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My therapist tell me to write evey bad aspect of the people i hate and then burn them

Now what am i suppose to do with these fucking letters ?

I just had a terrible dream. In a dystopian future, robots controlled every aspect of our lives.

Good thing my alarm woke me up.

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

What are the two aspects of a joke?

Command C and Command V

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There once was a man in a happy marriage, save for one aspect - his member was so sizable he could not fully insert himself into his wife without causing her pain.

One night, this frustration boiled over, and he headed out to find a bordello - surely, if he was to find a woman to accommodate his size, it would be there.


As he walks into the parlor, he eyes a man behind the counter and tells him his troubles. The man says, "Well, that's a pickle, but...

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.

What's the worst aspect about Calculus teachers?

They always go off on tangents in class.

What movie aspect ratio do cats prefer?

Litterbox.

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi were arguing as to who were the best at their job. So they decided to go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it to their respective religion. After several hours, they met up again at a local disco to share the result of their venture.

The priest...

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A little boy asked his mother one day...

"Mother, is god a man or a woman?"

Mother thought about it, all the debates and political correctness and works... And replied
"both".

The boy went away in deep thoughts for a while and came back.
"Mother, is god black or white?"

She thought of the history and racial poli...

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RE-RE-RE-REMIX - So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet...

*This is a parody because the original is posted almost daily*

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?”

“Yup”

“What if you miss?”

He lo...

I asked my wife if she would let me live my dream of having a threesome.

At first she was extremely hesitant about the idea of letting another woman into our bedroom.

Eventually, after much persistence, she decided that she would be open to the idea of another woman—but on one condition.

She had told me that she was not interested in the physical aspects of...

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Two police detectives are discussing a serial killer's case

The rookie detective Bob is reading the case files for a serial killer whose MO includes cutting out the tongues and amputating the legs of all his victims. Curious, he asks the senior detective Joe about this serial killer.

"Oh yeah, we've been trying to catch this guy for about 10 years now...

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I ...

Doggy Style?

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and...

A Jewish shopkepper is educating his son

"Ethics is the most important aspect of business." he explains.

"What is ethics?" asks his son.

"Imagine that a client comes in and buys a jacket paying with a 100 dollar bill. As he leaves I notice that he gave me two bills that stuck together."

"And now the ethics comes into ...

A dentist decides to branch out and become an EMT

He excels in every aspect of medical school. His grades are top of the class, he completes first aid in no time at all, and he finishes the course with almost no problems, easily landing a spot on the ambulance squad.

On his first day in an ambulance, he gets a call about a bad car accident. ...

Old farmer Joe is checking on his chickens

He notices that one of his chickens, Betty, is producing more eggs than any other chicken on the farm. What’s even more interesting is that they all look identical: same little freckle on the top, same patterns, even exactly the same colour! “This really is unusual,” he exclaims, and decides to inve...

Some cultures use different parts of the body to represent different numbers.

If you don't know these aspects of the culture, you may not value the people. But I find you can count on them once you get to know them better.

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Joe is a fairly respected member of the community

He has always follow the rules and did the right thing. Wanting to expand his horizons he decided to experience a little bit of the seedier aspects of life. He had settled on finding himself a prostitute. As he was walking down a dimmly lit street, a hushed voiced whispered to him, "twenty bucks a...

Determination. Precision. Focus. Accuracy.

All attributes I have while shaving my pubes that I should really put into other aspects of my life.

An elderly couple die in a car wreck and appear at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter greets them and invites them in.

He takes them to a nearby car lot and tells them to choose a car. The old man says, "I can't afford any of those cars." St. Peter tells him not to worry about it, because it's Heaven and the cars are there for his use...Ferrari, Bentley, Mercedes......

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A German taxi driver was on his shift...

He is driving one of these Mercedes models that have the Mercedes emblem as a hood ornament.

A guy waves him down, so he stops and let him enter. It was a tourist, in town on his first trip to Germany. The driver asks: "So, how do you like our country?" The guy answers: "Oh, it's great. But ...

Unlike many guys, I don't try to get into a lady's pants…

…mostly because they won't fit me, but also because they lack usable pockets. What's up with that aspect of fashion design, anyway?

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Hormones

A teacher is giving her elementary school class their first lesson in sexual education. Rather than starting with the particularly giggle-worthy aspects, she decides to discuss something a little bit tamer at the beginning.

"Okay, everyone," the teacher says, "who can tell me what hormones do...

A Good Detective

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are camping together. When they go to sleep, Sherlock says, 'Tell me what you can see when you're looking up?'
'Thousands of stars,' says Watson.
'And what's your conclusion from all this?'
Dr Watson starts to think. 'If I consider it from astrological aspects,...

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Tom the soldier in the desert.

An army is in the desert for several upcoming months.
The sergeant tells his troops: "Well, I know the climate is harsh and that you won't have a lot of entertainment here as there is no women. But, in case you cannot stand the pressure anymore, you will be allowed to take the camel behind this ...

Millennium Year Application Software System

This memo is to announce the development of a new firm-wide software system. We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year Application Software System " (MYASS). Next Monday at 9:00 there will be...

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Gricean Maxims

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollm...

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A man named Phil takes a trip to a remote spanish country...

... and in this country, Phil is greeted with wonderful examples of fine spanish art, in a multitude of forms. One thing he finds incredibly interesting are the bullfights. The health and safety protocol of these events are surprisingly low, so often the matches between man and beast are fought to t...

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An elderly couple is about to be married

An elderly couple have been dating for a few months and have finally decided it was time to be married. Before the wedding, they meet over dinner to discuss the various aspects of marriage such as finance, housing etc. The old man then decides to broach the subject of their physical relationship. ...

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New CEO at a candy company

A large candy company hires a new CEO. The CEO decides in her first month to review the various aspects of the business in order to look for areas that can be improved.

After several days of looking over various aspects of the business she gets to reviewing the Department of Taste. As she is...

A terrible situation.

A young couple wakes up for work and begin their normal routine. They each shower, get dressed, tell each other they love them, and give them a kiss goodbye before taking off.

The husband gets to work and has a voicemail from the hospital. It's a doctor, "Sir, there's been an accident, you ne...

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