Md Jokes

and found out I have Gary Busey

Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.

(Credit: u/DrOctopusMD)

A Wyoming Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give t... read more

WEB MD: Cancer.

A robot maid, because she's got her AI.

On startup it performed a self diagnostic test.

Turns out, it's cancer.

Was told I may have connectivity issues

...then I thought, without professional advice its best not to make any rash decisions.

* cancer
* flu

All the signs say Cancer.

It's probably cancer.

They think everything is cancer.

Honestly, Gov. Larry Hogan is starting to sound like my wife.

WebMD

He says, "Doc, I think I might be a hypochondriac."

At one point the nurse came out and said, "Sir, Dr. Rekanovitash will see you now."

"Which doctor?" asked the man

And the nurse said "No- He's an MD like the others."

The first was a butcher, all full of wit. With some meat and a knife, he made a small slit.

The second, a blacksmith, quite strong and quite bold, hit the slit with a hammer and made a hole.

The third was a tailor, quite tall and quite thin. With a piece of red ribbon, he lined it with... read more

A couple has identical twin sons.

After they finish school, they go to separate cities for university: one studies medicine and eventually gets his MD degree; the other decides to become a man of the cloth and gets his DD (Doctor of Divinity).

The doctor settles down near the city wher... read more

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

... read more

They need it so they can get their MD in MA.

He checks Web MD

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Microbiology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day his clinic caught fire and he was caught inside the burning building. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the rubble and rushed him to the em... read more

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already.

WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*

A general is recruiting for a team of his. The general hands each of them a gun and says your spouse is seated next door, in a room, in a chair. In order to pass this test you must go inside and kill them.

Immediately the green beret says ‘No sir, I could never kill my wife. I just can't do i... read more

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB-GYN,

I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams...
To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out... read more