How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate his food before it was cool.

A world tongue twister champion just got arrested

I heard they are going to give him a tough sentence

TIL it is impossible to stick out your tongue while looking straight up

Without looking really dumb.

What did will smith say when he burnt his tongue?

Yahhh, that's hot!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My nephew just asked me what a clitoris was

I told him that I would have answered the question better yesterday, cos it was on the tip of my tongue

You shouldn't joke about people without tongues.

They're pretty tasteless.

Studies say it’s hard to breathe fast while your tongue is out

Good dog

So if cats have papillae on their tongues to rip skin...

...Then does that mean my cat wants to eat me when he licks me?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does the mafia and a vagina have in common?

one slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

How is a 9 volt battery like an a**hole?

It may be wrong, but sooner or later you're gonna put your tongue on both of them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an Irishman with a homoerotic tongue fetish?

Gaelic

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3 guys stuck on a deserted island (translated joke from my native tongue)

3 guys got stranded on an island. A white guy a black guy and an asian guy. They started to search the island to see of there's any sign of civilization. Little did they know that there's a tribe filled with indigenous cannibals. They were captured right away. But before they eat them they always h...

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What do a woman's anus and a 9 volt battery have in common?

You know its against your better judgement, but you put your tongue on it
anyway.

Never catch snowflakes on your tongue

until all the birds have gone south for the winter!

What do you call a couple of tongues that are best friends?

Taste buds.

Why did Albert Einsten stick his tongue out in one of his iconic photos?

At the peak of his career he took matters lightly.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

I hate tongue, I won't eat something that was in an animal's mouth.

Now excuse me while I eat my eggs.

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The world’s shortest tongue twister (which is kind of a joke right?) - the minimum 2 words long

Irish Wristwatch

Just pissed a lot of people off at work with this one

The world tongue twister champion was killed today in a tragic accident.

He was run over by a red lorry. Then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry

What was Voldemort after he lost some of his tongue?

A partial tongue

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Slip of the tongue

Two guy friends were out at dinner and the one friend says to the other, “guess what happened to me at the train station today?”
“What” says his friend
“I was at the train station buying a ticket for my wife to go to Pittsburg and the lady at the desk was wearing a very low cut top, so I acc...

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"A razor up the queen's vagina"

In a kingdom far far away, there lived a king and a queen. The king was always under the suspicion that the queen might be cheating on him with some of the knights of his court.

One day, he needed to go to the neighbouring kingdom to meet with the king who ruled over there. Before setting of...

I was bringing home some tongue from the butcher...

...when a cat jumped into my arms and took it.

I was speechless.

My niece wouldn't eat the beef tongue because it came out of the mouth of an animal.

I then prepared her an egg...

Fun Fact: A male chameleons tongue is 1-1.5 times their bodies length and can fire in & out really fast.

Another fun fact: female chameleons are very happy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Slip of the Tongue

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"

Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."

Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

One girl ...

What does "LSD" stand for again?

It's on the tip of my tongue....

My grandad accidently bit his own tongue off during WW2

He never talks about it though

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For some people, alcohol loosens their tongue; others

Their butthole

Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other...

"Hey, are we venomous?"

The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."

"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "cus I just bit my tongue."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My teacher recently asked "What's a slip in the tongue called?"

Apparently it's not Cunilingus.....

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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn b...

What is your Tongue's Best Friend?

Its tasteBUDS!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife was choking at dinner, so I flipped her over the table, pulled her knickers down and stuck my tongue up her arse.

The shock made her spit out the obstruction and breathe again.

Thank god I knew the hind-lick manoeuvre!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with a black eye takes his seat on a plane...

...where he notices the gentleman next to him also has a black eye.

"So how'd you get that black eye." he asks

"Well it was a slip of the tongue. I meant to ask the attractive woman at the desk for, "one ticket to Pittsburgh". Instead I asked for, "one picket to Titsburgh" and she pu...

As a kid, I used to stick my tongue out to flirt with girls. My parents disapproved.

As an adult, the girl's parents disapprove.

I put my tongue in coco

I found it peasant and tasty. Then I put my tongue in Ice-t...and he punched me. His wife still calls though.

My grandfather got his tongue cut out in a POW camp

He doesn't like to talk about it.

Do you know that old fable about how your tongue will stick to an iron pipe if it's too cold?

It's twuu.

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A slip of the tongue

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.

He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too.

He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy say...

I saw a Dwarf who had escaped from prison climbing over a chain link fence. As he was climbing down the other side he scowled and stuck his tongue out at me and ran away...

I said to myself "That was a little condescending"

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Two business men are flying first class on an airplane...

They are both wearing suits, carrying briefcases, and both of them have a black eye.

Wondering what the odds of their circumstances are, they start up a conversation

Man #1: “Hey buddy, kinda funny that we’re both dressed for business, flying first class, and we both have black eyes. ...

Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

Just stuck my tongue in an outlet.

The results were shocking.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's similar between a 9v battery and an asshole?

Your tongue ends up on it even though you know it's wrong.

My Grandpa got his tongue shot off in the war...

But He never talks about it.