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Diapers Jokes

How are politicians like diapers?

They need to be changed often and for the same reason.

Why do blonde change her baby's diapers once in a week?

Because the package says "up to 10 kilos".

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...

Do philosophers use diapers?

It depends.

Why do you put diapers on a baby?

To tie up loose ends

A man buys adult diapers

The clerk asks "are you one of those weirdos with a diaper fetish?" with a judgmental look on his face



The man says "no, I'm an Amazon warehouse employee."



The clerk says "Ah, I understand now."

Joseph and Mary tried to throw out one of Jesus' diapers

But there was no room in the bin

I began wearing adult diapers for 2 reasons:

Reason #1 and #2.

I just bought #1 baby diapers

However my newborn doesn't seem to care, and she also went number two on them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

Politicians are like diapers.

You should change them often and for the same reasons. - (not) Mark Twain

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

My friend asked me, "What kind of adult diapers do they sell for Pennywise the Clown?"

It depends.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What two things do supervisors and diapers have in common?

They're both full of shit and their always on your ass.

Where do people who need adult diapers live?

In continents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to change adult diapers for a living...

But I don't deal with that shit anymore.

Dadding is not easy

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DN...

I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.

I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.

I think my wife is changing our son's diapers too often.

It says right on the box that they're good for up to 14lbs.

Diapers are like guns...

You always have to assume they’re loaded.

Grampa told me this one!

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

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Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident.

He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.


"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.


"Yes sir, what's happened?...

Politicians are like diapers...

They're almost exclusively white

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading....

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Explaining how the parliament works.

One day a boy asks his dad how the parliament works. So his dad tells him,
"Well, i am the working man of the family so think of me as capitalism. Your mom is the government, your baby brother is the future and the housekeeper is the working class. Now ponder over what i've told you and tell me w...

A postman and his wife are expecting their first child.

The big day comes, and it's a healthy baby girl. The new parents are overjoyed, but it's a lot of work. Dad helps out in every way he can; changing diapers, keeping the house clean, prepping and cooking meals (always being sure to make something ahead for if Mom gets hungry when he's not home), etc....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an 80-year old's vagina taste like?

Depends.

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