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Andrew Garfield, Tobey McGuire and Tom Holland got into an accident upon arriving at a party.

As it turns out, they're terrible parallel parkers.

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

“Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

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Tourism ad for Holland: Come, have sex and get stoned.

Below that
Tourism ad for Saudi Arabia: Ditto

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The att...

Holland’s kitchen appliance manufacturers are the real heroes

Imagine how hard it must be to sell someone a Dutch oven.

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

Is there a more Dutch sounding actor than Tom Holland?

Yes, there's Tom Hollander.

How long does it take the Dutch to make eggs Benedict?

It takes Holland days!

What Is The Difference Between A Tube And A Foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder, and the other a silly Hollander.

What do you call a child who was born to parents from Holland and The Phillippines?

Hollappino

I hear the army of Holland has had very successful operations in the past, preventing horrible things from happening.

They’ve dutched the bullet many times.

Do you know why the German Wehrmacht girls are in Holland?

As mattresses for the soldiers

*Courtesy Anne Frank's Diary*

There are actors called Tom Holland and Tom Hollander

I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.

If someone from Holland married a Filipino what would their kid be?

A Hollapiño

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My mate went to Holland and bought me back a life size blow up dolly that gives blow jobs. I thought that's nice.

Two Lips from Amsterdam.

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

***Spoilers***
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He was blown away by it!

Seeing Paul Rudd and Tom Holland together really bugs me

Its make my skin crawl

I would like to go to Holland one day

Wooden shoe?

Poland is full of Poles

Holland is full of Holes

What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?

Wooden shoe like me to tell you.

[Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one]

Captain John McGrue was one of the most respected explorers

Born in England, he became known for his seafaring skills at a young age. At the age of 20, he heard the legends of the greatest drinks in the world, a quest many explorers had tried, but unfortunately none could complete the trip. McGrue was talked out of it by every friend, until at 28, already an...

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A German truck driver is sitting in a Liverpool bar mouthing off about how lazy the British are.

He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool, drops his load off and back to Hamburg in under 2 days."

A drunk old scouse man can't help but hear him and mutters 'Fuck off lad, I used to pick my load up in Liverpool, drop it off in...

Why do no planes fly to holland?

Because they netherland there.

What's wrong with the plane that flies to Holland?

It Netherlands.

If we call someone from Poland a pole

Do we call someone from Holland a hole?

A Bulgarian, an Arabian and a Hollander are sitting in a bar.

First, the Bulgarian drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, grabs his pistol and shoots it in pieces.

"In Bulgaria, glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice."

Next, the Arabian drinks his strong liquor, throws his glass in the air, grabs his A...

Hollande, Putin and Merkel sit on a plane to visit Obama.

They didn´t get the permission to land so they arrive an hour late. Hollande steps out first shaking Obama´s hand and saying "I´m sorry for being late.". Second Putin steps out of the plane greeting Obama and adding "I´m sorry for being late, too.". Last one leaving the plane is Merkel and she walks...

Did you know that the Netherlands imports all oatmeal to avoid copyright laws?

Because if they produced locally they would be making Holland Oats.

Whenever I eat eggs benedict it reminds me of the time I lived in the Netherlands...

Those were my Holland days...

Marriage Question

So if a person from Holland and a person from the Philippines got married, would their babies be called Hollapiños?

Doctors are reporting a new disease affecting commuters in New York.

It only appears to be affecting drivers traveling in groups through the Lincoln Holland Tunnels. The symptoms are pain in the hands and wrists.

Doctors are calling it Car Pool Tunnel syndrome.

Five Dutchmen crammed in an old Renault 4, are driving through Belgium when they get pulled over ...

Five Dutchmen are crammed in an old Renault 4 and driving through Belgium when they get pulled over by a traffic cop.

“Good morning, I guess you know why I pulled you guys over, don’t you?”

“Well officer, I actually don’t. We couldn’t have been speeding, this car won’t even make the s...

What's the difference between a length of pipe and a pale Dutchman?

One's a hollow cylinder, and the other's a sallow Hollander.

That's some pig

A salesman for Case New Holland is making the rounds one day when he drops in on a farm he’s never been to before. As he pulls into the farmyard, a large pig in the pen by the barn catches his eye. He wanders over for a closer look and to his astonishment he sees that the pig has a wooden leg! As h...

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A Dutch anti-German joke (and the first foreign joke i ever learned!)

There's still a lot of ill feeling against the Germans in Holland. With that in mind, this is a joke a Dutch friend told me.

Walking around Amsterdam one day, a Dutchie sees a man down on his knees scooping up water from the canal with his hand to drink.

He shouts to the man (in Dutc...

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander.


Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes): http://www.historytoday.com/blog/2011/10/victorian-jokes-best-19th-century-humour

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Newlywed husband wants to go to bar

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

... ...

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wi...

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Dad told me this one

This guy went Christmas shopping for his daughter. She said she wanted a Barbie. Typical right? Well he went to the toy store and went looking for a couple Barbies. He grabbed the Malibu Barbie, Katniss Barbie and the holland Barbie. As he was leaving the isle he saw a divorce Barbie. It had a $299 ...

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