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Why is it that when a guy can't find a girl's clit, it's the guy's fault

But when a girl can't find a guy's penis, somehow that's also the guy's fault?

My wife says I only have 2 faults.

I don't listen and something else.

A hetero couple posted to r/twoXchromosomes to settle a dispute. One spouse had given their child a bike riding lesson but left the bike in the driveway. The other then backed their car over the bike. Who was at fault—the spouse who left the bike there or the spouse who didn’t check behind them?

The subreddit overwhelming responded: The husband.

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's.

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

Geology rocks but geography is where it's at...

What did the tectonic plates say when they bumped into each other?


My fault, sorry!

I'm quite accepting of my issues, and quick to admit to myself my faults.

Good thing I don't have any.

It's not my fault I'm such a pessimist.

My blood type is B Negative.

Some people refuse to admit their faults.

I would, if I had any.

I hate being so paranoid, but its the CIA's fault.

its the drugs they put in my coffee.

It's Trump's own fault that he lost...

He spent 4 years saying, "Make America Great Again", so this week 74 million people finally did.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

That was my fault.

Marketing

P.S. - I have much love and appreciation for my marketing friends. We all work together in this <3.

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you ...

It's the arabs fault that 9/11-

Isn't called IX/XI

My dad always told me “don’t be quick to find faults”.

Good man, terrible geologist.

A Priest asks an atheist, what if god is real?

Atheist: He will forgive me

Priest: Why?

Atheist: Its his fault I am an atheist.

I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today!

I guess it’s my own fault for using the self checkout lane.

My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night.

"I've cooked dinner," she screamed. "And if you’re not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog."

"Woooah! That's bang out of order," I said. "It's not his fault!"

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Where women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

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A passenger in a cab leaned over and tapped the driver’s shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed in panic, swerved, lost control of the car and drove over the pavement stopping inches short of driving through a restaurant.



There was stunned silence in the car for a few seconds and then the driver said, “I am sorry. You really scared the daylights out of me.”...

The Piano Player

Once, there lived a man, who was very good at playing the piano, and he became very rich from all of the concerts he played at. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy himself a large mansion. He was very excited at this. He packed up all of his belongings, including his enormous grand piano, and p...

An electrical fault at the zoo saw the entire tortoise population electrocuted.

It was a turtle disaster.

The governor of Florida had enough

The governor of Florida had enough of the Florida jokes. It was affecting their tourism and he was always made fun of at the annual governor softball tournament. He sat in his office all day and thought of ways how to change this.

One day, the governor of Alabama called. It was a social call...

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Dear Mom and Dad

We are having a great time here at Camp CatchaCough. Our Scoutmaster is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.
Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain look...

It's not my fault I'm a sunophile.

It's just so hot and attractive.

Quite frankly its the stores fault for all this looting..

..they essentially painted a large Target on their forehead

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I fell in my driveway

I guess you can say it was my own ass fault.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

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Why did the butt inspector cross the road?

To check out the new ass fault

A woman's faults are many, but we men have only two.

Every single thing we say and everything we do.

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I got arrested for molestation for no fault of mine

I was in the elevator when this gorgeous woman walked in wearing a low cut blouse exposing her perfectly sized breasts.

When she caught me checking on them , she angrily said

" Stop staring and press one quickly".

And I did exactly what she said

[OC] What’s the difference between a fault line and a robot who just wants to be friends?

What’s the difference between a fault line and a robot who just wants to be friends?

One is a tectonic plate and the other is platonic tech

I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him...

My fault for getting one that’s pure bread.

What Not to Say to a Policeman:

-I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer.

-Sorry, Officer, I didnt realize I was driving.

-Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!

-I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

-You're not gonna check the trunk...

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My wife was in the height of labour. Screaming in agony as I mopped her brow. She turned to me and grabbed my hand. Her face scrunched up and staring deep into my eyes, she let out a hiss and shouted, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!"

I smiled and calmly replied, "Well if you remember rightly, I wanted to do you up the arse but you said it'd be too painful"

Coronavirus is all Gen Z’s fault

They wanted everything to go viral, now look what’s happened.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

The night bus is on the highway from New York to Miami.

