On Being Told of the Numerous Flaws in my Writing:

Me: "You mean I've been writing wrongs?"

What do you call a flawed democracy?

An electile dysfunction

A building inspector for an old European town found that all buildings built between 1584 and 1750 had significant structural flaws.

Otherwise, if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three flight attendants are at work when the captain announces that everyone should prepare for a crash landing.

The blonde flight attendant sits down and starts doing her makeup. "I figure, " she explains, "that if I'm looking pretty I'll be rescued first."

Seeing no flaws in this logic, the second flight attendant starts trying to fix his hair.

Our third attendant, a black woman, starts thinki...

Tongue Twister

A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let us fly!" Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train

They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.

The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.

The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.

The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings o...

Marriage is about accepting each other’s flaws. For example, if I fart, my wife calls me disgusting and hits me.

If my wife farts, she calls me disgusting and hits me.

Donald Trump is extremely flawed in every way imaginable, yet he still truly believes he’s the best...

I can’t think of a more perfect representative of the United States of America.

My wife made a list of all my flaws.

1. I don’t listen
2. Some other things

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a job interview earlier today and the boss asked me, “What would you say is one of your biggest character flaws?”

I said, ‘Well I can be brutally honest at times.’ And the boss said, “No way! I think that’s a wonderful asset actually.”

And I said, ‘I really don’t give a fuck what you think.’

You know, with all his flaws, Dr. Frankenstein was a damn good orator.

He really knew how to bring people together.

Women with flaws are like cancer

They tend to grow on you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Although I wouldn't say it's a major character flaw,

my premature ejaculation is certainly a shortcominng.

Did you hear? Being the greatest business man and genius that he is, Donald Trump will be fixing the most original flaw of this great nation. And it will finally be known as America:

Land of the Fee! (Conditions may apply)

US electrical outlets are a lot like politics.

They both have inherit design flaws that can be dangerous in the hands of idiots.

The interwiewer asked. What's your biggest flaw?

I interfere in others conversations.

I was talking to him.

Sorry

If a girl has red hair, it makes up for other personality flaws

I call it the “Red Head Redemption”

A supervillain and his henchman

Were sitting in the control room in their secret base, inside an active volcano.
Suddenly, an alarm starts blaring in the control panel.
Supervillain: "What is going on? Are the sharks with lasers escaping? Is the T-rex eating the robot dogs again?"
The henchman look behind them to see la...

God's Flawed Design

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Job interview) What your biggest flaw?

Guy walks into a job interview and, sure enough, the inevitable "what's your biggest flaw" question comes along.

- 'honesty', he replies.

Being used to this sort of answer, the interviewer replies:

- "well, honesty is not really a flaw, so...."

Without missing a heartbeat...

People ranked their favorite meats...but the survey was flawed and inconsequential.

The steaks weren't very high

I've been stuck in Rome for a few weeks now...

I'm trying to leave, but all the roads have this weird design flaw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Heartwarming Christmas Story in Limerick Form

Santa's reindeer were all in a rut
and desperate to just bust a nut
So horny ol' Blitzen,
he jumped atop Vixen
And once mounted, went straight up the butt

But it turns out that Vixen's a guy
So fast and so strong and so spry
He's a sexy young buck
who...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A man reads that the subconscious mind is most easily influenced during orgasm...

He tells his wife about it, and they agree to try an experiment.

That night while having sex, just as they are both orgasming, the man whispers into his wife's ear, "You are beautiful."

The next day, the wife remarks that she feels incredibly beautiful.

Success! They decide to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Penis study...

I haven't seen this one in +20 years so here goes..

PENIS STUDY

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00 The results of the study concluded that the reaso...

There was a man who believed that he could cook the best meal ever existed in the history of kitchen culture, and he wanted to show his dish to the most talented an known chefs from all around the world

He invited all the top chefs of the world that he could reach to and organized a nice evening where he would cook and serve his special course. After the chefs came, he went to the kitchen and began cooking. Even though the chefs insisted, he didn't let anyone in and mysteriously prepared his dish.<...

Three farm boys were looking for a wife, when a girl moved in next door....

She had hair like sunshine, a smile like a new morning, and was beautiful and perfect in every way - except for one flaw. She had one leg substantially shorter than the other, and she walked kind of tilted over because of it. The first boy came to call, and asked her to marry him. She said "If you c...

A prisoner is put to death row today.

A guard is tasked with operating the electric chair on a prisoner. He tries to lighten the mood by telling a joke to the prisoner, then he flips the switch.

The prisoner survives the shocks, and guard wonders what went wrong.

"Your joke had a decent premise," says the prisoner. "But th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All his life, Timmy wanted to be a train conductor.

He graduated top of his class in train school, and was hired by the most prestigious train company to conduct their new Super Train. This train could carry 1,000 passengers and was very expensive to manufacture.

Yet little Timmy had one fatal flaw. He has a very short attention span.

...

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employ...

Ever since I got my left leg amputated, every girl has been avoiding me.

I got into a car accident a few years back and had my left leg amputated. Getting used to balancing myself on 1 leg and crutches took a lot of time. I felt that without my precious left leg, i would never be the same.

My confidence dropped severely, and the passion i had for all the things i ...

I got my job at the secret government facility today.

The workplace is separated to three parts, part "C, X and V".


We were told the V section stored the most dangerous weapons on the planet, so we are not allowed to go near it.


I work at Section X, which is the robot studying section, a whole day of programming is hard, so I chat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I women was cheating on her husband , look how he discovered .

