UPJOKE
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Entirely Jokes

My Grandfather built me a car entirely out of wood

It had wooden seats, wooden doors, wooden steering wheel, wooden floors and a wooden engine. Unfortunately when I tried to start it, it wooden work.
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The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas.

The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
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Man walks into a bar with a beard made entirely of grass

Bartender says “Why the lawn face?”
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The anal dildo was invented entirely spontaneously...

From what I hear, the inventor just pulled it out of his ass

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.
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Passed by a building made entirely of keilbasa.

Never sausage a place before.
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I got invited to test a new car made entirely of spare computer parts

It was a hard drive
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My friend made a motorbike entirely out of wood...

It had wooden wheels, wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden brakes, wooden handlebars...
I asked him if he had taken it for a ride
He said: Wooden start
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If a sex worker does their work entirely online...

... Can they be called an "Internet Service Provider?"

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic
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McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.

They're calling it the McJagger.
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Did you know piranhas can eat up the body entirely upto the bones in 45 seconds ? Me neither.

Anyway, I lost the job at the aquarium.
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What do you call a bakery staffed entirely by men?

A pastryarchy.
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There was a jungle tribe of people who lived entirely off the land...

They hunted and foraged, and built structures with wildgrasses and leaves. Most of the tribe was kind and giving, except for the one greedy old coot. He did not live modestly: full feasts when others were hungry, 2-story hut when the rest were 1, and the rarest dyes on all of his clothes. This old c...
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I’m going to build a fence made entirely from poop...

I’ll have to start with a shit post.

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.
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Did you hear about the soldier that impressed his CO by making a bugle entirely out of scrap iron?

The CO liked it so much declared the next day Ferrous Bugler's Day Off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

What do you call a committee made up entirely of people named William?

A Billboard.
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Is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless?

Yes, there is.
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Scientists now believe that the success of the Olympics depends almost entirely on the 100m dash.

They call it the critical race theory.
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2020 has given an entirely new meaning to drive-by.

More of a shower thought, but it made me chuckle. My kids were invited to a "birthday drive-by" and I don't ever recall a drive-by being a good thing...
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What do you call a motorcycle club comprised entirely of bisexual monarchs from Scandinavia?

The Bikings.

I have achieved my life's goal of writing an entire theatrical performance made up entirely of puns.

It's a play on words.
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In ancient Timbuktu they made their houses entirely out of dung.

I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that house.
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The word “you” is made up entirely of vowels.

Yeah it’s not a joke, but when I tried to upload it to r/showerthoughts, I was told that wordplay wasn’t accepted. So here we are.
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Did you hear about the beer made entirely out of rabbits, frogs and kangaroos?

It’s mostly hops.
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I made a jacket entirely out of sleeves once...

It was my coat of arms!
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One day, not too far off, Florida will be an entirely Blue state.

With the sea level rising, it'll be underwater.
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The Actor that plays Pennywise has a security detail comprised entirely of disfigured war vets who maim mall security

Skaarsgards scarred guards scars guards
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A lot of couples get pregnant entirely by accident.

It's a pretty common misconception.
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After we had sex, my boyfriend and I were talking over dinner and I asked if, when we were done eating, would he mind putting a load in the dishwasher.

He responded, "The one earlier wasn't enough?"

(This actually just happened but I had to reword it a tiny bit to make it into a punchline)

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A guy chats with his milkman during the weekly daily delivery.

"You should've seen yesterday's party, it was great. There was me, my wife and many couples in the neighborhood. By the end we were completely hammered."

"Oh yeah? How did it go?" The milkman inquires.

"Well, we got so drunk that we got the idea for a little game. The men went into ano...

it is my dream to create a performance entirely based on puns about invertebrates

and it will be called 'a play on worms'
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I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable

The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.
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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate...

I Want To Open A Bath House Staffed Entirely By Minorites

I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing.
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I made a belt, entirely composed of watches

It was a waist of time
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A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.

Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.

But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior...
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I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...

but no one seemed to find it very appealing.
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There once was a choir which entirely consisted of people named Dan

Every year on Christmas Eve the choir goes to church where they have the tradition to go outside when it's dark to sing songs under the night sky.

It is such a big event that many people who are also named Dan come to town just to join the choir and they would also bring their families to wat...
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