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'You remind me of a stallion,' said my wife.

'Big cock?' I said, smiling, rather flattered.

​

'No, you leave your shit everywhere,' she replied.

Did you hear about the girl who got in an accident riding a stoned stallion?

She got knocked off her high horse

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If you're on a majestic stallion

If you're on a majestic stallion, chasing after a grizzly bear with your musket loaded, ready to fire, neither gaining nor losing the other, and as you turn your back you see a ferocious lion in hot pink, ready to take you down.....


You should seriously get your drunk ass of that carousel...

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I was at the 9th hole with my stallions by my side.

These two guys came up to me with a puzzled look.

"Are they yours?" they asked.

"They are indeed," I replied.

On the 11th hole they came up to me again.

"Are they following you around the whole way?" they asked.

"They are indeed," I replied.

On the 17th hole...

What do you call an impotent stallion?

Mr. ED

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The bag of money and the stallion

A man enters a bar and sees a bag of money on the floor with a stallion next to it. He asks the bartender what's the deal. The bartender says: "If you can make the stallion laugh, all the money in the bag is yours to take."
The man goes over to the stallion and whispers something in his ear and...

You know why you can't teach a stallion philosophy?

Because you can't put Descartes before the horse.

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.


The sta...

A man spends a fortune on a horse that is supposed to be an amazing stallion

A man spends a fortune on a horse that is supposed to be an amazing stallion. He is told the horse will impregnate 20-30 fermale horses.

He brings the horse to his farm, but the horse is not doing anything, just sleeping and eating grass all day.

Some time after he meets with an old fr...

If a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, they call him a stallion.

If a stallion sleeps with a bunch of girls, they shut that riding school down.

An Italian stallion was tripping down a old bumpy road.

When a woman drove past. A little while later she thought: " Well, that certainly was Rocky. "

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The Italian Stallion and more

The Italian Lover

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired...

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks; "Why the long face?"

A few local barflies laughed into their glasses, hunched over like a waning reed in the wind, rosy cheeked and bleary eyed.

The horse walked up the bar and awkwardly sat down on a stool which creaked loudly under their weight.

"I'll tell you why" the horse said in a perfect English acc...

Sometimes i like to hide my wife inhalers,

So the neighbours think i'm a stallion in bed,

when they hear her panting and gasping

"give it to me"

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A stallion with a smoking habit kidnaps hookers.

So basically a hoarse horse hoards whores.

Before John was a traveling salesmen

Before John was a traveling salesman he worked door to door on foot. He actually came from an upper middle class family but had a healthy work ethic and a humble yet dull nature from aristocratic inbreeding a few generations back..

It was his birthday and his eccentric mother had told John he...

Young Bill

Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch.


One evening, as they sat on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prized stallion humping one of his mares.


He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured th...

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

A 90 year-old man marries a beautiful 25 year-old woman...

They go on their honeymoon to beautiful, picturesque Venice, Italy. After a day of sightseeing, they return to their hotel. He turns to his young bride and says "Honey, I'm tired after all this excitement. I'm going to go to bed. See you in the morning." She say ok, and off he goes to bed, whil...

The winner of the Kentucky Derby has been invited to the White House.

The stallion declined, stating: "If I wanted to look at a horse's ass, I would've come in second".

Little Susie spent the summer holidays on a pony farm in the Cotswolds

Back home, she asked,

"We all live together just like the animals, don't we, Mummy?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"So I'm just like a little foal?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"And you, Mummy, you're practically the beautiful mare?"

...

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A prince in a distant and very rich kingdom decided it was time to get married.

After announcing his intentions, three beautiful noble women showed up as candidates.

Not knowing which one he should marry, the prince had the idea of proposing a contest. He gave 1000 golden coins to each woman and told them: "You have 5 days to spend all of this coins, then come back to me...

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Two women sit on a porch in plantation times:

One is the daughter of a rich plantation owner and the other is the daughter of an average middle class southerner. The rich daughter loves to brag so naturally she looks over at the middle class daughter and says "My daddy just got me this pretty dress, see all these intricate frills?" the middle c...

In Medieval Europe, there once was a triangular lake.

This triangular lake was quite large; so large, in fact, that three separate kingdoms were built on each side of this lake. These kingdoms were very different one from another.
The first kingdom was the richest - smooth stone walls built like a fortress, lavish houses for all, and a generous king...

