UPJOKE
soapdandruffdetergentfragrancehaircleanserlotionmouthwashtoothpastemoisturizerdeodorantfleawaterwashhair care

Shampoo Jokes

In a surprising announcement, Head & Shoulders have decided to discontinue their popular anti dandruff shampoo line.

The decision left many scratching their heads.
upvote downvote report

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of s...
upvote downvote report

It’s disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.
upvote downvote report

I took a survey of which shampoos women used in the shower

98% said what are you doing in my bathroom
upvote downvote report

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
upvote downvote report

I bought coconut shampoo today, but when I got home, I realized...

I don't even *have* a coconut...
upvote downvote report

I used to be a shampoo addict...

But i'm clean now.
upvote downvote report

I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.

Almost all of them replied, “How the hell did you get in here?”
upvote downvote report

I conducted a local survey about which shampoo women prefer to use...

2 of them used Garnier, another 2 liked TRESemmé, and 1 preferred Pantene. Not sure what the last lady liked, I couldn't get a good look before the police arrested me.
upvote downvote report

Stop washing your hair with shampoo!

Insist on REAL poo!
upvote downvote report

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth

Then it just becomes a soap opera.
upvote downvote report

Why did the Republican refuse to use shampoo?

Because the bottle said 'apply liberally.'
upvote downvote report

ISIS recently released their own brand of anti-dandruff shampoo

It's called Shoulders
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn is so unrealistic

Just took a shower with my girlfriend.....

And stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos.

Whats a cannibal's favorite type of shampoo?

Head and shoulders!
upvote downvote report

I asked 15 women what shampoo they use.

They seem to all use 'get out of the girl's shower'.
upvote downvote report

I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning

I feel like a good boy.
upvote downvote report

Give shampoo to your real friends.

And real poo to your sham friends.



(Repost, because it turns out, you can mess things up even before 2AM)
upvote downvote report

Did you hear Pantene recalled all of their women’s shampoo?

Biden said if elected he will personally sniff out this situation.



PS, before spamming my inbox I’m a Democrat that just likes a good joke.
upvote downvote report

So i bought some of that Anti-stress shampoo.

Don't know why people like it so much, I drank the whole bottle, I feel worse if anything.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People keep telling me to use shampoo...

Fuck them, I'm going to keep on using real poo!

If you only use shampoo ...

Then you love your hair unconditionally
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

do NOT use shampoo as lube

It will completely fuck with your car

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked 100 women what their favorite shampoo was. The top response was...

What the fuck are you doing in my bathroom?!

Ivermectin shampoo

Dead to the Shoulders
upvote downvote report

CATHOLIC SHAMPOO

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler.
*
One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am cer...
upvote downvote report

Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in jamaica?

It's dreadful
upvote downvote report

I've been trained to apply something to my head after shampoo...

It's classical conditioning.
upvote downvote report

Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander
upvote downvote report

You can get Batman shampoo at walmart

But not conditioner Gordon :(
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like my shampoo how I like my sex

3 in 1

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guests in my hotel are always stealing soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms.

**Dirty bastards**!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

I've just spotted the new Batman shampoo for sale.

Although I feel they're missing a real opportunity by not producing a conditioner Gordon.
upvote downvote report

I interviewed some people about what shampoo brand they used.

To my surprise, all 10/10 of them uses "GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM"!
upvote downvote report

What Dandruff Shampoo Does Guy Fieri Use?

Frosted Flakes.

Thought of this on the ride home and I am still laughing. Sorry for the bad joke, I needed to share.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Adolf Hitler say when he got shampoo in his eye?

Ahhh I can Nazi!!!

Costco Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, John says to Scott, “My elbow hurts like hell.

I guess I'd better see a doctor."

“Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Scott replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer ...
upvote downvote report

My local store organizes their shampoo aisle like Ajax.

Head and Shoulders above the rest.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo?

Pantene

What kind of shampoo did Ozzy Osbourne get his kids?

No More Tears
upvote downvote report

I'm really glad they invented shampoo.

imagine having to wash your hair with real poo?
upvote downvote report

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.
upvote downvote report

I don't usually brag about my shampoo

But it really is head and shoulders above everything else
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a bottle of shampoo the other day, which promised to “increase volume”

What a load of shit, I poured half the bottle into my ear and if anything it did the opposite

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.
upvote downvote report

I've done a survey asking women what shampoo brand they used in shower.

99% of the respondents answered: "What are you doing here? Get out!"
upvote downvote report

A guy finds his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit in its mouth

The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you h...
upvote downvote report

What’s the hardest part of giving birth to a shampoo bottle?

Head and shoulders
upvote downvote report

If I ever die by being cut in half, i'd like my body to be made into shampoo.

Unfortunately, I can't name it 'head & shoulders' since it's already used.
upvote downvote report

They say that baby shampoo is tear free,

But I still cried when my uncle used it on me as lube.
upvote downvote report

I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company...

My girlfriend recently dumped me and this "No Tears" stuff isn't working at all.
upvote downvote report

A programmer got stuck in the shower because...

The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
upvote downvote report

When he's in the bathtub, Batman uses Bat-shower gel to clean his body, Bat-pumice on his feet and Bat-shampoo to wash his hair.

But to keep his hair smooth and silky he uses Conditioner Gordon
upvote downvote report

I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day..

..it smells better than real poo.
upvote downvote report

A blonde is throwing out an entire trash bag of empty shampoo bottles.

Her neighbor approaches her and says, "wow. that's a lot of shampoo bottles." She says, "of course! I go through one bottle a day. Just following directions." The neighbor, perplexed, says, "what do you mean? Following directions?" The blonde says, "well it says to 'Rinse, Lather, And Repeat' but it...
upvote downvote report

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Soap for sister

Two men on a pilgrimage spend the night at a Nunnery. They take a shower across the hall. When they want to start they notice they forgot the soap and one of them quickly darts back to their room to get two little travel soaps. Just as he wants to cross the hallway two nuns walk by, thinking on his ...

An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub. The apparent cause of death was starvation.

Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.

The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the rela...
upvote downvote report

Testing products on animals

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.

Guy: Ya. But we make hammers.
upvote downvote report

What's it called when you water down your shampoo to get that last little bit out of the bottom?

Shampee.
upvote downvote report

I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa.

I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

What's the difference between a lawyer and head lice?

One is a blood sucking parasite that is hard to get out of your hair, and the other can be killed with a special shampoo.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you clean up after a spitroast sex?

With 2-in-1 shampoo.

Figured out my million dollar idea. It’s a shampoo specifically for men’s genitalia. (nsfw)

I’m calling it Head And Boulders!
upvote downvote report

My dog told me he lost 50% of his dandruff with his new shampoo but we was upset because now his fur was more

ruff
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once had to pretend that i was taking a shit, so I dropped a bottle of soap in the toilet

It was a shampoo.

I once read the directions on the back of my shampoo bottle. It said to wash, rinse, and repeat.

They found me passed out in the shower four days later.
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information