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Element Jokes

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What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

My favourite element in the periodic table is ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ

Or, as it's also known, R gone
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What is the most refined element?

M'ladium
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A lot of people think the movie "The 5th Element" is exciting

Personally I think it's boron.
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Why are helium, curium, and barium the three main medical elements?

If you can't curium or helium, you barium!
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Which chemical element could be someones comic book fetish?

Manganese.
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Which element should they make caskets out of?

Barium
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How often do you hear element jokes on Reddit?

Periodically!
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Michael Jackson, what element comes after Oxygen?

He He!
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Of all the elements, carbon is kind of a tramp

it dates everything
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I asked the sodium if it was a popular element

It said Na
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What's Michael Jackson's favourite element?

Helium
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What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?

Nitrogen, sulfur, fluorine, and tungsten…because they are NSFW.
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What sets carbon apart from the other elements?

It’s the only element with based life forms.
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What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron
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If someone made a song about my favourite element

It would be fire
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Scientists have discovered the new element AH

The element of suprise
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Most Precious Element

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"


Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, becau...
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What’s Mr. Krabs’ Favorite Element?

Silver

“Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag”
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What kind of plant contains every known element?

A chemis-tree.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.
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What’s a Chad’s favorite element?

Bromine
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What do you call an element that always complains?

a lament.
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If fire and water are both elements, what is steam?

Better than Epic.
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What is the least stable element?

Pandemonium.
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I have a friend whose favorite element is potassium.

I personally think it's "just 'K."
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What do you do with dead elements?

You barium
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The most important element of public speaking?

Podium
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What element tastes the best?

Tungsten.
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The chemistry teacher was asked what their favorite element was.

They answered "The element of surprise!"
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Elements of the periodic table are being interviewed

The interviewer asks Oxygen what they are. Oxygen says "I'm a gas."


The interviewer asks Copper what they are. Copper says "I'm a solid."


The interviewer asks Bromine what they are. Bromine says "I'm a liquid."


The interviewer asks Roentgenium what they are. Roentgen...
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My favorite element is Helium

I can't speak highly enough of it
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What do you call the element of suprise?

The Spanish Inquisition
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A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.
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What group of people’s favorite element is Nickel?

The Knights who say Ni!
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Where do elements work out?

The oxygym
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Scientists have discovered a new element that makes people raise their eyebrows.

They are calling it the element of surprise.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Fire Elemental stripper?

A molotov cocktease

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...
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Copper is the only element that have eyes

Becuase it can Cu.
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Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

Its atomic symbol is Ah, and it’s called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)
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What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.
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I want to start a restaurant for separated elements

I'll call it "I-O-Dine". I think it'll help the divorced find a solution.
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What is a pirate's favourite element?

Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it's the element of surprise!
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A magnet walks into an elemental singles bar and tries a pickup line on a pretty slab of metal.

"Is your name *Beryllium*? 'Cause you can alka-***lie*** next to *my* earth metal!"

The slab of ***lead*** says "Nah. You don't *attract* me."

Ba dum TSS!
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What are the Avatar elements?

Water, Earth, Fire and Lays chips
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The confused radioactive element

So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused.
One fine day, he was asked, "what do you do?".

"IDK".
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What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNa₂
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What did the one element say to the other while they were playing Minecraft

Bromine!
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What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!
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Why do chemists call Helium, Curium, and Barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'barium'!
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What two secret organizations rule the world through control of important metallic elements?

The Aluminati and the Tinplars.
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What is an assassin's favorite element?

What is an assassin's favorite elem-
Surprise!
(it is much better when spoken, but I'm proud of it)
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What is a hipster's favorite element?

Fe, because it's so ironic
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Why are elements so important?

Because they matter
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When people scare me, I throw metallic elements at them.

Call that a defense magnesium
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TIL a Goose's beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium.

HONK
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Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike?

Because it was extremely reactive
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Potassium would be the worst element to chat with

He (or she) would always reply with "K".
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How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.
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Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"

Potassium said "K"

Sodium said "Na"

Argon didn't react.
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I am taking a test and I need to know what element Au is. Can someone help me?

I'm going to fail this test if I don't have the answer
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!
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Some elements walk into a bar...

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfer, sodium, and phosphorus all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "OH SNaP!"
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this dude is like, "Where are you going with all that Element 83?"

and I was like "None of your bismuth"

What was the name of the huge boat that was built to harbour a mole of each element in order to not have them go extinct due to the big flood aka the big crunch of the universe?

NaOH's Ark
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Why can't any of the others elements ever get in touch with Sodium?

Because it's always NA.
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A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"
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A Helium enters to a bar of elements...

The bartender just kicks him out saying he's too noble to be there.

But he didn't react.
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There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t understand the Periodic Table…

… because the only element he believes in, is the element of surprise.
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