What's Michael Jackson's favourite element?

Helium

I don’t usually like to make jokes about elements

But I do periodically

TIL a Goose's beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium.

HONK

I'd like to make a joke about elements

but all of them argon

I asked my science teacher if she has a favorite element

She said No

Why was the element Astatine made?

Cover it with your finger in the periodic table and watch what happens.

What are the Avatar elements?

Water, Earth, Fire and Lays chips

I am taking a test and I need to know what element Au is. Can someone help me?

I'm going to fail this test if I don't have the answer

What is an element that criminals don't like?

Copper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm very possessive of the 83rd element on the periodic table?

It's my bismuth.

Where do elements work out?

The oxygym

What group of people’s favorite element is Nickel?

The Knights who say Ni!

What is the hentai chemist's favorite element?

Manganese...



I'll show myself out.

Most Precious Element

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"


Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, becau...

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

Which element is the top three?

Podium

What's a weeaboo's favorite element?

Manga-nese!

Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

Its atomic symbol is Ah, and it’s called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)

I proposed to my girlfriend, and my best friend was there.

I'd been dating my girlfriend for two years, and decided that I'd finally pop the question. In order to make it seamless, I asked my best mate Joe to pass me the ring when I gave him a signal; to add to the element of surprise.

I also asked Joe to be my best man. To be honest, I'd known othe...

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

What element tastes the best?

Tungsten.

Do you want to know how often i say element jokes?

Periodically.

What do you call the element of suprise?

The Spanish Inquisition

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

What does my dad and the 18th element of the periodic table have in common?

They both argon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Silicon boobs are organic and 100% natural

Because Silicon is the most common element in the Earth's surface.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the chemist say to her coworker who kept asking about her work with element 83?

"It's none of your bismuth."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the Sexy element?

It was sodium fine

A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

Why do they call Helium, Curium and Barium the three medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium you Barium! \^\^

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

Two smart jokes

What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C

What element do British people like early in the morning?
Strong-tea-um

Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"

Potassium said "K"

Sodium said "Na"

Argon didn't react.

What is the least interesting element?

Boron

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!

Why is the element Ah always so hard to find on the periodic table?

It’s the element of surprise.

What do you do with dead elements?

You barium

Apparently the ‘creative differences’ that lead to Danny Boyle quitting as director of the next Bond film were around his desire to involve a time travel element where 007 went back in time to Medieval England.

It was to be called: The spy who loved mead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

What’s the North Korean leader’s favorite periodic element?

Un un quadium. Then, uranium

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNa₂

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

Why are elements so important?

Because they matter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Aussie starts a conversation with a Kiwi at his farm.

Aussie: "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"

Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk."

Aussie: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Yeah, doin' all right."

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Aussie: "Is this guy your owner?" (pointing at the Kiwi)

Dog: "Yep"

Aussie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Sherlock and Watson

Watson: If ionic bond is the strongest and most stable bond then why isn't everything in ionic bond?

Sherlock: Element-Try, Doctor Watson.

Copper is the only element that have eyes

Becuase it can Cu.

What is a pirate's favourite element?

Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it's the element of surprise!

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

I work on a lettuce farm in Arizona...

Last week an FDA team showed up and shut us down on the back of reports that our produce was making people sick. After weeks of exhaustive investigation they found that the fence around our farm perimeter contained extremely toxic amounts of the chemical element Rhenium, and as the fenceposts aged t...

My favourite element is helium..

I can't speak highly enough of it.

A motorcyclist is in an accident.

He wakes up in the hospital to find a doctor at his bedside.

"Oh good, you are awake" the doctor says. "Listen, you have been in a motorcycle accident. It was pretty severe."

"How severe?" the man asks.

"Well, to that end there is good news and bad news. Which would you prefer?...

A Helium enters to a bar of elements...

The bartender just kicks him out saying he's too noble to be there.

But he didn't react.

What is the most mediocre element?

So-Sodium

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

Why can't any of the others elements ever get in touch with Sodium?

Because it's always NA.

A guy walks into a bar wearing a head to toe radiation suit

The bartender says “I’ve heard of clothing that protects you from the elements, but this is outrageous”

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

A chemist walks into reddit

He does some research on certain posts and discovers that they are made up of atoms.

After some thought, he concludes that the posts at the top of r/all contain mostly hydrogen atoms, because hydrogen is the lightest element, so these posts naturally rise to the top. He decides to name these ...

What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon?

The element of supplies

My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does nobody like the element Bi?

Because he's all up in your bismuth.

Some people say “if you can’t beat them, join them”

I say “if you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise

What do you call someone who can’t tell the difference between earth, wind, and fire?

Elementally challenged

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1944. The Americans are advancing fast. Adolf Hitler is furious and starts to listen to defensive tactics proposed by his commanders...

The first commander suggests they pull out the tanks from the Eastern front and deploy them in the Western front, so that the defenses there would be hard to go past.

"Are you crazy? That's a horrible idea!" Hitler exclaimed.

The second commander steps in and suggests a horrible idea f...

Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike?

Because it was extremely reactive

What is an assassin's favorite element?

What is an assassin's favorite elem-
Surprise!
(it is much better when spoken, but I'm proud of it)

Potassium would be the worst element to chat with

He (or she) would always reply with "K".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table.

That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

The confused radioactive element

So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused.
One fine day, he was asked, "what do you do?".

"IDK".

What is a hipster's favorite element?

Fe, because it's so ironic

Where do the elements go to church?

At the Atomic Mass!!

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