UPJOKE
consonantsyllablealphabetletterschwasoundpronunciationphoneticr-colored vowelvocal cordssyllabicsyllableslatinenglish languageconsonants

My wife and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important.

I won.

I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels

She didn't know I existed

What's the difference between learning vowels and learning computer science?

When learning vowels, it's only sometimes "why?"

What did the y say in the final stand off during the Battle of the vowels of and Consontants?

‘We’re not so different, u and I’

British English has only three vowels : A, I , O.

They have left E.U.

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Did you know that you can substitute the letter U for a vowel into certain words and it would be pronounced almost the same? For example: replace the E in perk or jerk, the O in work, the I in shirk or Kirk...

And according to my girlfriend, the E in sex!

Why is O the noisiest of the vowels?

Because all the rest are inaudible.

What happened to the writer who could only write with consonants

He was disemvoweled

Recently I wrote ‘blender’ with the wrong vowel

It was a blunder

I ate some alphabet soup and some laxatives for lunch

I'm about to have a vowel movement

Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best

I won.

I once met a guy who was convinced that there were no word in the English language with more syllables than vowels.

I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refuses to accept criticism.

A vowel saves another vowel’s life.

The other vowel thanks him, saying, “Aye E! I owe you!”

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A guy joins a monastery

A guy goes to join a monastery while he's waiting for the monastery to accept him and his vowels of silence he's allowed to ask things about what they do at the monastery.

They guy feeling a little on the horny side one day pulls a monk to the side and asks him quietly what to do when he's g...

I was really happy when I discovered a word with all five vowels.

It was euphoria.

Just found out I have irritable vowel syndrome...

Every time “U” tell me “I” have to do something it irritates the $h*t out of me.

I always thought it was vowel movement instead of bowel movement...

Which kind of makes sense if you think about it...

You’re on the toilet going Aaaaa.... Eeeee.... Iiiiii.... Oooooo.... Uuuuu...

And sometimes WHY?!?!

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles

Now I'm experiencing constant vowel movements. My next trip to the bathroom could spell DISASTER.

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What's a 6-letter word that starts with the letter “n”, has 2 vowels in it, the letter "r" in it, and perfectly describes black people?

Normal.

Is there a word that contains all the vowels, including Y?

Unquestionably.

We lost all the vowels from our Scrabble set.

So I sold it on Ebay as a Welsh edition.

The word “you” is made up entirely of vowels.

Yeah it’s not a joke, but when I tried to upload it to r/showerthoughts, I was told that wordplay wasn’t accepted. So here we are.

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All the vowels are having a masturbation contest.

They're trying to prove who would last the longest in bed, so they decide to start by seeing who can last the longest by themselves.

As they start, A finished within minutes, closely followed by O. Several more minutes pass, and U cant hold it any longer, climaxing. Y, deciding they didnt ide...

Why is "o" the noisiest vowel?

All the others are in audible.

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

Vowels, who borrowed 50 bucks from preposition 5 months ago goes back to return it.

But because of some reason preposition couldn't remember anything about it and asks what this is about. Vowels exclaimed- "Ae! I owe you!"

People claim that in the English language, y can be a vowel

but I think that's just a myth

I've lost all control of my vowels...

Now I'm completely in consonant.

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You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

My friend is running around trying to get rid of silent vowels

but I say it's a waste of Tim.

What do you get when you take the vowels out of Reince Priebus' name?

RNC PR BS

"There were a load of vowels chasing me home. I checked behind me and they were catching up on me, and they looked really angry, like they wanted to hurt me. I didn't know what to do, dad," said my son.

I said, "OK...Summarize..."


He said, "Yeah, but not many."

Told my wife that the doctor thinks I have irritable vowel syndrome. She said, "I think you mean 'bowel'."

I said, "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

I hope this isn't a repost, I came up with it on my own but it seems like it should be a thing already

My friend (I call him E) and I went to a competition for our children a few months ago on who could name the most vowels. He gave me five dollars to go get a drink. Now when I walk my daughter to school, I see him and always remember that I owe him money. So, I call out, "Hey! E! I owe you!" For som...

I ate four cans of alphabet soup

I later took the biggest vowel movement ever

Wuold yuo liek to haer a joek?

Sorry, I've been having irregular vowel movements.

What's the best thing about playing Wordle on the toilet?

You can eliminate vowels and your bowels at the same time.

"Bananas" and "synonymous" have the same amount of Ns and vowels

They're ... basically the same.

We had to rush my father to the hospital, because -- h cld nly tlk lk ths.

Apparently he had a vowel obstruction.

I looked longingly into my beloved's eyes and whispered, "A...E...I...O...U...and sometimes Y." The priest then turned to her and asked...

And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

The “A” went to the bathroom and come out an “E”.

It must have had a vowel movement.

Why do monks spell silence as slnc?

They take vowels of silence.

I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.

I was better after I evacuated my vowels.

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

What do you call a duck that steals the letters A, E, I, O, and U?

A foul vowel fowl.

My Grandfather really liked Fall Out Boy

I never understood why, considering the age gap between him and the band. Every week, I’d go sit with him on his porch and we’d listen to the band, jamming out to some sick tunes and laughing our hearts out at each other’s awful singing. Unfortunately as time passed, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’...

Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules.

Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.

erielf, erilef, reilef, relief

I got relief through a vowel movement.

What do you call it when Vanna White turns a letter other than a consonant?

A vowel movement

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What do you call it when a poop makes you groan like, "Aaaaaaeeeeeeeeeooooo!"

A vowel movement.

I'll see myself out.

Why did the spelling bee champion go to the doctor?

Irregular vowel movements

LPT: Speak any modern Western language

Every modern Western language is based on six vowel sounds. Knowing where to put them, when, how, and why allows you to be conversational easily. Learn what they are, learn where to put them. Don't panic, drink fluids, relax.

Meaning the easiest way to be conversationally fluent is to being g...

I just ate a scrabble set

Now I'm having consonant vowel movements

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Why can't I get a girlfriend?

The only difference between guys who have a girlfriend and me, is a vowel.
They are 'fit as fuck' and I'm 'fat as fuck'.

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How do you change shit to shinola?

Vowel movement.

Did you hear about the man who was cursing at the doctors office?

He was diagnosed with iratable Vowel syndrome.

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I write best while taking a shit.

It induces good Vowel movement.

My friend and I were talking yesterday and

## he asked me if I sometimes randomly recited the English vowels. I replied, "Sometimes, why?".

Guy goes to the doctor and says, " I cnat siht!"

The doctor says, "Clearly, you are having problems with vowel movements."

Who called it screaming?

And not Irritable Vowel Syndrome

Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?

Vowel-halla

I love u

it's my favourite vowel

“Doc, I’m no longer constopetid!”

Doctor: Do you mean constipated?

Man: No, I had a vowel movement.

Why did the alphabet smell so bad after its letters were rearranged?

Because it had a vowel movement.

life with a daughter

SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.

Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?

Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.

Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.

...

What's it called when you're really annoyed by A, E, I, O, AND U?

Irritable Vowel Syndrome.

I can't help but pronounce A, E, I, O, and U very aggressivley.

I think I have irrititable vowel syndrome.

My mother-in-law frequently yells out a, e, i, o u and sometimes y very nastily.

I asked her why and she says she can't help it. She has irritable vowel syndrome.

Wheel of Fortune

Me: I'd like to buy a vowel
Pat: Aren't you a millennial?
Me: *sigh* I'd like to rent a vowel

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