The Mathematician and the Waiter

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -

'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.

'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order...

Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle

The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"

The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"

A man walks into a bar and asks for 10 times as many drinks as everyone else in the bar is having.

The barman replies "Now THAT is an order of magnitude!"

A local Scientist recieves an anonymous tip...

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua...

Walking down the beech, a guy kicks a lamp, and a geenie pops out.

The genie tells the man he will grant him a wish for setting him free. The man says "Ya know Gene, I love riding motorcycles. Love it more than life itself. I would love to travel across the entire world on my motorcycle, but I'm terrified of boats. Can you make a massive highway, that connects the ...

The telephone rings in the Vatican in the middle of the night...

Acting Archbishop Lenny picks up. "Vatican, Lenny speaking, how can I help you?"

Lenny listens for a moment, then goes white as a sheet. "Yes sir. I'll get him, sir. Please hold."

Up in the Papal residence all is quiet. Lenny knocks gently on the door to the Pope's bedroom. The P...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man bought a horse whose previous owner had Tourette's [a campfire story--profanity warning]

Bear with me while I provide you with some more relevant details--the man first. His name was George. He was in the market for a fine horse, a quick horse, and one with stamina and perseverance. A horse to explore with.

The horse--The horse was absolutely ideal--he was young, he was fast, ...

A guide to effective academic communication

Academic phrases and their translations


* It has long been known = I haven't bothered to look up the reference

* It is believed = I think

* It is generally believed = A couple of other guys think so too

* It is n...

A man walking into a bar and says, "I'll have ten times more beers than your next biggest drinker"

The bartender replied, "Now that's an order of magnitude!"

An engineer, physicist and mathematician are in an interview (with no accountants) ...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are in an interview.
The engineer is asked, 'What is 2+2?'. The engineer instantly pulls out his calculator, but since its floating point processor firmware has a bug, 2+2 gives him 3.999 which he tells the panel.
The physicist is asked the same q...

The secret to women

A man is walking down a beach in California, when he stumbles across a magic lamp

A genie appears from the lamp and says, "Thank you sir for freeing me, in return i will grant you one wish."

The man replies "I have always wanted to walk the beaches of Hawaii, but I do not ride planes a...