I’ve designed an aeroplane made entirely from rubber, so if it crashed, it would bounce

It’s a boing 747

My friend didn't believe me when I told her I could build a car entirely out of spaghetti.

She was very skeptical, but you should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.

They're calling it the McJagger.

England is finally honoring it's longest river entirely in it's border by making repairs to the over 45 navigation locks used for transportation, improving the many drinking water systems abstracting flow from it's discharge into the sea, and providing for wildlife sanctuaries near the coast.

The people will vote on the entire referendum poised to fund the project.

It's called the Bond...the Thames Bond....

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I’m going to build a fence made entirely from poop...

I’ll have to start with a shit post.

The Actor that plays Pennywise has a security detail comprised entirely of disfigured war vets who maim mall security

Skaarsgards scarred guards scars guards

What do you call a committee made up entirely of people named William?

A Billboard.

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What do you call a motorcycle club comprised entirely of bisexual monarchs from Scandinavia?

The Bikings.

I have achieved my life's goal of writing an entire theatrical performance made up entirely of puns.

It's a play on words.

There's a fire at the local chemical plant...

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long, it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.

After fighting the fire for over an hour, the plant president approached the fire chief and said "All our secr...

Three vampires are in a cabin in the woods...

The three vampires are sitting together in a cabin talking about their accomplishments as vampires.
Soon, they start to brag who's the best vampire. Then they suggest a competition: who can suck the most blood in the least time.

The first one leaves and returns after an hour, his lips ...

2020 has given an entirely new meaning to drive-by.

More of a shower thought, but it made me chuckle. My kids were invited to a "birthday drive-by" and I don't ever recall a drive-by being a good thing...

Is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless?

Yes, there is.

So an electrical engineer built a house entirely out of resistors.

The welcome mat said Ohm Sweet Ohm.

A new pastor in a rural area...

A new pastor in a rural area is ready for his first service, but only one farmer has shown up. The pastor asks the farmer, "If you took a load of hay to feed your cows and when you got there, there was only one cow what would you do?".

"I'd feed it" said the farmer.

So the pastor asks...

A Halloween costume idea

A nurse walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Are you coming to our big Halloween party?" the bartender asks. "Yes, I've already planned my costume. I'm going to come as a horrible monster made entirely out of blood," the nurse says. "I'm going to be a hemogoblin."

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic

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She did what he said

The retiring mailman

The mailman who had been on the same route for 10 years was leaving the job.

He had made many friends on the route and decided to put a note in their mailboxes informing them.

Many on his route came out of their houses to wish him well and some even gave h...

Two Frenchmen are going for a walk one day, when they happen upon a swimming pool filled entirely to the brim with loaves of bread.

The first, who happens to be a baker, exclaims "Mon amie, what a beautiful sight! I'm going to dive into this pool."

The second says "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. If you hit the bottom, you're going to be in a lot of pain."

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.

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A true story

Saw my Doctor this morning about my undescended testicle, he seemed surprised that this hadn’t been caught in early childhood during any of my checkups.

He asked, “did your parents never check you as a baby?”

I replied, “no, they really dropped the ball on this one”

He smiled. ...

Did you hear about the beer made entirely out of rabbits, frogs and kangaroos?

It’s mostly hops.

One day, not too far off, Florida will be an entirely Blue state.

With the sea level rising, it'll be underwater.

The Robot Family.

It's a big night for XR-573, the patriarch of the robot family. Not only are all three of his sons going to be over for dinner for the first time in years, but all three of them have brand new fiancées! XR-573 and his wife Z7-271 are both very excited to see their children and learn all about their ...

In ancient Timbuktu they made their houses entirely out of dung.

I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that house.

A young blonde fears that her boyfriend is seeing another girl... One day, the girl is visiting her boyfriend's apartment for lunch and stumbles across another woman's discarded garments on his bedroom floor.

After sitting coolly through the meal, avoiding eye contact, she quietly excuses herself without explanation. She is incredibly hurt, and on her way home finds herself in a local gun shop, purchasing a handgun. The next day she awakens with renewed vengeance for her lover's betrayal. She dresses and...

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

I had a brilliant plan to cover my neighbor's farm in plastic to destroy his business, but when I returned from the store with the cellophane, he had already enveloped my farm entirely with Reynolds wrap.

It seems my plot was foiled.

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A boy and a girl are romanticaly sitting in the park

Suddenly she loosens her blouse and while looking the boy in the eyes she asks: "do you want to know where they did surgery on my hart?"
The boy, being flabbergasted by this stutters a bit and then brings out: "yes... Yes please!" While looking greedily at her breasts.
The girl, happy with thi...

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