I hear the army of Holland has had very successful operations in the past, preventing horrible things from happening.

They’ve dutched the bullet many times.

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My mate went to Holland and bought me back a life size blow up dolly that gives blow jobs. I thought that's nice.

Two Lips from Amsterdam.

Is there a more Dutch sounding actor than Tom Holland?

Yes, there's Tom Hollander.

What do you call a child who was born to parents from Holland and The Phillippines?

Hollappino

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

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He was blown away by it!

There are actors called Tom Holland and Tom Hollander

I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.

If someone from Holland married a Filipino what would their kid be?

A Hollapiño

Why do no planes fly to holland?

Because they netherland there.

Seeing Paul Rudd and Tom Holland together really bugs me

Its make my skin crawl

Do you know why the German Wehrmacht girls are in Holland?

Believe it or not, they’re waiting for the tram.

I would like to go to Holland one day

Wooden shoe?

What do Holland and Saudi Arabia have in common?

You can legally get stoned in both.

What's wrong with the plane that flies to Holland?

It Netherlands.

Every time I eat eggs benedict I'm reminded of my time in the Netherlands.

You know, my Holland days.

What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?

Wooden shoe like me to tell you.

[Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one]

Hollande, Putin and Merkel sit on a plane to visit Obama.

They didn´t get the permission to land so they arrive an hour late. Hollande steps out first shaking Obama´s hand and saying "I´m sorry for being late.". Second Putin steps out of the plane greeting Obama and adding "I´m sorry for being late, too.". Last one leaving the plane is Merkel and she walks...

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A German truck driver is sitting in a Liverpool bar mouthing off about how lazy the British are.

He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool, drops his load off and back to Hamburg in under 2 days."

A drunk old scouse man can't help but hear him and mutters 'Fuck off lad, I used to pick my load up in Liverpool, drop it off in...

Marriage Question

So if a person from Holland and a person from the Philippines got married, would their babies be called Hollapiños?

Germany - Holland

Germany Plays Holland in Soccer. After Warm-Ups, Manuel Neuer Walks over to Jogi Loew and asks Loew if he can take on Holland on his own. Loew is like, 'yeah, everybody Needs a Rest anyways, so I'm Fine With it.' So Neuer Plays them on his own, Everybody Else Hits the Showers and then the pub.
W...

Five Dutchmen crammed in an old Renault 4, are driving through Belgium when they get pulled over ...

Five Dutchmen are crammed in an old Renault 4 and driving through Belgium when they get pulled over by a traffic cop.

“Good morning, I guess you know why I pulled you guys over, don’t you?”

“Well officer, I actually don’t. We couldn’t have been speeding, this car won’t even make the s...

What’s the difference between a straw and a Dutch comedian?

One is a hollow cylinder, the other is a silly Hollander.
I’ll see myself out.

What do Dutch farmers feed their sheep?

Holland oats

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Newlywed husband wants to go to bar

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

... ...

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wi...

Doctors are reporting a new disease affecting commuters in New York.

It only appears to be affecting drivers traveling in groups through the Lincoln Holland Tunnels. The symptoms are pain in the hands and wrists.

Doctors are calling it Car Pool Tunnel syndrome.

That's some pig

A salesman for Case New Holland is making the rounds one day when he drops in on a farm he’s never been to before. As he pulls into the farmyard, a large pig in the pen by the barn catches his eye. He wanders over for a closer look and to his astonishment he sees that the pig has a wooden leg! As h...

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Barack Obama Bar Jokes

During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French President Francois Hollande are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued....

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A Dutch anti-German joke (and the first foreign joke i ever learned!)

There's still a lot of ill feeling against the Germans in Holland. With that in mind, this is a joke a Dutch friend told me.

Walking around Amsterdam one day, a Dutchie sees a man down on his knees scooping up water from the canal with his hand to drink.

He shouts to the man (in Dutc...

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander.


Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes): http://www.historytoday.com/blog/2011/10/victorian-jokes-best-19th-century-humour

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Dad told me this one

This guy went Christmas shopping for his daughter. She said she wanted a Barbie. Typical right? Well he went to the toy store and went looking for a couple Barbies. He grabbed the Malibu Barbie, Katniss Barbie and the holland Barbie. As he was leaving the isle he saw a divorce Barbie. It had a $299 ...

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