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An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

What du you call a fish with no eyes?

A Fsh

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

Mr. Chu, Du, and Fu were three friends from China that wanted to come to the US.

In order to get a visa, they were told they needed a more “American” name.

So, Chu became Chuck,

Du became Duck,

And Fu,

... well, Fu remained in China.

Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.

Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.

Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.

Man: Hi, I'd like to book a triplex for the weekend.

Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.

Man: Are you sure? I really need the triplex.

Yoda: There is no tri,...

Du Hast

German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"

The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning....

What is the difference between a bachelorette party and Cirque du Soleil?

One is a group of cunning stunts.

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

A teacher trying to teach good manners ...

A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:


"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"


Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."


The te...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Du wing.

Du wing who?

Du wing your mom

There is a French kid at school that just cannot sit still....

he's Oliver DuPlace

An American man fled to Germany

The American police were after him after he killed nine people. The German police then found and arrested him. They took him to the station for questioning. Thankfully, the man did speak German. The German police had heard from the American police that this man never lies, which is true. So, the Ger...

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

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How do you make your girlfriend yell during sex?

Call her and tell her about it.

There's a rumor an evil spirit is haunting houses nearby

They say that if it enters your house, your spelling starts to worsen. But that is only suprestition, ther is no whey deth e gost Ken du sash è t1ng, rait?

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Once upon a time, there was a sand dune with legs.

Duney they called him, truly one of a kind - a war hero of great accomplishment and honour, until that one fateful night.

It was 7PM, and the sun's glow was falling. Duney was exhausted, stumbling with his gun's barrel scraping along the desert's sand.
That was when Duney's world entered ...

3 words, 17 letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Omelette du Fromage

Two TV wine tasters trying to out do each other

Food and drink show on TV doing a wine feature with 2 tasters being given a blind tasting. Both hate each other and are desperate to show off

The first taster takes a sip and says "oh this is clearly French, from the Rhone Valley"

The second cuts across him to say "Well, obviously, it'...

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. (Long)

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. He sat amidst billions upon billions upon billions, which surrounded him. He alone, at the end of time, bore witness to the Great Library, the vast repository of consciousness in Universe.

Before him was a pile of similar cubes. These cub...

I was talking to my friend the other day

He wants to be an electrician but wasn’t sure if he was smart enough.

I told him “you con-du-it”

What's a Catholic priest's favorite town to visit?

Du Bois

When Thanos snaps...

Avengers: Oh no, he did it he managed to get rid of half the universe we did not stop him there is no hope. We are in Endgame now.

Karen: ThE VaCCinEs TurNEd My KIdS tO DuSt !!!!!

What is Santa's favorite Las Vegas attraction?

Cirque du Sleigh

What do you call a scary dinosaur with a condom pulled over its head?

A Du-Rex!

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What do you get when you fuck a circus performer?

Cirque Du So-Laid

What's the best way to cheer on an electrician?

You con-du-it!!!

Sven and Oli went ice fishing.

They had fished in this lake for decades, and they knew there were no more fish in the lake, but they went because they enjoyed going and getting away from their wives. After a while, a young kid came along and cut a hole in the ice under a tree, close to the shore. Sven and Oli looked at each other...

Une blague en Français - For french people only

Une femme avoue à son mari qu'elle a un fantasme depuis plusieurs années de faire l'amour pendant qu'un grand noir leur fait du vent avec une feuille de palmier.

Après y avoir bien réfléchi, le mari décide de demander à son collègue de l'aider.

Le lendemain, ils sont donc tous les 3 (l...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go into a bar.

Brunette: "I'll have a B & C."

Bartender: "What's a B & C?"

Brunette: "Bourbon & Coke."

Redhead: "I'll have a G & T."

Bartender: "What's a G & T?"

Redhead: "Gin & Tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: "What's a 15?"
<...

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A monk is sent up to the bishops office...

he asks the monk to take a seat.
-Now, i´ve heard you participated in a competition.
-Yes father, that is true.
-And i heard, this was a competition in the art of writing limericks.
-Yes father, that is true.
-And i heard, that the one that would write the dirtiest, filthie...

Larry, the Chemical Engineer

Larry was a chemical engineer who worked for DuPont Chemicals and who was brilliant at his job. He’d been the main guy responsible for developing Kevlar and a host of other really great plastics and polymers.

However, it had been quite a while between new developments and so the VP of Researc...

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

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[NSFW] A Pole, a Russian and a German set a bet with the devil

They claim that within half a year each would set up a shop that would have everything in it.

When the time passes, the devil visits the Russian and sees a nice big shopping mall with lots of stores in it. The devil nods in appreciation:

"Nice shop you have here, Nikolai. You sure you ...

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