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Shampoo Jokes

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

In a surprising announcement, Head & Shoulders have decided to discontinue their popular anti dandruff shampoo line.

The decision left many scratching their heads.

It’s disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.

I used to be a shampoo addict...

But i'm clean now.

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I asked 100 women what their favorite shampoo was. The top response was...

What the fuck are you doing in my bathroom?!

ISIS recently released their own brand of anti-dandruff shampoo

It's called Shoulders

I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning

I feel like a good boy.

I took a survey of which shampoos women used in the shower

98% said what are you doing in my bathroom

I started a 100 subject survey on which shampoo women prefer to use...

Only got to the 3rd shower before i was arrested.

I don't understand why people are still using shampoo...

When they could be using **real** poo

Costco Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, John says to Scott, “My elbow hurts like hell.

I guess I'd better see a doctor."

“Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Scott replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer ...

I asked 15 women what shampoo they use.

They seem to all use 'get out of the girl's shower'.

Did you hear Pantene recalled all of their women’s shampoo?

Biden said if elected he will personally sniff out this situation.



PS, before spamming my inbox I’m a Democrat that just likes a good joke.

I bought coconut shampoo today, but when I got home, I realized...

I don't even *have* a coconut...

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The guests in my hotel are always stealing soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms.

**Dirty bastards**!

What do you call a shampoo shortage in Jamaica?

Dreadful.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of s...

I've been trained to apply something to my head after shampoo...

It's classical conditioning.

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

I think my shampoo is making me fat...

...it says guaranteed to increase the Volume

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do NOT use shampoo as lube

It will completely fuck with your car

How is Jesus like the best shampoos?

He’s 3 in 1

I've just spotted the new Batman shampoo for sale.

Although I feel they're missing a real opportunity by not producing a conditioner Gordon.

You can get Batman shampoo at walmart

But not conditioner Gordon :(

What's the difference between a lawyer and head lice?

One is a blood sucking parasite that is hard to get out of your hair, and the other can be killed with a special shampoo.

When he's in the bathtub, Batman uses Bat-shower gel to clean his body, Bat-pumice on his feet and Bat-shampoo to wash his hair.

But to keep his hair smooth and silky he uses Conditioner Gordon

Whats a cannibal's favorite type of shampoo?

Head and shoulders!

Give shampoo to your real friends.

And real poo to your sham friends.



(Repost, because it turns out, you can mess things up even before 2AM)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

I interviewed some people about what shampoo brand they used.

To my surprise, all 10/10 of them uses "GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM"!

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I bought a bottle of shampoo the other day, which promised to “increase volume”

What a load of shit, I poured half the bottle into my ear and if anything it did the opposite

CATHOLIC SHAMPOO

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler.
*
One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am cer...

I've done a survey asking women what shampoo brand they used in shower.

99% of the respondents answered: "What are you doing here? Get out!"

So i bought some of that Anti-stress shampoo.

Don't know why people like it so much, I drank the whole bottle, I feel worse if anything.

What kind of shampoo did Ozzy Osbourne get his kids?

No More Tears

My friend is in advertising,lately he ask 10 women whats the worlds number 1 dandruff shampoo.10/10 answered

...HOW DID YOU GET INSIDE MY BATHROOM PERVERT!!!

Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander

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What did Adolf Hitler say when he got shampoo in his eye?

Ahhh I can Nazi!!!

If I ever die by being cut in half, i'd like my body to be made into shampoo.

Unfortunately, I can't name it 'head & shoulders' since it's already used.

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People keep telling me to use shampoo...

Fuck them, I'm going to keep on using real poo!

If you only use shampoo ...

Then you love your hair unconditionally

My local store organizes their shampoo aisle like Ajax.

Head and Shoulders above the rest.

I heard Rockstar are gonna start making dry shampoo

It's called Bed Head Redemption

What’s the hardest part of giving birth to a shampoo bottle?

Head and shoulders

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TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.

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Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

A blonde is throwing out an entire trash bag of empty shampoo bottles.

Her neighbor approaches her and says, "wow. that's a lot of shampoo bottles." She says, "of course! I go through one bottle a day. Just following directions." The neighbor, perplexed, says, "what do you mean? Following directions?" The blonde says, "well it says to 'Rinse, Lather, And Repeat' but it...

Figured out my million dollar idea. It’s a shampoo specifically for men’s genitalia. (nsfw)

I’m calling it Head And Boulders!

My dog told me he lost 50% of his dandruff with his new shampoo but we was upset because now his fur was more

ruff

I'm really glad they invented shampoo.

imagine having to wash your hair with real poo?

I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company...

My girlfriend recently dumped me and this "No Tears" stuff isn't working at all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo?

Pantene

What Dandruff Shampoo Does Guy Fieri Use?

Frosted Flakes.

Thought of this on the ride home and I am still laughing. Sorry for the bad joke, I needed to share.

I don't usually brag about my shampoo

But it really is head and shoulders above everything else

A guy finds his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit in its mouth

The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you h...

An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub. The apparent cause of death was starvation.

Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.

The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the rela...

What's it called when you water down your shampoo to get that last little bit out of the bottom?

Shampee.

They say that baby shampoo is tear free,

But I still cried when my uncle used it on me as lube.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but the hand soap and half a bottle of shampoo

Those dirty bastards

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Soap for sister

Two men on a pilgrimage spend the night at a Nunnery. They take a shower across the hall. When they want to start they notice they forgot the soap and one of them quickly darts back to their room to get two little travel soaps. Just as he wants to cross the hallway two nuns walk by, thinking on his ...

[Joke Prompt] My hotel shampoo 'flavors' are more exciting than the food served on the airline trip.

I wish I were a funny man - I'm not - so I've got to throw this out there for you funny people to run with...

Checked in to a Hilton Hotel last night, and noticed that the shampoo / conditioners sound better than most of the food offered on the airlines.


* Honey & Coriander Sha...

I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day..

..it smells better than real poo.

"Mommy mommy in school the kids call me shampoo"

"Come on Johnson no more tears"

I have a skin disease called psoriasis

It really only flares up on my legs and feet and using dandruff shampoo helps clear it up or at least soften it. So I guess you could say I use head and shoulders for my knees and toes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What product is actually great even though it sounds like scammy shit?

Shampoo.

A man an a boy walk into a barbershop

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was compl...

I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa.

I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing.

I bought some "no more tears" shampoo

but her hair still tore right out!

Quick question

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

I once read the directions on the back of my shampoo bottle. It said to wash, rinse, and repeat.

They found me passed out in the shower four days later.

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

I went to the restroom to relieve myself but nothing came out...

It was a shampoo...

(I know where the door is)

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