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Larger Jokes

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Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

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The US, England and Ireland are presented with a question. Why is the head of the penis larger than the shaft?

The US funds a study for 6 months at $20 million, and concludes it is to give the man more pleasure during sex.

The British, not to be outdone by the Yankees, spend 3 months and half the money, and concludes it's to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The Irish, not to be outdone ...

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.

**Then it hit me.**

So there were two larger girls at the bar...

I went to the bar and overheard two heavy girls talking with an odd accent.

I asked them, 'Are you two ladies from Scotland?'

One turned to me and said, 'It's Wales, you idiot!'

'Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?'

Wouldn’t plants that defecate keep growing larger?

Since they soiled themselves

A Woman walks in the forest and meets a genie.

A woman one day takes a hike around the forest by her house, to take some time off from people.

She stumbles upon a teapot, grabs it, and (obviously) rubs it. A Genie appears:

"Hello lady, you've released me from my trap. Now I shall grant you 3 wishes, but theres a catch. Whatever I g...

Why was the narrow strip of land with sea on either side, forming a link between two larger areas of land so happy?

It was a merry isthmus!

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What do you call a weatherman with a larger-than-average penis?

A Meatier-ologist

A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates...

He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed. 

Having arrived at the Gates of
Heaven, he meets a man with a beard. 

"Are you Mohammed?" he asks. 

"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the c...

Nice Legs..

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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There's a Hispanic porn star who has two penises, each of a different size. The larger one he calls Jose...

The smaller one he calls Hose B.

A small tree is talking to a larger tree.

The small tree asks, “why did the chicken cross the road?”

Just then a lumberjack comes over and chops the large tree down.

The large tree then says, “I don’t know, I’m stumped.”

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

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Do you think it's odd that one of my testicles is larger than

the other two?

A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.

Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.

Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.

He places a twenty on the bar, an...

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A man has been going to the doctor trying to make his penis larger

One day he is on his way to see this doctor when he loses control of his car and gets into a major accident

The car is claimed as a total loss and he is rushed to the hospital where he is pronounced dead

Thankfully, with hours of trying, the doctors are able to resuscitate him but he r...

A slug has died after his girlfriend left him for a larger snail...

His homies said he was salty.

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Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

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What do teddies bears use to make their boobs seem larger ?

A plush-up bra.

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer move to a larger apartment?

He needed more leg room.

I was out shooting the other day and I thought “why do objects appear larger the closer they get?”

And then it hit me.

A software developer claims to have written a condition that detects items larger than medium size.

Big if true.

An African Lumberjack

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single ch...

Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?

Because they lack toes in taller ants.

I never knew why a Frisbee became larger as it got closer...

Then it hit me. . .

^^^I'm ^^^sorry

A man’s wife is missing…

Man: Officer, my wife is missing. She went out yesterday and she hasn’t come home.

Officer: Okay, what’s her height?

Man: Not sure…. Maybe around 5’6?

Officer: Okay, weight?

Man: I dunno… not slim not big.

Officer: Okay… colour of her eyes?

Man: Sort of blue...

Why do drugs for small dogs have to be tested on larger ones first?

All canine drugs must be lab tested before their public release.

They say families were larger in the past due to higher child mortality rates....

but as it turns out, your great-great-great-GREEEEAAAT-Grandma really just loved her some D

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Why does the ejaculating turtle appear to be getting larger?

It's cumming tortoise

A battalion of Russian soldiers were marching through Ukraine..

From behind a huge pile of rubble they hear a faint yell.

"One Ukrainian soldier can kill 10 Russian soldiers!"

The Russian colonel laughs, then sends 10 of his soldiers over the pile. After a short battle and the ensuing silence, another yell:

"One Ukrainian soldier can take ou...

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Weekend

A young guy goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas. “

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how ...

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