A man trying to sleep is annoyed by a woman switching places between seat 8 and seat 14 every ten minutes.

The man: Excuse me mam, what are you doing?

The woman: It is my husbands fault. He said, if I book two seats I would sleep more comfortable.

A Wife's diary......

Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I sugges...

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My wife shouted, "Where the fuck have you been!? It's been three days!" I replied, "It's your fault!"

"When I went out, you told me not to come home drunk again!"

A man kisses his wife goodbye and leaves to work early in the morning

His wife calls her 2 lovers to come in just as her husband leaves. None less than 2 hours later the husband arrives.

"Quick hide, it's my husband" she says to the 2 men.

The first guy hides in the attic and the second one hides under the bed.

The man enters the bedroom seemingly...

Once there was a prince who, through no fault of his own was placed under a curse by a witch.

The curse dictated that he was only allowed to speak one word a year. However, he could build up credits if he had not spoken for a year.

One day, a beautiful princess came to his kingdom, and he decided to refrain from speaking for two years so that he could say "My darling."

However,...

In a macho world, if a man runs over a woman, whose fault is it?

Obviously, the man's fault!
Why the heck is the man driving in the kitchen!?

People tell me I don’t have a sense of humor. It’s not my fault. I was born with a serious birth defect.

I was born without a humerus.

I recently got fired as an architect

An earthquake came and the building collapsed because it wasn’t stabilized and I said it wasn’t my fault

My friend told me I have a massive ego.

I told him that was impossible.

Because an ego would imply a fault, in which I have none.

After I've been waiting at the drive through they call me fat.

And they say it like it's their fault.

"Welcome sir. I'm sorry about your wait. Can I take your order?"

When you think about it I guess it kind of is their fault.

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It wasn't my fault

Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dr...

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

I told my wife, "I feel bad for saying this but you are getting loose and it doesn't feel as good anymore"

She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"

Drunk driver

A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”

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For all of his faults, Hitler was noteworthy as a dedicated artist.

In fact, the last thing he did before he died was paint the wall of his bunker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy’s girlfriend walked in on him getting a blowjob from another woman

He didn’t even apologise or anything, just looked her in the eye and said “It’s not my fault, her tongue piercing got magnetically attracted to me.”

That dude must have balls of steel.

What did a tectonic plate say to another tectonic plate after they accidentally collided?

Sorry, my fault.



(I'm sure it's been said before, but I still giggled at that one)

My donkey stumbled on the road, bucking me off. Who's fault was it?

It was the asphalt.

A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.

As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.

On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the gu...

Why did I get kicked out

All I did was go to the bank and the woman in front of me asked me if I could check her balance its not my fault she banged her head after

Whose fault was it that Santa lost his way?

Rudolph's, off course.

Why are seismologists so hard to get along with?

Because they're sensitive to a fault.

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The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

It's not my fault I'm single...

I was born this way.

The last fight I had with my wife was my fault.

She asked me what was on the tv. I replied, "Dust."

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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

And now, two guys bonding over their star sign as well as a short summary of The Fault in out Stars

"Cancer?"

"Cancer."

It's not my fault that I'm lazy.

It walks in the family.

Cops smashed my phone.

Cops smashed my phone. Well it's my fault for having it on the dark mode.

Whose fault is it that California always has earthquakes?

San Andreas fault.

People should not condemn recently blinded people.

It’s not their fault they are Neo-Not Sees.

If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.

I could almost afford a small popcorn.

Edit: With all the complaining in the comments I could add a drink as well.

Nah cheers guys. Sorry about the cost of movie food. It’s the CEO’s fault not the person behind the counter. Please stop yelling at us. We are very small and we have no m...

Everyone's attacking Rubio, but it's not his fault

His aide wrote the same thing on both his palms.

A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs

"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"

"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.

Afte...

My ex girlfirend

My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head.


"The Impaler" was my favourite.


Well, at least, that's what I thought she said....


Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.

"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little prob...

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