A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm very possessive of the 83rd element on the periodic table?

It's my bismuth.

I don’t usually like to make jokes about elements

But I do periodically

If fire and water are both elements, what is steam?

Better than Epic.

What group of people’s favorite element is Nickel?

The Knights who say Ni!

Most Precious Element

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"


Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, becau...

Which element is the top three?

Podium

What is the hentai chemist's favorite element?

Manganese...



I'll show myself out.

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element.

It's called Phlosphorus.

Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

Its atomic symbol is Ah, and it’s called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)

Do you want to know how often i say element jokes?

Periodically.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the chemist say to her coworker who kept asking about her work with element 83?

"It's none of your bismuth."

What's a weeaboo's favorite element?

Manga-nese!

What do you call the element of suprise?

The Spanish Inquisition

The best way to surprise someone is with the element of

Tungsten

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the Sexy element?

It was sodium fine

What does my dad and the 18th element of the periodic table have in common?

They both argon

What is the least interesting element?

Boron

Why do they call Helium, Curium and Barium the three medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium you Barium! \^\^

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!

A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

The classical elements are five. Earth, fire, wind, water

And the element of surprise.

Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"

Potassium said "K"

Sodium said "Na"

Argon didn't react.

Why is the element Ah always so hard to find on the periodic table?

It’s the element of surprise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

What’s the North Korean leader’s favorite periodic element?

Un un quadium. Then, uranium

What do you do with dead elements?

You barium

What is a pirate's favourite element?

Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it's the element of surprise!

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNa₂

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

Why can't any of the others elements ever get in touch with Sodium?

Because it's always NA.

Why are elements so important?

Because they matter

Copper is the only element that have eyes

Becuase it can Cu.

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

What is the most mediocre element?

So-Sodium

The elements decided to make a band. They called themselves "Earth, Fire and Ice"

"What happened to Air?"

"He kept blowing them off"

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

My favourite element is helium..

I can't speak highly enough of it.

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

What is an assassin's favorite element?

What is an assassin's favorite elem-
Surprise!
(it is much better when spoken, but I'm proud of it)

My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.

Are you element 117?

Because you're the only ten I seen.

Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike?

Because it was extremely reactive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does nobody like the element Bi?

Because he's all up in your bismuth.

Potassium would be the worst element to chat with

He (or she) would always reply with "K".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table.

That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

What is a hipster's favorite element?

Fe, because it's so ironic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Aussie starts a conversation with a Kiwi at his farm.

Aussie: "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"

Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk."

Aussie: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Yeah, doin' all right."

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Aussie: "Is this guy your owner?" (pointing at the Kiwi)

Dog: "Yep"

Aussie...

Some elements walk into a bar...

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfer, sodium, and phosphorus all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "OH SNaP!"

What do you call an element found in the ground?

Barium.

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