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Without nipples...

Boobs would be pointless.

I wonder if trees have nipples. That would be pretty weird.

Wooden tit?

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A guy goes up to a woman in a bar and says, "I'm gonna make your nipples hard"...

She says, "Oh, yeah...? My husband will kick your ass"...

He says, "And then I'm gonna turn you upside-down, pour beer in your pussy, and then guzzle it all down"...

She says, "That's it, I'm gonna tell my husband, and he's gonna kick your ass but real good"...

She goes home to ...

I met a girl with 12 nipples today, sounds weird

Dozen tit?

What do you call a female pop star with big nipples?

Areola Grande.

Why are nipple pasties often in the shape of stars?

To make the milky way.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Add a nipple to it.

My friend just told me he had a third nipple.

He really wanted to get it off his chest.

During my job interview I was asked: “After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries”

Apparently “through high voltage nipple clamps” wasn’t the answer they were expecting.

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Conspiracy theorists in a nutshell

Im kinda scared for the year 2020, because 2+0+2+0 = 4. which is the exact number of nipples Hitler would've had if he had 2 extra nipples

Did you hear about the 50 plus year old Sci Fi fan with big nipples?

Areola 51

I'd give you $1M if you let me bite your nipple

Woman: Sure!

*licked and sucked the nipple*

Woman: Why didn't you bite my nipple?

Man: Well, I don't have $1M.

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If people didn’t have nipples...

breasts would have no point

You browse the channels all night until you catch a glimpse of what you think is a nipple among the static.

You turn back to the channel in question to occasionally hear some grunting through the snow. You figure now is the best time if ever and for 30 minutes the picture finally comes in clear enough for you to discover that you have been spanking it to Mexican Wrestling.

Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one...

...And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!

What are those little pimples on a female areola around her nipples?

It's Braille for "Suck here!"

As a man, I've renamed my nipples Thoughts and Prayers.

...because they're useless.

Unfair , girls get over 400 likes when they show a little nipple on facebook

When I showed a little head I only got banned

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

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So this guy is driving down the street and sees a woman with some big ol titties!

He says to himself, "I must have those in my mouth!"

He told his driver to pull over and he told her he would give her a hundred dollars to let him bite her nipples...

She replied, "what! You're gross get away"

He then said "I'll give you a thousand dollars to let Me bite your n...

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An old man offered a lady $100 to lick her nipples...

An old man saw a beautiful lady walking down the street of the bar he just walked out of.

He catches up to her and says, "Ma'am, I'll give you $100 dollars if you let me lick your nipples!"

Stunned, she says, "What kind of dirty old pervert are you?? Absolutely NOT!"

The old m...

Does anyone know what the tiny little bumps around the nipple are?

They're braille for "Suck me"

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A research scientist today held a press conference to reveal a revolutionary new bra material that eliminates breast jiggling and nipple protrusion

At the conclusion of his press conference the assembled newsmen dragged him outside and kicked the shit out of him

You should always keep a girl who likes nipple play on speed dial.

They're good in a pinch.

Some chick got her nipple pierced at the bar last night.

I'm not very good at darts.

I've never been any good at nipple play...

...I just can't quite seem to put my finger on it.

What do you call several hundred Native Americans without nipples?

The Indian Nippleless 500

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Friendship...

A true friend is like a penis, he stands up for you in times of need. A genuine friend is like a bra, she supports you at all times. A faithful friend is like a condom, he protects you from all harm. A loving friend is like a vagina, she accomodates you fully despite the size of your problem.
...

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Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

Cuz he heard Bush got a Dick Cheney.

Q:What did the German Police office say to his nipple.

A:*You are under a vest.*

If a woman tells you her nipples are pierced...

...the only logical response is, "I don't believe you.".

It's so cold outside...

I brushed against a car in the parking lot and accidently keyed it with my nipple.

A man drinking at a bar when he hears a 'fun fact' on TV: women with black nipples don't cheat on their husbands. .

He had some beers on him already so he couldn't remember the color of his wife's nipples. He even started getting the idea she even had one black and one brown.
He rushed home and conveniently found his wife in bed naked, pulled the sheet off and saw her two black nipples and said in relief "oh t...

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The female stink badger has 12 potent smelling nipples..

dozen tit make scents

What do you call a colorful nipple?

Areola Borealis.

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

i went for a check up the other day

"take off your shirt" he said, and he’s feeling around my chest, my nipples and stomach. Strange fella my dentist.

Did you hear that M. Night Shyamalan is making a new movie about a ninja with a nipple fetish?

You'll never see the twist coming

Two gods walked into a bar...

After taking couple of shots, looking at the region of map with highly raised mountain structures.




God 1: How about we name a country 'Nipple'?

God 2: But you can't name a country 'Nipple'. Its offensive.

God 1: How about Nepal?




God gets everything...

My first dad joke.

Nurse: so, this cream is like chapstick for your nipples.

Me: ohhh so nip balm?


Girlfriend: please ignore him.


Dad jokes are coming in strong guys.

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What is hairy and between your grandma's nipples?

Her vagina

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