Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.

Almost all of them replied, “How the hell did you get in here?”

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Adolf Hitler say when he got shampoo in his eye?

Ahhh I can Nazi!!!

I bought coconut shampoo the other day

When I got home I realised I didn't even have a coconut.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of s...

What’s the hardest part of giving birth to a shampoo bottle?

Head and shoulders

So i bought some of that Anti-stress shampoo.

Don't know why people like it so much, I drank the whole bottle, I feel worse if anything.

Boycott shampoo!

Demand the real poo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss called me into his office..

... to complain that I was testing the company's products on animals.

I said "Shampoo companies do it all the time."

He said, "Yes, but we make dildoes"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo?

Pantene

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People keep telling me to use shampoo...

Fuck them, I'm going to keep on using real poo!

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

I heard Rockstar are gonna start making dry shampoo

It's called Bed Head Redemption

I think my shampoo is making me fat...

...it says guaranteed to increase the Volume

What Dandruff Shampoo Does Guy Fieri Use?

Frosted Flakes.

Thought of this on the ride home and I am still laughing. Sorry for the bad joke, I needed to share.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

What kind of shampoo did Ozzy Osbourne get his kids?

No More Tears

I don't usually brag about my shampoo

But it really is head and shoulders above everything else

I used to read shampoo bottles while on the toilet..

But now with smartphones I can just take a picture of the bottle and read it anywhere!

My dog told me he lost 50% of his dandruff with his new shampoo but we was upset because now his fur was more

ruff

Quick question

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

If you only use shampoo ...

Then you love your hair unconditionally

Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in jamaica?

It's dreadful

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call fake shit?

Shampoo

What's it called when you water down your shampoo to get that last little bit out of the bottom?

Shampee.

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone broke into my house last night.

They stole everything except my towels, soap, deodorant, and shampoo!

Dirty Bastards

Which kind of poo smells better than it tastes?

Shampoo

They say that baby shampoo is tear free,

But I still cried when my uncle used it on me as lube.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you clean up after a spitroast sex?

With 2-in-1 shampoo.

I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company...

My girlfriend recently dumped me and this "No Tears" stuff isn't working at all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most people use shampoo to wash their hair...

but I like to go all natural and just use poo. None of that fake shit.

I'm really glad they invented shampoo.

imagine having to wash your hair with real poo?

My father told me that I should condition more and shampoo less

I told him to stop getting in the shower with me

2 blondes in the shower

Two blondes are in the gym's shower after their workout. The first blonde says to the other "Hey, can you pass me your shampoo please" The second blonde says "But why? Your shampoo is right next to you" And the first blonde replies "Yes but my shampoo is for dry hair, now my hair is already wet"

"Mommy mommy in school the kids call me shampoo"

"Come on Johnson no more tears"

Get that summer Super Saiyan look in 3 easy steps!

1. Bleach
2. Samurai Shampoo
3. Neon Genesis Hairgelion

>!sorry for the low quality pun on the last one - came up with this in the car!<

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do people keep their shampoo?

In their shambutt.

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend and immediately gets concerned about his nighttime routine. Every night he takes a 2 hour shower and goes to bed complaining that his arms hurt. She also noticed that he has an entire closet full of shampoo. After a few weeks she can't take it a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A women offered to have sex with me...

I was walking through the supermarket today and a women came up to me and said she was in need of help. She said she would sleep with me if I advertised a shampoo product for her. I refused, as I’m a man with strong morals, just like the creators of Jakes Body Wash. It’s a magnificent body wash and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smart diagnosis machine

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Kevin says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn is so unrealistic

Just took a shower with my girlfriend.....

And stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos.

What else do you need when you use your Batman shampoo?

Conditioner Gordon.

I once read the directions on the back of my shampoo bottle. It said to wash, rinse, and repeat.

They found me passed out in the shower four days later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much does a cockney spend on shampoo?

Paan ten.

Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.

As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier ...

A trip with the dad

So me and my dad were driving home the other day, it was about 12pm so it was quite dark. We were driving through the woods when we went over a bump, and when we did I heard a crunch. I told my dad to stop the car so we can see what happened. I got out and saw that there was a dead rabbit next to t...

If you ate a ShamWow what would come out?

Shampoo

Why does killer whale feces smell so good?

Because it's shampoo.

[LONG] A man is trying to land his dream job of being a barber...

For months he’s been studying proper haircutting technique. He has painstakingly flipped through each page of the most rigorous hair textbooks, watched video tutorials from the best salons, and read countless articles about current hairstyles.

Finally, it was the day of his job interview. He ...

Bob Had Terrible BO...

And no matter how much he washed or scrubbed, he couldn't get rid of it. He tried hundreds of soaps and shampoos but nothing seemed to work. He showered five times a day, kept the AC on 24/7 and avoided garlic and beans like the plague, but alas people still gagged as they walked behind him.

...

Me: “I’m a shower not a grower.”

Her: “Why don’t you come round and prove it?”

Don’t know why she got upset with me when I turned up with shampoo and conditioner and sprayed her with scalding hot water as soon as she turned me on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family are sitting at the dinner table when their meal is interrupted when the family dog walks into the room with a dead rabbit in its mouth...

The family all panic as they identify the rabbit belongs as their next door neighbours'. In a desperate attempt to avoid being blamed for the rabbits death, they try to cover it up. Shampoo'ing the rabbits fur to make it look less obvious it has been mauled etc. Once the rabbit looks slightly more p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Company meeting at the factory

Employee 1: We need to stop testing our product on animals.

Employee 2: Shampoo companies test on animals all the time though.

Employee 1: Ya but we're a dildo factory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good computer

Jack :-“My elbow really hurts I guess I should see doctor.

His friend “Don’t be so desi. There’s a computer at the
drug store that can diagnose anything quicker andcheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer
will diagnose your problem and tell yo...

A football player was late to conditioning practice

His coach asked "Why are you late?"

The player replies "I was shampooing. I always shampoo before conditioning."

The beauty industry:

For men: This can be used as a shampoo, body wash, face wash, lotion, mouth wash, tooth paste, engine degreaser, spackle, or sunscreen


For women: We've specially formulated this moisturizer for your left elbow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral

Feeling quite sad, a man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral. As he walked between the tombstones he came across an open grave. He walked right up to the edge to see that there was still a coffin inside. What an odd sight he thought to himself - suddenly he heard a thump, follow...

How to wash a cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. At t...

Three young friends,

seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.


Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never bef...

Wife and I taking a shower

Wife: I want you to do bad things to me.

Me: <pours shampoo in her eyes>

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.