A definite integral and an indefinite integral walk into a bar.
The indefinite integral takes a seat next to the definite integral, and as they chat, they find they have a lot in common!
As the night goes on the indefinite integral offers to buy the two another round, but the definite integral politely declines:
“No thank you, I know my li...
So why did the chicken cross the road?
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...
How does Donald Trump keep a handle on integral equations?
He grabs them by the +c.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A math professor, Dave, has a problem with his sink so he calls a plumber.
The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.
The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...
Hey girl, are you an integral?
Because I'd like to find the area under your curves
A:What is the integral of 1/cabin? B: log cabin
A: You forgot the C
Two integrals are working out at the gym
One says to the other 'I'm really going to push past my limits today'.
'Are you sure of that?'
'Well, I can't be definite'
They said calculus would be integral to my education
I found it a little derivative.
A Mexican man visits his cousin in the US
He wants to watch a baseball game; an integral part of American culture, he has heard. Unable to purchase a ticket, he scales the stadium facade and watches while clinging to the roof.
Afterwards, his cousin enquires about his experience.
“It was great!” He says. “Americans are so co...
Ted Cruz, according to the news, IS planning THat Either cruZ Or his aDminIstrAtion will be Compiling their documents to maKe a IntegraL poLitical announcemEnt this afteRnoon
[hope you can decrypt it]
MATH JOKE: The ladies call me an integral
...because I fill the area under their curves
Two Math Professors in a Bar
Two professors, American and Soviet, are sitting in a bar in the middle of Moscow. They begin to have a heating conversation about levels of education in general population of their countries.
Soviet professor takes a break to go to the bathroom, and on the way there he stops their waitress a...
What do you call an integral that doesn't like derivatives?
Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, ...
... arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was surprisingly high.
"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math que...
Two mathematicians are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician wanders off to the bathroom, so the second guy calls over their waitress...
Two mathematicians were having lunch at a diner and got into a rousing discussion about the state of mathematics education in the US.
The first mathematician insisted that the general American populace was woefully inadequate when it came to understanding even basic math, while the second felt the average person knew more than they were given credit. They made a friendly wager and agreed that the next time their waitress came by, ...
How do you find a velociraptor?
By taking the integral of the acceleraptor!
Everyone else: http://imgur.com/J3hC4Ci
Two mathematicians are arguing at a restaurant.
"The state of mathematics in this country is terrible", insists the first mathematician. "It's a wonder how the average person even manages to get by in their day-to-day life."
The second mathematician says, "That's hardly true. Mathematics education is actually pretty good nowadays. People m...
should be an integral part of this sub
A small collection of my favorite science jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”
“For you, sir, no charge!”
What's 2 times 2?
Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
Mathematician: “After some consideration ...
One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down.
He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.
The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.
"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.
Which is more important to learn—derivatives or anti derivatives?
Anti derivatives. They’re integral to your success.
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his "Red-Rubber-Ball" table.
Two mathematicians walk into a bar...
and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...
Math jokes never work on me
I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician ...
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, a biologist, and a chemist are each asked to compute the volume of a little red rubber ball.
The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume
The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...
Two mathematicians and blonde waitress.
Two mathematicians were in a restaurant. One of them was a hard-core misogynist and claimed that women were never any good at maths, especially the blonde ones. His friend claimed that there was no difference and that women were just as capable as men. When the misogynist went for a cigarette, the o...
Two Math Professors Are Sitting In A Pub. "Isn't It Disgusting", The First One Complains, "how Little The General Public Knows About Mathematics?
"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic."
"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom."
He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the ...
Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."
"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...
Two mathematics professors are sitting in a restaurant.
The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."
The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...
What is the mathematician’s favourite type of bread