the other, “guess what happened to me at the train station today?”
“What” says his friend
“I was at the train station buying a ticket for my wife to go to Pittsburg and the lady at the desk was wearing a very low cut top, so I acc...

The world tongue twister champion was killed today in a tragic accident.

He was run over by a red lorry. Then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry

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My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

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The world’s shortest tongue twister (which is kind of a joke right?) - the minimum 2 words long

Irish Wristwatch

Just pissed a lot of people off at work with this one

I was bringing home some tongue from the butcher...

...when a cat jumped into my arms and took it.

I was speechless.

What makes a good tongue-twister?

Well, it's hard to say...

Why'd the pizza hipster have a burnt tongue?

He ate it before it was cool.

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"A razor up the queen's vagina"

In a kingdom far far away, there lived a king and a queen. The king was always under the suspicion that the queen might be cheating on him with some of the knights of his court.

One day, he needed to go to the neighbouring kingdom to meet with the king who ruled over there. Before setting of...

Fun Fact: A male chameleons tongue is 1-1.5 times their bodies length and can fire in & out really fast.

Another fun fact: female chameleons are very happy.

My niece wouldn't eat the beef tongue because it came out of the mouth of an animal.

I then prepared her an egg...

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Slip of the Tongue

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"

Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."

Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

One girl ...

What does "LSD" stand for again?

It's on the tip of my tongue....

My grandad accidently bit his own tongue off during WW2

He never talks about it though

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For some people, alcohol loosens their tongue; others

Their butthole

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My teacher recently asked "What's a slip in the tongue called?"

Apparently it's not Cunilingus.....

I bet you can’t breath loudly with your mouth open and tongue out

Good dog!

Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other...

"Hey, are we venomous?"

The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."

"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "cus I just bit my tongue."

What is your Tongue's Best Friend?

Its tasteBUDS!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife was choking at dinner, so I flipped her over the table, pulled her knickers down and stuck my tongue up her arse.

The shock made her spit out the obstruction and breathe again.

Thank god I knew the hind-lick manoeuvre!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with a black eye takes his seat on a plane...

...where he notices the gentleman next to him also has a black eye.

"So how'd you get that black eye." he asks

"Well it was a slip of the tongue. I meant to ask the attractive woman at the desk for, "one ticket to Pittsburgh". Instead I asked for, "one picket to Titsburgh" and she pu...

Do you know that old fable about how your tongue will stick to an iron pipe if it's too cold?

It's twuu.

I put my tongue in coco

I found it peasant and tasty. Then I put my tongue in Ice-t...and he punched me. His wife still calls though.

I saw a Dwarf who had escaped from prison climbing over a chain link fence. As he was climbing down the other side he scowled and stuck his tongue out at me and ran away...

I said to myself "That was a little condescending"

My grandfather got his tongue cut out in a POW camp

He doesn't like to talk about it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's similar between a 9v battery and an asshole?

Your tongue ends up on it even though you know it's wrong.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A slip of the tongue

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.

He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too.

He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy say...

Just stuck my tongue in an outlet.

The results were shocking.

My Grandpa got his tongue shot off in the war...

But He never talks about it.

[NSFW] Johnny was playing outside...

When he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "What's that?" She says, "Well, it's a beaver Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, except his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a...

Did you hear about the guy who got his tongue cut out by the mafia?

Never mind. It's a tasteless joke.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex.

"You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems", Linda told her friend.

"Thats amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. Were thinking of going to a sex therapist", said Linda.

"Oh, we could never do that! Wed be too embarrassed!", responded Mary. "But after you go, will...