Want to know how I KNOW the Earth isn’t flat?

Cats would’ve pushed everything off the edge by now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Texas Redneck, Japanese Business Man and Mexican are standing next to each other on a cruise ship, looking over the edge of the ship.

After a period of silence, the Mexican takes out a nice bottle of tequila and throws it overboard, and says, “There is nice tequila like that all over Mexico, that bottle means nothing to me.”

In an attempt to one-up the Mexican, the Japanese man pulls out a brand new Sony laptop and throws i...

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar, and the bartender says..

Oh no not U2 again!

I just watched a reality show about flat earthers trying to find the edge of the world, and was a little disappointed.

The finale wasn’t a cliffhanger.

A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...

He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"

The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"

The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"

The other day, my wife asked me if I could help her with a puzzle. She couldn't find any edges to start with and the colors all resembled each other.

After taking a look at the puzzle, I told her to put the corn flakes back in the box

Why are Microsoft employees never relaxed?

Because they’re always on Edge.

Old scissors both are and aren't cutting edge technology.

Facts.

How do you send a girl with daddy issues over the edge?

Hi coming, I'm dad.

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An attractive, but disturbed woman stands at the edge of a cliff. As she peers over the edge, she feels there's someone watching her. Just as she suspected, there's a homeless man staring at her. He asks, "If you're going to kill yourself anyway, you mind if we have sex first?"

She tells him to piss off and to leave her alone. Clearly upset, the man mumbles to himself, "Fine, I'll just wait at the bottom."

Did you hear about the guy who tried to prove the Earth was flat by walking to the edge?

He finally came around.

What do you call a cat that's on the edge of a cliff?

A precipuss.

What is the difference between a piece of fabric with elastic around the edges, designed to go on a bed, and an unexpected bout of diarrhea when wearing sandals?

One is a fitted sheet...

I get really angry when Google Chrome crashes.

It gets me totally on Edge.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"I want to prescribe you new cutting edge drug against depression. But I have good news and bad news about the drug"

"I would prefer to hear bad news first".

"Okay. Bad news are that said drug has many side-effects. You will feel dizzy, tired, bad taste in your mouth, periodical urges to vomit, etc."

"And good news?"

"You won't give a fuck."

Did you hear what happened to the criminal who walked too close to the edge of the hole?

He felon.

The most important browsers are IE and Edge.

You need them to download Chrome and Firefox.

A man walking along a cliffs edge falls over

As he falls he grabs root sticking out from the cliffs wall.

For dear life he screams and yells, “ CAN ANYONE HERE ME! I NEED HELP! DEAR GOD HELP ME!”

Loudly from the sky God speaks to him, “ My child, I’ll save anyone having faith in me. All you must do is release your hand from that...

A rancher was at the edge of his property one day, looking over his fence.

The rails looked great but water near the base had caused the fenceposts to rot and weaken. He took a picture of the fence, uploaded it to Imgur, and linked to it from r/jokes.





"Welp, that oughta do it," he said to himself. "Just gotta give it a couple of days and it'll be r...

A buddy of mine is one of those “flat Earther’s.” He said he’s angry and going to the edge.

I have a feeling he’ll come around.

A reporter is standing at the edge of a cliff contemplating suicide[Long]

a reporter in a small town is standing on the edge of a cliff contemplating suicide when as he is about to jump a road worker approaches him and asks "Are you going to jump?" The reporter replies "yep, there hasn't been a story in this town for years and I'm tired of it." The road worker thinks for ...

I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff...

As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"

So I started smiling...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
"I'd like to be eight again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, h...

Sometimes I go around to random windows computers and delete the default browser

Just to take the edge off

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that's where students have the most potential.

A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof

The physicist shouts “Don’t jump, you have so much potential!”

An astronaut who travelled to the edge of the universe noticed an anomalous reading...

...his shuttle readings came back to inform him there was a flat solid matter extending from his location to the universe's horizon, like a path.

He approached cautiously but a black hole suddenly formed behind the ship. The spacecraft went haywire, lights blinking, alarms blaring and he bare...

Chrome and Microsoft edge were having an argument when suddenly...

Microsoft edge stopped responding

I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...

It's pushing me to the Edge

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A distressed but attractive woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get up the nerve to jump.

A passing hobo stops and says,"Since
you're about to kill yourself anyway,
would you mind if we had sex first?"

The woman replies,"Get away from
me, you sicko!"

The bum turns to leave and mutters,
"Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."

My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff.

So I poked her

I'm like Microsoft Edge

Nobody likes me, but I'm edgy

Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.

Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...

It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bar Joke!

A man named Bob takes an elevator to go to a bar on top of a building. When he gets there he sits at the bar next to a man.

The man leans over to Bob and says, “have you had the martinis at this place?”

Bob shakes his head so the man orders a martini and chugs it down.

“Watch ...

Three construction workers were on their lunch break, sitting on the edge of a cliff next to the site they were working on.

One of the workers was Italian. He yelled, "I'm sick of pasta! If my wife packs me pasta one more time I will jump off this cliff!". The second worker was French. He screamed, "I'm sick of these damn croissants! If my wife packs me a croissant one more time, I'll jump off this cliff as well!". The t...

I threw forty quarters into the air and every single one of them landed on the edge!

Perhaps I should have taken them out of the roll.

"I live life on the edge!"

-- Humpty Dumpty

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 6 year old boy is sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon, crying.

An old man walks up to him and says, “Son, why are you crying?” The boy says, “My mommy and daddy just fell over the side and died!” The old man unzips his pants and says, “This just isn’t your fucking day, is it?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know it's best to fuck the sheep the closest to the edge of the cliff?

They push back a little harder.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling my boxers off when...

...my wife said, "You spoil those dogs."

