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I asked over 100 women which shampoo they are using.

And the number one answer was "How the fuck did you get in my bathroom?"

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

I asked 100 girls what shampoo they prefer to use while taking a shower...

They all replied "How did you get in here??"

Whats a cannibal's favorite type of shampoo?

Head and shoulders!

Quick question

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

What Dandruff Shampoo Does Guy Fieri Use?

Frosted Flakes.

Thought of this on the ride home and I am still laughing. Sorry for the bad joke, I needed to share.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

People keep telling me to use shampoo...

Fuck them, I'm going to keep on using real poo!

Boycott shampoo!

Demand the real poo!

They say that baby shampoo is tear free,

But I still cried when my uncle used it on me as lube.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did Adolf Hitler say when he got shampoo in his eye?

Ahhh I can Nazi!!!

What’s the hardest part of giving birth to a shampoo bottle?

Head and shoulders

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of s...

I used to read shampoo bottles while on the toilet..

But now with smartphones I can just take a picture of the bottle and read it anywhere!

I think my shampoo is making me fat...

...it says guaranteed to increase the Volume

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

What kind of shampoo did Ozzy Osbourne get his kids?

No More Tears

I don't usually brag about my shampoo

But it really is head and shoulders above everything else

What's it called when you water down your shampoo to get that last little bit out of the bottom?

Shampee.

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.

If you only use shampoo ...

Then you love your hair unconditionally

My father told me that I should condition more and shampoo less

I told him to stop getting in the shower with me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in jamaica?

It's dreadful

I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company...

My girlfriend recently dumped me and this "No Tears" stuff isn't working at all.

"Mommy mommy in school the kids call me shampoo"

"Come on Johnson no more tears"

I once read the directions on the back of my shampoo bottle. It said to wash, rinse, and repeat.

They found me passed out in the shower four days later.

I don't know why I just bought some coconut shampoo

I haven't even got any coconuts.

For Sale: 2-in-1 Menthol Shampoo

Great hairwash. Mint condition.

[Joke Prompt] My hotel shampoo 'flavors' are more exciting than the food served on the airline trip.

I wish I were a funny man - I'm not - so I've got to throw this out there for you funny people to run with...

Checked in to a Hilton Hotel last night, and noticed that the shampoo / conditioners sound better than most of the food offered on the airlines.


* Honey & Coriander Sha...

I'm really glad they invented shampoo.

imagine having to wash your hair with real poo?

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Where do people keep their shampoo?

In their shambutt.

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

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How much does a cockney spend on shampoo?

Paan ten.

I bought some "no more tears" shampoo

but her hair still tore right out!

What else do you need when you use your Batman shampoo?

Conditioner Gordon.

I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day..

..it smells better than real poo.

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How do you clean up after a spitroast sex?

With 2-in-1 shampoo.

Get that summer Super Saiyan look in 3 easy steps!

1. Bleach
2. Samurai Shampoo
3. Neon Genesis Hairgelion

>!sorry for the low quality pun on the last one - came up with this in the car!<

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Someone broke into my house last night.

They stole everything except my towels, soap, deodorant, and shampoo!

Dirty Bastards

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

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A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

2 blondes in the shower

Two blondes are in the gym's shower after their workout. The first blonde says to the other "Hey, can you pass me your shampoo please" The second blonde says "But why? Your shampoo is right next to you" And the first blonde replies "Yes but my shampoo is for dry hair, now my hair is already wet"

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A women offered to have sex with me...

I was walking through the supermarket today and a women came up to me and said she was in need of help. She said she would sleep with me if I advertised a shampoo product for her. I refused, as I’m a man with strong morals, just like the creators of Jakes Body Wash. It’s a magnificent body wash and ...

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Smart diagnosis machine

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Kevin says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample ...

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend and immediately gets concerned about his nighttime routine. Every night he takes a 2 hour shower and goes to bed complaining that his arms hurt. She also noticed that he has an entire closet full of shampoo. After a few weeks she can't take it a...

Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.

As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier ...

Why does killer whale feces smell so good?

Because it's shampoo.

A trip with the dad

So me and my dad were driving home the other day, it was about 12pm so it was quite dark. We were driving through the woods when we went over a bump, and when we did I heard a crunch. I told my dad to stop the car so we can see what happened. I got out and saw that there was a dead rabbit next to t...

