What Shampoo does Batman always use?

Conditioner Gordon

I bought coconut shampoo the other day but it wasn't until I got home that I realized...

...I don't even have a coconut...

Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?

It was dreadful.

I asked 20 women in my neighborhood about their preferred shampoo

A staggering 100% of them use "Get out of my shower".

Whats a cannibal's favorite type of shampoo?

Head and shoulders!

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of s...

Figured out my million dollar idea. It’s a shampoo specifically for men’s genitalia.

I’m calling it Head And Boulders!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I surveyed few women and asked them what shampoo were they using.

Their reply mostly was "how the fuck did you get in here" coming out of their showers.

So i bought some of that Anti-stress shampoo.

Don't know why people like it so much, I drank the whole bottle, I feel worse if anything.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth

Then it becomes a soap opera

Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

I've done a survey asking women what shampoo brand they used in shower.

99% of the respondents answered: "What are you doing here? Get out!"

A blonde is throwing out an entire trash bag of empty shampoo bottles.

Her neighbor approaches her and says, "wow. that's a lot of shampoo bottles." She says, "of course! I go through one bottle a day. Just following directions." The neighbor, perplexed, says, "what do you mean? Following directions?" The blonde says, "well it says to 'Rinse, Lather, And Repeat' but it...

My friend is in advertising,lately he ask 10 women whats the worlds number 1 dandruff shampoo.10/10 answered

...HOW DID YOU GET INSIDE MY BATHROOM PERVERT!!!

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passage way, one that is made a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a bottle of shampoo the other day, which promised to “increase volume”

What a load of shit, I poured half the bottle into my ear and if anything it did the opposite

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Adolf Hitler say when he got shampoo in his eye?

Ahhh I can Nazi!!!

What’s the hardest part of giving birth to a shampoo bottle?

Head and shoulders

Boycott shampoo!

Demand the real poo!

I heard Rockstar are gonna start making dry shampoo

It's called Bed Head Redemption

When my 5 year old son asked me what coffee tastes like;

I said, “Unfortunately, not as good as it smells.” And he said, “Oh. Like shampoo.”

What kind of shampoo did Ozzy Osbourne get his kids?

No More Tears

I think my shampoo is making me fat...

...it says guaranteed to increase the Volume

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ralph, the department store parrot

During its hayday, Goldfinches was a glorious department store, with gorgeous decorations, including a Aviary centerpiece, where Ralph held court. You see, Ralph had a special ability to detect what people wanted by their appearance, and he would tell them where to look for the thing they needed....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo?

Pantene

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People keep telling me to use shampoo...

Fuck them, I'm going to keep on using real poo!

I used to read shampoo bottles while on the toilet..

But now with smartphones I can just take a picture of the bottle and read it anywhere!

What Dandruff Shampoo Does Guy Fieri Use?

Frosted Flakes.

Thought of this on the ride home and I am still laughing. Sorry for the bad joke, I needed to share.

I've been in quarantine for so long

That I'm using shampoo on my pubes.

And hand sanitizer on everything else.

My dog told me he lost 50% of his dandruff with his new shampoo but we was upset because now his fur was more

ruff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call crap that cleans?

Shampoo

A woman treated her dry hair

A woman treated her dry hair with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave a smell, she washed her hair with shampoo several times. That night, in bed, she asked her husband, "Do I smell like Olive Oil?" He sniffed a little and replied "Why? Do I smell like Popeye?"

If you only use shampoo ...

Then you love your hair unconditionally

I don't usually brag about my shampoo

But it really is head and shoulders above everything else

What's it called when you water down your shampoo to get that last little bit out of the bottom?

Shampee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.

Quick question

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company...

My girlfriend recently dumped me and this "No Tears" stuff isn't working at all.

Hairstyle Competition

Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!

It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss called me into his office..

... to complain that I was testing the company's products on animals.

I said "Shampoo companies do it all the time."

He said, "Yes, but we make dildoes"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 nuns went to a village and stayed a night at a lodging house.

Because it was a small lodging house, there was only one pool where people took a

bath. So the owner told the nuns to take their bath first, then it would be

his turn. But at that time they were busy praying to God, and didn't hear

anything the owner said.

An hour later, ...

They say that baby shampoo is tear free,

But I still cried when my uncle used it on me as lube.

I'm really glad they invented shampoo.

imagine having to wash your hair with real poo?

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do people keep their shampoo?

In their shambutt.

I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day..

..it smells better than real poo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone broke into my house last night.

They stole everything except my towels, soap, deodorant, and shampoo!

Dirty Bastards

"Mommy mommy in school the kids call me shampoo"

"Come on Johnson no more tears"

I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa.

I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

I bought some "no more tears" shampoo

but her hair still tore right out!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you clean up after a spitroast sex?

With 2-in-1 shampoo.

A shampoo manufacturer had an accident.

..he suffered injuries to his head and shoulders.

Someone threw Shampoo at me today.

Turns out it was real poo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two scientists are testing out their newly created products.

Scientist 1: You know its inhumane to test our products on animals, right?

Scientist 2: What are you talking about? Shampoo companies do it all the time!

Scientist 1: Yeah, but we make dildos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn is so unrealistic

Just took a shower with my girlfriend.....

And stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos.

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend and immediately gets concerned about his nighttime routine. Every night he takes a 2 hour shower and goes to bed complaining that his arms hurt. She also noticed that he has an entire closet full of shampoo. After a few weeks she can't take it a...

2 blondes in the shower

Two blondes are in the gym's shower after their workout. The first blonde says to the other "Hey, can you pass me your shampoo please" The second blonde says "But why? Your shampoo is right next to you" And the first blonde replies "Yes but my shampoo is for dry hair, now my hair is already wet"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A women offered to have sex with me...

I was walking through the supermarket today and a women came up to me and said she was in need of help. She said she would sleep with me if I advertised a shampoo product for her. I refused, as I’m a man with strong morals, just like the creators of Jakes Body Wash. It’s a magnificent body wash and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smart diagnosis machine

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Kevin says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample ...

Get that summer Super Saiyan look in 3 easy steps!

1. Bleach
2. Samurai Shampoo
3. Neon Genesis Hairgelion

>!sorry for the low quality pun on the last one - came up with this in the car!<

I once read the directions on the back of my shampoo bottle. It said to wash, rinse, and repeat.

They found me passed out in the shower four days later.

A trip with the dad

So me and my dad were driving home the other day, it was about 12pm so it was quite dark. We were driving through the woods when we went over a bump, and when we did I heard a crunch. I told my dad to stop the car so we can see what happened. I got out and saw that there was a dead rabbit next to t...

Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.

As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family are sitting at the dinner table when their meal is interrupted when the family dog walks into the room with a dead rabbit in its mouth...

The family all panic as they identify the rabbit belongs as their next door neighbours'. In a desperate attempt to avoid being blamed for the rabbits death, they try to cover it up. Shampoo'ing the rabbits fur to make it look less obvious it has been mauled etc. Once the rabbit looks slightly more p...

Bob Had Terrible BO...

And no matter how much he washed or scrubbed, he couldn't get rid of it. He tried hundreds of soaps and shampoos but nothing seemed to work. He showered five times a day, kept the AC on 24/7 and avoided garlic and beans like the plague, but alas people still gagged as they walked behind him.

...

Me: “I’m a shower not a grower.”

Her: “Why don’t you come round and prove it?”

Don’t know why she got upset with me when I turned up with shampoo and conditioner and sprayed her with scalding hot water as soon as she turned me on.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.