UPJOKE
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If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children,

can the children be considered ice cubes?

An Icelander takes a trip to Norway but is worried because he doesn't speak the language.

His friend assures him that this shouldn't be a problem: just speak very slowly and the Norwegians will understand you perfectly fine. Once in Oslo the Icelander goes to a bar and tries to order a beer in very slow Icelandic:

"I... want... a... beer."

The bartender gives him a beer. It...

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TIL that it is illegal to have sex while drunk in Iceland.

They throw you out of Farmfoods as well.

Did you know that Iceland...

...is only one sea away from Ireland?

"What does an Icelandic dog say?"

"Bjork! Bjork!"

What kind of car does an Icelandic person drive?

A Fjord

A man goes to an Icelandic friend’s funeral and asks the widow:

"Do you mind if I say a word?"

She says: "Please do."

The man clears his throat, gazes at the crowd, and says: "Heimurinn”

The widow smiles and says: "Thanks, that means the world to me.”

Why did everyone complain about the country of Iceland?

It wasn't actually Chile

What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like?

Björk

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The World's Best Ethnic Joke.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a L...

What does an Icelander use to clean their lawn?

A Reyk-javik.

My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am......

.....


an Ice Cube

Cred: Russell Peters

I hope England beats Iceland...

Or they will be out of Europe twice this week!

England 1 - 2 Iceland

Credits to Iceland though, can't take that away.

The worlds best ninjas comes from Iceland

Anyone actually seen an Icelandic ninja?

What do you do if you're lost in an Icelandic forest?

Stand up!

What is the top selling car in Iceland?

The Fjord Fjusion

I read that the Icelandic alphabet doesn't have a 'Z' in it.

How do the people there sleep at night?

Yeah, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper were both phenomenal, but I'm more excited for the upcoming Icelandic remake

A Star Is Björn

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For everyone's attention, having anal sex will get you a lifetime ban from Iceland

Tonight I try my luck in Tesco

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Why does Iceland have such a revered and colorful ground?

Because the flora lichen it.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Spaniard walk into a bar..

The Icelander couldn't come because he was still at the European Cup

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A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

Why do Icelandic ships have barcodes?

The striking dock workers complained there is Norway they can go to a ship with a clipboard, Denmark it as arrived and Finnish the whole business before sunset. New tech helped Sweden the deal.

Where do border patrol officers go on vacation?

Iceland

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

A man is driving in the the remote wilderness of central Iceland

when his car broke down. After trying in vain to restart it, he got out, opened the hood and started tinkering with the engine. He was about to give up hope when he heard a voice behind him.

"That'll be your alternator. You've got an uneven air gap between rotor and stator and it's causing it...

Maradonna was asked by a reporter if his '86 national team could beat Iceland.

He replied "Yes, I think 1-0"

"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.
.
Maradonna answers " yeah we are nearing our sixties"

A couple has been married for 12 and a half years and the man wants to surprise his wife

So he tells her that they're going to Iceland.

His wife, all excited, replies: "Wow Iceland! That's so far away. So what will your plan be when we are married for 25 years?!"

"Then I'll come pick you up again."

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

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I know that "adios" means "bye" in Spanish, "au revoir" is "bye" in French, and "ciao" is "see you later" in Italian, but I've always wondered how you say "bye" in Japanese, Russian, and Icelandic.

I guess you could say I'm bye curious.

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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