Funny when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud...

But when a girl sleeps with a tons of guys, somehow I am not one of them

When a guy sleeps with a lot of women, he is called a stud...

But when a woman does... she is your mother.

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A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm,

'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm. 'What sort of horse?' said the owner. 'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her eyeth?' So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. 'Nithe eyeth.', say...

Held a stud finder to my chest to show the wife how well it works.

She was convinced. Not a peep out of it.

Hey girl, the only thing I need to be a stud is you

My favorite way to tell someone I have an STD

I heard you were looking for a stud?

I’ve got the STD, all I need is u

Have you heard about the studs in America?

They're big supporters of the wall.

A woman meets Syd the Stud in a bar.

They talk. They connect. They end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft,sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hund...

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If a dude has sex with 20 women he's a stud, but if a woman has sex with 20 men...

Somehow I'm never one of them.

A college stud could get with any women he wanted.

Luke was pretty much perfect: star on the football team, top of his class, president multiple clubs, and was hot af. I mean, this guy has slept with hundreds of different girls, even his teachers. However, near his college career, he wants to settle down. He asks one of his best friends, Tracy, i...

Why are pharmaceutical chemists considered such studs?

They're able to make a fun-gal cream.

Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be reincarnated as a stud?

He woke up on a snow tire in Michigan.

What do you call a group of cool trees trying to get an education?

Stud Ents

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A joke I thought of today

If a guy goes to lunch with a girl, he’s a boyfriend


If a guy goes to lunch with two girls, he’s a stud.


If a guy goes to lunch with three girls, he’s gay.

My wife went away for the weekend

So I did what any handsome stud would do. I went to the pub/bar. I proceeded to go from barstool to barstool trying to get lucky. But, you know what? I didn’t find any gum underneath any of them.

Every time I walk down the gadget aisle at my local home improvement store,

The stud finders go berserk.

I was such a stud that I lasted 1 hour and 5 seconds in bed

Thanks Day light saving

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A pimp is breaking in his new bitch.

Pimp: Listen. If you wanna be my woman, your gonna have to make me some money.

Hoe: But I've never done anything like this before.

Pimp: Don't worry. You go and put on your sexiest dress and stand under that lamppost. I'll be back here. Any problems. Just come back and tell me, and and...

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So the neighbors think I'm a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

Why did the homebuilder bring 6 bimbos to his job site?

None of his men could find a stud.

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Fred & the nun

Fred, the local stud, walks into the barber shop, and there he sees a beautiful nun in one of the chairs.

"My god, how I'd like to have sex with her" he tells Joe the barber "but nuns are the only women I can't get"

"Well," says Joe the barber, "She will do anything for God. Every day ...

What do you call a handsome tramp who hangs around liquor joints chatting up girls?

A dirty bar stud.

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A teenager is walking down the street...

He's dressed up in all leather with spikes and studs and has a mohawk dyed like a rainbow. He notices an old man on a porch up ahead staring him down intensely. He just smiles to himself and keeps walking.

As he passes the house, he sees the old man has yet to take his eyes off him. Finally h...

A bolt is in love with a nail fixed in a wall on the opposite side of the room...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual, so the bolt decides to compliment it and shouts to the nail, "Hey stud!"

"Ugh, screw off!"

Needless to say, the bolt won't be getting nailed tonight.

The plan...

A middle aged woman has been conducting a long term affair with her lover for years. Her husband never knows because she tells him that she goes upstate one weekend a month to visit her elderly great aunt and take care of her. The husband wants nothing to do with such business and leaves her to it. ...

My favorite pick up line

With you I feel like a stud, I was just an STD before

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A sexy girl with no arms and no legs goes to the pool...

She was laying on her towel getting a tan when a stud of a lifeguard walks by, they immediately catch each other's attention...

The girl says to the lifeguard, "I've never been hugged by a guy like you before..."

The lifeguard then picks her up and hugs her.

Then the y...

So these two ladies die

and are waiting in purgatory to hear the results of their life audit. A door opens and two men walk in. An angel walks in with an ugly, hunch backed gremlin of a man. The angel says "Nancy, in 1982 you killed a duck, your punishment will be to spend your eternal life with this man". He slaps the the...

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Women are the victim of so many double standards...

If a man fucks a lot of women, he's celebrated and called a stud and player. But if a woman fucks a lot of men, she's called your mom.

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[NSFW] Father, to friend at work..