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Porn is so unrealistic

Just took a shower with my girlfriend.....

And stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos.

Now I know why I'm getting fat..

Its the shampoo that says " to give body & volume ".

Now I will use dish washing soap that says " Dissolves all fat even at hard to reach places ".

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A good computer

Jack :-“My elbow really hurts I guess I should see doctor.

His friend “Don’t be so desi. There’s a computer at the
drug store that can diagnose anything quicker andcheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer
will diagnose your problem and tell yo...

Me: “I’m a shower not a grower.”

Her: “Why don’t you come round and prove it?”

Don’t know why she got upset with me when I turned up with shampoo and conditioner and sprayed her with scalding hot water as soon as she turned me on.

If you ate a ShamWow what would come out?

Shampoo

The beauty industry:

For men: This can be used as a shampoo, body wash, face wash, lotion, mouth wash, tooth paste, engine degreaser, spackle, or sunscreen


For women: We've specially formulated this moisturizer for your left elbow

Bob Had Terrible BO...

And no matter how much he washed or scrubbed, he couldn't get rid of it. He tried hundreds of soaps and shampoos but nothing seemed to work. He showered five times a day, kept the AC on 24/7 and avoided garlic and beans like the plague, but alas people still gagged as they walked behind him.

...

A football player was late to conditioning practice

His coach asked "Why are you late?"

The player replies "I was shampooing. I always shampoo before conditioning."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A family are sitting at the dinner table when their meal is interrupted when the family dog walks into the room with a dead rabbit in its mouth...

The family all panic as they identify the rabbit belongs as their next door neighbours'. In a desperate attempt to avoid being blamed for the rabbits death, they try to cover it up. Shampoo'ing the rabbits fur to make it look less obvious it has been mauled etc. Once the rabbit looks slightly more p...

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Company meeting at the factory

Employee 1: We need to stop testing our product on animals.

Employee 2: Shampoo companies test on animals all the time though.

Employee 1: Ya but we're a dildo factory.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral

Feeling quite sad, a man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral. As he walked between the tombstones he came across an open grave. He walked right up to the edge to see that there was still a coffin inside. What an odd sight he thought to himself - suddenly he heard a thump, follow...

Three young friends,

seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.


Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never bef...

How to wash a cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. At t...

Wife and I taking a shower

Wife: I want you to do bad things to me.

Me: <pours shampoo in her eyes>

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The doctor joke (Long)

Two doctors are eating lunch in the cafeteria of the hospital they work at and one turns to the other and says “ my elbow hurts”.
The other doctor says “you should go to Wal-Mart”.
The first doctors says “...what!?”.
The second says “they have this new machine in the pharmacy, give $10 and ...

I washed my hair with poo tonight.

I've been using shampoo for years, just think how good it will look with the real thing.

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The Little Red Racing Car

A joke I heard back in my Primary school years. I remember finding it hilarious at the time.

*****

There was a family who had a pair of twins, both a mere 4 years old. One was a charming little boy, the other a dainty, coy girl.

One day, the girl and her mother went into the sho...

I went to the doctor for a rash...

Doctor: What toiletries are you using?

Me: Steven’s soap, Steven’s shampoo, Steven’s toothpaste and Steven’s toothbrush.

Doctor: Huh, so is Steven’s a foreign brand?

Me: No, Steven is my roommate.

A lawyer was driving in the middle of nowhere...

A telephone pole was suddenly struck by lightning, falling in front of the lawyer, causing him to swerve into a ditch and total his car.

He got out of his car and looked around. In the distance, he saw a pink-striped house.

He walked to the house, went up a pink-striped sidewalk, knoc...

A blonde goes to a hairdresser

A blonde went to a hairdresser to get her hair cut, when she walked in and sat down the hairdresser asked her to take out her earphones

'oh no, I can't do that my mother and father told me to never take them out'

The hairdresser said that she would have to as he could not cut her hair ...

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The German Plumber.

Yesterday as I was taking my morning shower at 7:00am, it stopped half way through when I was putting my shampoo in my hair, great, so I wiped it out with a towel. I called a man after I came back from work around 5pm. The man, at first, sounded French but with almost an American accent, probably si...