Goals Jokes - 26 Hilarious Goals Jokes

Why does Pepsi always achieve its goals?

It’s soda termined.

What do you call a 60 year old striker who averages 3 goals a game?

Jerry-hat-trick

Jogging goals

2016 - didn’t jog
2017 - didn’t jog
2018 - didn’t jog
2019 - didn’t jog
2020 - didn’t jog
2021 - still didn’t jog

Dammit. This is becoming a running joke now.

Drinking goals

So during the Corona virus ive decided to work on not drinking,

So far, i'm not able to drink a whole 18pack in one night.

Wrote my 2022 New Years Day Goals

My top goal this year. Stay negative everyday.

If I don't, 5-10 day isolation for being positive.

It's kinda harsh but it will be very contagious and catchy.

You might say, It'll go viral.

Relationship Goals

I want my relationship to be as long as a CVS receipt

I'm glad to see Reddit is meeting its goals to become one of the greenest companies in the world.

Take the front page, it's over 90% recycled content!

If you’re interviewing for a fast food job and they ask about your short and long term goals

Short term : I want to work at McDonalds

Long term : I don’t want to work at McDonalds

Goals:

0) Start indexing at zero

Squad goals:

To have a squad

I figured out why they call them “step goals”

You don’t love them as much as your real goals

What does my dad and my moms hopes, goals and dreams and have in common?

They both disappeared after i was born.

In a relationship, it's always important to push one another to achieve goals.

For example, my wife seems intent on helping me succeed at no-nut November, whether I like it or not.

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

I hope we are all able to achieve our new year's resolution goals.

But, I have a feeling we're going to drop the ball.

How do schools of fish meet their annual goals?

They call in a-fish-in-sea experts.

Which country have scored the most world cup goals?

The mongoals.

My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied:

"Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

What do you call 90 year old named Jeremy that's scored 3 goals?

Jerry Hat-Trick

During a business meeting yesterday, a very nice guy asked me about my background. So I told him about my family, education, career, dreams and goals.

Turns out he was asking what's behind me on our Zoom call.

My goal for 2017....

....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013

The USSR believed that any mistakes in its past were the results of noble men with noble goals.

Sure, noble.

Putin scored eight goals in that exhibition hockey game. Apparently he has an incredible slap shot...

... if you don't let him score, he slaps you and then shoots you.

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."

The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"

Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts fl...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

As a farmer, my days can be a bit lonely. I find solace in discussing my dreams and goals with my animals. Well all of my animals except for the horses, never the horses...

I wouldn’t discuss anything with that group of neigh sayers.

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