Father, to friend at work: "I'm really bummed out -- I just found out my 14-year old son has been fucking his teacher."

Friend: Bummed our? You should be proud of the little stud!

Father: Nah, he's being home-schooled.

During a dance at the retirement home...

The local retirement home decided to have a dance for the residents, a sort of a prom. So all the men and women dressed in their best and gathered in the common area.

During the evening, Elmer, an 85 year old stud, spies Mabel, a 68 year old beauty he begins to flirt, and soon asks her back...

Hey, are you the top of a Lego brick?

Because you're a stud.

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A woman is at the checkout line in the grocery store...

And notices the bag boy is a real stud. Thick muscles under his smock, but his gorgeous blue eyes looked bored above his chiseled jaw. She slyly undid her top button to show some cleavage, but he never looked her way. Finally she purrs out a request for him to carry the bags to her car.
As they...

Two priests die at the same time

and meet St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "I'd like to get you
guys in now but our computers are down. You'll have to
go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back
as humans. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an
eagle, soaring...

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Sterotype hot horny blonde goes to a bar

She was like having no sex for month and she just urged for a huge cock. So the girl walks up to some black stud that looks just well equiped enough for her needs and starts to flirt. One things come to another and 30 minutes later they're walking down the road to her place. In lustful anticipation ...

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The bull trick (a bit long)

An old cattle farmer is being helped by the local vet with his herd of cows and bulls. It is breading season and some of his older bulls are having a bit of a hard time performing. These are top of the line studs, but age is finally catching up with the bulls. The farmer laments to the vet "Well, I ...

We hired a teenage girl at my hardware store

I was showing her around the aisles when I picked up something off the shelf and pointed it at my self and made a beeping sound.

I said, "This is a stud-finder" and laughed.

She pulled up her sleeve, showed me her FitBit and made a beeping sound. She said, "This is a pedo-meter."

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A cougar is at the grocery store.

She fills her cart with all the items on her list and gets to the cashier. While her groceries were being rung up, she happened to glance over and notice the young strapping 17-year old high school boy carry out that was bagging her groceries. She was quite taken by his good looks and build so she t...

Chinese and Russian soldier

By the river, and on the Russian and Chinese border there was two soldiers standing as posts for some decade years. A Chinese on south side and the Russian on North side. One day the Russian started to make signals to the Chinese. The Chinese was puzzled. The Russian wanted to ask him if he was a pa...

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Gerrard and the nudist beach

Gerrard, a young Parisian stud, books himself a couple of weeks at a coastal nudist colony to work on the tan (and the ladies) but on his first day he realises his member looks like a milk bottle compared to the rest of his tanned, toned body - he doesn't believe in sunbeds and you can't exactly bat...

There were two sisters...

Once upon a time, in the wild, wild West there were two sisters, Jill and Susie. A relative of theirs dies and leaves the two sisters a ranch. The ranch was run down and they had little else to their name besides the ranch so they thought they'd invest what they had left into a stud bull to mate ...

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I was at the Natural History Museum

and I saw the Neanderthal exhibit. Those guys were buff studs.

no homo

A man was going for a holiday to Acapulco, Mexico...

But since he does not speak any Spanish, he is a bit worried if he will be alright.

He talks to an old friend about his worries and the friend tells him "Don't worry! Spanish is not so hard to speak. Many words are similar to english, so if you just speak slowly enough, I'm sure they will und...

Man and wife visit the super bull farm.

They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. H...

A Guy/Gal walks into a bar with an Ostrich/Race-horse

A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and ...

My favorite surprise joke.

From experience, this works best if you tell it when you return from a trip without flagging that it's a joke + adjust it to fit the trip:

Everything went fine until we got to the airport late in Barcelona. We ended up in the security line behind this Alice Cooper type, with piercings stickin...

Rich Man and the Ranch

A rich man owns a multi-million dollar ranch in Puerto Rico. One day, his ranch supervisor, Paco, calls him on the phone.
"Yes, Paco, what is it?" says the Rich Man.
"Well, Señor, I have some bad news. Your prize thoroughbred, he has died."
"My thoroughbred? I was going to make millions...

Abe and Eva just aren't cutting it in bed...

Ok. My last joke bombed. BOMBED.

.

Ok. So Abe and Eva? They're not quite getting the ol' magical finale in bed as they used to. After so many years of marriage, Eva isn't cresting the mountaintop. This concerns the pair of them, so they decide to visit their Rabbi for advice.

....

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