DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.
Once a mathematics professor noticed that his kitchen sink at home broke down.
He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day, sealed a few screws and everything worked perfectly.
The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.
"This is a third of my monthly salary!", he yelled.
Well, all the sam...
A:What is the integral of 1/cabin? B: log cabin
A: You forgot the C
Two integrals are working out at the gym
One says to the other 'I'm really going to push past my limits today'.
'Are you sure of that?'
'Well, I can't be definite'
They said calculus would be integral to my education
I found it a little derivative.
Hey girl, are you an integral?
Because I'd like to find the area under your curves
I'm tired of people hating on integral calculus for being so shallow!
Integrals are more than just the sum of its parts!
Two mathematicians were having lunch at a diner and got into a rousing discussion about the state of mathematics education in the US.
The first mathematician insisted that the general American populace was woefully inadequate when it came to understanding even basic math, while the second felt the average person knew more than they were given credit. They made a friendly wager and agreed that the next time their waitress came by, ...
How does Donald Trump keep a handle on integral equations?
He grabs them by the +c.
Two mathematicians are arguing at a restaurant.
"The state of mathematics in this country is terrible", insists the first mathematician. "It's a wonder how the average person even manages to get by in their day-to-day life."
The second mathematician says, "That's hardly true. Mathematics education is actually pretty good nowadays. People m...
Ted Cruz, according to the news, IS planning THat Either cruZ Or his aDminIstrAtion will be Compiling their documents to maKe a IntegraL poLitical announcemEnt this afteRnoon
[hope you can decrypt it]
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.
The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.
The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...
MATH JOKE: The ladies call me an integral
...because I fill the area under their curves
Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, ...
... arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was surprisingly high.
"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math que...
Two mathematicians are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician wanders off to the bathroom, so the second guy calls over their waitress...
What do you call an integral that doesn't like derivatives?
should be an integral part of this sub
Two mathematicians and blonde waitress.
Two mathematicians were in a restaurant. One of them was a hard-core misogynist and claimed that women were never any good at maths, especially the blonde ones. His friend claimed that there was no difference and that women were just as capable as men. When the misogynist went for a cigarette, the o...
Two mathematicians walk into a bar...
and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...
How do you find a velociraptor?
By taking the integral of the acceleraptor!
Everyone else: http://imgur.com/J3hC4Ci
A small collection of my favorite science jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”
“For you, sir, no charge!”
What's 2 times 2?
Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
Mathematician: “After some consideration ...
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician ...
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, a biologist, and a chemist are each asked to compute the volume of a little red rubber ball.
The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume
The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...
Math jokes never work on me
I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his "Red-Rubber-Ball" table.
Two Math Professors Are Sitting In A Pub. "Isn't It Disgusting", The First One Complains, "how Little The General Public Knows About Mathematics?
"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic."
"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom."
He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the ...
Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."
"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...
Your car has a differential...
...if you drive in reverse, does it become an integral?
Two mathematics professors are sitting in a restaurant.
The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."
The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...
Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.
John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."
Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Engineering pickup lines
Engineering pickup lines:
Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?
Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?
What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga
How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency
How about you and I go have a couple moment ...