A husband was sitting in a public place with his friend whose name was Jack , they were chatting and a girl came to Jack and start kissing him and telling him that she messed him and such kind of these stuff and it goes like that with almost every girl that walked by .
The husband was suprised " ...

A polish pilot is going in for a landing when he realizes the runway is not long enough. After putting on the emergency breaks he screeches to a halt, missing the airport with the nose of the plane by mere feet.

The enraged pilot told the reporters later on "This is an obvious design flaw in American airports, why the hell would they make the landing strips so short? Or so unbelievably wide!?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse steps into lawyers office to review divorce with lawyer

Mickey: I need to get out of this marriage! Minnie ruined my life. I've paid you good money for you to get me back what's rightly mine. What do you have for me?

Lawyer: Mickey I've reviewed your case against Minnie and to be blunt you don't have a good case against her. The main reason for th...

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.

After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment, ...

Applying for a job at Dad Jokes Gazette...

Interviewer: What would you say is your biggest flaw?

Me: My bedroom's is pretty big, but I'd have to go with my living room.

Three townsfolk were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The King must witness every execution.

First up was the town’s Priest. Sentenced for baptizing the newborn babies a bit too long. Executioner puts the bag over his head, priest kneels down into the headrest, and the lever is pulled.

The blade comes speeding downwards and stops half...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prison guard gives Bill Cosby and opportunity...

After several brutal years in prison, Bill Cosby is approached by a prison guard who presents him with what seems like a great opportunity.

"Bill," he says, "you've demonstrated good behavior in here for the past couple years despite all the harassment from the other inmates. I know it must n...

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trapped underground in a collapsed mine.

After some exploring of the area, they come across three rations of canned food that they all agree will allow them to survive for a few more days. Naturally, they all decide that each of them should have one of the three cans of food; unfortunately, none of them possess anything with which to open...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the early days of aircraft, China was copying some American designs.

They bought one of the earliest gliders from the States and carefully took it apart. Measured dimensions of the wings and body, weighed every single part and even did some careful studies to determine the exact materials.

They put some of their best engineers on it to ensure all the maths che...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

A guy goes to a restaurant

and notices all the waiters had a spoon in their shirt pocket. He can't help but ask his waiter about the spoon and the waiter says: "Well, a Consulting Firm told us that having a spoon cuts the wait time when a patron drops theirs on the floor, we don't have to go all the way back and get another, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the Sixth Day, God created Man

A little later, Adam and Steve approached God in the garden.

"Hey God," said Adam.

"Adam, Steve, you've been doing a good job naming the animals. I am particularly fond of 'hippopotamus.'"

"The unicornth are my favorite!" Steve added.

"Actually, we're here about a possib...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is sunbathing ... [nsfw]

On a hot summers day, a woman lies in her backyard sunbathing. She wants a nice, even tan and since her yard has a high fence around it so she decides to strip naked.

With the warm sun on her skin and all the sounds of a hot summers day she starts drifting into sleep.

Suddenly she com...

The rabbi's debate

Four rabbis are arguing about the purity of an old oven. Three think it need to be purified, but the last argues it is pure.

The contrary rabbi declares, "If I'm right, then this room will prove it!" Suddenly, a large crack appears on the wall opposite to the men.

"This old place is f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So they're at a Job Interview...

And they've gotten to the point where the Job applicant is getting asked the important questions;

**Interviewer:** what would you say is your biggest flaw?

**Candidate:** my biggest flaw is probably that I'm too honest.

**Interviewer:** oh, that doesn't sound like much of a fla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Plan

In the beginning was the plan, and with it came the assumptions.

And the assumptions were without form, and the plan was fiscally unsound,

hopelessly flawed, and completely without substance.

And darkness was upon the faces of the rank and file Employees.

And they became...

I have a superiority complex

It's literally my ONLY flaw.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender is closing down his bar

A bartender is closing down his bar at the end of the evening. Three men remain hunched over at the bar. Each has been there the whole night and has been drinking heavily, but none of them seem to have the strength or desire to strike up a conversation.

As the bartender cleans the last few g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man with the timber eye

I first heard this joke from an Australian. I will attempt to recreate it, in all its Bogan glory.

Good old Steve-o was a nice enough looking bloke, good personality, smooth with the ladies, the kinda lad you'd love to go grab brekkie with the next morning. But he had one flaw-- he was missi...

I've got a really bad habit.

It's telling people my flaws.

There once was a cheerio...

There once was a cheerio who lived on plain cheerio island. He lived his life working 16 hours, 7 days a week, trying just to make ends meet. But all of this was pointless; he was not going anywhere in life. He would never end up with the prosperous cheerios on Frosted Cheerio island - or so he thou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] (language) The man with the timber eye

There's a fellow out there who's quite attractive-- by most standards, he'd be a perfect 10. But he has one flaw-- he's missing an eye, and he's too poor to afford a good prosthetic, so he's had it replaced with painted timber. It's a reasonably good job, and it's comfortable, but it's still clear t...

A man at a job interview

A man walks into an office for a job interview.
The employer asks a few questions to the man,
He finishes and says he has 1 final question "what is your biggest flaw?"
The man immediately replies
"I'm unpredictable!"
The employer gulps and says "really?"

The man has an evil s...

I am so perfect...

... I only have four flaws.

1) I lack humility.
b) I'm inconsistent.
Finally, I can't count.

A structural engineer walked into a bar...

...this is when he realised his building design was flawed.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.