What’s Mr. Krabs’ Favorite Element?

Silver

“Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag”

The most important element of public speaking?

Podium

Scientists have discovered a new element that makes people raise their eyebrows.

They are calling it the element of surprise.

What is a pirate's favourite element on the periodic table?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgon

How often do scientists like to joke about elements?

Periodically

To break the ice before a lab, we were told to tell our assigned groups the chemical element that represents us...

Sally said Helium because she's carefree and doesn't react to much. John said Potassium cause he loves to bring his energy into things and he's not keen on baths. Mary said Iron because she's malleable and likes to support everyone.
I said Uranium because I'm dense, unstable, and toxic.

Scientists have finally named the 119th element!

The new official name is “Astonishium”. It seems they have discovered the element of surprise.

When people scare me, I throw metallic elements at them.

Call that a defense magnesium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class was asked to write a concise essay containing 4 elements : religion, royalty,sex and mystery.

The only "A+"in the class read:

"My God," said the Queen," I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it ?".

What's a weeb's favorite element on the periodic table?

Manganese

What is the most kinky element?

Oxygen

It's into bondage, and will bind with just about any other element, in many cases with more than 1 at a time, even it's own type. You know you can't live without it, and it always leaves you wanting more.

TIL a Goose's beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium.

HONK

What Is The Rarest Element In The Universe?

Unobtanium

What's Michael Jackson's favourite element?

Helium

What's the friendlist element out there?

Bro...wait for it...mine! Bromine!

Damn girl, are you the element symbols of copper and tellurium?

cause you CuTe

What do you call a stupid element?

A boron

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

Where do elements work out?

The oxygym

What are the Avatar elements?

Water, Earth, Fire and Lays chips

I asked my science teacher if she has a favorite element

She said No

The chemistry teacher babbles on, "Yada yada, chemical formulae, elements, atoms, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium..."

One of the students stands up and says, "BORON!!!"

I am taking a test and I need to know what element Au is. Can someone help me?

I'm going to fail this test if I don't have the answer

What group of people’s favorite element is Nickel?

The Knights who say Ni!

Most Precious Element

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"


Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, becau...

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

What is the hentai chemist's favorite element?

Manganese...



I'll show myself out.

What do you call the element of suprise?

The Spanish Inquisition

Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

Its atomic symbol is Ah, and it’s called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)

What element tastes the best?

Tungsten.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the chemist say to her coworker who kept asking about her work with element 83?

"It's none of your bismuth."

Do you want to know how often i say element jokes?

Periodically.

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element.

It's called Phlosphorus.

A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the Sexy element?

It was sodium fine

What do you do with dead elements?

You barium

Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"

Potassium said "K"

Sodium said "Na"

Argon didn't react.

Why do they call Helium, Curium and Barium the three medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium you Barium! \^\^

The classical elements are five. Earth, fire, wind, water

And the element of surprise.

Why is the element Ah always so hard to find on the periodic table?

It’s the element of surprise.

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNa₂

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scientist walks into a bar and sees a depressed man.

"What's wrong?" says the scientist.

"I have nothing to live for," the man replies miserably. "I'm an absolute nobody. I don't have anything to offer the world. I'm completely unspecial and just another average Joe. I don't even know why I'm here. What's the point? What's my purpose?"

T...

Apparently the ‘creative differences’ that lead to Danny Boyle quitting as director of the next Bond film were around his desire to involve a time travel element where 007 went back in time to Medieval England.

It was to be called: The spy who loved mead

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

Copper is the only element that have eyes

Becuase it can Cu.

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

What is a pirate's favourite element?

Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it's the element of surprise!

Why are elements so important?

Because they matter

(OC) An American chemist, a German chemist, and a French chemist are hanging out on a beach.

“Americium is the best element” brags the American chemist, “it’s used in smoke detectors and saves lives.”

“No way, germanium is way more awesome.” counters the German chemist, “without it, most electronic devices wouldn’t ever work.”

“Watch this, amateurs!” Says the French chemist, h...

My favourite element is helium..

I can't speak highly enough of it.

Why can't any of the others elements ever get in touch with Sodium?

Because it's always NA.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

A Helium enters to a bar of elements...

The bartender just kicks him out saying he's too noble to be there.

But he didn't react.

What is the most mediocre element?

So-Sodium

I proposed to my girlfriend, and my best friend was there.

I'd been dating my girlfriend for two years, and decided that I'd finally pop the question. In order to make it seamless, I asked my best mate Joe to pass me the ring when I gave him a signal; to add to the element of surprise.

I also asked Joe to be my best man. To be honest, I'd known othe...

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

An Australian ventriloquist is visiting Afghanistan.

One day he walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.


He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the villager "can I talk to your dog?"


Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."


Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how'...

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

The elements decided to make a band. They called themselves "Earth, Fire and Ice"

"What happened to Air?"

"He kept blowing them off"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Silicon boobs are organic and 100% natural

Because Silicon is the most common element in the Earth's surface.

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

What's an epileptic man's least favorite element?

Cesium.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck walks into my chemistry class

So, a duck walked into my chemistry class. The teacher jumped up and started shooing it out, but one kid gets between them and says "No, don't! Haven't you heard of this duck? He's a genius!" The teacher knows the kid is lying, but doesn't see the harm in humoring him, so she asks the kid to prove h...

What is an assassin's favorite element?

What is an assassin's favorite elem-
Surprise!
(it is much better when spoken, but I'm proud of it)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does nobody like the element Bi?

Because he's all up in your bismuth.

Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike?

Because it was extremely reactive

Are you element 117?

Because you're the only ten I seen.

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

The confused radioactive element

So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused.
One fine day, he was asked, "what do you do?".

"IDK".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table.

That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

Where do the elements go to church?

At the Atomic Mass!!

What is a hipster's favorite element?

Fe, because it's so ironic

Two smart jokes

What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C

What element do British people like early in the morning?
Strong-tea-um

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

A chemist walks into reddit

He does some research on certain posts and discovers that they are made up of atoms.

After some thought, he concludes that the posts at the top of r/all contain mostly hydrogen atoms, because hydrogen is the lightest element, so these posts naturally rise to the top. He decides to name these ...

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