Everyone says 'Googling' when they Google something, but what do you say when using Microsoft Edge?

Edging

[Long] A man lives near the edge of a forest with his wife.

The wife is a very kind woman. Every now and then she would find an injured animal in her backyard, and she would waste no time bringing it into their home and taking care of it until it recovers. The man doesn't mind the animals, just as long as they don't bother him.

However, during the wi...

What do you call a cauliflower growing at the edge of a garden?

a border cauli!

Two kittens are sitting at the edge of a slide. Which falls first?

The one with the lower mu

A tourist came too close to the edge of the Grand Canyon

A tourist came too close to the edge of the Grand Canyon, lost his footing and
plunged over the side, clawing and scratching to save himself. After he went out of sight and just before he fell into space, he encountered a scrubby bush which he desperately grabbed with both hands. Filled with terr...

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Three men were running from a Persian army when they came to the edge of a cliff...

With nowhere else to run, they prayed to their God for help, and an angel appeared. The angel said, "I will allow you to run and jump off this cliff to test your faith, and the first thing you scream after jumping will be what you transform into..."

The first man without hesitation ran and ju...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I live on the edge.....

Because my ass is to fat to fit on the seat

If flat-earthers really tried to find the edge of the world...

They'd still be going around in circles.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump...

a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!" The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have sex with me? I haven't had sex in 25 years." The woman replied "No, you're disgusting." The homeless man turne...

What do you call the knight who measures the edge of the round table?.

Sir cumfrence.

I've started blunting knives to help myself relax.

Really takes the edge off.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man, a woman, and a dog are all about to go over the edge of a canyon in a car.

The man and woman get into a heated argument about bad driving, and whose fault this is.
The argument is cut short by the car's horn beeping repeatedly while the dog barks excessively. Glaring at the woman, the man bitterly complains, "Well it doesn't fucking matter, we're about to die anyway. Bu...

What did the spaniard who lives life on the edge speak?

Espanyolo

A man is walking in the woods when he spots a little girl crying on the edge of a cliff

"What's wrong little girl?"


"My puppy jumped and fell into the lake and since he didnt know how to swim my daddy jumped in to save him but they both drowned"


The man immediately takes off his pants and says to the little girl " little girl , today is not your day"

I paid a visit to an old friend who bought a farm on the edge of town.

He was very busy on the farm but said he had to run to town to pick up supplies and I should come along and we could catch up. The town was small enough that it had only one traffic light that we were approaching as the light was red. But my buddy just sped right through at about 50 mph without eve...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

ISIS has reportedly acquired a shitload of cutting edge weapons technology from the Korean black market.

Recent photographs suggest that the technology is known to have an Iris Scanner, S Pen, a 12 MP primary camera and a really mindBLOWING battery life.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will so...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A homeless guy sees a lady about to kill herself.

He walks up to her standing on the edge of a tall bridge and says, “hey I know what you’re about to do, and I won’t pretend to understand or stop you, but before you do, can we please have sex? It’s been a really long time.

She replies, no you sicko!”

So he says “it’s cool. I’ll just...

The Edge walks into a bar.

U2 guitarist The Edge walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll ......................................... have a pint of Guinness."

The bartender replies "What's with all the delay?"

A boy wants to ring a giant bell...

As a boy is walking down the street, he spots a bell tower. Seeing the bell, he makes his way to the very top of the tower. When he gets to the top, he finds a priest, just standing there.

The boy asked the priest "Is it okay if I ring the bell, Father?"

The priest replied "By all mea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off...

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious?" "Yes," he said, I said, "me t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A newpaper seller, stands on the edge of a cliff...

he says to himself, "Shit, I'm a newpaper seller, but I haven't got any more papers to sell. Might as well just end it all now." A brick layer overhears him and replies, "Shit, I'm a brick layer, but I haven't got any more bricks to lay, and if you're going to go, I might as well go with you." A lum...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.

Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green.

Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping ...

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

A moron attempted to commit suicide...

... they failed to find the edge of the Earth.

What is it called when you are on the edge of WiFi signal range?

Router Limits!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A family on vacation arrives at the Grand Canyon early in the morning to watch the sun rise

The father insisted on getting away from tourists so he drove to an isolated area where they would have the view to themselves. No one else is around so they decide to take turns being photographer so everyone can get in one picture. The son offers to go first. "Ok everyone back up just a bit so I c...

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“I’m sure my wife won’t like this”

While riding my motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm On the Edge About Masturbation

On one hand, it feels great.
On the other, I can't feel a thing.

A drunk man borrows and loses his partner's prosthetic leg in a game of roulette in Las Vegas while she's asleep in their room. When she wakes up in the morning she is furious and sends him down to the tables to win it back...

..the man, now sober, is absolutely determined to make up for his sordid late night misdeed, and immediately challenges the casino to win back the prosthetic leg.

For the whole next day he is at the table, losing pile after pile of chips, thousands and thousands of dollars at a time.

...

A joke I heard from my pastor last sunday

A Buddhist, a Muslim and a Christian quarrels over whose god is the most powerful. They eventually decided to have a competition by showing that their god can save them from a grave danger.

So they all went to the edge of a cliff. The buddhist said "I will jump off this cliff but as I call t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An English joke

American, Frenchman, Englishman and Pakistani all on top of Eifel tower.

American throws aload of money over the edge. "What did you do that for?" the others ask. "We have so much money in the states that I can afford to."

The Frenchman throws loads of bottles of wine over the top and...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

A businessman is called up for an IRS audit. He’s really flustered and goes to his accountant for advice.

“Make sure you dress up like a guy who is on the edge of losing money. It will convince the auditor that you are not hiding anything.”

Not satisfied, he goes to his lawyer. He is told: “Dress in your best suit. If you look like a confident businessman, they won’t give you too much trouble.”<...