[Long] One day in the Kingdom of Reddit

..a jester told the King a joke so funny that the king declared “This is the funniest joke OF ALL TIME....it shall never be told again!” With that, the Jester was locked in a tower. Days turned into months, months turned into years, years turned into decades, and the jester stayed locked away.
...

The Union Cavalry were in dire need of recruits...

General Grant decided to turn one infantry division into a cavalry division and sent the men back to boot camp for additional training.

Johnny was 19 years old and a brave soul, but looking at the rearing, neighing and feisty war horses, he had one concern.

“Excuse me Drill Sergeant!” ...

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Sven and Ole

Sven is sitting on his porch one day, enjoying the morning Norwegian frosted air, when he sees his neighbor Ole coming down the road.

Ole has his hands lightly cupped together as if he's holding a delicate insect from escaping.

Sven pipes up and hollars "G'mornin Ole! what's that ya go...

An older couple decided to try "swinging"

They'd both recently turned sixty and, what the heck -- YOLO. So they went to a swingers party and, to their amazement, connected with a very young couple barely past their teens. After an hour and a half of "play time" they got dressed and headed home.

"Well that was disappointing," he said...

Well the war was finally over, and...

A train full of soldiers was headed back from the front. In one carriage, a Colonel and a Corporal sat across from each other, and as the train rolled past a former battlefield, the Colonel sighed and told the Corporal that he'd once led a charge riding a great white stallion in that very spot...at...

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A guy walks into a bar.

He sits down when he notices a jar filled with money.
So he asks the bartender, “Why is that jar with money standing on the bar over there?”

The bartender explains “well, that money is for a challenge we’re having. You see, we have a horse out back, a beautiful stallion. And if you can go ...

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[LONG] A cowboy is walking through the desert.

He's incredibly exhausted and he's just had the last few drops of his water, so naturally he gets super fucking pumped when he reaches a town. The town is the normal, cliché Western town, complete with a bank for robbing, a saloon for drinking, a sheriff for sheriffing, and a tumbleweed store for dr...

A man just bought a religious horse...

A man was searching for the fastest and noblest steed. Finally, after much searching, he finally found a horse he was satisfied with. Its mane was silky, its coat was glossy, and it was the finest stallion that the man has ever laid his eyes upon.

While paying for the stallion, the seller rem...

So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

The value of a mule.

A used car salesman retired and moved to the country. He bought a yearling stallion and a couple mares. He thought his pastoral life was pretty sweet, until the stallion started misbehaving. So, he asked his neighbor down the road what to do.

"You need a mule." the old farmer said.
"Will t...

A rich man and a horse

There was a rich man that was driving past a farm, He looked over and saw a beautiful stallion standing in the field. The rich man thought, Wow I gotta have him so he pulled into the farm's entrance. He found the owner and said, "I want that horse out yonder in that field, how much do you want for h...

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By far the worst thing I've ever done

Be 12, living with an abusive uncle and auntie. We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields. My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse. Say's it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion. Auntie loves it for some reason. Because it's all muddy she calls it "dirty"...

Thank god.

A man is at a looking to buy a horse, the horse trader leads him to a majestic white stallion.

The horse trader said: "This horse can understand three commands, if you want it to walk, say 'Praise God', if you want it to gallop say 'Thank God' and if you want it to stop say 'Oh My God'. "...

So two scientists invent a machine that can travel to other dimensions...

After much calibrating and testing and preparing, the scientists hop aboard their creation and activate it. There is a blinding flash of blue light and in an instant the scientists are sitting in the middle of a grassy field. There is no sign of their lab...or really anything familiar at all.
<...

Thor

The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

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The priest and the horse.

In a small village there lived a poor farmer whose work horse had just died. Without a means of pulling wagons and plows and no money to buy a new horse, the farmer just sat down by the side of the road, crying and wondering how he would feed his family now.

Then along came a priest and wonde...

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So a Cowboy is on the run from the Native Americans...

He is pursued by the whole tribe, and only has one bullet left in his gun. He rides forth and thinks to himself, "That's it, I am fucked."

Suddenly the Angel comes down from Heavens and tells him, "You ain't 'fucked' just yet; go hide in that bush." The Cowboy promptly hides in the bush, his ...

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A twist on an old classic

So there's a filthy pig and a beautiful black stallion just shooting the breeze in the stable after a long day of farming it up. The pig says
"Hey Black Stallion, you old horse, why the long face?" To which the black stallion replies:
"Because the white man has been riding my black ass all d...

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