At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me

. On a related note...…………………. I suck at darts.

Some girl got her nipples pierced at the bar yesterday

I'm not very good at darts

I once met a girl with twelve nipples

Sounds strange dozen tit

What did the German police officer say when he found out that his nipples had killed someone?

"you're under a vest!"

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Why did God give women boobs and nipples?

To make suckers out of men!

When I was a baby, I had to have surgery to remove 10 nipples, I still have 2. But yes, I was born with 12.

Sounds crazy, dozen tit?

SAD STORY: A little boy was so jealous of his newborn brother so that he put poison on the nipple of his mom.

The next day their driver died.

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I'm really glad boobies have nipples....

If not they would be pointless..

Ok. Years ago, I used to have a third nipple.

...I’m so glad I got that off my chest.

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & ...

My friend just confessed to me that he had a third nipple and he’s had it operated.

He really needed to get it off his chest.

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My crush actually said she wanted to have sex with me and try out her electric nipple clamps on me.

I didn't believe it at first as I was shocked.

Why do nipples have bumps?

So blind people can enjoy them too.

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I’m in a taxi and there's this guy and girl sitting next to me and all of a sudden the girl lifts up her top, pops out a titty and the guy just starts sucking on her nipples...

they didnt care who sees them and it went on for 5 minutes with lots of witness in the taxi...

the girl is about 27 years old and the guy is about 3-4 months old I think.

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

As a man, I've renamed my nipples Thoughts and Prayers.

...because they're useless.

I'd give you $1M if you let me bite your nipple

Woman: Sure!

*licked and sucked the nipple*

Woman: Why didn't you bite my nipple?

Man: Well, I don't have $1M.

What do you call a female pop star with big nipples?

Areola Grande.

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A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around.

She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off.

"Do you even own a bike?" he asks.

"I do. It's parked right outside."

"Do you swear?"

"More ...

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What's the difference between a nipple ring and a cock ring?

It takes balls to wear a cock ring.

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said, "W...

How do you make 5lbs of fat look good?

Give it a nipple

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Joe was an observant young man. NSFW

He observed a calf sucking on its mother's nipple.
He further observed that the nipple was shaped much like a penis.
When he had the opportunity to do so he stuck his penis in front of a hungry calf's mouth.
He then observed the calf suck his penis in the same manner that it sucked its moth...

A king was growing jealous of his new born

Ever since his son was born, the king felt like everyone was paying more attention to his son than him. As days passed he was starting to get more and more jealous of his son for getting all the love and was starting to feel a pain growing in him knowing that he wasn't the center of the attention an...

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50th Wedding Anniversary

An elderly couple is about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary

The wife says “We should do something special to celebrate. How about we have breakfast in the nude like we used to?”

The husband agrees and the next morning they are seated at the table buck naked.

The wif...

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A guy goes up to a woman in a bar and says, "I'm gonna make your nipples hard"...

She says, "Oh, yeah...? My husband will kick your ass"...

He says, "And then I'm gonna turn you upside-down, pour beer in your pussy, and then guzzle it all down"...

She says, "That's it, I'm gonna tell my husband, and he's gonna kick your ass but real good"...

She goes home to ...

I tore off one of my nipples

just wanted to get this off my chest

A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary

They celebrate it in the same hotel as where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.

The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife "isn't it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?" The wife replies saying "yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50...

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Some people are into r/notits

But I think without nipples there's no point

Why are nipple pasties often in the shape of stars?

To make the milky way.

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An old man offered a lady $100 to lick her nipples...

An old man saw a beautiful lady walking down the street of the bar he just walked out of.

He catches up to her and says, "Ma'am, I'll give you $100 dollars if you let me lick your nipples!"

Stunned, she says, "What kind of dirty old pervert are you?? Absolutely NOT!"

The old m...

What do you call Nicholas Cage after a double mastectomy?

Nipple-less Cage

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Bra Inventor

A scientist has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.



"Women need not worry, we have killed that bastard"

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Why don’t chicken breasts have nipples?

They would tear the packaging while in the freezer.

Judy came home from shopping and met her 19 year old granddaughter Tae walking out of the shared apartment.

Tae was wearing a sleek black top through which her nipples were easily seen against the threads. In shock, Judy said "Granddaughter! I cannot allow you to go out of this house in such apparel! Your goods are showing way too much!"

To which Tae replied, "Loosen up, Grams. This isn't the 70s, ...

NSFW: Too Tight!

So I just heard this one from, believe it or not, my sweet old mom. I'm not sure if it's original or not.

An older woman goes to a plastic surgeon who has perfected a fantastic new technique. As he's doing a face lift he installs a little screw on the top of each clients head. This way, ...

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The police asked me to identify what they thought was my girlfriends body.

They pulled the sheet back to show her blond hair, blue eyes and pretty face. "I can't be certain." I said. The sheet went down to reveal her creamy white breast and perky nipples. "Sorry, I'm still not sure." They took the sheet completely off. I stared at the pale body and shaved pussy, "That's de...

Aladdin did not have Nipples in Disnets original animated blockbuster film.

I guess you can't milk a street rat.

You browse the channels all night until you catch a glimpse of what you think is a nipple among the static.

You turn back to the channel in question to occasionally hear some grunting through the snow. You figure now is the best time if ever and for 30 minutes the picture finally comes in clear enough for you to discover that you have been spanking it to Mexican Wrestling.

What are those little pimples on a female areola around her nipples?

It's Braille for "Suck here!"

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one...

...And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!

Did you hear about the 50 plus year old Sci Fi fan with big nipples?

Areola 51

What do Adam Levine’s nipples and corduroy pillowcases have in common?

They’re making headlines!

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A research scientist today held a press conference to reveal a revolutionary new bra material that eliminates breast jiggling and nipple protrusion

At the conclusion of his press conference the assembled newsmen dragged him outside and kicked the shit out of him

Unfair , girls get over 400 likes when they show a little nipple on facebook

When I showed a little head I only got banned

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Three priests we’re traveling to Pittsburgh

The leader says to the first priest, take this money to the counter and get us three tickets to Pittsburgh and get the change in nickels and dimes.

The first priest heads to the counter and sees an absolutely stunning beautiful girl - wearing a tight thin t-shirt that reveals very clearly he...

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I guy I knew about 10 years ago was really into older women (NSFL)

And when I say older, I'm talking about your grandmother.



He met this one lady who was obviously flattered by the attention. They talked for a while, laughing and exchanging stories about each other, they were really hitting it off.



Then he suggested going back to her p...

You should always keep a girl who likes nipple play on speed dial.

They're good in a pinch.

Does anyone know what the tiny little bumps around the nipple are?

They're braille for "Suck me"

My first dad joke.

Nurse: so, this cream is like chapstick for your nipples.

Me: ohhh so nip balm?


Girlfriend: please ignore him.


Dad jokes are coming in strong guys.

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.

She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.
She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. ...

What do you call several hundred Native Americans without nipples?

The Indian Nippleless 500

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Too good not to share..

\*1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!\*


\*2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panti...

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Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

Cuz he heard Bush got a Dick Cheney.

I've never been any good at nipple play...

...I just can't quite seem to put my finger on it.

If a woman tells you her nipples are pierced...

...the only logical response is, "I don't believe you.".

A mother has two babies, and she breastfeed them everyday

During breastfeeding, each baby would suckle on one of her nipples.

One day, one of the baby came up with a scheme to murder his brother, thinking that he would get more milk to himself that way. So, he secretly applied poison to the his brother's "nipple".

Little did he know, his br...

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