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Iceland Jokes

If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children,

can the children be considered ice cubes?

An Icelander takes a trip to Norway but is worried because he doesn't speak the language.

His friend assures him that this shouldn't be a problem: just speak very slowly and the Norwegians will understand you perfectly fine. Once in Oslo the Icelander goes to a bar and tries to order a beer in very slow Icelandic:

"I... want... a... beer."

The bartender gives him a beer. It...

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TIL that it is illegal to have sex while drunk in Iceland.

They throw you out of Farmfoods as well.

Did you know that Iceland...

...is only one sea away from Ireland?

A guy from iceland and a girl from cuba get married.What are their children called?

Ice cubes

"What does an Icelandic dog say?"

"Bjork! Bjork!"

A man goes to an Icelandic friend’s funeral and asks the widow:

"Do you mind if I say a word?"

She says: "Please do."

The man clears his throat, gazes at the crowd, and says: "Heimurinn”

The widow smiles and says: "Thanks, that means the world to me.”

What kind of car does an Icelandic person drive?

A Fjord

My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am......

.....


an Ice Cube

Cred: Russell Peters

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I got kicked out of a restaurant for having improper dress. Reminds me of a funny story.

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese...

What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like?

Björk

I hope England beats Iceland...

Or they will be out of Europe twice this week!

I longed to cruise through the majestic, towering cliffs and deep glacial sea inlets of Norway and Iceland. Sadly, the cost was more than my salary...

I couldn't a-**fjord** it.

What is the top selling car in Iceland?

The Fjord Fjusion

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

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For everyone's attention, having anal sex will get you a lifetime ban from Iceland

Tonight I try my luck in Tesco

Why does Iceland have such a revered and colorful ground?

Because the flora lichen it.

Yeah, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper were both phenomenal, but I'm more excited for the upcoming Icelandic remake

A Star Is Björn

England 1 - 2 Iceland

Credits to Iceland though, can't take that away.

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Did you know sex while drunk is banned in Iceland?





I have no idea about asda or sainsburys so will try there later



(my wife told me this and made me laugh)

What did the American police officer say to the Icelandic police officer?

Don't wreck ya vic'.

I read that the Icelandic alphabet doesn't have a 'Z' in it.

How do the people there sleep at night?

What do you do if you're lost in an Icelandic forest?

Stand up!

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A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

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I know that "adios" means "bye" in Spanish, "au revoir" is "bye" in French, and "ciao" is "see you later" in Italian, but I've always wondered how you say "bye" in Japanese, Russian, and Icelandic.

I guess you could say I'm bye curious.

The worlds best ninjas comes from Iceland

Anyone actually seen an Icelandic ninja?

Where do border patrol officers go on vacation?

Iceland

A man is driving in the the remote wilderness of central Iceland

when his car broke down. After trying in vain to restart it, he got out, opened the hood and started tinkering with the engine. He was about to give up hope when he heard a voice behind him.

"That'll be your alternator. You've got an uneven air gap between rotor and stator and it's causing it...

Why do Icelandic ships have barcodes?

The striking dock workers complained there is Norway they can go to a ship with a clipboard, Denmark it as arrived and Finnish the whole business before sunset. New tech helped Sweden the deal.

Maradonna was asked by a reporter if his '86 national team could beat Iceland.

He replied "Yes, I think 1-0"

"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.
.
Maradonna answers " yeah we are nearing our sixties"

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

A Brit, a Spaniard and a Dutch walk into a bar..

.. unfortunately the Icelander couldn't come, he's still in the European Championship.

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There is a danish guy, a icelandic guy and a german guy.

They are all very patriotic. One day, out of pure love for their country, they each make a meme related to their country. The danish guy makes a stepping on lego meme, the icelandic guy makes a we are number one meme and the german guy makes a nazi meme. Since they all made the memes because they lo...

A couple has been married for 12 and a half years and the man wants to surprise his wife

So he tells her that they're going to Iceland.

His wife, all excited, replies: "Wow Iceland! That's so far away. So what will your plan be when we are married for 25 years?!"

"Then I'll come pick you up again."

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Bobby Charlton was asked

Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland. " I think we'd have won 1-0 " he replied. "Only 1-0?" Said the reporter. "Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!"

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