I don’t usually like to make jokes about elements

But I do periodically

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

If fire and water are both elements, what is steam?

Better than Epic.

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

What's a weeaboo's favorite element?

Manga-nese!

Which element is the top three?

Podium

Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

Its atomic symbol is Ah, and it’s called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)

What group of people’s favorite element is Nickel?

The Knights who say Ni!

Most Precious Element

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"


Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, becau...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the chemist say to her coworker who kept asking about her work with element 83?

"It's none of your bismuth."

What do you call the element of suprise?

The Spanish Inquisition

The best way to surprise someone is with the element of

Tungsten

What does my dad and the 18th element of the periodic table have in common?

They both argon

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

Do you want to know how often i say element jokes?

Periodically.

What is the least interesting element?

Boron

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the Sexy element?

It was sodium fine

A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!

The classical elements are five. Earth, fire, wind, water

And the element of surprise.

Why do they call Helium, Curium and Barium the three medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium you Barium! \^\^

Why is the element Ah always so hard to find on the periodic table?

It’s the element of surprise.

Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"

Potassium said "K"

Sodium said "Na"

Argon didn't react.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

What’s the North Korean leader’s favorite periodic element?

Un un quadium. Then, uranium

Apparently the ‘creative differences’ that lead to Danny Boyle quitting as director of the next Bond film were around his desire to involve a time travel element where 007 went back in time to Medieval England.

It was to be called: The spy who loved mead

What is a pirate's favourite element?

Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it's the element of surprise!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

What do you do with dead elements?

You barium

Why are elements so important?

Because they matter

Copper is the only element that have eyes

Becuase it can Cu.

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNa₂

What is the most mediocre element?

So-Sodium

My favourite element is helium..

I can't speak highly enough of it.

A Helium enters to a bar of elements...

The bartender just kicks him out saying he's too noble to be there.

But he didn't react.

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

Why can't any of the others elements ever get in touch with Sodium?

Because it's always NA.

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

The elements decided to make a band. They called themselves "Earth, Fire and Ice"

"What happened to Air?"

"He kept blowing them off"

What is an assassin's favorite element?

What is an assassin's favorite elem-
Surprise!
(it is much better when spoken, but I'm proud of it)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike?

Because it was extremely reactive

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

Potassium would be the worst element to chat with

He (or she) would always reply with "K".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why does nobody like the element Bi?

Because he's all up in your bismuth.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table.

That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

What is a hipster's favorite element?

Fe, because it's so ironic

The confused radioactive element

So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused.
One fine day, he was asked, "what do you do?".

"IDK".

Where do the elements go to church?

At the Atomic Mass!!

Some elements walk into a bar...

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfer, sodium, and phosphorus all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "OH SNaP!"

What did the angel say when he saw God make the element Phosphorus?

It's a match made in Heaven!